Hey, marrieds and long-term relationships....how do YOU keep it interesting?

[ouizy]

jello

[Beefeater]

Bonochick.. RE: the fact that you call every day, even if the call is short et al...

Do you ever think that sometimes you call every day just because that's what you do?.. As if, you would feel out of sorts if you didn't make that call to your loved one?

Beefeater

80 proof

[Bonochick]

Originally posted by Beefeater
Bonochick.. RE: the fact that you call every day, even if the call is short et al...

Do you ever think that sometimes you call every day just because that's what you do?.. As if, you would feel out of sorts if you didn't make that call to your loved one?

Definitely. If I don't talk to him, it just doesn't feel right.

For example, I went back home once to stay with my sister for a week, and everytime he tried to call me at my sister's, I was out. So for about 3 days straight, all I had were messages on the machine from him. Everytime I would try to call him, I just got the machine. It was frustrating because I felt like I was missing something by not having talked to him.

Can't wait until I can see him everyday...

[Beefeater]

Interesting.. I've gotten the same feelings in past relationships.. but for me, it wasn't a feeling.. 'We haven't talked for two days.. I just feel out of sync...', For me it ended up leaving me to realize that I call just out of duty, with limited amounts of actual enthusiasm/desire to call... Hence.. past relationships.

Thanks for responding,

Beefeater

[Ali Rose]

*takes notes*

Looks like you guys got it all figured out

[nbcrusader]

Originally posted by bonosloveslave
I would add too, not to forget that little things can mean alot, like trying to find a way each day to say "I love you" or "I care about you" in a unique way, ie, something uplifting on a post-it note that you hide somewhere that they'll find, a love note in their lunch, a special message written in lipstick on the mirror, etc. It can sometimes be hard for people to get motivated to do this, especially if they think 'well he/she will never do anything like that for me' - but probably 99% of the time the other person will be so touched that they'll really want to reciprocate.

I don't think you can overstate the importance of the "little things" in a relationship - improving the quality and depth of the relationship. The world's message is "sped money to show your love" (there were many "give a new car for Chistmas" ads this year). From years of experience, spending lots of money on a gift doesn't improve the relationship and leaves you that much poorer.

I found the most appreciated Valentine's gift, for example, was when I purchased a box of kids Valentines cards (the kind intended for distribution in a classroom). I wrote a little message on each card and hid them throughout the house. My wife still remembers the joy she had running around looking for the cards.

And like Beth mentions, I loved getting messages written on the bottom of my lunch bag each day.

[Angela Harlem]

I guess you keep it working by living it how you most desire. Everyone here is different and all have their own brand of making it work, and there are always the key elements like love friendship understanding patience compassion flexibility communication similarities and contrasts...the list goes on.
You have to live it like you want. When you both have that, you got a match.

[Mrs. Edge]

Originally posted by cass
this doesn't happen that often, so me being me..i had to tell you.
He walked by and saw what I was wearing last night and said
!WOW!........aww he just came and told me something killed the brown chook last night awwwwww damn
damn
damn

Um, what is a "brown chook"????

Anyway, something you said here (ie, him saying WOW) really gave me a revelation.

I want to preface this by saying that my husband is the sweetest kindest man, and there is no doubt that he loves me. BUT, I think in all the 12 years we have been together, I could count on 2 hands the number of times he has said I am beautiful, or sexy, or look great in my outfit...I don't think he's ever said WOW even on our wedding day.

This is just the way he is, but it would also explain why I get so excited when a man who doesn't know me comes up and compliments how I look, or says I'm a hottie or whatever. It doesn't happen every day, but does it ever feel great when it does!

Of course I could ask my husband to say these things, but it would be so unlike him it would be weird. Food for thought anyway.

[bonosloveslave]

Jess - sounds like your love language is 'words of affirmation' - i'm tellin ya, you need to find that book.......

[diamond]

Crisco Parties.

[Sicy]

Originally posted by Mrs. Edge
I want to preface this by saying that my husband is the sweetest kindest man, and there is no doubt that he loves me. BUT, I think in all the 12 years we have been together, I could count on 2 hands the number of times he has said I am beautiful, or sexy, or look great in my outfit...I don't think he's ever said WOW even on our wedding day.

I feel really spoiled now after reading this.

[meegannie]

Originally posted by nbcrusader


I found the most appreciated Valentine's gift, for example, was when I purchased a box of kids Valentines cards (the kind intended for distribution in a classroom). I wrote a little message on each card and hid them throughout the house. My wife still remembers the joy she had running around looking for the cards.

Sam and I are having an Easter egg hunt when he's here in April.

[cass]

Hola Mrs Edge....in my case also it has to be "more than words", my husband is very non-verbal...very. You're not alone mate.But as bonosloveslave and Angela said, it's up to you to live your life as you want it to be. I realised at one stage I was not expressing myself because he didn't. And then I realised how old I was getting and how sad and wasteful that was.( as my mother says.."you're dead a long time") So now, even though there is not much chance of the behaviour being reciprocated, I do the things I want to do for my own satisfaction and need to express. He once told a counsellor he reluctantly spoke with, that he expresses his love for me, by not having affairs with other women. She agreed, I nearly fainted. I suppose that is the ultimate honour really. Opportunity abounds. So that's why I blurted out the "WOW" thing here. It was such a shock. But sheesh I have worked hard this past year, the biggie being giving up smoking at his request, so I think I deserved some tidbit and I gushed about it here.Woops...again.

About the brown chook. You have given me an excuse to write a topic one day when time allows. Someone in the chatroom once said, I knew you were Australian because you used the word "chook". As it turns out it is a gaelic word, as are a lot of common-usage Aussie slang words....I'll get back to you on that one.

but just so you don't feel too concerned in the mean time, chook=egg-laying hen.

[Dreadsox]

There have been so many nice posts.

We are going on year ten this August 21 of Marriage. Year 15 since our first date.

I would say we have periods of contentment and periods of burning passion. I do not wish to ever be single again.


To combat relationship boredom I shave my back.........HEHE

In all seriousness, I have never thought about boredom. There is no time around here. The one thing I asked for last summer was a set of bikes for the family. We got matching his and hers. My son rides on the back of hers, and my daughter rides on a trai-a-bike behind me. We spent sooooo much time together, enjoying family time. Riding the Cape Cod Canal, and the trails in the forests and the Board Walk in Ocean City, NJ. One evening in the forest we saw a herd of deer. These things, this time, is not replaceable for all the gold in the world.

I have also done romantic things, for her. Surprised her when she came home from work with a candle enhanced bubble bath and Harry Connik playing, while I made eggplant parmisian for her. Breakfast in bed....and flowers at work on the anniversary of our first date. Her favorite may be the day at the Spa that I set up for her without telling her, topped off with an unexpected night out set up without the kids.

I just asked her and she says laughing. I still make her laugh and that is what she remembers when we were dating oh so long ago. She and I still flirt and when the kids are not looking.....well....I will let ya immagine (hairy back and all).

As for money.........We DO not go nuts on gifts at holidays, or birthdays. It is just not what makes us tick.

[JOFO]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by nbcrusader
[B]

I found the most appreciated Valentine's gift, for example, was when I purchased a box of kids Valentines cards (the kind intended for distribution in a classroom). I wrote a little message on each card and hid them throughout the house. My wife still remembers the joy she had running around looking for the cards.

that is an AWESOME idea!!!


and I'm using it the valentines day.

grazi.

[HeartlandSoul]

Originally posted by Dreadsox
I would say we have periods of contentment and periods of burning passion. I do not wish to ever be single again.

To combat relationship boredom I shave my back.........HEHE

This is an idea for my husband, he's a hairy guy

We're the same as a lot of you have said - we have periods of contentment and burning passion, as well as rocky periods, but the bad parts don't last for long. Just as circumstances change and events happen we roll with it and make it through.

It's true that relationships require a lot of hard work. It's not at all like the fairy tales where you get married and "live happily ever after." At least it's not for us. We have to work at it constantly to keep the romantic feelings going. That was one of my problems was I had an unrealistic expectation of marriage. In actuality it's hard work!!

One of the things I also had to learn is the importance of other support systems like family and friends. For example my husband hates U2!!! For years I was angry at him for not sharing my musical interest but finally I was able to see that we didn't have to like everything 100% of the time. It's healthy to have relationships with other people and interests outside the relationship as well. I don't have to go to car shows with him, and he doesn't have to go shopping with me

For us, it helps to get out for "dates" once in awhile, or have a dance in the livingroom, or just go out to eat, to kind of bring back the "good old days" when we were dating. Before we had all the extra stress and responsiblities and could focus on each other!

We've been married 7 years, and together 3 years before that.