Chuck Norris Facts

[prisz25]

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

what the hell is he holding? they look like hotdogs with mustard on them.

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

chuck norris doesn't buy hotdogs from the store. he roundhouse kicks the pig and hotdogs just fall out. already cooked. with mustard.

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

well that explains it

 

[pepokiss]

Chuck Norris always knows where and in what time period Carmen Sandiego is.

 

[ILuvLarryMullen]

Chuck Norris can literally melt a woman's heart with one steely eyed wink

Every woman who has ever kissed Chuck Norris has lost all her teeth from the sheer impact of his beard.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.

Chuck Norris could have any woman he wants, but he has never had sex. He only masturbates because the only person good enough to have sex with Chuck is Chuck.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

After eating a very spicy Mexican dish, Chuck Norris experienced some heartburn. A friend offered him a Tums, but Chuck declined, instead choosing to use his own remedy: a bone saw and a bag of ice.

They say Jesus was conceived immaculately because there are no words beautiful enough to describe Chuck Norris having sex.

The Total Gym is built entirely of Chuck Norris' pubic hair. If woven correctly, it rivals the strength of titanium.

 

[*sofia*]

^

 

[waynetravis]

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.

 

[catlhere]

And truer words were never spoken again...


This just further proves the point that Chuck Norris is God himself

 

[pepokiss]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

 

[For Honor]

 

[Carek1230]

Did anyone catch the skit they did about Chuck Norris on SNL last weekend?

 

[Eliv8]

Chuck Norris used to film a TV show here in San Diego but I forget what it was called. They used to show it on USA Network all the time. Anyway, he joined a Yoga studio just down the road from where I live. The first time he went he beat the crap out of everybody. One guy had his teeth smashed so far down his neck he had to stick his toothbrush up his ass to clean them. Just because he is Chuck Norris and someone didn’t like his socks.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Did anyone catch the skit they did about Chuck Norris on SNL last weekend?

I did, here's the link (which I got off of defamer)

http://www.defamer.com/hollywood/snl/the-lazy-sunday-fallout-150466.php

I'm laughing so hard at these I'm crying!

 

[Carek1230]

I laffed so hard when I was watching that skit on SNL, and I remembered this thread.

 

[UberBeaver]

Diesel vs Chuck. Once and for all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59LruJAaJQA

 

[Numb1075]

that slow mo kick in the end

and whacking the referee is Soooo Chuck.

 

[Utoo]

Who knew Chuck led a band??

 

[Numb1075]

phish?

 

[Utoo]

or.....Chuck Norris & The Chuck Norris Band....?

 

[Lila64]

 

[Mofo]

This is hillarious, a couple of weeks ago someone translated this in a u2/spanish forum with Larry's name and it was really funny

 

[Numb1075]

I'm still reading these and laughing.