Ask Lord Vader

[Darth Vader]

I believe it's time for me to set the record straight.

I know you all have many burning questions for me.

Ask away, on anything and everything you've ever wanted to know.

Don't be afraid to old back, I promise I won't Force choke you.




Really, I won't. Unless you're clearly asking for it.

 

[love_u2_adam]

do you have a heart!!!!!

 

[Carek1230]

Who are your parents?

 

[Irishteen]

Simple question

If I have a duck that weighs 2 pounds, and I feed it 1 pound of bread, where is my grandmother's house?

 

[nbcrusader]

Why didn't you recognize C-3PO? After all, you built him!

 

[love_u2_adam]

whats under the mask!!

 

[MissMaCo]

what's under the underwear ?

 

[nbcrusader]

what's under the underwear ?

Are you asking about his lightsaber?

 

[MissMaCo]

I'm pretty sure there's a tiny tiger hiding in it

 

[Carek1230]

Do you eat tiny children and small dogs?

 

[easytiger]

I'm pretty sure there's a tiny tiger hiding in it

 

[YBORCITY]

Were you really in love with Amadalla or was she just a great lay?

If you went out bar hopping with Darth Maul and Darth Sidious, who would be you #1 Wingman?

Did you ever want to ask Luke what the hell was that nasty zit like thing growing off the side of his face?

Would you ever admit that you were somewhat happy Darth Maul was killed in Episode 1 because he was voted as the BEST VILLIAN in all of the Star Wars Episodes?

In Episode #4, before Luke and Leya (spelling?) knew they were Brother and Sister there seemed to be a budding romance starting between them, how as thier Father would you have put a stop to this disgusting behavior?

Is the rumor true that if Lucas was going to make Jar Jar Binks into a villian you would give him the Vador choke hold?

 

[Darth Vader]

do you have a heart!!!!!

The short answer: Yes.

The long answer:

 

[Darth Vader]

Who are your parents?

Is this a trick question?

 

[Darth Vader]

Simple question

If I have a duck that weighs 2 pounds, and I feed it 1 pound of bread, where is my grandmother's house?

Point to your brain and abbreviate "mountain".

 

[Darth Vader]

Why didn't you recognize C-3PO? After all, you built him!

I was kind of busy looking for my kids to notice and reminisce about the good old days.

Besides, the only droid I've really missed is R2-D2. I wonder if still has those home movies in his databanks

 

[Darth Vader]

whats under the mask!!

...

No, sorry, not interested.

 

[Thora]

Did you write your theme music? It's pretty kickass.

 

[Darth Vader]

what's under the underwear ?

Why does everyone keep asking me that?





And yes, it is all cybernetic down there

 

[Darth Vader]

Are you asking about his lightsaber?

I think she was asking about my joystick.

 

[Darth Vader]

I'm pretty sure there's a tiny tiger hiding in it

 

[love_u2_adam]

...

No, sorry, not interested.

 

[Darth Vader]

Do you eat tiny children and small dogs?

Of course not.

 

[U2Kitten]

1. Are your eyes blue or yellow under the mask, or do they change back and forth according to how mad you are?

2. Can you eat, drink, use the bathroom and 'do it'?

3. How did you find out Luke was your son and how did you hide it from the emperor for so long?

4. WHY didn't you kill Palpatine when you first found out he lied to you and Padme was dead anyway?

5. How many times did you fantasize about chucking his old ass down that reactor before you really followed through?

 

[U2Kitten]

One more thing, with all that technology in your galaxy, and all the cloning techniques available, wasn't there some way you could get a lung transplant, or a lung tissue replacement so you didn't have to be in that suit? Or did Palpatine not allow it because he wanted to keep you down, because he knew you would be stronger than him?

 

[Darth Vader]

Were you really in love with Amadalla or was she just a great lay?

Yes. And OH HELL YES.

If you went out bar hopping with Darth Maul and Darth Sidious, who would be you #1 Wingman?

Neither. Maul can't hold his alcohol, and Hideous... I mean, Sidious has to be in bed by 7 P.M.

Did you ever want to ask Luke what the hell was that nasty zit like thing growing off the side of his face?

All I know is that he certainly didn't get that from me.

Would you ever admit that you were somewhat happy Darth Maul was killed in Episode 1 because he was voted as the BEST VILLIAN in all of the Star Wars Episodes?

WHAT?

In Episode #4, before Luke and Leya (spelling?) knew they were Brother and Sister there seemed to be a budding romance starting between them, how as thier Father would you have put a stop to this disgusting behavior?

Kill Obi-Wan. Oh wait, I already did that.

Is the rumor true that if Lucas was going to make Jar Jar Binks into a villian you would give him the Vador choke hold?

Villain or not, I would've tested the Death Star on him instead, starting with the lowest intensity and gradually increasing it.

 

[Darth Vader]

What are you giggling at, simplefeline.

 

[YBORCITY]

Yes. And OH HELL YES.



Neither. Maul can't hold his alcohol, and Hideous... I mean, Sidious has to be in bed by 7 P.M.



All I know is that he certainly didn't get that from me.



WHAT?



Kill Obi-Wan. Oh wait, I already did that.



Villain or not, I would've tested the Death Star on him instead, starting with the lowest intensity and gradually increasing it.

 

[love_u2_adam]

do you like chocolate???


did u impregnate any other women other then lukes mother??

 

[Irishteen]

Point to your brain and abbreviate "mountain".

How did you figure it out