Ask Lord Vader

[Darth Vader]

Did you write your theme music? It's pretty kickass.

I wish I could take credit for it, but no. Though when I was 16, I once wrote a series of sonnets that somehow made it to your galaxy, but in the form of pop songs by the Spice Girls.

 

[Darth Vader]

1. Are your eyes blue or yellow under the mask, or do they change back and forth according to how mad you are?

They're always purple.

2. Can you eat, drink, use the bathroom and 'do it'?

Of course.

3. How did you find out Luke was your son and how did you hide it from the emperor for so long?

Didn't you see The Empire Strikes Back? He found out the same time I did... I think.

4. WHY didn't you kill Palpatine when you first found out he lied to you and Padme was dead anyway?

I still hadn't found the location of his secret stash of hot wings and beer at the time. I've always planned on chucking him once I uncovered that.

5. How many times did you fantasize about chucking his old ass down that reactor before you really followed through?

Ever since he made me go to Victoria's Secret with him so he could try on thongs.

 

[YBORCITY]

I bet your Favorite was Scarey Spice?

 

[Thora]

I wish I could take credit for it, but no. Though when I was 16, I once wrote a series of sonnets that somehow made it to your galaxy, but in the form of pop songs by the Spice Girls.

Awesome! I bow to your hilarity!

 

[Darth Vader]

One more thing, with all that technology in your galaxy, and all the cloning techniques available, wasn't there some way you could get a lung transplant, or a lung tissue replacement so you didn't have to be in that suit? Or did Palpatine not allow it because he wanted to keep you down, because he knew you would be stronger than him?

Ah, a common misconception... I actually don't need the cybernetic suit to live, just for work. On my off days, I wear my red velvet pimp suit.

 

[Darth Vader]

do you like chocolate???

Did someone say chocolate?

did u impregnate any other women other then lukes mother??

I only people I've slept with were Padme and the stuffed bantha I had when I was a kid. :nostalgia:

 

[Darth Vader]

How did you figure it out

Well, I AM a Sith Lord.

 

[Darth Vader]

I bet your Favorite was Scarey Spice?

Don't tell Padme, but I've always fancied Baby Spice

 

[nbcrusader]

Was Boba Fett a pain in the ass? You got pretty testy with him when you were looking for your son.

 

[nbcrusader]

Did you ever consider hair implants? That bald head without the mask is pretty ugly.

 

[Canadiens1131]

Why were you suck a whiny pussy, and a bad actor, before you were almost burned to death?

 

[For Honor]

"you suck a whiny pussy"

 

[SunBloc]

Pepperoni or Cheese?

Depending on your answer above, will you marry me?

 

[Utoo]

1. Does the suit ever make your balls itch?

2. How pissed were you when that TIE dude wussed out and sent you spinning off into space?

3. Why were you so damn annoying in Episode I?

 

[Canadiens1131]

Freudian slip

 

[nbcrusader]

Did you ever go back and put the smackdown on Watto for selling your mom?

 

[Darth Vader]

Was Boba Fett a pain in the ass? You got pretty testy with him when you were looking for your son.

For someone who's an unaltered clone of Jango Fett, he was certainly disappointing. And Jango sucked, so that's saying a lot.

 

[Darth Vader]

Did you ever consider hair implants? That bald head without the mask is pretty ugly.

That's my decoy.

 

[Darth Vader]

Why were you suck a whiny pussy, and a bad actor, before you were almost burned to death?

I take it you weren't convinced by my turn to the Dark Side.

 

[Darth Vader]

"you suck a whiny pussy"

Don't talk about Padme in that way.

 

[Canadiens1131]

Was it hard to receive handjobs from Admiral Piett due to your massive codpiece?
This is before you terminated the relationship, of course.

 

[Darth Vader]

1. Does the suit ever make your balls itch?

ALL the time!

2. How pissed were you when that TIE dude wussed out and sent you spinning off into space?

Almost as mad as the time Obi-Wan cut me up and let me burn while he bitched and moaned about me being the Chosen One, how he loved me like a brother, and about the ten bucks I never paid back.

3. Why were you so damn annoying in Episode I?

That was George Lucas's fault.

 

[Utoo]

Admiral Piet. What a pussy.

 

[Canadiens1131]

Was the TIE Vanguard a worthwhile pilot project for the TIE Interceptor, or just a money pit. Don't you think the TIE Advanced design could have been pushed ahead into Interceptor configuration a lot faster?

Are you ever annoyed by the logistical problems plaguing the Empire's distribution system?

Darth, you've had some pretty coy 'fatal weaknesses' built into your superweapons. Tell us, what's ahead for the Dark Lord?

 

[Darth Vader]

Pepperoni or Cheese?

Depending on your answer above, will you marry me?

Yes please.

And I've decided marriage isn't for me.

 

[Canadiens1131]

Now, I know you're a pilot at heart, Mr. Vader. What's your preferred Engines/Lasers/Shields power distrobution when in a snubfighter? I know the usual TIE Advanced only has two laser cannons to worry about, so do you like to divert a lot to the weapons to keep them ready to go?

I know that a lot of Dark Lords favour the improved speed that increased engine power can provide.

Also, have you ever sussed out the pros and cons of a cloaking device?

 

[nbcrusader]

Why did it take you so long to figure out you had a daughter? After all, you did have lunch with her on Bespin.

 

[nbcrusader]

Why did you offer to turn Luke to the dark side when it would mean the Emperor would have to kill you (since there can only be two Sith)?

 

[Darth Vader]

Did you ever go back and put the smackdown on Watto for selling your mom?

I was going to right after the sandpeople massacre, but then I got hungry and forgot about it.

Anyway, I heard he got squashed by Jabba the Hutt on the toilet because he was told there was a million credit bounty hidden there. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

 

[Darth Vader]

Was it hard to receive handjobs from Admiral Piett due to your massive codpiece?
This is before you terminated the relationship, of course.

Piett served his purposes, but THAT wasn't one of them.