Advice for a young wife

[u2bonogirl]

Bring it on!
Wives, husbands. Tell me what you know about being married. About fighting...cooking....making up...getting along...moods...gifts and holidays...
Everything!
Im a clean slate. 19 and newlywed.
What are your thoughts?

 

[beegee]

i got married just months after i turned twenty-one and it was much too young.

my advice would be to make sure that you finish your education. back yourself up with a degree, especially before you plan on having children. make sure you can support yourself, no matter what.

i know that sounds cynical, but that's all i've got.

good luck

 

[u2bonogirl]

Im working on becoming a teacher right now, but I have faith in my marriage. Not that he or I can keep it together, but that our faith in God will help us get over ourselves and learn to love one another unselfishly
But I cant wait to have a degree
Kids are faaaaar on the horizon

 

[briarrose]

Geoff and I just had our 4 year anniversary on the 15th. I got married when I was 19.

I would say to have fun together. Make your husband your best friend. There's nothing better than being married to your best friend. Give your relationship to God everday. Have Christ be the center of your relationship. Make it a point to have devotions everyday and read marriage books together. Pray together too.

I'm currenty going to college fulltime. I don't regret waiting because I had no clue what I wanted to do when I graduated high school.

One other thing, I'm prone to fall for other guys if they pay attention to me. This happened to me a year ago. I ended up having an emotional affair with a guy. My husband and I weren't getting along at the time, but we've worked everything out. I have to limit and guard how much I talk to other guys around my age. The guy I was seeing pursued me. We saw each other for about 4 months then I told my husband. That was one of the worst days of my life, seeing how much I hurt Geoff. Thankfully Geoff stuck around, we had counseling and are back on track.

Marriage isn't easy at times, but if you both want to make it work, it will.

Sorry for going on and on. I could write so much more.

Good luck!

 

[BVS]

Embrace every moment you can.
Tell them how much you love them as often as you can.
Don't go to bed angry.
Be honest.
Lots of sex.
Hold hands.
Take nothing for granted.
Trust.
Be their best friend.
Lots of sex.
Remember it's the two of you against the world. There may be fighting amongst the troops every now and then, but at the end of the day it's just the two of you against this whole world.

Oh and did I mention sex?





















Not bad for a cynic.

 

[cell]

communication always works in a marriage. make sure you both listen to, and understand each other.

 

[mdw3935]

Not much I can add to what has already been said. I got married at 21. Now 15 years, 2 kids, 6 cats and 2 dogs later we are still going strong. It hasn't been all that easy, but if you want it bad enough, you will fight for it. Smart move on not having kids right off. We waited 5 years before we had our first one. The few years of marriage, I think are the hardest.
Communication is a big key in marriage. Always keep the lines of communication open, especically during rough times. Get everything out in the open so you can work through it. Give each other space too and laugh a lot together.
Don't forget to share in the household duties either. I'm a stay at home mom, but my husband is wonderful and helps me out through out the house with the cleaning and stuff.

Good luck newlywed.

 

[u2bonogirl]

Thanks so much you guys!
BVS, I never expected something so uncynical as you

Communication is definitely important. Luckily I married a guy who makes that easier than it might be. He talks. A lot. In fact, sometimes you cant get him to shut up
But of course I find it adorable....yes, yuck yuck barf

I think the advice of guarding my heart from even leaning towards other men in a bad way is a good idea. Its easy to become too comfortable with somebody of the opposite sex if they pay you a lot of attention and make you feel good about yourself.


Did I hear something about sex?

 

[BVS]

BVS, I never expected something so uncynical as you

I suprise myself sometimes.

Actually I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. Gets me in trouble sometimes.

 

[bonosloveslave]

Make sure it is God first, spouse second, kids third, and everything else comes after that.

And ditto the advice on watching your actions around guys, attractive or not - if you wouldn't normally do or say something to guy if Tim was there watching/listening, don't do it!

 

[beegee]

ah crap, now you guys have made me feel just terrible.

i can't help being cynical. nothing has ever given me a reason to be otherwise. but remember, i was basing my advice on my own experiences, and never meant to suggest that your marriage will be anything less than a lifetime of joy, miss tara.

and i hope with all of my heart that it is.

 

[discothequeLP]

i'm not sure if it's really my place to say this, but don't have kids unless you're sure that you and Tim are gonna be together to raise them. a lot of my friends come from broken homes and the chaos they experienced as a child is not helping them any.



and listen to Loveline. Doctor Drew & Adam Carola know what they're talking about

 

[bonosloveslave]

beegee, I think it is good advice all around - you never know what the future holds. God forbid if your spouse was killed or disabled so they couldn't work, I think it would be helpful to have some education beyond high school to be able to support yourself if needed.

 

[MsGiggles]

Make sure it is God first, spouse second, kids third, and everything else comes after that.

And ditto the advice on watching your actions around guys, attractive or not - if you wouldn't normally do or say something to guy if Tim was there watching/listening, don't do it!

great advice

 

[u2bonogirl]

I come from a broken home, so I know what its like to have your parents separated..and I would never wish it on anybodys kids let alone mine.
We've agreed that we will never even joke about the D word
Ditto on ms.giggles

 

[shy]

Embrace every moment you can.
Tell them how much you love them as often as you can.
Don't go to bed angry.
Be honest.
Lots of sex.
Hold hands.
Take nothing for granted.
Trust.
Be their best friend.
Lots of sex.
Remember it's the two of you against the world. There may be fighting amongst the troops every now and then, but at the end of the day it's just the two of you against this whole world.
Oh and did I mention sex?
Not bad for a cynic.

I'm 10 years married, 8 dating, 3 kids(2 of them are Twins).

Faith, Love, Patience, Communication.
Good Luck, and have a great life!

 

[Mr. BAW]

Is this your husband's first marriage as well? I'm leading to something.....

 

[u2bonogirl]

yes, its his first marriage

 

[hiphop]

Make sure it is God first, spouse second, kids third, and everything else comes after that.

God first, spouse second, kids third?

Not my way, I think... to give someone a fixed place, like this is no.1, this no.2 this no.3 in my life.

My spouse would be no.1, naturally.

The relationship to God is a very personal one, and I don´t see how I can put God before of Love, if Love is God and God is Love, like Jesus says.

My kids would also be no.1, naturally.

Or can you give me an example, so I can understand what you mean?

 

[meegannie]

I don't think there's any "one size fits all" policy for marriage, other than the basic things like communication, trust, honesty, patience, compromise, etc. that are essential to ANY relationship, not just romantic ones. I think the rest just comes down to individual personalities. If I cooked dinner for my husband every night, did all the cleaning, stayed at home, and let him make most of the decisions, he would go absolutely insane while I wouldn't really be that bothered. That works for some marraiges, though (adhering to traditional gender roles, not insanity!). I just don't think that being a "wife" or a "husband" necessitates a shift in personality or the role you play in a relationship. Being a "wife" to me is the same as being myself. Nothing changed when I got married other than my name and immigration status.

 

[meegannie]

Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"

And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. -- From The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

 

[mdw3935]

I don't think there's any "one size fits all" policy for marriage, other than the basic things like communication, trust, honesty, patience, compromise, etc. that are essential to ANY relationship, not just romantic ones. I think the rest just comes down to individual personalities. If I cooked dinner for my husband every night, did all the cleaning, stayed at home, and let him make most of the decisions, he would go absolutely insane while I wouldn't really be that bothered. That works for some marraiges, though (adhering to traditional gender roles, not insanity!). I just don't think that being a "wife" or a "husband" necessitates a shift in personality or the role you play in a relationship. Being a "wife" to me is the same as being myself. Nothing changed when I got married other than my name and immigration status.

Great response!!! I totally agree with what you said. Also take care and nurture each other.

 

[Sherry Darling]

I suprise myself sometimes.

Actually I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. Gets me in trouble sometimes.

All the cynics are.

A Kevin Bacon quote you might like, U2bonogirl

"Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty"

 

[diamond]

tara,
u guys need to be best friends..

not good friends, but best friends..

so that when you cry he will understand,
so that when he is flustered you will understand..

so that when you want to persue an indivual interest he will support you and delight in your joy..

so that..while he does his best in his persuit of your happines if he misses the target, in your grace you will realize his intentions and will love him for that..

you are to be loyal thru thick and thin as best friends are..and want to reaffirm your loyalty, friendship and special bond with thru lovemaking as often as each one of you may or may not need it.

marriage is a selfless act in one aspect and teambuilding in another.
i wish you the best and much much happiness.

your friend,
diamond

 

[Palace_Hero]

My advice? Prepare the divorce papers for when we finally meet.

 

[Tarvark]

Make sure it is God first, spouse second, kids third, and everything else comes after that.

And ditto the advice on watching your actions around guys, attractive or not - if you wouldn't normally do or say something to guy if Tim was there watching/listening, don't do it!

I would gently disagree. Would it not be Kids first and then the spouse would follow because of that?

 

[RedRocksU2]

.......try not to do duplicate the mistakes that your parents did.

I have.

 

[u2bonogirl]

I would gently disagree. Would it not be Kids first and then the spouse would follow because of that?

The way Im built is to put my husband before all other people. This includes kids.
Which means that I would love my kids like crazy but they would never come before my husband.
I think that one of the best ways to love your children is to love your spouse. When they feel the security that mommy and daddy love one another they will be a world apart from kids who's parents just tolerate one another.

Im loving reading the things that people have written here....very inspiring

Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty

 

[Hallucination]

Im working on becoming a teacher right now, but I have faith in my marriage. Not that he or I can keep it together, but that our faith in God will help us get over ourselves and learn to love one another unselfishly
But I cant wait to have a degree
Kids are faaaaar on the horizon

No offence but did you just say you have faith in God to keep your marriage together? In my opinion your marriage is up to you and your husband and your comitment to each other. God isn't gonna help you out in that regard anymore than he's gonna help the Dallas Cowboys win on Sunday. As for advice it's simple, treat and respect your spouse the way you want to be treated(basically the golden rule) and be honest.

Again though I mean no disrespect regarding your faith in God or anything like that. It's just that I don't think he has anything to do with your marriage in terms of you two or any two keeping it together.

 

[u2bonogirl]

God has everything to do with our relationship.
Its by no means of my own that I'll be able to selflessly serve my husband when I dont want to or dont feel like it.
No means of my own will allow me to forgive Tim when he's sinned against me and Im hurt by it.
Of course we as humans are responsible to do what we can to love our spouses to the best of our ability, but thats the key. To the best of our ability. look at how many divorces there are. That to me seems to be people trying to stay together doing the best they can.
Its just not always enough.
It might be a difficult thing to grasp if youre not of the same faith as me so I really dont expect you to understand me or my reasoning

And I do agree that its very important thing to treat my husband with respect and honesty. But I might not be able to do that all the time by my own ability.