With deepest sympathy to Dazz on the loss of her Mum

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I was 55 when we lost Mom, so I was indeed lucky to have had her for as long as we did. We had almost lost her a couple of years before that from congestive heart failure, so I feel like we had "bonus" time with her. Even after almost 7 years, I still catch myself thinking things like "I can't wait to tell Mom that!" or "I'll ask Mom; she'll know." So I do! And I still cry over her once in a while, especially when I'm tired or sick. Everyone grieves in his/her own way, so nothing you feel or do will be "wrong." Just let it go--lie on the floor and kick your heels and wail if you feel like it!

I believe we will be with them again someday! Many hugs to you!
 
The funeral service went very well (last Sat).
My sis basically did all the work with some help from mom's (favorite) cousin (our 2nd cousin & one of my sis's favorite relatives)--who actually had helped out at the funeral palor - it was partially (or totally owned) by her her ex-husband, and his family.

There was a beautiful wreath of flowers - white, pinks, red-purples. Some very nice standing lamps with v vase-like shape going from red-pink to white.

My friends (the 2 I told) couldn't make it. I was find with that since they were on the phone for me whenever I needed it. The 4 of my sister's friends who were there I know, and I've been hanging out with 2 of them for a long time. I didn't feel "alone" [ie: without MY friends]. AND we had 3 of our cousins there, one very suprised he drove all the way down from new Hampshire.

What was also so wonderful was other people from my sis's office came to the service. Her bosses/owners [about a ? 20 person company?], three colleauges she likes, and 2 peole clients also were there.

What turned out to be funny to us two is my mom was quite a spiritual person- but not so much into organized religion, though she agreed to change to our dad's faith when they married. Went to church with him, us etc.

SO there we are, and this wonderful woman Minister (we're ex-Catholics, no women priests, as you all well know] talked to my sis before the service, and talked to me {to get a better sense of our mom} as people were talking to each other, and got up to do the service in the last half-hour.

She's reading from the Bible. Jesus, this...Jesus that..(not meanin g to be insulting here), and using the wonderful thread of metaphors\from the "..in my Father's House there are many mansions < one of MY favorites New Testimate verses >.
+I'll get back to this in a few mins+

Beofre she started thought our cousins, aunts & uncles, me & my sis- got up to say something. They said so many sweet, beautiful, and funny things.
My mouth was going dry as they were speaking. I had started to think up something the day before, but there gadn't been much time. I almost felt fumbly-mouthed just as one of the last peole was speaking- knowing I'd have to go up in the next minute or so if I didn't want to be left out of it.

I ended up doing alright! I didn't fumble. I re-added something I had thought about off & on for several years after hearing the song by Midnight Oil...I can't think of the title but I mentioned them- and the line I referred to was ".....she always welcomed the stranger..." .

Mom (and dad), but we were more in day to day contact with her than him) BOTH :love: *welcomed* our friends into our home from whichever religion (or non-religious), race or ethnic group we became frineds with. And we were allowed to visit them as well.

That- immediately tied the *many mansions* verse to me .

I which someone had taped her speech...it was so wonderful.

+back to the other comment+
So later as my sis is sitting with me she says "....you know, I hardly eveen heard mom mention Jesus in conversation.... so I was really confused when all this Jesus references came out of the minister".
Then one of her friends informed her afterwards when she mentioned it to them.....
...she had origanlly asked 'WHAT do I tell the Funeral Home when they 'ask who do you want to perform the service?' . Re how our mom was.

She was told ask for a Non-Denominal Religious person.

But as her friend told her after...."what you really SHOULD have asked for was a :)ohmy: I just forgot!) <I think it's> Non-Secterian person.
We were laughing after about it.
I'm sure several people were very happy it was done like this (and had NO idea what my sister & I had agreed to). We have a fairly broad range amongst our circles of freinds & family- moderately religious peole from the Orthodox & Catholic Churches, some Chirstiains, Jews (from moderately religious to secular/but cultural), some Spirtual, some Aethiests, a few Wiccans, and a possible Buddhist somewhere.

But I was SO *pleased* the pastor thought to use the many mansions as her theme. She also (and many peole) mentioned her creativity. I also mentioned, and I think someone else did - how she wanted to better the world. And when she was more sick than not, glad we two had beecome somewhat activists in various causes here & there over years & years. We still are.

The cafe was only 3 blocks away. It was a gorgeous day. We had a lovely lunch.

What we haven't done YET- the burial.
Our mom wanted to be cremated (we rented a casket). So the ashes would be returned to the Palor
My sis called me last night to tell me she wanted to change the date from this Sat because one friend of hers couldn't drive us out, and some other people couldn't come> she felt being driven in a limo was too impersonal foro her> I didn't have an opinion really one was or the other, but was perfectly fine with having herf friend drive us.

In fact when she first mentioned the creamtion thing (I thot 'two vases?").
MY sis bought a vase. I told them just give me them (something plain), I'll buy or make something or both (buy something plain, and create something around it.
We will have the rest of them buried in a box into the grave. (Our dad will get the Ukrainian Catholic service & buraail- what he'd want).
So we'll wait till we can get the most peole together. We say something each again. We'll bring flowers and I'll make some Origami cranes etc.

That should turn out pretty nicely. :yes:
 
so nice that you can add some personal touches with your artistic ability. I can't imagine having to take care of the 'business' of death but someone has to I suppose. You seem to be doing well, considering, and have a good support system that you're comfortable relying on. We're here whenever!! :hug:
 
I SO know what you are going through! :hug: I lost my mum Last Thursday, I didn't even know she was sick let alone died, til Friday night :scream: She didn't want to worry us :crazy: :censored:
 
:(So sorry to hear about your mom dazz. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. Please know that you have my deepest sympathy. :hug:
 
BonosBaby12 said:
Dazz I hope you are holding up ok :hug: Have been thinking about you :hug:
Click to expand...

*thank you, shannon.* :hug:

I'mm doing pretty good. having my really very strong but short (b/c I was in public) weepings when something rminds me of her. Like I was on the bus going through 2 of our old neighborhoods.......

and when my nasty roomate is out of the house ( sometimes not for a day or 3, and lots of times home befre I get home--is :angry::angry: difficult b/c she gets nasty if she hears muffled crying through the door. I wil not tellher that my mom died b/c in one of her nasty outbursts she could say I'm glad she's dead-- and I don't want to have to expend the energy from trying NOT to pull her hair out or smacking her. I have never hit her, while she hit me once and has thrown things at me. :mad: :mad:

The OTHER roommate who is nice lost her mom 8 months ago. She has been very sympathetic. And the nasty one has been nasty to her too.

so I can't even mourn like a regualr person because of her. fucking hell!
 
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