Another fake SNL skit, while I'm at it.
TRL
written by: Katie O'Neil
Carson Daly.....Jimmy Fallon
Bono.....Tom Cruise
Natalie.....(voice) Maya Rudolph
Carson Daly: Alright, America. Welcome back to TRL. As always, I?m your host, Carson Daly, and I am God. Okay, we have an amazing show for you today because we have a great guest for you today, and it?s just gonna be a dope show. Alright, here with us is the lead singer of the legendary rock band U2, and the man who alone keeps the Sunglass Hut in business. Come on out, Bono!
(Bono stumbles out into the studio, obviously drunk.)
Bono: (Irish accent, but his speech is slurred) Hello there, Carson. How are ya doing?
Carson Daly: Pretty good, pretty good. Let me just say that your latest album is fly. (Stares into the camera for a moment). How are you able to make such classic albums after so many years?
Bono: Well, it?s really simple Carson, because as a band, we always try to have fun with our music and our lives in the business. Back in the day, it was about getting drunk, partying.... and getting drunk, and it still is, so it?s all about a good time. And I think that really comes across in our music and performances. Do you have fun?
Carson Daly: No, actually I don?t. (nervously) My mom....doesn?t allow me to drink.
Bono: Well, that?s too bad.
Carson Daly: Yeah, let?s get back to you, Bono. What are the plans for the band when your tour ends?
Bono: Well, we were thinking of- (notices the camera) Well, hello. (Walks over to camera and puts his face in front of it.) How are you? I?m doing pretty good. (Begins to play with the camera and kiss it) Yeah!
Carson Daly: Bono, tell me, how are your other bandmates, the Edge, Larry, and Adam, doing?
Bono: (Stops) Who? Oh, them. Yeah, they?re...they?re fine. (Returns to the camera.)
Carson Daly: Now, Bono, you?re also known for your activism in many movements and dealing with many problems afflicting the world. What inspired you to become involved?
Bono: Because it?s good to express your opinion and be outraged and want to do something about things. And let me tell you this: I will not rest until every person in the world has at least one pair of sunglasses! Forget poverty, forget violence. Who cares when you have some pretty nice shades? (Continues to play with the camera)
Carson Daly: Alright, I?m getting a, little scared now. Can we take a caller? Okay, on line one is Natalie form Connecticut. Hey Natalie!
Natalie: (Giddy voice) Oh, my God, I cannot believe I am talking to Carson Daly. You are the best and I love you, and you are so hot, and... Mom, I?m talking to Carson Daly. You are the greatest!
Carson Daly: I know. Tell me, how old are you?
Natalie: I?m sixteen.
Carson Daly: (Disappointed) Oh.
Bono: You could get any your age, could ya, you perv!
Carson Daly: (frustrated) Natalie, do you wanna say hi to Bono?
Natalie: Hey, Bono.
Bono: Hey, Natalie. I can tell you like Carson and this whole TRL thing. Me, I think it?s crap. Remember the days when MTV used to play music videos? Now all they got is this "Jackass" and "Real World" and "Cribs". Hell, the only music video they even show anymore is the damn "Lady Marmalade". I mean it?s good, but you can only handle so much cootchie after a while! And these new VJ?s suck. Look at this geek up here, Carson Daly. He?s asking all these questions thinking he?s smart, but nobody cares! Hey, how much do you wanna bet that Carson is a virgin? Can?t we do some kind of online poll or something?
Carson Daly: (worried) Bono, what are you doing?
Bono: Everyone at home, log on mtv.com right now and cast your vote in the poll: "Do you think Carson Daly is a virgin?" And while we?re waiting, Natalie, do you have any shoutouts?
Natalie: Yeah, I wanna say hi to Kristen, Kelly, Anna, Mark, Brad, Brit, Sully, Ryan, Nick, Jackie, Missy, Erin, A.J., Matt, and everyone at Williams High, and I love N Sync and Justin Timberlake! Whoo!
Bono: Alright, and the results are in: in our online poll, 92% of the voters think that Carson Daly is a virgin! That?s gotta hurt!
Carson Daly: Well, it looks like we?re almost out of time, Bono. Is there anything else you want to say before you go?
Bono: Yeah (points to camera) Can I take this thing home with me, or can it follow me around or something?
Carson Daly: Sorry, but we need that for the show. Well, Bono, I hope we can have you back in the TRL studio again sometime.
Bono: Listen to me, Carson, I don?t think so, because tomorrow morning, I won?t even remember being here the first time, okay? Sorry, man. (Walks off the set)
Carson Daly: Bono, everybody, the one and only. I?m Carson Daly. I?m 29, looking for a female between the ages of 20 and 32. I enjoy dinner and a movie, watching the sunset, long conversations, poetry, and I'm good in the kitchen. If interested, please call me. Tomorrow, we?ll have Johnny Rotten in the studio, making me pee my pants and cry like a little girl. Later, dudes!
