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Old 10-02-2005, 05:26 PM   #1
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Too Much Alike Him - chapter 2

Hello! Here's the 2nd chapter... just a sort of a connection. Hopefully it is more readable this time! Thanks for your advice on making it more easy to read. If it is still difficult to read, then I'm sorry!!!!!


The day after they were back in Dublin, and Bono took care of some things related to the funeral. He was trying to keep himself very busy, preparing a song with Edge, spending time with his family, and he decided that he was not so much affected by it after all.

It was so different from the other time, when he was just a child and had nobody to care for – now it was easy to shut up his own grieving heart and cuddle his children who were obviously quite sad at the loss of their grandfather.

People around him, on the contrary, were growing into deep concern at how things would have turned out, and Larry in particular feared the moment in which Bono would have found himself facing the fact that he missed his dad anyway. He was the one who could best understand why his friend was behaving like a silly child, but on the other side he felt saddened that Bono did not show the courage to take this situation.
He did not expect it from him, and he feared that he did not really know Bono as well as he had thought.
He was the person whom he turned to when he was so much in grief, and he was the one who kept him from drowning. How could it be that now he was going to drown himself? Why didn’t he come around and ask for his help? He knows I am not going to talk first… he knows I would not start such a conversation. But he should also know that I am going to take into this subject, if he mentioned it. I wonder what he is thinking about. He’s not himself and I don’t really know what is going to happen.

The day of the funeral came and went faster than the singer could ever have imagined. Everything was so frantic, people all around, to greet, to hug, to talk with... relatives he had not seen for ages, friends, people he did not even remember to know.
A carousel of images, sounds and words whirled into his head and he was not really able to understand what his feelings were.

But while he watched his father being buried, his heart sank and suddenly the sky seemed much darker than it was. It was like a not well-cured wound from the past reopened and started blooding again. He did not cry in the eyes of all the people, but inside he felt a thunderstorm.
Then, he felt an urge to turn around and try to keep a look on anyone he cared about. It would NOT be happening again. He was remembering very well what happened to his mother at the moment.
Larry, who was keeping him under control, realized he was anxious about it, and he put a hand on his shoulder. Bono was surprised and quite reassured by this gesture, but it made him realize that he was looking miserable. I cannot break up, come on. I’ve got responsibilities here.

In the evening, in the silence of his own bedroom, Ali already asleep and little John dreaming in his cradle beside his parents' bed, he suddenly realized how bad he was actually feeling.

He was tired indeed, - they all had told him, but he had not been aware of it until now... how could it be possible? – it was just as he had walked for days with no rest. He was weak, his head hurting like hell and his heart kind of broken. He felt sad, so much sad, and not able to be angry anymore. He wanted to cry and to be comforted, and yet all of the day he had not done anything else than comfort who did cry, his daughters and Eli, who was still so young but understood that all the people around him were sad and cried a lot.

He thought he might call Larry, have a chat with him... he got up and walked to the living room taking up the phone, but he stopped halfway dialling the number. He did not want to put any pressure on him, he had had his own troubles, now he was with his family and he was probably sleeping... He had taken Larry under his own protective wing when he had lost his mother, tied to him by the experiences, and he could not see him in any other way than someone to be cared for, still. Better leave things like this. The less people know, the less they will ask. This pain won’t kill me, will it?

He sat on the sofa and thought about the day. He realized how uncomfortable and scared he had been during the whole thing. Oh well, I don’t have many good memories of funerals, that should be normal, he thought. I wonder if I would forget facts about him as it happened with my mother… But did I actually forget them? Or was it just me trying to protect myself? And he did not talk about her, and I blamed him for this… but was it to protect himself from grief? Well, sort of what I am doing now. Not talking about him. Oh, God, did I take it all the wrong way with him?
He could not stand this thought. He knew that he used to mess up situations because of his impulsivity.
He felt the need for a drink and he looked into the cupboard. Ali… she thinks about everything… she knew that he would have tried to drink, and made sure that no bottles were at his reach.

“You can’t sleep?” Ali had entered the room and sat beside him, kissing him lightly on his cheek.

“I can’t sleep and I can’t drink, as I see.” he answered. “Don’t you think I am able to look after myself?”

“No, I don’t, actually. You never do.” she answered softly, not intending to offend him at all. She tried to hug him but he shifted from her arms.

“Do you all assume that I am not able to take things as a reasoning adult man?” he said, his temper raising.

“Come on, don’t be silly. It was meant to help you, not to make you angry. If I offended you, I am sorry. But now don’t take it too far, please. You need sleep. You’re worn out. I want you to go to bed right now and have a proper meal tomorrow. I will not let you go out and perform like this.” She was still talking in a sweet tone, in his ear and he frowned for a moment.

But suddenly he got up and went towards the door, his car keys in his hands.

“Where do you think you are going? Please, don’t be like this with me. I’m going to stay up all night knowing you’re out now…and in a car…” Ali grabbed him by his arm, alarmed.

Why should I do this to her? She’s just worried. She’s the woman I have had by my side all of this time… she’s everything to me. I don’t want to make her cry.
He gave her the car keys, and kissed her. “I’m sorry. I will just go out for a walk. You don’t need to worry, go and sleep.”

“I love you. I can stay here with you all night.” she said, astonished at the fact that he had surrendered so easily.

“You just go back to bed.” he answered. He would not keep her awake listening to his nonsense words; she had to take care of the little ones in the house. “The children will need you tomorrow. I’ll be busy all day, you will be by yourself” he added.

He went outside, and sat in the garden. He could not actually walk any longer than that. I’m really too much like he was. I should be staying in my bed, next to my wife. She would comfort me. But she would be tired tomorrow morning. I should be calling Larry or Edge or have a drink with Adam. They would talk to me and I would be better. But they’re probably with their families or friends and they have the right to spend some time happily. But I am here by myself – and by my own choice – getting mad about how things would have gone if I had been a good boy to my dad.
He spent a couple of hours outside. Then it started to rain, and he decided it was not the right moment for getting a sore throat, and he went back inside. He was surprised he was still able to think about his voice in such a moment.
He went into the room, and little John started to cry. He rushed to his boy, and raised him in his arms, holding him close.
It’s different, this time, he thought again. I have to take care of them all. I’ll be ok, I will not need anything else.
Ali watched him, pretending to be asleep. She was so sad for him, she wanted to help him and she did not know what to do.

Bono cuddled his baby to sleep, then went to his children’s room to check on them. He needed to see that everyone was well. After this he sat in the kitchen and stayed there, awake, feeling that he had to be on alert to keep everything ok.

Edge was awake, too. He had received a call from Ali one hour ago. She was crying, and she was worried for his husband, who had gone out in the middle of the night after being mad at her. He had tried to assure her that he would be back soon with no harm. But he feared for his friend, and his first instinct was to run out and look for him. But he knew that Bono would have been angry if checked on him. He decided to stay at home and pray that everything could be like before as soon as possible.

Of course, it was not easy for Bono to hide signs of his knackered soul and body the day after.
He somehow still managed to keep it together, and a beautiful and emotional show came out at Slane Castle, though saddened by his cracking voice and burst of tears.
Edge and Adam had their eyes constantly on him, trying to make contact with him every time they could – they felt they could control his state better in this way. Larry was very worried aswell. He looked at Bono and he felt bad for him.
I have to find a way to talk to him, he thought while looking at Bono’s face when he turned towards him during One playing his guitar, tears in his eyes. Maybe in Glasgow I will be able to see him alone.

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Old 10-03-2005, 03:33 AM   #2
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That was fantastic susannag75!! I actually got goose bumps on my arms from reading it, it's very emotional and is written very well
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