The Story of Gramps Magee: "I am but an Ape"

[GrampsMagee]

THE AMAZING TALE OF GRAMPS MAGEE[/I]

My PLEBAn friends, I should like now to tell you the story of my apey life. It shall be done in flashback form, and somewhat erratically. Please forgive me this as I am but an ape. If you have any remembrances of instances when we met in the past, feel free to post those as well. I apologize in advance for the runon sentences, and promise that many downright spiffy tales of my adventures with U2 are on the way.

I began my apey life humbly enough, in the town of Apeton on Bananaland island. It was a simple but good existence- I had all the bananas I could possibly want, and I had a loving apey family.
The zookeepers changed that all, kidnapping my parents when I was still young and forcing me to take on the responsibilities of raising my two siblings. Strangely enough, one of these siblings is older than I. We shall keep mentions of him to a minimum, as thinking about him makes me only bitter and angry, a bad way for an ape to be, as we all know only too well, for look what happens to apes all over the world each and every day. And so, my brother and sister and I eventually grew up. One day, after they had both left home, I stood and looked at my apey dwelling. I had a fine apey stove on which to make banana stew, a fine apey bathtub in which to soak, and a fine apey barcalounger, which had washed up on shore one day. But something was missing. Do you know what it is, my human reader? No, I suppose you do not, and therefore I must tell you, for knowledge must be shared, is it not the truth? The SEA was missing from my life. I had as of yet not been properly on the water-- oh, my fellow primates, I had been for a swim or two, but I had not yet been in a great craft of the sea, no, no, not yet. But that would all change when the pirates came to Apeton...



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"You might say I'm the 'top banana'!" ~ myself

 

[GrampsMagee]

The pirates arrived on a stormy day, I believe it was a Wednesday, but as I did not at the time possess a calendar I might be wrong. The pirates came clambering into my apey dwelling, too drunk to care that they might wake me. They were some of the first humans I had ever seen, my fellow primates.
"MUAHA!" chortled one, in a most evil tone, as he ate my leftover banana stew.
"MUAHAAHAHA!" laughed another, as he appropriated my soft and comfy Barcalounger.
I was hidden snugly under the covers of my bed, and scared out of my wits, to say the least.
"What will happen?" I wondered. Just then, my human friends, I heard something. A rustling in the leaves above my window. I peered out from under the covers...the bandits were asleep, one in my salvaged chair and the other sprawled on the floor. I took my chance and leapt up and out of the window. Outside was a she-ape! A beautiful she ape...dressed in pirate garb!
"Come on!" said she, in Ape-ish.
"Where?" asked I, also in Ape-ish.
"To the great pirate ship! We shall sail away!"
And so we did. You see, my human friends, that is how I met Grams Magee!

*banana of to be continued*

 

[JennyBean]

LMAO!! Great story Gramps. I can't wait for it to be continued.
Hmmm rememberances of when we met? I think that would have to be in The Great Ape Escape! I was thinking, who is this crazy ape? And why is he always correcting others when they make a spelling error? But I have come to enjoy your posts.
*banana of laughter*

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Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.

 

[Mullen-Girl]

LOL...WOW this is quite erm..intresting

I can't wait to hear the rest of the story lol..Apes are squishy btw..they're cute

 

[sparkys girl]

thank you for sharing your story gramps...i've sporadically visited pleba since school started and feel out of sorts with the goings on at PLEBA, so I was going to start a thread titled, "who is gramps maghee and what's with the bananas?"

maybe this thread will answer some of my ??? about you.

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*+*MaRiA*+*
she is the dreamer, she's imagination...

[This message has been edited by sparkys girl (edited 04-04-2002).]

 

[mocool12]

Oh my... Gramps I hadn't known about your past. Please sir, go on.

 

[Lilly]

Originally posted by GrampsMagee:
The pirates arrived on a stormy day

*gasp* pirates!

oh no! I hope it wasn't these bad fellas!

y'arrrr I've a strange obsession indeed with pirates....

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"Just tell 'em what they wanna hear & nobody will complain."

 

[GrampsMagee]

Grams, whose real name was Ethelfritha, had been born on the pirate ship and thus knew all about sailing.
"Dyarrrrrr," she'd order me about, speaking in fearfully authoritarian tones, "Hand me that coil of rope, ye apey landlubber, or I'll cut ya from stem ta stern!"
I lived in fear throughout most days, but sometimes she would look at me piteously and commend my adjustment to life on the open sea. These moments, sadly for me, were rare.
Late at night, as we ate dried banana chips, she would talk of her plans to practice piracy until the day she died. Truth be known, I was quite taken aback by her attitude.
"Dyar har hyar!" she would laugh, "We shall rob the landlubbin' humans blind! And their stinkin' pets, too."
"Ethelfritha," I asked finally one bright and sunny day, after feverishly mustering all my courage, "Why do you want to steal and pillage so?"
"Because of the zoooooooookeeeeeepeerrrrrrrs!" she hollered, most forcefully. I did not know what to ape-ily say, and so I remained silent.
How was I to know what this volatile she-ape would do next? I was not to know, my fellow primate, that is the point of my writing down this tale.
But truly, things would get better as time wore on. For just as one adjusts to new footwear, one must adjust to one's companions. In time, Ethelfritha and I would marry...

*banana of to be continued*

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"You might say I'm the 'top banana'!" ~ myself