Sad_Girl
Blue Crack Supplier
U2, unfortunately, are not mine. They are real people who I have written about here in a fictional situation that never happened. I don’t have their permission to use their likenesses, but I make no money from the story and it really is just all meant in good fun. Remember, please, that this is just a twisting, turning story out of my imagination which should not reflect upon the band or the individuals within it. It’s only make-believe. There will be some adult themes within this story, and almost undoubtedly a lot of offensive language. Read at your own discretion.
Catalina Chronicles Book 4:
Someone else’s dream
Chapter Fourteen
Without You; The World Revives, Colors Renew
But I Know Blue, Only Blue, Lonely Blue
Within Me, Blue, Without You
Without You
The Hand Gropes, The Ear Hears, The Pulse Beats
Without You
The Eyes Gaze, The Legs Walk, The Lungs Breathe,
The Mind Churns, The Heart Yearns, The Tears Dry
Without You
Life Goes On, But I'm Gone, Cause I Die
Without You…
Without You…
from the song ‘Without you’ in the Broadway musical ‘Rent’
Cat was looking forward to focusing on the album for awhile. She was tired of the guilt, grief and worry that had taken up her every moment since Monday when she’d returned to Dublin. She and Adam had only spoken once, on the telephone and he had been unwilling to mention their situation or Larry. All he’d said was that he wanted to see Lawry, and that he was staying with Bono and Laney.
It was Saturday now, and Laney had come to collect Lawry so Adam could spend some time with him. Cat had hoped Adam would at least come to pick him up himself; she just wanted the chance to look him in the eyes and apologize again.
She pushed the thoughts aside as she took off her helmet and stepped into the studio. It was no use, regretting things which she had no control over. All she could do was move forward and do the best she could for Lawry. That meant moving ahead with her career and keeping herself from falling into depression, as well as the basic motherly expectations.
She stopped short when she heard the band playing, listening to the unique but familiar sound of a song she could not quite place. If Trine had not begun to sing lyrics which she recognized, Cat would never have figured out what song they were rehearsing. She recognized Trine’s touch; it was almost a completely new composition of an old Cat Stevens song.
“I listen to the wind, To the wind of my soul
Where I’ll end up well I think only god really knows
I've sat upon the setting sun, but never, never never never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never
I listen to my words but they fall far below
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go
I swam upon the devil's lake
But never, never never never
I'll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never..”
She realized that partly, at least, her reaction was due to her own raw emotional wounds; but the way the performance made tears spring to her eyes and the hair on the back of her neck stand up was also because it was genuinely phenomenal.
“Hey, Cat’s back!” Alex announced from behind the drum set, jumping up and hurrying to embrace her in welcome. Cat managed a weak smile and hugged her old friend, and then Krash and Shane as well. Trine she had seen a few times around the house since her return and none of those encounters had been friendly.
“Not that it sounds like you needed me,” Cat quipped as she hugged them. “You guys sound great with Trine in lead.”
“You should hear the recording we did of ‘Black Leather’, she gave it this whole dark, intense quality I never would’ve even thought of. It turned out really cool,” Alex replied enthusiastically. Shane shot the young man a look that would’ve killed if it could’ve.
“We can get back to the way things oughta be, now that you’re back darlin’,” Shane told Cat with a wink and a supportive smile. Alex’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment as he realized his compliments to Trine might sound derogatory of Cat.
“We got more work done while she was gone than we have in the past year and a half with her here,” Trine said under her breath, though obviously not caring who heard.
“Hey, Cat was leading this band before you sprouted boobs, little lady, and she can do it with you in the band or not. Don’t get any ideas in your head,” Shane warned, pointing a finger at Trine threateningly.
“Shane! Calm down,” Cat scolded, resting a hand on her old friends shoulder. He looked like he was still ready to fight for her, but Cat simply shook her head. She would have behaved the same way as Trine is she were in her shoes.
“I’m ready for a break, anyway,” Trine said, lifting the strap of the bass over her head and setting the guitar down on it’s rack. The group watched her storm out, an uncomfortable silence settling over the studio. Alex slipped out after Trine, obviously feeling like a traitor to Cat as he did; he walked with his head down, his shoulders hunched.
Krash settled down onto the couch and started picking out a tune on the acoustic guitar, and Shane wrapped his arms around Cat from behind, drawing the length of her up against him. With a sigh she accepted his gesture and let her head fall back to rest against his shoulder.
“I really screwed up this time,” she told him, chewing on her lower lip nervously. “Now I’m dragging the band down, too.”
“She’ll cool off. If she doesn’t, we were a band before she came along, we can be a band without her,” Shane assured her. He kissed her on top of the head and rocked back and forth soothingly, Cats hands resting over his at her waist. It was a comfortable place to be, but it wasn’t anything like it had felt to be in Adam’s arms. That had brought with it a sense of belonging that she had never felt anywhere else. She patted Shane’s hand in thanks for the comfort he offered, but pulled away from him.
“I think Tequila Monster needs Trine as much as she needs Tequila Monster. I mean, just now, that was the sound we’ve been trying to find for this album. In nearly two years I couldn’t get that, but in the month or so that I’ve been away, Trine pulled it all together. I heard the recordings, last night and thought how good they were. I guess I just hoped they were a product of excellent technical work, but now I hear you guys together in person… and I know it’s not. The thing that was wrong with the band was me.”
“Now hold on, Cat, that isn’t true…” Shane objected, but Cat shook her head to let him know she wasn’t about to be convinced otherwise.
“Tequila Monster has been through it’s share of lead singers. I did what I could for the band, but I don’t have what it takes to get it any farther. That kid, no matter how obnoxious she can be,” Cat laughed here, her affection for her step-daughter nearly choking her, it was a bittersweet sentiment in her throat as she spoke. “She is the one who can take it to the top. She’s it, and you know it.”
“She’s talented, Cat, but she isn’t you. We’re your band,” Krash spoke up, and Shane agreed.
“No, you’re not. Tequila Monster is Charlene and Gunnar’s band. I took over for her when she got sick and I tried my best to fill the void for Gunnar, but it was always their band. They understood the value of incorporating new people, creating music from multiple points of view, Charlene called it. She would step aside and let Trine go at it, you know she would. Both of you,” Cat told them, sitting on the chair nearest the couch and looking her friends in the eyes. She could tell that she had made her point, but neither of the men wanted to admit it. They were too good of friends.
“I’ll be ok. I will!” She said when Shane arched an eyebrow at her. “You guys had just better get your act together and get this album out soon, I’ve been waiting too long to see it finished.”
“What are you going to do?” Krash asked when Cat stood and started for the door.
“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “But when you start with nothing, you got nothing to lose.”
Krash and Shane both smiled at the reference to one of Cat’s first songs. It seemed almost prophetic at that moment. She flashed them one last smile and stepped outside, letting the door drift slowly shut behind her.
There was a sense of peace in her sacrifice; she had given up the band because she was sure they would do better without her. Her future was a blank canvas, stretched out before her, nearly blinding in its emptiness. Still, there was hope for something good; starting over was terrifying and exhilarating. All she had to do now was put one foot in front of the other, and see where she ended up.
As she walked to her motorcycle, Cat sang softly to herself, her own words coming back to her now with new meaning.
And don’t give up just cuz you come up empty handed;
people who seem to have it all don’t have time to be happy; the more they have the more they stand to lose.
Sometimes the luckiest man in the world got nothing but the clothes on his back and a guitar case full of blues…
**********************************************************
“Is he there?” Larry asked, and Laney sighed into the phone.
“You already know what I’m going to say,” she told him apologetically.
“Laney, how the fuck am I supposed to apologize to him if he won’t even answer the bloody phone?” Larry asked, his voice full of frustration.
“I don’t think he wants you to apologize. I think he just wants time to heal,” Laney replied, looking out the window to see Adam sitting in the swing in the garden.
“Is he … I mean, do you think it’s helping? Is he all right?” Larry asked. Laney’s heart ached for the man, even if they’d never exactly been friends. It was clear to anyone who knew him at all that he was suffering. At the same time, she knew all too well the results of Larry’s actions. She’d nursed Adam back from what he had described as the ‘hangover from hell’, and that had been the easiest part of his stay.
She could handle changing sweat-soaked linens; cleaning the bathroom after he was sick… it was nothing new to her, after all. It was the melancholy that had taken hold of him which challenged her most. Adam had always been playful, sweet and friendly. He was the one who made a person feel better about themselves when they were going through a rough patch.
Seeing that spark gone from his eyes made Laney angry. She knew it wasn’t her place, she knew it didn’t even make sense for her to get involved, but that knot of anger was there all the same. She was angry at the situation, angry at the fickle nature of the human heart; but mostly, she was angry at Cat.
She had wanted to be angry with Larry, but the sincerity in his voice when he called again and again to try and convince Adam to talk to him softened her heart to him. He’d not had a lot to say about it, but what he had told her made her see him in a sympathetic light.
Cat, on the other hand, had not spoken a single word about it to her. Or to anyone else, so far as she knew. When she had picked Lawry up earlier that day, so he could spend some time with his father, Cat had barely said a word and had not once looked her in the eye. She had done her best to simply ignore the situation and go on as if everything was just business as normal.
She needed someone to blame, and so it was Cat upon whom Laney’s anger had settled; giving her the target upon which to focus the pent up frustration. Bono, much like Laney, felt the need to blame someone, but his anger had settled firmly on Larry’s shoulders. If he knew Laney was even speaking to him on the phone he’d be furious.
“I don’t know, Larry. A week is just a drop in the bucket compared to the sort of time this will take,” Laney told him. “He’s not had a drink since Tuesday, so that’s good.”
“He was drinking?” Larry sounded destroyed at the thought. He’d been so impressed with Adam’s ability to give up drinking and smoking completely.
“Just the first night. He ate breakfast with us this morning, which was a first. Lawry’s here now, and they played in the garden for a long time this afternoon. He put him down for his nap not long ago.”
“So he saw Cat, then?” Larry asked.
“No, he sent me to pick him up. She said she was looking forward to getting back to work,” Laney replied, her voice saturated by bitterness.
“When is Lawry going back home? Tonight?” Larry asked, not wanting to risk an encounter with Adam in front of the boy.
“No, he had a suitcase with him. I’m not sure what their plans are for him, to be honest.”
“All right, listen… just… just tell him I rang and that I want to talk to him, please,” Larry told her and Laney assured him that she would pass it on. It was hard to see two people who had been mates for so long torn apart this way.
If she didn’t want to keep Adam near, to keep an eye on him, she would be vocal with her opinion that Cat was the one who should’ve left their house. It had been Adam’s before they met, it was his money which had paid for the house and for everything in it. She hated the thought of him being alone in it, though, and so she bit her tongue.
Simone was a mystery to her. She hadn’t spoken a word about it, either. She had simply seemed to have accepted it as if it had been unavoidable. Of course, between work, fertility therapy, watching out for Adam and checking on Tessa after each round of chemotherapy she hadn’t had a chance to talk to her one-on-one. It wasn’t unlike her to put up a strong front to hide an emotional wreck inside of her. She was nearly as private an individual as Larry, when it came to anything she viewed as a flaw or weakness, at least.
She stepped out the back door and called out to Adam to let him know that she was walking over to Edge’s for a bit. Bono was in his study, and wouldn’t likely hear Lawry if he woke. Adam acknowledged her with a nod and a wave, and so she hurried over to her cousins for her daily visit. She would tell him about Larry’s phone call when she returned, and maybe she would try to convince him to actually call him back.
Catalina Chronicles Book 4:
Someone else’s dream
Chapter Fourteen
Without You; The World Revives, Colors Renew
But I Know Blue, Only Blue, Lonely Blue
Within Me, Blue, Without You
Without You
The Hand Gropes, The Ear Hears, The Pulse Beats
Without You
The Eyes Gaze, The Legs Walk, The Lungs Breathe,
The Mind Churns, The Heart Yearns, The Tears Dry
Without You
Life Goes On, But I'm Gone, Cause I Die
Without You…
Without You…
from the song ‘Without you’ in the Broadway musical ‘Rent’
Cat was looking forward to focusing on the album for awhile. She was tired of the guilt, grief and worry that had taken up her every moment since Monday when she’d returned to Dublin. She and Adam had only spoken once, on the telephone and he had been unwilling to mention their situation or Larry. All he’d said was that he wanted to see Lawry, and that he was staying with Bono and Laney.
It was Saturday now, and Laney had come to collect Lawry so Adam could spend some time with him. Cat had hoped Adam would at least come to pick him up himself; she just wanted the chance to look him in the eyes and apologize again.
She pushed the thoughts aside as she took off her helmet and stepped into the studio. It was no use, regretting things which she had no control over. All she could do was move forward and do the best she could for Lawry. That meant moving ahead with her career and keeping herself from falling into depression, as well as the basic motherly expectations.
She stopped short when she heard the band playing, listening to the unique but familiar sound of a song she could not quite place. If Trine had not begun to sing lyrics which she recognized, Cat would never have figured out what song they were rehearsing. She recognized Trine’s touch; it was almost a completely new composition of an old Cat Stevens song.
“I listen to the wind, To the wind of my soul
Where I’ll end up well I think only god really knows
I've sat upon the setting sun, but never, never never never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never
I listen to my words but they fall far below
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go
I swam upon the devil's lake
But never, never never never
I'll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never..”
She realized that partly, at least, her reaction was due to her own raw emotional wounds; but the way the performance made tears spring to her eyes and the hair on the back of her neck stand up was also because it was genuinely phenomenal.
“Hey, Cat’s back!” Alex announced from behind the drum set, jumping up and hurrying to embrace her in welcome. Cat managed a weak smile and hugged her old friend, and then Krash and Shane as well. Trine she had seen a few times around the house since her return and none of those encounters had been friendly.
“Not that it sounds like you needed me,” Cat quipped as she hugged them. “You guys sound great with Trine in lead.”
“You should hear the recording we did of ‘Black Leather’, she gave it this whole dark, intense quality I never would’ve even thought of. It turned out really cool,” Alex replied enthusiastically. Shane shot the young man a look that would’ve killed if it could’ve.
“We can get back to the way things oughta be, now that you’re back darlin’,” Shane told Cat with a wink and a supportive smile. Alex’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment as he realized his compliments to Trine might sound derogatory of Cat.
“We got more work done while she was gone than we have in the past year and a half with her here,” Trine said under her breath, though obviously not caring who heard.
“Hey, Cat was leading this band before you sprouted boobs, little lady, and she can do it with you in the band or not. Don’t get any ideas in your head,” Shane warned, pointing a finger at Trine threateningly.
“Shane! Calm down,” Cat scolded, resting a hand on her old friends shoulder. He looked like he was still ready to fight for her, but Cat simply shook her head. She would have behaved the same way as Trine is she were in her shoes.
“I’m ready for a break, anyway,” Trine said, lifting the strap of the bass over her head and setting the guitar down on it’s rack. The group watched her storm out, an uncomfortable silence settling over the studio. Alex slipped out after Trine, obviously feeling like a traitor to Cat as he did; he walked with his head down, his shoulders hunched.
Krash settled down onto the couch and started picking out a tune on the acoustic guitar, and Shane wrapped his arms around Cat from behind, drawing the length of her up against him. With a sigh she accepted his gesture and let her head fall back to rest against his shoulder.
“I really screwed up this time,” she told him, chewing on her lower lip nervously. “Now I’m dragging the band down, too.”
“She’ll cool off. If she doesn’t, we were a band before she came along, we can be a band without her,” Shane assured her. He kissed her on top of the head and rocked back and forth soothingly, Cats hands resting over his at her waist. It was a comfortable place to be, but it wasn’t anything like it had felt to be in Adam’s arms. That had brought with it a sense of belonging that she had never felt anywhere else. She patted Shane’s hand in thanks for the comfort he offered, but pulled away from him.
“I think Tequila Monster needs Trine as much as she needs Tequila Monster. I mean, just now, that was the sound we’ve been trying to find for this album. In nearly two years I couldn’t get that, but in the month or so that I’ve been away, Trine pulled it all together. I heard the recordings, last night and thought how good they were. I guess I just hoped they were a product of excellent technical work, but now I hear you guys together in person… and I know it’s not. The thing that was wrong with the band was me.”
“Now hold on, Cat, that isn’t true…” Shane objected, but Cat shook her head to let him know she wasn’t about to be convinced otherwise.
“Tequila Monster has been through it’s share of lead singers. I did what I could for the band, but I don’t have what it takes to get it any farther. That kid, no matter how obnoxious she can be,” Cat laughed here, her affection for her step-daughter nearly choking her, it was a bittersweet sentiment in her throat as she spoke. “She is the one who can take it to the top. She’s it, and you know it.”
“She’s talented, Cat, but she isn’t you. We’re your band,” Krash spoke up, and Shane agreed.
“No, you’re not. Tequila Monster is Charlene and Gunnar’s band. I took over for her when she got sick and I tried my best to fill the void for Gunnar, but it was always their band. They understood the value of incorporating new people, creating music from multiple points of view, Charlene called it. She would step aside and let Trine go at it, you know she would. Both of you,” Cat told them, sitting on the chair nearest the couch and looking her friends in the eyes. She could tell that she had made her point, but neither of the men wanted to admit it. They were too good of friends.
“I’ll be ok. I will!” She said when Shane arched an eyebrow at her. “You guys had just better get your act together and get this album out soon, I’ve been waiting too long to see it finished.”
“What are you going to do?” Krash asked when Cat stood and started for the door.
“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “But when you start with nothing, you got nothing to lose.”
Krash and Shane both smiled at the reference to one of Cat’s first songs. It seemed almost prophetic at that moment. She flashed them one last smile and stepped outside, letting the door drift slowly shut behind her.
There was a sense of peace in her sacrifice; she had given up the band because she was sure they would do better without her. Her future was a blank canvas, stretched out before her, nearly blinding in its emptiness. Still, there was hope for something good; starting over was terrifying and exhilarating. All she had to do now was put one foot in front of the other, and see where she ended up.
As she walked to her motorcycle, Cat sang softly to herself, her own words coming back to her now with new meaning.
And don’t give up just cuz you come up empty handed;
people who seem to have it all don’t have time to be happy; the more they have the more they stand to lose.
Sometimes the luckiest man in the world got nothing but the clothes on his back and a guitar case full of blues…
**********************************************************
“Is he there?” Larry asked, and Laney sighed into the phone.
“You already know what I’m going to say,” she told him apologetically.
“Laney, how the fuck am I supposed to apologize to him if he won’t even answer the bloody phone?” Larry asked, his voice full of frustration.
“I don’t think he wants you to apologize. I think he just wants time to heal,” Laney replied, looking out the window to see Adam sitting in the swing in the garden.
“Is he … I mean, do you think it’s helping? Is he all right?” Larry asked. Laney’s heart ached for the man, even if they’d never exactly been friends. It was clear to anyone who knew him at all that he was suffering. At the same time, she knew all too well the results of Larry’s actions. She’d nursed Adam back from what he had described as the ‘hangover from hell’, and that had been the easiest part of his stay.
She could handle changing sweat-soaked linens; cleaning the bathroom after he was sick… it was nothing new to her, after all. It was the melancholy that had taken hold of him which challenged her most. Adam had always been playful, sweet and friendly. He was the one who made a person feel better about themselves when they were going through a rough patch.
Seeing that spark gone from his eyes made Laney angry. She knew it wasn’t her place, she knew it didn’t even make sense for her to get involved, but that knot of anger was there all the same. She was angry at the situation, angry at the fickle nature of the human heart; but mostly, she was angry at Cat.
She had wanted to be angry with Larry, but the sincerity in his voice when he called again and again to try and convince Adam to talk to him softened her heart to him. He’d not had a lot to say about it, but what he had told her made her see him in a sympathetic light.
Cat, on the other hand, had not spoken a single word about it to her. Or to anyone else, so far as she knew. When she had picked Lawry up earlier that day, so he could spend some time with his father, Cat had barely said a word and had not once looked her in the eye. She had done her best to simply ignore the situation and go on as if everything was just business as normal.
She needed someone to blame, and so it was Cat upon whom Laney’s anger had settled; giving her the target upon which to focus the pent up frustration. Bono, much like Laney, felt the need to blame someone, but his anger had settled firmly on Larry’s shoulders. If he knew Laney was even speaking to him on the phone he’d be furious.
“I don’t know, Larry. A week is just a drop in the bucket compared to the sort of time this will take,” Laney told him. “He’s not had a drink since Tuesday, so that’s good.”
“He was drinking?” Larry sounded destroyed at the thought. He’d been so impressed with Adam’s ability to give up drinking and smoking completely.
“Just the first night. He ate breakfast with us this morning, which was a first. Lawry’s here now, and they played in the garden for a long time this afternoon. He put him down for his nap not long ago.”
“So he saw Cat, then?” Larry asked.
“No, he sent me to pick him up. She said she was looking forward to getting back to work,” Laney replied, her voice saturated by bitterness.
“When is Lawry going back home? Tonight?” Larry asked, not wanting to risk an encounter with Adam in front of the boy.
“No, he had a suitcase with him. I’m not sure what their plans are for him, to be honest.”
“All right, listen… just… just tell him I rang and that I want to talk to him, please,” Larry told her and Laney assured him that she would pass it on. It was hard to see two people who had been mates for so long torn apart this way.
If she didn’t want to keep Adam near, to keep an eye on him, she would be vocal with her opinion that Cat was the one who should’ve left their house. It had been Adam’s before they met, it was his money which had paid for the house and for everything in it. She hated the thought of him being alone in it, though, and so she bit her tongue.
Simone was a mystery to her. She hadn’t spoken a word about it, either. She had simply seemed to have accepted it as if it had been unavoidable. Of course, between work, fertility therapy, watching out for Adam and checking on Tessa after each round of chemotherapy she hadn’t had a chance to talk to her one-on-one. It wasn’t unlike her to put up a strong front to hide an emotional wreck inside of her. She was nearly as private an individual as Larry, when it came to anything she viewed as a flaw or weakness, at least.
She stepped out the back door and called out to Adam to let him know that she was walking over to Edge’s for a bit. Bono was in his study, and wouldn’t likely hear Lawry if he woke. Adam acknowledged her with a nod and a wave, and so she hurried over to her cousins for her daily visit. She would tell him about Larry’s phone call when she returned, and maybe she would try to convince him to actually call him back.
Last edited:
She quit the band.....
sorry guys, between my birthday, a fairly big change in my daily schedule, and an awful case of the flu I haven't kept up on the updates like I wish I could. I'll have a new chapter up soon, though, I promise 
Looking forward to more!
