So i was bluntly insulted by one of my best friends today.

[U2democrat]

We were having lunch together and I was talking to her about how excited I am about Christopher Newport University, and I suggested that she should consider it too. Then she said, "It's not good enough for me." I kind of gaped. It's an excellent school. Then she said "Have you seen the average GPA? It's way too low for me!" The average GPA is a 3.4. I have a 3.4 and she knows that. She's not THAT much better than me with a 3.7. So I replied "They're improving greatly. 6 years ago the avg. GPA was 2.5 and now its 3.4, that's just amazing!" Then she said "It's still not good enough. If i go to a college and people ask me where I go and they haven't heard of it that's a BAD thing." I bit my tongue and politely said "My Theory is that it doesn't matter how well known the college is. If you're good, you'll be successful no matter what college you go to." And she said "No. I have to go to some place like UVA or Virginia Tech." This is not just her parents insistence, this is HER too. I just felt very insulted, which is difficult for someone to do to me.

But there's more. This weekend her parents are out of town so we're letting her stay at our house Friday and Saturday nights. So, because her parents are gone, she's going to have a party at her house with alcohol involved. First of all, I'm VERY uncomfortable about that. If my parents found out they'd KILL us, even if I refuse to drink (which I will refuse to do). All this in one day is a little overwhelming. Ugh

 

[nurse chrissi]

Don't worry about it - senior year is just tough all the way around - everyone has their shackles up/defensive. It takes a strong person to not rise to their bait (which is you )
Remember that the college does not make you - you make the college what you want - if you are unhappy after your freshman year you can always transfer - your freshman year is a magical time - you really have not yet decided what you want to be when you grow up and you are being exposed to so many new and interesting ideas/people - just enjoy this time and don't let someone who clearly wasn't thinking like a friend get you down.


On the second subject - if you are uncomfortable - don't go. Intuition is a strong thing - trust it.

 

[U2democrat]

On the second subject - if you are uncomfortable - don't go. Intuition is a strong thing - trust it.

I wouldn't go but...what am I going to tell my parents if I'm not with her? Our excuse is that we're going to be at her house to "take care of her dog," and they know we do everything together. Am I going to stay home and say "well she's throwing a drinking party"? I just don't know what to do.

 

[Liesje]

Yeah, don't go. Seriously. It sounds like you don't like to drink which is fine, but that doesn't mean you're not in trouble if the cops show up. They don't care who's drinking, they only care that there's alcohol and underage kids.

That girl sounds like she has some issues with her self confidence or something. I mean, maybe if she had near a 4.0 she'd have something to talk about, but whatever Besides, even if she does go to the same school, chances are you'll meet new, better friends when you get there anyway.

 

[Liesje]

I wouldn't go but...what am I going to tell my parents if I'm not with her? Our excuse is that we're going to be at her house to "take care of her dog," and they know we do everything together. Am I going to stay home and say "well she's throwing a drinking party"? I just don't know what to do.

Yeah, why not? I mean, if she gets her ass busted, you're going down with her and both sets of parents will find out. Or maybe you can just have some people over to chill or go out or something besides a booze fest?

 

[U2democrat]

I'm thinking I'll go to her house, and it starts to get uncomfortable (which will probably be when the first alcoholic beverage comes out) I'll go out and drive around, browse target, best buy, barnes and noble. I think i'll also tell her that i'm 99.9% postive that if there is alcohol, even if we don't drink it, my parents WILL smell it on us. Our neighbor smokes, and every day they complain about how strong the smell of smoke is inside the house, and that's when our neighbor smokes! They're naive parents, but they're not oblivious.

 

[Liesje]

Um, yeah, they will smell it (unless you bathe in bleach or have super dense parents). My bro used to try the old cologne trick. Like we didn't all wonder why Drew came in reaking like the fragrance counter at Walmart ......

What her place gets trashed? Just don't get yourself stuck picking up after her.

 

[U2democrat]

I was thinking about her house getting messed up too. What is she thinking? Simple. She's not. The weird thing is this is SO not like her at all. She may think I'm a goody-goody but you know what? I don't want to get busted by the cops, my parents, or just plain drunk. I almost have a perverse hope that her parents will recognize what she did when they get back on Sunday. It'll take something to make her realize that what she's doing is stupid, and if I lecture her she'll just lose her temper (which is shorter than a millimeter). This kind of stuff doesn't usually happen to me.....my life is usually dull and placid!

 

[Liesje]

Just tell her she can't use you as her alibi. I mean, you don't have to tell her parents or your parents, but just tell her you're not coming and she can find someone else to lie for her.

 

[U2democrat]

Yeah I'm going to talk to her about it tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. Most likely it'll end up her losing her temper (which as I said is VERY easy) and she won't talk to me which will suck since we're spending the whole weekend together. Talking to her is VERY difficult, not just for me but for all of her friends. They've tried to confront her about her temper, but they did it in such a way that it made everything worse. Several times last year she would start screaming at me in class because I would try to comfort her if she was having trouble in school or one time when we were told we had to have a group with a freshman. She started screaming every cuss word in the book at me. I remained calm (i'm mellow by nature) and the more i tried to comfort her the more she screamed. So confronting her about my feelings about this party will be very difficult.

 

[u2bonogirl]

if you want to cover for her but not go then i guess thats okay. after the college comment though i dont know why you would want to do anything nice for her anyway....
just leave the house and not go to your friends. go to all those stores! i love them!! browse through all the music at best buy and look for a u2 calendar at barnes. dont get busted right before college for somebody who just stomped on you verbally

 

[U2democrat]

oh i'll browse those stores for sure! i have an addiction to buying CDs, and it'll be a nice distraction.

 

[kellyahern]

I wouldn't go either, it just sounds like it's not going to end up very well

Maybe you can pretend you're sick or have a really bad headache and that way you won't have to go?

 

[U2democrat]

well i just emailed her telling her how i felt about the party. i'll be very interested to hear her response. i told her i wasn't telling her not to throw it, but that my parents WOULD smell it on us even if we didn't drink, and i'll probably browse barnes and noble and target during the party. we'll se how that goes.

 

[Liesje]

Sounds good. I mean, you don't have to totally rat her out, but it sounds like you don't even want to go at all, so e-mailing her was probably best. Then if she gets in trouble, you won't be part of it, but she can't call you a tattle tale.

 

[verte76]

Ugh. This situation sounds like a pain in the . I wouldn't go to the party if she's going to have alcohol there. I haven't had a drink in ages--I just don't like to do it, it's not a moral thing or whatever--but yes, you definitely smell it on someone's breath.

 

[U2democrat]

phew. i just got a response from my friend. she said that her idea to have the party was stupid and isn't going to do it. i knew she'd come around, she's smarter than that.

 

[U2Kitten]

Those parties are stupid, potentially dangerous and troublesome. And such good memories 20 years later. (as long as nothing goes wrong)

Talk about bluntly insulted, I was driving down the road with a relative who was talking about house hunting. She told me about a neighborhood she was looking at where the houses were pretty and the people were so nice, but she didn't want to buy into it because the houses were so inexpensive that the people who lived there couldn't possibly be 'worth a shit.' She said this, knowing I couldn't even begin to afford to live where she said the people were not 'worth a shit'- so what does that make me, below shit? I don't think it was a slip either, my family is famous for subtle putdowns like that and later deny any malicious intent. I don't believe it. It's a shame some people have to build their self esteem by insulting others

 

[verte76]

I know some people who live and die off of insulting other people. It's a dysfunctional sort of personality, these people are mainly a pain in the . I try not to fool with them any more than I have to. Ugh.

 

[U2Kitten]

I know some people who live and die off of insulting other people. It's a dysfunctional sort of personality, these people are mainly a pain in the . I try not to fool with them any more than I have to. Ugh.

Thank you! I hope everyone who has been victimized by those types will come to realize this, that people who do that are the ones with the problem, not you!

 

[verte76]

Thank you! I hope everyone who has been victimized by those types will come to realize this, that people who do that are the ones with the problem, not you!

I have been fd by people like this. They only find fault in everyone and everything. Ugh.

 

[U2democrat]

Its very rare that someone insults me. And when they do I usually remain cool and calm and eventually forget about it.

 

[verte76]

Its very rare that someone insults me. And when they do I usually remain cool and calm and eventually forget about it.

I wish I could say that. Unfortunately I've let some of these people play all sorts of head games on me. One time some told me I was a pain to teach dance to. I was so hurt by the insult that I quit dance classes and gave all of my source material away.

 

[U2democrat]

Aw poor verte! Don't let the bastards drag you down!

 

[verte76]

Well, actually it didn't help me with the dance situation when I started having really bad problems with my ankle, going through a number of second-degree sprains (that means torn ligaments....ouch!!). That screwed me big time. The worst thing about ankle sprains is that they really don't heal. Once you've torn those ligaments your ankle is toast. Most recently I sprained the stupid ankle at the Cleveland U2 Fan Celebration in June of 2003 while walking back to the hotel from the Hard Rock Cafe.

 

[Mark Freedman]

U2democrat, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I'm glad you took the stand that you did. Just be yourself. It sounds like you were a good influence on your friend. Your e-mail may have convinced her not to throw that party.

You sound like my daughter. She just started college, and she complains that all everyone wants to do is party. She had a drink or two at a couple of parties, but felt it wasn't worth getting busted. So she just wants to focus on school.

Don't let some idiotic comments make you feel bad about your college choice. It's an exciting time, and you should not let the bastards grind you down

 

[indra]

Those parties are stupid, potentially dangerous and troublesome. And such good memories 20 years later. (as long as nothing goes wrong)

Talk about bluntly insulted, I was driving down the road with a relative who was talking about house hunting. She told me about a neighborhood she was looking at where the houses were pretty and the people were so nice, but she didn't want to buy into it because the houses were so inexpensive that the people who lived there couldn't possibly be 'worth a shit.' She said this, knowing I couldn't even begin to afford to live where she said the people were not 'worth a shit'- so what does that make me, below shit? I don't think it was a slip either, my family is famous for subtle putdowns like that and later deny any malicious intent. I don't believe it. It's a shame some people have to build their self esteem by insulting others

Yeah, my relatives on my dad's side are the same way. Of course, that's why I haven't dealt with them since his death over 10 years ago. Just much better that way. Can't say I miss any of them either.

 

[Scarletwine]

U2Democrat,

I'm very glad the party issue is solved. I grew up in Hampton and my brother graduated from Christopher Newport as did my best friend (I went to ODU before moving to OH). She then went W&M to get her Masters in Ed. It is a very good school and has been much improved over the last ten years. My brother is a senior account exec at Fed Ex so he has done well also. The local contacts he made have been invaluable.

So have a great time at school this fall and enjoy the perks being near the beach, Williamsburg, and the social life in Norfolk and Va Beach. I had a blast in the day.

 

[U2democrat]

Thanks for all this support, its great! One thing I like about Christopher Newport is that it is a "dry" campus, meaning no alcohol allowed. Getting wasted in order to have fun and then not remembering it the next day and feeling like crap doesn't seem worth it to me when you can have just as much fun when you're straight.

 

[verte76]

Thanks for all this support, its great! One thing I like about Christopher Newport is that it is a "dry" campus, meaning no alcohol allowed. Getting wasted in order to have fun and then not remembering it the next day and feeling like crap doesn't seem worth it to me when you can have just as much fun when you're straight.

That's very true. It's really insane. It's also downright dangerous. DUI's and such are not cool.