Settle This Argument

[xtal]

I've recently changed my last name, due to the fact that I was not named after my biological father- which I should have been. Yesterday my friend questioned my decision, saying that I should stick with the last name my mother gave me, which WAS her maiden name- and she does not go by it anymore. My friend also went on to say that I should only recognize my mom's side of the family because I am closer to them. The real fact is, my father was murdered when I was only 6 and the remainder of his family kept in touch with me until they all died. I still talk to my dad's widow to this day.
I asked my friend for an apology because I think it is rude and out of her place, considering she didn't know my father or his family, and she hardly knows my mother's side.

She refuses to admit she was wrong and said, "If your father really wanted you, he would have hired a lawyer and got full custody of you" which I find intrusive and hurtful. It's basically saying, "If your father was a good father who loved you...then he would have got custody."
Who is wrong? Who owes who an apology?

 

[kellyahern]

I think your friend owes you an apology. It's none of her business and you know your family best.

 

[U2Kitten]

I'm on your side too

 

[U2democrat]

I think your friend owes you an apology. It's none of her business and you know your family best.

I agree. And I also think that changing your last name to his is a nice way to honor him. She's not your nor a member of your family, and i think you are 100% correct.

 

[xtal]

She STILL refuses to say she was wrong or rude and that she knows best because she is a parent and she is entitled to her opinion! I cannot convince her otherwise!!!! Regardless of other's opinions!
She also said, "I don't have to respect your dad, regardless if he is alive or not. Just because he's dead doesn't mean he was a good father. I know, because I am a parent, that if he wanted to be a part of your life and raise you by himself, he would have gotten a lawyer and got custody, I don't think that is rude, it's the truth. Why are you being so defensive?"
Grr...

 

[strannix]

Some people can be just really f-ing obnoxious. Is it possible that she has unresolved father issues herself?

 

[u2bonogirl]

my mom gave me away when i was one.
she gave me to my dad and said she didnt want me anymore.
that is real abandonment.
what you have doesnt sound like that to me
im on your side babe, do what your heart says is right.

we all have parent ussues i think, and its not somebodys place to try and tell you whats wrong with your parents just because they are one.
we all have asses
doesnt mean we should tell others how to wipe them

 

[Liesje]

She refuses to admit she was wrong and said, "If your father really wanted you, he would have hired a lawyer and got full custody of you" which I find intrusive and hurtful. It's basically saying, "If your father was a good father who loved you...then he would have got custody."

Oh, God! I hope for the sake of her kid(s) she never gets unto a custody battle!

She owes you an apology! I wouldn't SPEAK to her until she can understand how rediculous her statements were.

 

[verte76]

I think you're right. Your friend owes you an apology. It's *your* name, and you know what you want. So go for it!

 

[martha]

I think you need a new friend. Perhaps one who supports and respects your difficult choices.

 

[meegannie]

I think your friend owes you an apology. It's none of her business and you know your family best.

What a hurtful and narrow-minded thing of your friend to say.

 

[youtwohearts]

It is none of your friends business as to why you changed your name. It is what you felt and that is very admirable.

 

[u2granny]

Why on earth would your friend care? She owes you an apology. Find some new friends.

 

[xtal]

Oh, for the record, my father and I were close. That is why it bothers me so much that she says that he didn't care about me. What hurts even more is that he's not here to defend himself.
I miss my father every day of my life. And everytime I cry, I get comfort from somewhere up above. I know he is watching me, and I know he continues to watch and protect.
I started becoming a U2 fan, oddly enough, about the age of 14. Years later my dad's widow told me that my dad loved U2, had an album that he played over and over! I didn't even know this! Later, after finding out Bono was a born again Christian, I became a Born Again myself- after not being able to choose between my mom's Protestantism and my dad's Catholicism (oddly like Bono!) And then later finding out that my dad also abandoned Catholicism and opted for being a Born Again!
In the meantime, I'm not holding my breath for an apology. She won't ever give one. It's no wonder that she has 3 small children that the fathers don't want to have anything to do with, and it's not the children they have a problem with, it's HER. She will spend the rest of her life alone, alone, alone.

 

[xtal]

OH HA HA HA, f***ing hell, I just talked to her again, and she says I owe HER an apology. Not only is she unintelligent, tactless, inconsiderate, and lacking in common sense, she is a raging lunatic!!!

Jade raises hand, "Need new friend here."

 

[Liesje]

Wow, I feel bad for her kids Again, I would not consider speaking to her until she comes around, IF she comes around.

 

[BonoFox1]

That was so wrong..and like you said....Tactless...You don't need firends like her.Shoe would never be of any emotional support to you in the any situation if she cant respect your decision..especially something as personal as this....