bluephisto
War Child
I dunno why or HOW this came to me ... but there are just some things in life you have to think about .... world peace, the meaning of life ... and U2's on the road bathroom stories.
*WARNING!! THIS WAS WRITTEN WHEN BLUEY WAS VERY CAFFINE DEPRIVED AND MAY THEREFORE MAKE NO SENSE*
*Bono walks up to the sink in fuzzy lemon jammies. He looks very beat up, his hair resembles a slightly thinner version of BADGER-HEAD of the eighties ... roadkill badger hair that is. He squints into the light and turns on the faucet, running a yellow toothbrush under the water and just humming as with the other hand he inserts an IV drip of coffee into a vien in his arm. Slowly, the bono comes to life. His eyes widen and he starts to bop around the bathroom a little. singing under his breath. *
Bono: La la la la la la....
*With a sudden, charismatic flourish, Bono flicks the switch on his electric toothbrush and smiles at the oscillating fibers at the end*
Bono: *sings* My toothbrush with the spinnin' head ... la la la la *gets louder* LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA MY TOOTHBRUSH WITH THE SPINNIN' HEAAD!!!!
*Larry enters the bathroom, looking annoyed*
Larry: Shut yer gob.
Bono: *stops singing. Shuts off toothbrush* Mornin to you too.
*Larry takes his robe off and reaches in the medicine cabinet for a tub of what is only labelled as "Moob Polish"*
Larry: I thought Edge took that caffine drip away from you.
Bono: *looks innocent* Oh, THAT'S why it was chained up in his closet behind a filing cabinet with a sign that said "BONO GO AWAY" ... I see. I thought maybe I just left it there by mistake.
*larry wanders away with his moob polish shaking his head. Bono turns his toothbrush on again*
Bono: *sings* I got colgaaaate, cause I ate pie again, it's in my dental plaaate, I need some fluoride and then .... Mmmmmm mmmyyyy tooothbrush with the spinnin' heaaad...la la la-
Edge: Hey Bono.
Bono: EDGE!!!
*he jumps in front of the coffee drip IV, hiding it poorly behind his back. For some reason, Edge is wearing a cowboy hat and astro-boy jammies. Don't ask why.*
Edge: *sigh* What is that?
Bono: *mouth full of toothpaste* Hmm?
Edge: You went into my closet didn't you?
Bono: Closet?
Edge: Bono, you took stuff from my closet, didn't you?
Bono: *pretending not to understand* I took you out of the closet?
Random PLEBA reporter: EDGE IS GAY!!!???? *snaps pic, hits ejector seat button and is removed from the scene via trap door in the ceiling*
Edge: What the Hell was that?
Bono: You better follow and find out. Go on rocket-boy.
Edge: *back to his previous inquiry* You're on the coffee again aren't you?
Bono: *feebly* No... *Juan Valdez comes to the bathroom door with his donkey*
Juan: Oh, Meester Bono? Your package is here and I... *he sees Bono's desperate GO AWAY motions and sneaks off with his mule*
Edge: *SIGH* Give me that. *he snatches the coffee away*
*Adam, replendecsent in a silk smoking jacket, sticks his head in the door*
Adam: What's going on?
Bono: Edge is taking my coffee.
Larry, Adam, Edge: GOOD!
Bono: Wankers. *sulk*
Adam: Oh, say, have any of you seen a small mexican man with a mule and a package of ... something?
Edge: He just left.
Adam: Damn. That was mine. *rushes off* You didn't hear that!!
Edge: Course not. *he leaves the bathroom with the coffee IV, shutting the door* You're locked in until you "come down" a little.
Bono: *alone* Edge? Eeedggee? *pause* Just a little. I can stop at any time ... I swear ... *pause, he leans against the door* Just a little french roast? A latte? *shudder* Instant? *he sighs* How am I supposed to SAVE THE WORLD ON DECAF???!!!!????
*he accepts that he won't be let out for a while and returns to his toothbrush as the sounds of an angry mule running amok outside filter in under the closed door*
Bono: *singing* La la la la la la la la la la la... *flicks his toothbrush on*
*WARNING!! THIS WAS WRITTEN WHEN BLUEY WAS VERY CAFFINE DEPRIVED AND MAY THEREFORE MAKE NO SENSE*
*Bono walks up to the sink in fuzzy lemon jammies. He looks very beat up, his hair resembles a slightly thinner version of BADGER-HEAD of the eighties ... roadkill badger hair that is. He squints into the light and turns on the faucet, running a yellow toothbrush under the water and just humming as with the other hand he inserts an IV drip of coffee into a vien in his arm. Slowly, the bono comes to life. His eyes widen and he starts to bop around the bathroom a little. singing under his breath. *
Bono: La la la la la la....
*With a sudden, charismatic flourish, Bono flicks the switch on his electric toothbrush and smiles at the oscillating fibers at the end*
Bono: *sings* My toothbrush with the spinnin' head ... la la la la *gets louder* LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA MY TOOTHBRUSH WITH THE SPINNIN' HEAAD!!!!
*Larry enters the bathroom, looking annoyed*
Larry: Shut yer gob.
Bono: *stops singing. Shuts off toothbrush* Mornin to you too.
*Larry takes his robe off and reaches in the medicine cabinet for a tub of what is only labelled as "Moob Polish"*
Larry: I thought Edge took that caffine drip away from you.
Bono: *looks innocent* Oh, THAT'S why it was chained up in his closet behind a filing cabinet with a sign that said "BONO GO AWAY" ... I see. I thought maybe I just left it there by mistake.
*larry wanders away with his moob polish shaking his head. Bono turns his toothbrush on again*
Bono: *sings* I got colgaaaate, cause I ate pie again, it's in my dental plaaate, I need some fluoride and then .... Mmmmmm mmmyyyy tooothbrush with the spinnin' heaaad...la la la-
Edge: Hey Bono.
Bono: EDGE!!!
*he jumps in front of the coffee drip IV, hiding it poorly behind his back. For some reason, Edge is wearing a cowboy hat and astro-boy jammies. Don't ask why.*
Edge: *sigh* What is that?
Bono: *mouth full of toothpaste* Hmm?
Edge: You went into my closet didn't you?
Bono: Closet?
Edge: Bono, you took stuff from my closet, didn't you?
Bono: *pretending not to understand* I took you out of the closet?
Random PLEBA reporter: EDGE IS GAY!!!???? *snaps pic, hits ejector seat button and is removed from the scene via trap door in the ceiling*
Edge: What the Hell was that?
Bono: You better follow and find out. Go on rocket-boy.
Edge: *back to his previous inquiry* You're on the coffee again aren't you?
Bono: *feebly* No... *Juan Valdez comes to the bathroom door with his donkey*
Juan: Oh, Meester Bono? Your package is here and I... *he sees Bono's desperate GO AWAY motions and sneaks off with his mule*
Edge: *SIGH* Give me that. *he snatches the coffee away*
*Adam, replendecsent in a silk smoking jacket, sticks his head in the door*
Adam: What's going on?
Bono: Edge is taking my coffee.
Larry, Adam, Edge: GOOD!
Bono: Wankers. *sulk*
Adam: Oh, say, have any of you seen a small mexican man with a mule and a package of ... something?
Edge: He just left.
Adam: Damn. That was mine. *rushes off* You didn't hear that!!
Edge: Course not. *he leaves the bathroom with the coffee IV, shutting the door* You're locked in until you "come down" a little.
Bono: *alone* Edge? Eeedggee? *pause* Just a little. I can stop at any time ... I swear ... *pause, he leans against the door* Just a little french roast? A latte? *shudder* Instant? *he sighs* How am I supposed to SAVE THE WORLD ON DECAF???!!!!????
*he accepts that he won't be let out for a while and returns to his toothbrush as the sounds of an angry mule running amok outside filter in under the closed door*
Bono: *singing* La la la la la la la la la la la... *flicks his toothbrush on*
THat was a pretty good story!!!!
