PLEBAn Girl Love - Chapter 5

[kafrun]

Disclaimer: I do not own U2, PLEBAns, Interference, etc.
This chapter will be split into 2 or 3 posts due to the 10 images/post rule ><
PS - A big thanks to everyone who's been replying, PM'ing and giving me feedback. I love hearing that people are enjoying it and getting a good laugh out of it. It makes my day and pushes me to keep writing : D Luvoo PLEBAns! *GROUPHUG*


It was a lazy afternoon in the U2 camp. The boys were chatting away on MSN when they ought to have been doing other things. You know - making an album, announcing tour dates, that kinda thing..

A rock star is a person in your neighborhood - I try to get along with him, but he starts up with me. Derailing my threads, slagging my lyrics, and now
the moob-off!
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - Yeah, about that.. What the hell is a moob-off??
A rock star is a person in your neighborhood - He's trying to out moob-me!
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - Que?
A man should not be forced to wear pants when it's not cold - How can one be out-moobed?
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - Look, it's neither here nor there. The point is I want you two to quit bickering in the threads.
Lardence has been added to the conversation!
Lardence - What?
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - Nothing. Just thought perhaps we could all have a nice, friendly conversation.
Lardence - k
Lardence - Just tell the little one not to flood the screen with smilies.
A rock star is a person in your neighborhood - You're no fun LMJ. Even your screenname bores me.
Lardence - Bono.. Even your EVERYTHING hurts my brain.
Impossible to rhyme with - Better?
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - :O
A man should not be forced to wear pants when it's not cold - I don't get it.
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - Don't you remember the Conan O'Brian show?
A man should not be forced to wear pants when it's not cold - Oh that tall, funny-looking fellow.
A rock star is a person in your neighborhood - I want those shiny outfits we got to wear in the Year 2000 sketch : D
Impossible to rhyme with - Adam, were you even paying attention that night?
A man should not be forced to wear pants when it's not cold - Probably not. If I'm not actually playing, I'm likely thinking about watering my cabbages or something like that.
Impossible to rhyme with has left the conversation


Larry lazily rolled his cigarette back and forth across his lips as he scanned through the PGL boards. The fingers of his left hand drummed the surfaces of anything within reach while the fingers of the right hand maneuvered the mouse. As he got about halfway down the page, he noticed a new thread that Bono had made.


'JOIN THE ONE CAMPAIGN TODAY!!!!!!!!"


Larry took a hard drag of his cig and inhaled the sweet nicotine deep into his lungs. 'Ah yes.. flood my bloodstream with endorphins and make the stupid go away' he thought. He scrolled down a bit further only to find yet another thread by Bono.


'JOIN THE RED CAMPAIGN TODAY!!!!!!!!1"


Larry thought that if he stayed quiet enough, he might possibly hear the sounds of his brain cells exploding. He clicked the link to see just what this was all about. What met his eyes was a huge block of unedited, random, rambling text. 'My god" Larry thought, 'Is it really necessary to use THAT many exclamation points?' Once again, he couldn't resist clicking the 'reply' button.


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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are only four people on this entire board. FOUR PEOPLE. And we all already know EVERYTHING there is to know about the Boring Campaign.
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PS:

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He abandoned the thread and opened up his photobucket account. 'Time to add to the Babydoll neck thread,' he decided. Nothing would distract him quicker than that. As he was gathering pics, an MSN IM popped up.


###Edge - I heart Urkle### - How many warnings have I given you now? Quit going after Bono!
Impossible to rhyme with - I can't help it! I can't stand Bono's bloody campaigning. I don't want to hear anymore about the So Boring It Makes Larry Want To Stab Himself In The
Ear Campaign ><
A man should not be forced to wear pants when it's not cold has been added to the conversation!
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - The man is passionate about what he does, you've got to give him that.
Impossible to rhyme with - I swear, many nights I thought killing meself might be a more appealing alternative to listening to another Bono speech.
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - :O Don't say those kinds of things.
Impossible to rhyme with - No really! It could be fun.
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - Err, fun?
Impossible to rhyme with - Sure. Death by PLEBAns >: )
A man should not be forced to wear pants when it's not cold - Ooooh, how might that work?
Impossible to rhyme with - I don't know, but I've thought quite a lot about it(Usually in the free hour or so I have during Bono's speech). My favorite method? Ripping off me
shirt, dipping meself in chocolate sauce, and throwing meself into a crowd of PLEBAns that have been starved for a week of food and U2 pictures.
A man should not be forced to wear pants when it's not cold - Oh I like that actually.. I mean, if I wanted to do myself in that is.
###Edge - I heart Urkle### - I'm afraid to ask about your other methods :O


Larry minimized the chat and continued on to the 'Babydoll neck' thread..
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes sir. That's enough neck to feed a man for a week
(Author's note: At this point in reading the chapter, Babydoll will die of spontaneous combustion. Please send your condolences to her family.)
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woah woah woah! Who is THAT and why haven't I noticed her yet? Her hair is so shiney!
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bono, get out of my bleedin' thread.
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You posted in my Shiny thread
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah, to tell you how useless it was.
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, but you still posted in it!
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You have billions of PLEBAns drooling over you(god knows why), let the rest of us enjoy what we can.
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 338108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry, Lar. Didn't know you can OWN PLEBAns ><
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
o_O You just don't get it.
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pff, I get it! Cause..

What specifically were you referring to?
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hah!
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Huh?
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quit trying to confuse me! ><
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But it's so easy
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You miserable git! Good thing I'm reasonably nice guy, otherwise I'd have to tell you what I REALLY think of you ><
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ClaytonInDayton
Status - ZooArmy
Posts - 1794
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come on now, lads. Let's all remember why we're here.
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shut up, Adam!
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ClaytonInDayton
Status - ZooArmy
Posts - 1794
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please tell me, Bono Tell me what you REALLY think of me.
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not getting in trouble for you :P
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think you should. I think you should go right ahead and tell me what you REALLY think of me.
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, but do me a favor and try to keep it under 10 minutes. This is not a bloody One speech. kthx.
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
F*** it! You want to know what I REALLY think of you??
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yep.
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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OKAY I'LL TELL YOU!!
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Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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BonoVoxSuperstar
Status - ZooAddict
Posts - 38108
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*CENSORED - This post has been edited by MrTheEdgeToYou*

[kafrun]

And so a new entry was added to the 'Banned/suspended members thread':
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MrTheEdgeToYou
Status - Forum Moderator
Posts - 2114
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Member: BonoVoxSuperstar
Status: Temporary Suspension
Reason: Profanity, vulgarity, excessive use of capslock, and furthermore, that just ain't right! Member will be allowed back
if he complies with the terms of his suspension.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lardence
Status - ZooBaby
Posts - 347
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Bono slammed his keyboard on the desk and let out an ugly stream of curses. "#%$@#*LARRY*^&@#*@#MULLEN&^@#%&^!! GAH!!" He sighed heavily and stared at the computer screen. Now what? 'Edge, you jerk,' he thought to himself. 'That's it.. I'm going to march right over to Edge's house, knock on the door, look him straight in the eye and - err.. okay maybe not.' He sighed again. Well. They could take away his PGL, but they couldn't take away PLEBA. He repositioned the keyboard and clicked the link to Interference. Bono went straight to the PGP to catch up on his lovely PLEBAn's daily chatter.


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WildHoney -
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VintagePunk -
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Dismantled -
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Sad_Girl -
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Drea -
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Dismantled -
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VintagePunk
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Galeongirl -
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Sad_Girl -
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Bono grinned to himself. Nothing better than lurking in the PGP. He loved his cheeky PLEBAns. He tried as best he could to follow the fast-paced chat, but it proved to be challenging. It was so tempting to join in. Of course that wouldn't be possible, so silently he lurked and watch the thread go by. Oh so tempting. Bono decided he needed a break from the temptation and hopped over to Everything You Know Is Wrong. 'General U2 discussion'. Well that surely would be interesting.


"BONO SUCKS!!" "STFU AND SING BONO!" "Lyrics - crap" "Stupid cowboy hat"


'ACK!' Bono quickly hurried away from that forum and headed back to nice, safe PLEBA. He settled back in to watched the PGP go by. It just wasn't the same though. Not being able to then go to PGL and discuss the daily goings-on of PLEBAns with his mates. He pouted. Oh how he wanted to join in. 'So....... why can't I?' he wondered to himself. He mulled it over, but really couldn't think of a good reason why not to. The rest of the guys had warned him not to post on Interference, but they'd never given him a good reason. Suddenly, Bono found himself perking up. His mind was made up. He clicked on the link to create an account and went to work filling out his profile.


Screenname - Bono
Homepage - U2.com
MSN Screenname - BonoVox~*
Birthdate - May 10 1960
Biography- The one by Michka Assayas is particularily good.
Gender - Boy
Location - Dublin
Interests - Music, women, traveling, shinies, Africa, sunglasses, beachballs, women, parties, Adam Clayton, shoes, anything female.
Occupation - Frontman/traveling salesman
Favorite U2 album - The really great one we haven't written yet.
Favorite U2 song - Any that I wrote!
Favorite U2 lyric - Any that I wrote : )
Favorite U2 band members - Any of em but Mullen!
I was introduced to U2 by - Larry Mullen.. *backspace, backspace, backspace* Larry F***ING Mullen Jr.
U2 shows I've seen - All of them!
Have you met U2? - Yes!


Bono bounced in his seat. Now to choose an avatar. He looked through the gallery of generic avatars and scratched his head. So many pictures of himself. What to choose? To tell the truth, he didn't even remember half of the pictures being taken! The anticipation of joining the PGP was all too much though, so he chose the first one of himself and hurriedly went back to the PGP. Oh, this would be good! Finally, he could connect with his beloved PLEBAns. Oh the love he would get! Oh the adulation! He read the last few posts and pondered his opening line. What to say? How to make his entrance? He clicked the "reply" button.

[kafrun]

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Bono
Hello PLEBAns!! This is Bono : )
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Dismantled
Well hello, Bono
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Bono
Dis
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Galeongirl
OMG, Bono! *hugs and snogs* lol
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Drea
Hey Bono *g*
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Bono
Wow, I'm so glad I finally get to talk to all of you
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WildHoney
As are we Bono, hehe.
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Bono
And I just wanted to say I'm so glad you finally posted you pic, Galeongirl : )
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Sad_Girl
How are you today, Bono?
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Bono
Oh fine, except Larry and now Edge are being big jerks. So I came here instead : )
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VintagePunk

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Dismantled
Welcome to PLEBA, Bono ; ) Where are ya from?
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Bono
Well Dublin, naturally : )
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WildHoney
lol, uh huh
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Bono
The boys and I are working on a new album there actually!
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Galeongirl
Uhhh huh.
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Bono
We're having a bit of trouble with one track, but otherwise it's coming along quite nicely.
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Drea
So when's it going to be released? 2015? *snerk*
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Bono
Oh no, much sooner. Likely sometime next year : )
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Galeongirl
Ummm, ok. The act is starting to wear thin now.
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Bono
Act?
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Sad_Girl
You don't think we REALLY believe that you're Bono, do you?
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Bono
But.. I am : (
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WildHoney
Yyyyeah. Ok, buddy.
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Dismantled
*cough*Troll*cough*
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Bono
But... I'm really REALLY Bono!
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VintagePunk
Right. Cause Bono would really have time to come online and chat with us.
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Bono
But I really do! I got banned from our personal U2 forum by Edge cause Larry was being a jerk and I didn't have any speeches scheduled for today, so I really did come online to chat with you!
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WildHoney
Err, personal U2 forum?
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Galeongirl
How dare you impersonate Bono! ><
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Bono
ACK! No, please, you have to believe me! What do I need to do to prove myself to you?
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Dismantled
Come over to my house, lol!
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Bono
Okay, hang on. Let me get something to write down your address with. I'll see if I can get the jet fired up for this afternoon.
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Sad_Girl

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WildHoney

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Dismantled
Okay, my address is 123 Go****yourself, asshat ><
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Bono
Is that a real street? What country is that in? What's an asshat??
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Galeongirl
Alright, Mr. FAKEBono. Answer this: What colour underwear did you wear on the boat in St. Tropez in 2003??
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Bono
You expect me to remember what underwear I wore in St. Tropez? I can't even remember my own lyrics!
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Galeongirl
Pfff, FAKE!!
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VintagePunk
Uh, ok. Consider yourself reported, buddy. Impersonating U2 is a bannable offense here
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ACK!!!!!!! Bono panicked and shut down the window and turned off the computer. Not PLEBA too! If he didn't have PLEBAns, he didn't have anything.

[bono_212]

that was fantastic

[U2MaNaIcWeIdO]

I feel bad for Bono being banned from both the personal U2 forum AND PGP

*runs towards Bono and tries to comfort him *

[Rochelle D]

great chapter

(Author's note: At this point in reading the chapter, Babydoll will die of spontaneous combustion. Please send your condolences to her family.)

Dear Babydoll's family,
Im sorry for you horrible loss, But Im sure Babydoll's combustion was a happy one, I guess Larry has that pull over many girls

With lots of Love Rochelle D

[DreamOutLoud13]

Oh my God, Kafrun! You've outdone yourself this time! Bravo! Bravo! **standing ovation** etc.

[Babydoll]

roflmao!!

[Thora]

Hilarious! 5 stars! Two thumbs up! kafrun, you rock, my dear! This is the funniest story I've read in a while. Thanks for making me snort and laugh out loud while I'm at work. Now one of my co-workers wants to know what's so funny, but she totally won't understand.

[Dismantled]

omg I was so mean to bono..I called him an asshat

That was great

[Galeongirl]

I will NOT forgive you for this.


ofcourse Bono wouldn't know his color of undies... I'd be surprised if he'd buy his own ones and pays attention to the color... and I'd consider him fake if he DID remember... since.. then the person has seen the pic no?


for being mean to Bono!

[Sad_Girl]

Sad_Girl: Larry was being a jerk? You expect us to believe that?



Thanks for this, it made my day!

[scha]

Here I'm sending my condolences to Babydoll's family . I just have to add:
Pleasepleasepleaseplease don't try to take revenge on Kafrun for your beloved daughter....Think about how many innocent (*cough*) PLEBAns would die too if she weren't allowed to continue her story...!

[Carmelu2fan]

It has been a hot miserable day...Thank you Kaf that was some wicked funny stuff

[youvedonewhat]

Ok, this is so unusual, so freakin' funny. I'm sat here laffing away to myself when hubby comes in and looks at me like I just escaped the Funny Farm...geez, this is so well written and thought out. I really do think you should try your hand at script writing for tv etc..

Well done..

[Merc]

Originally posted by kafrun

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Bono
You expect me to remember what underwear I wore in St. Tropez? I can't even remember my own lyrics!
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Kafrun, I really, really looove this fanfic - it's great!!!

Just have one correction to Bono's profile - he has actually said once himself that he has never seen a U2 show, but he would love to see one some day!

[Babydoll]

*struggles for breath*

I.... am.... still.... alive.... but barely.....Kaf, you kill me... Larry saying that about MY NECK?????????????

*almost dies again*

WAIT! I'm still breathing... *reads chapter again*

ok, going, going..... gone.

*Silence*

[Galeongirl]

*is still NOT talking to you*

[WildHoney]

Awesome

[kafrun]

Originally posted by youvedonewhat
I really do think you should try your hand at script writing for tv etc..

I doubt I'm that good, but I'm flattered that you think so


PS - Chapter 6 is on the way I know I've been taking my sweet time