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CeeCee said:


Sok. Just checking. My rents went to bed hours ago. *nods* I however was up till 6:30 this morning and then slept till 5:30 so... I'm still awake. I know I should take that application back tomorrow but it's supposed to be 205 outside with the heat index. And my truck doens't have AC and needs gas so... I'd have to talk to dad about getting it gas moeny or wait until Mom's day off and take her car. Which will have both gas and AC

That really sucks! I don't want to go out either, but we have to have food. We won't have anything for lunch if we don't go to the store after breakfast. Luckily my tank aka suburban has air. And gas, since I'm totally broke. :giggle: We are getting $50 worth of groceries, which isn't much. I have a feeling we will be eating alot of top ramon and PB & J this week.
 
Man I'm gonna start pounding my head on the keyboard! ARGH! This stupid Java program is taking forever to download. I need the damn thing to run limewire.

And Mr. Cat is tossing and turning. He is driving me nuts. He's gotten up to smoke already twice. :angry: I've offered him a sleeping pill, but he doesn't want it.
 
I know some nice recipies, depending on what you're into. *nods* Like hamberger soup or hamberger gravey stuff like that. Good ole speghetti os. I'm tyring ot get grocery money off my father so I can get soem tuna/chicken helper while it's on sale at the grocery store. 10 for 10. Not too bad. He brought home some short ribs tonight. Poor thing has no concept on meat. I can probably get a halfway decent stirfry out of them but nothing more.

Maybe Mr. Cat has something on his mind so he can't rest? Personally, when I can't sleep, I turn to B. Unfortunetly, I can't make it through JT. I'm always out cold by the middle of the second track.
 
Sorry the damn puter crashed and kicked me.

We will probably eat alot of soup, pasta, and stir fry.

I finally gave him a sleeping pill, hopefully he will be able to get to sleep now.
 
I've been listening to my ipod at night more too lately. But if I take my sleeping pills like I'm supposed to it only takes about 20 minutes for me to pass out.

I try to go someplace nice in my mind when I can't sleep. Like a nice quiet beach or sitting on the edge of a pretty stream. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But its alot better then counting sheep. :lol:
 
Ewww, I hate when that happens. I've been reading. :lol: I don't know what it is with me and books. I hope your Mr. Cat gets some rest.

So what shall we talk about, since it's jsut us? Obviously nothing we don't want all over the boards, but...

And I think I kinda like listening to B. I love the way he can sooth me into sleep or grab me by the shirt front and force me to feel. That's what I love about the Boys. It's like they don't give me the option of not feeling. Every time I listen, it's like they're grabbing me by the shirt front and saying 'You're going to feel what we feel!'
 
Totally! They make you feel as passionate about the music and life as they do. Its nice how they can pull you in and take you places with the music. I love music that can make me feel and forget myself for a moment.

I love on the HTDAAB DVD how Bono says that songs are like smells they become part of your life, mixed in with your emotions and they remind you of stuff. Songs to me are like old friends, I never get tired of hearing them.
 
Russty Cat said:
Totally! They make you feel as passionate about the music and life as they do. Its nice how they can pull you in and take you places with the music. I love music that can make me feel and forget myself for a moment.

I love on the HTDAAB DVD how Bono says that songs are like smells they become part of your life, mixed in with your emotions and they remind you of stuff. Songs to me are like old friends, I never get tired of hearing them.

B totally rocks. I don't think B was born to be anything but the lead singer of U2. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how I feel. He was meant to do this so he could help people who normally wouldn't have been helped. :yes: I think he was born to be this way, because if he weren't people who connect so deeply with the band and each other and with their inner selves through the music wouldn't be doing as well.

The really great thing about that line, is that there are some songs that are part of your life that you don't know yet. Like you experiance something and you can't quantitiatively study it until you run across something and it puts the event into perspective for you. I'm so grateful for having found the Boys. And I'm quite thrilled with my inner Bono. (I know a lot of people don't understand the concept of my having an inner Bono, but he's very comforting, and I'm very glad to have him there. :yes:)

So... (I'm repeating myself, my apologies) I really feel, deep down, that the Boys were born to be just who they are now.
 
CeeCee said:


B totally rocks. I don't think B was born to be anything but the lead singer of U2. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how I feel. He was meant to do this so he could help people who normally wouldn't have been helped. :yes: I think he was born to be this way, because if he weren't people who connect so deeply with the band and each other and with their inner selves through the music wouldn't be doing as well.

The really great thing about that line, is that there are some songs that are part of your life that you don't know yet. Like you experiance something and you can't quantitiatively study it until you run across something and it puts the event into perspective for you. I'm so grateful for having found the Boys. And I'm quite thrilled with my inner Bono. (I know a lot of people don't understand the concept of my having an inner Bono, but he's very comforting, and I'm very glad to have him there. :yes:)

So... (I'm repeating myself, my apologies) I really feel, deep down, that the Boys were born to be just who they are now.

I understand what your saying and agree with ya. I can't really see them doing anything else. And what are the odds that 4 guys who are friends come together as kids and end up being amazing untrained musicians. Its definetly a God given gift. And they are serving a huge purpose with it. I know there are people out there who have literally been saved by music and been given hope to go on from hearing Bono speak.

My mother use to tell me when I was a kid that I had an inner voice, who was a little bit Elvis, a tad Jim Morrison, and a whole lot of John Lennon. I didn't really get her, till I was much older. Its scary how right she was. I think we all have an inner voice/person that can be comforting. For some people I think it can be more then one person.

I once asked my brother who is schizophrenic what it was like in his head. He said its just like it is in anyone elses heads and hearts, his voices just speak up a heck of alot louder and are a bit more opinionated. That and he said they often like to all talk at once and don't know how to take turns. :lol: There is a fine line between madness and greatness, its all on how well you can control your inner people. :wink:
 
Russty Cat said:


I understand what your saying and agree with ya. I can't really see them doing anything else. And what are the odds that 4 guys who are friends come together as kids and end up being amazing untrained musicians. Its definetly a God given gift. And they are serving a huge purpose with it. I know there are people out there who have literally been saved by music and been given hope to go on from hearing Bono speak.

I kinda feel as though this whole U2 thing was meant to set me back on the right road. Like I'd wandered too far from the path and I got lost in the woods, and needed to find my way back. It's kinda like a miracle. Because when I got kicked out of school in Jan I thought for sure I was doomed and I'd never amount to anything. And then Drea gave me that picture of the band in Feb and I started to learn aobut them and when I got HTDAAB in March and listened to nothing but it for 3 straight weeks, it jsut felt.. it was if anythign was possible again. Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could breathe and move. ANd I was totally hooked. Even though I wasn't initally attracted physically to Bono, he just felt right. Edge just feels right to me. I'm not to sure about Larry and Adam I'm so strangly attracted too I don't know how he feels either.

Russty Cat said:
My mother use to tell me when I was a kid that I had an inner voice, who was a little bit Elvis, a tad Jim Morrison, and a whole lot of John Lennon. I didn't really get her, till I was much older. Its scary how right she was. I think we all have an inner voice/person that can be comforting. For some people I think it can be more then one person.

I have lots of inner people who kind of change shape every few years into people that help me grow a bit more. Which, of course, are totally seperate from the muses in my head. I even had a coucler in middle school who said she'd heard of it. My mom doesn't like it, she thinks I'm crazy. Every couseler or shrink I've talked to said so long as they're not telling me to go out and kill people then I'm fine. Right now my inner people are Bono, Edge and Larry. (Which I still haven't figured out why Larry is there..)

Russty Cat said:
I once asked my brother who is schizophrenic what it was like in his head. He said its just like it is in anyone elses heads and hearts, his voices just speak up a heck of alot louder and are a bit more opinionated. That and he said they often like to all talk at once and don't know how to take turns. :lol: There is a fine line between madness and greatness, its all on how well you can control your inner people. :wink:

I like that. :lol: I don't know if I have greatness or not, but it's been an interesting trip so far.
 
CeeCee said:


I kinda feel as though this whole U2 thing was meant to set me back on the right road. Like I'd wandered too far from the path and I got lost in the woods, and needed to find my way back. It's kinda like a miracle. Because when I got kicked out of school in Jan I thought for sure I was doomed and I'd never amount to anything. And then Drea gave me that picture of the band in Feb and I started to learn aobut them and when I got HTDAAB in March and listened to nothing but it for 3 straight weeks, it jsut felt.. it was if anythign was possible again. Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could breathe and move. ANd I was totally hooked. Even though I wasn't initally attracted physically to Bono, he just felt right. Edge just feels right to me. I'm not to sure about Larry and Adam I'm so strangly attracted too I don't know how he feels either.



I have lots of inner people who kind of change shape every few years into people that help me grow a bit more. Which, of course, are totally seperate from the muses in my head. I even had a coucler in middle school who said she'd heard of it. My mom doesn't like it, she thinks I'm crazy. Every couseler or shrink I've talked to said so long as they're not telling me to go out and kill people then I'm fine. Right now my inner people are Bono, Edge and Larry. (Which I still haven't figured out why Larry is there..)



I like that. :lol: I don't know if I have greatness or not, but it's been an interesting trip so far.

Its funny how alike we are. When my friend died earlier this year, my life really got shook up. When I saw the guys on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction, it triggered something in me. I'd always been a fan, but for some reason I just grabbed onto Bono and held on. Mr. Cat said he knew that night that I'd found what I needed to keep me from drowning under the weight of it all. He bought me HTDAAB with the book and the dvd and slowly has been buying me more and more stuff to help me cope.

When I was younger and they told me that my mother was dying I found Pearl Jam. They helped me make it thru a very long ten years of pain with my family. They are still incredibly important to me. I will always have a little piece of Mike walking around with me in my head and in my heart.

I've had other people who have told me that they have inner people as well. I don't think its really that uncommon. I feel like I have different personalities and people that have helped me manage my life over the years. They do grow and change with time. When I was in detox counseling they told me that it was okay as long as I realized the lines between reality and my own subconcious. They did say though if I started answering myself or like your counselor feel like I was being told to hurt myself or others I needed to seek help immediatly. At the time I didn't know yet that my brother was schizo. I honestly think that he was the winner of the grand prize, because of his drug addiction and trauma as a kid. I think he just couldn't cope and finally got pushed over the edge.

Music has helped me cope and kept me from totally completely loosing it. But there are still hard times. But music is an amazing thing that can be comforting and loving all in its own way.
 
Russty Cat said:


Its funny how alike we are. When my friend died earlier this year, my life really got shook up. When I saw the guys on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction, it triggered something in me. I'd always been a fan, but for some reason I just grabbed onto Bono and held on. Mr. Cat said he knew that night that I'd found what I needed to keep me from drowning under the weight of it all. He bought me HTDAAB with the book and the dvd and slowly has been buying me more and more stuff to help me cope.

When I was younger and they told me that my mother was dying I found Pearl Jam. They helped me make it thru a very long ten years of pain with my family. They are still incredibly important to me. I will always have a little piece of Mike walking around with me in my head and in my heart.

I've had other people who have told me that they have inner people as well. I don't think its really that uncommon. I feel like I have different personalities and people that have helped me manage my life over the years. They do grow and change with time. When I was in detox counseling they told me that it was okay as long as I realized the lines between reality and my own subconcious. They did say though if I started answering myself or like your counselor feel like I was being told to hurt myself or others I needed to seek help immediatly. At the time I didn't know yet that my brother was schizo. I honestly think that he was the winner of the grand prize, because of his drug addiction and trauma as a kid. I think he just couldn't cope and finally got pushed over the edge.

Music has helped me cope and kept me from totally completely loosing it. But there are still hard times. But music is an amazing thing that can be comforting and loving all in its own way.

:hug: :hug: *lick* It is interesting. Maybe this is another part of the puzzle. Finding people with whom you have things in common and with whom you can get all those nasty things out and into the air and let them go at last. I've never been to detox or anything like that. I did try to commit suicide when I was 10 and again when I was 12. Fortunetly neither time worked. I have trouble sometimes, copeing wih my past, I don't like remebering it. There is one person I really hate for something that they did to me and I have trouble letting go of that anger and I don't know if it's because of who they were to me at teh time, the fact that the family defended them by saying it never happened, or if it's the fact that they had committed the act before and no one seems to care in the family.

At this point I only have HTDAAB DVD and CD, and ATYCLB, which so far is my favorite of the two. I've rented Rattle and Hum, and my best friend bought me the Best Of DVD, which I tend to watch quite a bit. Simply because it's got he videos so I get to see the Boys and hear them.

I love my inner Boys (or iBoys as Drea and I call them). I wouldn't trade them for anything. I adore iL, even if I don't know quite yet why he's there. I'm actually so looking forward to Detroit because I want to at least meet Bono, and if possible Edge. I'd be thrilled to meet all four of them. And I'd really like the chance to hug them all and thank them. Because shortly after Drea got me into them, I started contemplating suicide again. And it was then that I got ATYCLB and I've learned that if I program it for Stuck, then Walk On, then Beautiful Day, then finally Elevation, that I can get all those tears and that pain out and gradually pull myself back into a more even mood.
 
I'm listening to a song called "Of The Girl" by PJ. And I don't know if I want to get up and dance, scream my head off, or cry! Everytime I hear it I have so many emotional response it is crazy!

Mike McCready is so amazing in this song it sounds like the guitar is crying almost. Like its in pain. And to watch Eddie sing it live is just heart breaking. He wraps himself up in the song and goes to this really dark place.
 
CeeCee said:


:hug: :hug: *lick* It is interesting. Maybe this is another part of the puzzle. Finding people with whom you have things in common and with whom you can get all those nasty things out and into the air and let them go at last. I've never been to detox or anything like that. I did try to commit suicide when I was 10 and again when I was 12. Fortunetly neither time worked. I have trouble sometimes, copeing wih my past, I don't like remebering it. There is one person I really hate for something that they did to me and I have trouble letting go of that anger and I don't know if it's because of who they were to me at teh time, the fact that the family defended them by saying it never happened, or if it's the fact that they had committed the act before and no one seems to care in the family.

At this point I only have HTDAAB DVD and CD, and ATYCLB, which so far is my favorite of the two. I've rented Rattle and Hum, and my best friend bought me the Best Of DVD, which I tend to watch quite a bit. Simply because it's got he videos so I get to see the Boys and hear them.

I love my inner Boys (or iBoys as Drea and I call them). I wouldn't trade them for anything. I adore iL, even if I don't know quite yet why he's there. I'm actually so looking forward to Detroit because I want to at least meet Bono, and if possible Edge. I'd be thrilled to meet all four of them. And I'd really like the chance to hug them all and thank them. Because shortly after Drea got me into them, I started contemplating suicide again. And it was then that I got ATYCLB and I've learned that if I program it for Stuck, then Walk On, then Beautiful Day, then finally Elevation, that I can get all those tears and that pain out and gradually pull myself back into a more even mood.

:hug: I'm so glad that you didn't succeed!!! :heart: But I totally understand where your coming from. You don't become an alcoholic at 19 by accident. I drank to get rid of the pain and sadly I woke up in my car one morning covered in blood and glass. I didn't remember a thing and somehow I'd lost 2 full days. Seems during that time I was attacked and beat up pretty severly. It made me realize that I needed help. So I confronted my mom and got her to put me in a detox program. When I went in the told me that I was a typical clinically depressed drunk. I was self medicating to get rid of the emotional pain I couldnt' cope with. My parents never did attended sessions with me like they should have. But I realized that they weren't ever going to help or admit that there where huge problems.

So I decided then that I was on my own and that I would have to make a life for myself. When I met Mr. Cat he knew what had happened and he assured me that he would help me. Little did he know what he was in for. But the nicest thing he ever did was go back and confront my parents and my brother. He told my older brother that for all the years of abuse he heaped on me one day it was all going to come back to him. And that if he ever touched me again, Mr. Cat would cause him pain that he never knew before. I found out a few years ago a couple of Mr. Cats friends as well took my brother aside on our wedding day and told him that if he ever did anything in any way towards me they would have no problem making him take a permanent vacation. He's only tried one thing with me since then. And I let loose on his arse! :lol: First time I'd ever physically touched him and it felt fabulous!

I still have major issues with my parents, they've apologized for the years of abuse that they never stopped. And admitted they were wrong. But it doesn't change things. I can't get my childhood back or the time that I lived in fear.

I think all of that is why Mr. Cat understands the music stuff and needing you girls. Its what keeps me from going into a dark place that I would never come out from again. :heart:
 
Russty Cat said:


:hug: I'm so glad that you didn't succeed!!! :heart: But I totally understand where your coming from. You don't become an alcoholic at 19 by accident. I drank to get rid of the pain and sadly I woke up in my car one morning covered in blood and glass. I didn't remember a thing and somehow I'd lost 2 full days. Seems during that time I was attacked and beat up pretty severly. It made me realize that I needed help. So I confronted my mom and got her to put me in a detox program. When I went in the told me that I was a typical clinically depressed drunk. I was self medicating to get rid of the emotional pain I couldnt' cope with. My parents never did attended sessions with me like they should have. But I realized that they weren't ever going to help or admit that there where huge problems.

So I decided then that I was on my own and that I would have to make a life for myself. When I met Mr. Cat he knew what had happened and he assured me that he would help me. Little did he know what he was in for. But the nicest thing he ever did was go back and confront my parents and my brother. He told my older brother that for all the years of abuse he heaped on me one day it was all going to come back to him. And that if he ever touched me again, Mr. Cat would cause him pain that he never knew before. I found out a few years ago a couple of Mr. Cats friends as well took my brother aside on our wedding day and told him that if he ever did anything in any way towards me they would have no problem making him take a permanent vacation. He's only tried one thing with me since then. And I let loose on his arse! :lol: First time I'd ever physically touched him and it felt fabulous!

I still have major issues with my parents, they've apologized for the years of abuse that they never stopped. And admitted they were wrong. But it doesn't change things. I can't get my childhood back or the time that I lived in fear.

I think all of that is why Mr. Cat understands the music stuff and needing you girls. Its what keeps me from going into a dark place that I would never come out from again. :heart:

Sounds like Mr. Cat is a really wonderful man. :hug: My mom doesn't take any responsibility for any of hte abuse she's done to me. I was a latchkey kid but I still have vivid memories of my mom getting so mad at me that she would grab me by the arm and take a wooden spoon and hit me with it until it broke, then take up the spoon end and keep hitting me. She denies ever doing it, but I'm not surprised. Her mom, my grandmother, would hit me too. Take and grab me by the hair or arm and hit me with the metal end of the fly swatter until my butt was red. My mom's paretns didn't really want me when I was born cause I made them feel old. SO they'd buy me things but not really love me. I'm sort of grateful, in a way though. Because since I knew how they were, I was better prepared to protect my younger cousins when they were born.

Last summer my aunt Denise was down at my grandparents with my cousins and her boyfriend Robert. And I was talking to Jeremiah, who's like 13 now I think. (I've been getting friends to send him post cards, he collects them and maps and puts a thumb tack into the location where the postcard came from. I might try and ply B with sending him postcards if I can manage it.) Anyway, he told me taht he has a memory from when he was like 3 or 4. He'd been colouring on the table, and my grandmother was very strict about not colouring out of the lines least you wind up colouring on her dining table. And he went off the page, by accidnet like kids do. And she got mad and thratened to spank him. So what I did is I put myself between him and my grandmother, and my grandmother told me that if I didn't move she'd jsut hit me and hit him worse when she got to him. And I picked him up and made sure that my back was to my grandmother and she hit the daylight out of me trying to get to him. BUt I never let her hit him. And he remebers that. God, now I'm crying thinking of it. It just.. really touched me that he remebered that. And I've no idea why I got off on this tangent in the first place.
 
CeeCee said:


Sounds like Mr. Cat is a really wonderful man. :hug: My mom doesn't take any responsibility for any of hte abuse she's done to me. I was a latchkey kid but I still have vivid memories of my mom getting so mad at me that she would grab me by the arm and take a wooden spoon and hit me with it until it broke, then take up the spoon end and keep hitting me. She denies ever doing it, but I'm not surprised. Her mom, my grandmother, would hit me too. Take and grab me by the hair or arm and hit me with the metal end of the fly swatter until my butt was red. My mom's paretns didn't really want me when I was born cause I made them feel old. SO they'd buy me things but not really love me. I'm sort of grateful, in a way though. Because since I knew how they were, I was better prepared to protect my younger cousins when they were born.

Last summer my aunt Denise was down at my grandparents with my cousins and her boyfriend Robert. And I was talking to Jeremiah, who's like 13 now I think. (I've been getting friends to send him post cards, he collects them and maps and puts a thumb tack into the location where the postcard came from. I might try and ply B with sending him postcards if I can manage it.) Anyway, he told me taht he has a memory from when he was like 3 or 4. He'd been colouring on the table, and my grandmother was very strict about not colouring out of the lines least you wind up colouring on her dining table. And he went off the page, by accidnet like kids do. And she got mad and thratened to spank him. So what I did is I put myself between him and my grandmother, and my grandmother told me that if I didn't move she'd jsut hit me and hit him worse when she got to him. And I picked him up and made sure that my back was to my grandmother and she hit the daylight out of me trying to get to him. BUt I never let her hit him. And he remebers that. God, now I'm crying thinking of it. It just.. really touched me that he remebered that. And I've no idea why I got off on this tangent in the first place.

:hug: I swear I would love to have a go at your grandmother people like that just drive me nuts.

My brother was always hitting me with his fists, kicking me and screaming at me. I spent a ton of my childhood protecting my two younger brothers from him as well. The last time I visited he started yelling at my brother who is schizophrenic. I just lost it! My baby brother is a total sweetheart who doesn't realize when he is doing annoying things. And all my older brother does is yell at him and put him down. I got so sick of it I just started screaming. My mother was shocked, but said that she had been talking to my older brother about not giving my younger brother crap. Yeah right your about 20 years to late! My younger brother has already tried to kill himself 3 times, i'm afraid one day they are going to push him totally over the edge .

When I was 16 my older brother tried to kill me and my parents finally made him move out, but as soon as I was married and out of the house they let him move home with them again. He is still living with them 10 years later. But now they are buying him a house. I swear I'm so pissed about the whole thing I'm sitting her clenching my teeth. ARGH! :rant:

We have to just stick together, screw the rest of the good for nothing bastards!!! :hug: :heart:

I am very lucky that I have Mr. Cat. We got married very young on a whim. But honestly I think he was just a nice guy who saw that if he didn't rescue me I was probably going to end up killing myself one way or another. We were only married about a month when I fell in our shower and hit my head. He took me to the hospital and after they did a cat scan and x-rays they confronted him and said that I had tons of old fractures and head injuries. They actually thought he had been abusing me. Luckily they believed him when he told him that it was from childhood issues. But I felt so bad for him when they showed him all the problems and told him that I would have long term things that would have to be taken care of. I could hear him crying. It about broke my heart. First person in my life who ever cried for me out of love and compassion.
 
I hate to go, but the baby woke up and she doesn't want to go back to sleep. I'm gonna have to go try rocking her a bit and see if she'll calm down. Poor little thing is all hot and sweaty. Mini-cat was complaining of not feeling well earlier so I hope their not getting the flu. yuck!

:hug: :heart: I love ya!!! and if you ever need anything email me! I know you already have it, but here it is again, just in case. abc@digital-star.com

Sleep good! <big squishy hug>
 
:hug: :heart: Ya know, I kinda feel sorry for the girls who come on later and come here to catch up and read almost two whole pages of us talking to each other. :giggle:

I think we're all very lucky to be here. I'm glad you're here too! :hug: There's something about you, you know. When you came on and I 'met' you the first time and I didn't know why but I knew you were beautiful and I knew I liked you. :yes: I'm glad I listened to myself. Because I do like you. And i'm happy to lick you in greeting or randomly through the day. And of course my offer of a phone call is always open. Even if it wakes me up. :wink:

I'm glad we've been sitting here talking like this. It's nice, being able to talk like this, get things out there and in the open. Helps a lot, don't you think? When I get them off my digital camera, I'll show you and the other girls the picture I took the 16th of this month. It's a picture with me with this hot looking guy dressed as Draco Malfoy. :drool: I considered it all night before I gave in and asked him.
 
hi everyone! SoBe, you've been gone so long! :hug:

:uhoh: i think everyone's gone.


:sad:
 
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*smoooooooooooooch* :kiss:

We are the only Plebans here, looks like, but we can make our own fun :sexywink:
 
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