Please help if you any advice

[U2isProgressive]

I'm wondering if anyone could give me some advice about something that I have been going through for like 2 months. This friend of mine whom I met back in Nov online is now basically shutting all contact with me out. But I hang out on the same community online as she does still. I have other friends there but it seems any and all attempt to even communicate with her fails. I am actually on more than 1 message board that she is so the ignoring goes on on the other communities as well. Its hard for me b/c I grew very close to her for close to 7 months..but then 1 day she tells me she is meeting this guy from Holland for 2 weeks. He basically is all she talks about, and I kind of had a problem with that at 1st...and it became unbearable to hear about him. When i dismissed him, bascially she started limiting her contact with me. She said I couldn't call her anymore, and she decided she doesn't want to meet me in person at this festival we both had agreed to go to, near her hometown in Atlanta (although cost for the festival affected her decision to not go as well, even though her fav band was playing and she has never been to even 1 concert).
So now I enjoy hanging out on these communities and I try not to make any of this public, but it hurts me to even listen to music that we both liked that I do everyday. I am thinking I need to leave this community which is basically my home online (for now atleast..sorry Interference..although I am starting to get more into U2 than b4..when i do I may try to be more active here.).

a) would it be best for me to try and forget about her entirely ( although this is something I have tried to do already and I am struggling with it..although I have my good days and not so good days)

b) Would a suggestion of lurking there..or leaving there and coming back in a few weeks if I still feel the way I do now be good advice?

c) should I go public with everything on the main board ( i already did this once kind of on another 1 of the boards..the guy from Holland got so sensitive that he left the board..b/c after her and him told about their 2 weeks together including how she now planned to move to Holland, I decided I had to say something; and I said 1 word..and it led to 2 or 3 other users following up my reply. And it contributed to driving him and her away from that board. 24 hrs later, I was feeling so bad about that I apologized to the board and both him and her..to no avail it has not helped with being able to communicate with her..I just feel less guilty).

. please any advice or help would be appreciated. I must be honest too, I think Interference is a safe community is community to talk to about this because it is more or less independent of any of the communities I could see her or anyone else from those boards being able to see. Thanx .

Kyle

 

[mad1]

Oh dear.................thats one bad thing about online community.




Right now I dont know how to advise.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

Would a suggestion of lurking there..or leaving there and coming back in a few weeks if I still feel the way I do now be good advice?

i am sorry to see this...i know it must be very hard for you but I think you should try to leave that online community for a few weeks and try your best not to lurk. if she wants to be friends with you she will put forth the effort and keep in touch. try to occupy yourself with other things, even if that means avoiding the internet for a bit. you will only drive yourself insane if you lurk.

 

[U2Kitten]

I really do know exactly how you feel because almost the same thing happened to me, I mean right down to the boyfriend in the other country. How it turned out is, sad as it was to lose a friend, she had changed so much she wasn't even like the same person anymore anyway. The person I'm talking about would respond if you accused her of ignoring emails in emails. What hurt most was the avoiding of me on the online community. My advice is keep trying to make pleas through emails, NEVER go public with the crap unless you are ready to have a big blowout and lose her forever. What happens when you do that is the person will deny it all, call you a liar/and/or paranoid/making up stuff/framing them, etc. and then it drags everyone else in the community into it to choose sides, and the ones that turn against you will make it so miserable for you you might as well leave the community. The frustration of not being believed will burn you up. PLEASE don't do it. Please think through whether or not this relationship is worth salvaging, or if it will ever be the same.

 

[U2isProgressive]

thanx..I am giving this some thought. And right now I think I may post there until after the festival in a few weeks, which sorta fits in with something since its just about 1 year to the day/week I 1st met her. So I may just comeback from the festival in Atl, kinda let her&the rest of the community (including others who are going from the community to the festival). know about it. I was actually thinking of getting her something autographed by the band she loves so much and mailing it to her. But then I will leave..(unannounced), not even lurk..atleast for awhile..then maybe by the time she gets the package she might reply to an email...and hope something comes out of it..if not maybe she is lost..for a long time..if not forever. Granted..I am not even sure I love her exactly..its more of a bonding type thing. But it maybe why what's happened has happened. I used to tell her about gitls..but not really girls I wanted to date. Just friends who were girls, lol. I didn't understand why that was a big deal. But I guess I sorta do now. I still think this guy in Holland has brainwashed her to a pt, or I never really knew her then.

 

[U2Kitten]

Good idea Good luck.

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

good luck!

I live in Atlanta and you have me curious now, what is this festival you are referring to?

oh and i just want to add one more thing. i like a guy whom i have met online, and well i made a big fool out of myself this week i decided to e-mail and confess to him how much i like him. and i received a reseponse to my e-mail and it was good, but i had additional questions, so i had to send him an additional e-mail, well needless to say my e-mail was not being answered and i became paranoid because i thought i may have scared him off with my confession. so what did i do? obess over this and end up sending him far too many e-mail's begging him to respond to me. by this point i felt like that character in the movie Swingers who would not stop calling the answering machine of a girl he just met hours earlier. hahaha... anyhow, i was ready to write him off last night. i went as far as tossing all of his contact information out and leaving him a voicemail and e-mail telling him that it was over.... and no sooner that i wrote him off, he came online. i discovered that my timing on my confession was bad. he did not have access to a computer. he laughed at me and i expressed my embarrassement for being a spaz ...anyway we are cool now and i am happy that i did not run him off. lmfao..

the internet is crazy. it always amazes me how you can develop friendships and interest for people you have not physically met... anyway, again good luck. i hope it works out for the best.

 

[U2isProgressive]

good luck!

I live in Atlanta and you have me curious now, what is this festival you are referring to?

oh and i just want to add one more thing. i like a guy whom i have met online, and well i made a big fool out of myself this week i decided to e-mail and confess to him how much i like him. and i received a reseponse to my e-mail and it was good, but i had additional questions, so i had to send him an additional e-mail, well needless to say my e-mail was not being answered and i became paranoid because i thought i may have scared him off with my confession. so what did i do? obess over this and end up sending him far too many e-mail's begging him to respond to me. by this point i felt like that character in the movie Swingers who would not stop calling the answering machine of a girl he just met hours earlier. hahaha... anyhow, i was ready to write him off last night. i went as far as tossing all of his contact information out and leaving him a voicemail and e-mail telling him that it was over.... and no sooner that i wrote him off, he came online. i discovered that my timing on my confession was bad. he did not have access to a computer. he laughed at me and i expressed my embarrassement for being a spaz ...anyway we are cool now and i am happy that i did not run him off. lmfao..

the internet is crazy. it always amazes me how you can develop friendships and interest for people you have not physically met... anyway, again good luck. i hope it works out for the best.

hmm..well the festival is a Metal fest. I would be pretty surprised if you have heard of any of the bands..lol if you even know Dream Theater?...but its site is here. The band we both are totally into ( and mainly the reason I am going actually) is called Pain of Salvation...and this friend of mine LOVES the SINGER/SONGWRITER EXTRADOINAIRE. So I am thinking of getting her a wrapped copy of the cd she loves most and having him sign it and maye write something to her.

As for that guy...yeah funny how that happens. I have tried to limit my approaches to her really other than on the boards. I am just trying to be careful. She was once stalked online and as of July she was getting threatening emails (from a troll).

I guess for me, I am just realistic about a gf online. To me, if she is not within driving distance..nothing can really happen. with this girl it would have been a weeknd thing and u know talking on the ph, chatting online. I have learned that l/d is a tease..atleast for me. I may as well not ever talk to anyone outside driving distance though. But for me the web is a social life as sad as that sounds. And now not being able to know her..i feel i lost the person I rely on you know?...It really hurts..kinda feel like I was deceived or used...but I suppose it not being an actual relationship helps a bit. Although I've never been in 1 so I worry how much worse that might be...anyway thanx for the love ..you guys are very nice .

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

hmm..well the festival is a Metal fest. I would be pretty surprised if you have heard of any of the bands..lol if you even know Dream Theater?...but its site is here. The band we both are totally into ( and mainly the reason I am going actually) is called Pain of Salvation...and this friend of mine LOVES the SINGER/SONGWRITER EXTRADOINAIRE. So I am thinking of getting her a wrapped copy of the cd she loves most and having him sign it and maye write something to her.

As for that guy...yeah funny how that happens. I have tried to limit my approaches to her really other than on the boards. I am just trying to be careful. She was once stalked online and as of July she was getting threatening emails (from a troll).

I guess for me, I am just realistic about a gf online. To me, if she is not within driving distance..nothing can really happen. with this girl it would have been a weeknd thing and u know talking on the ph, chatting online. I have learned that l/d is a tease..atleast for me. I may as well not ever talk to anyone outside driving distance though. But for me the web is a social life as sad as that sounds. And now not being able to know her..i feel i lost the person I rely on you know?...It really hurts..kinda feel like I was deceived or used...but I suppose it not being an actual relationship helps a bit. Although I've never been in 1 so I worry how much worse that might be...anyway thanx for the love ..you guys are very nice .

You are right, I have never heard of this festival or of the bands. Oh well. I learn something new everyday.

And yeah, stalking = no good. i have never been cyberstalked *knocks on wood*, but I have been in real life, and it is a very very scary thing to deal with. i would never do that to anyone and if I got to a point where I am stalking someone online or in real life, I would hope that a friend would slap me around a bit and get me some professional help.

I understand about feeling hurt and losing a friend that you have learned to trust. That is what I was really worried about losing with my situation. I just felt like my big honest mouth may have ruined the bond that we have developed. Thankfully he was cool and laughed at me about it. *wipes sweat off brow*

Unfortunately meeting people online does have its downside because if you really start developing interest for the other person and vice versa you run the risk of this person not living nearby or even in the same country. So it is always good to be realistic about the situation.


oh and having to deal with situations like this in real life is worse. i have had a relationship end based on no reason before. this one guy and i were dating for little over 3 mths and were very cool with one another and never did i suspect anything was up. so one day he went away for vacation and called me from his brother's house in Maine and told me he missed me and mailed me postcards. he was up there for 3 weeks. when we would talk we make plans about going somewhere for the Christmas holidays. we had it all planned out. he was making promises left and right and again i did not suspect anything was up so i went along with it. well needless to say he never called me when he returned back home. it was weird. i had no idea what i did or if i did anything wrong at all. no reasons were given. i drove by his house to see if he was home and the house was empty, he had moved out. the only thing i could think of at the time was that he was having a problem with the fact he just graduated college and i was going into my Jr year...i never found out the reason for his mysterious drop off. so with that incident in mind and with a couple of other bad relationships along the way, i have become very paranoid with guys and very protective of my emotions. anyway, i will shut up now.