Sad_Girl
Blue Crack Supplier
*Authors note: Before we begin the second part of this story, I would like to take a moment and first thank you for all the support and wonderful positive feedback! It means more to me than you can ever know. And a quick warning for those of you who do not like ‘darker’ tales and have to have happily ever after sorts of endings: you may want to regard Adam and Fiona’s wedding night as the last chapter in this story. Things are about to change a bit as we enter the second leg of the journey. Which is not to say there will not be ANY happy endings... but the ride may get a little bumpy along the way. 
**Disclaimer – Though inspired in part by people who exist in reality, this story is not meant to represent them in any literal way.
On the rising tide Chapter 16
“I was starting to think you had lost your way.” Carra told Larry when he finally slipped into bed several hours after everyone else had retired. She’d lain in bed, waiting for him and trying not to listen to the sounds of the newlyweds in the next cabin.
“I was talking to Bono.” Larry mumbled as he turned over onto his side, his face away from her.
“Found some more wine, too, would be my guess.” Carra sighed, knowing Larry’s moods well enough to tell he was not feeling particularly friendly tonight. Larry grunted in affirmation of Carra’s guess but said nothing more. She sighed and rolled away from him as well.
“It’s got nothing to do with… you know, love.” He said suddenly, startling her just as she began to doze.
“What’s that?” She asked, rubbing tired eyes.
“Marriage. It’s not about love. It’s a business arrangement, is all. You have to match up people who can make decisions together, take care of things for one another. You put love and desire into it and it just complicates things. Makes it harder for everyone.” He told her, rolling over onto his back to glance at her. She did the same, their eyes meeting in the nearly non existent light.
“What a romantic way of looking at things.” She said dryly.
“Romance and romantic love doesn’t last.” He told her, sighing deeply, as if stating a well known fact. “If marriage were based solely on love, the world would be in a sore state of affairs.”
“Why are you sharing this brilliant theory with me now?” Carra asked him bitterly. “Did you think I was lying here awake, praying for a proposal of marriage from you?” Larry’s silence was enough to tell her the answer was yes.
“Fuck you, Mullen. Who says I’d have you, anyway?” She snapped, rolling away from him, turning her face to the wall before he saw the emotion in her eyes.
“I couldn’t have proposed if I’d wanted to.” He told her gruffly. “I’ve an arrangement with Alastar Mead.”
“Mead? The shipbuilder?” Carra asked, rolling back to look at him in doubt. A sudden sense of worry turned her stomach into a knot. “What for?”
“The aingeal’s slowed down, Carra. She’s losing money. We need a ship that’s faster, a ship that doesn’t take more money just for repairs after every voyage than we make in profit.”
“I don’t agree.” She told him through clenched teeth. The idea of abandoning the aingeal made her stomach twist even tighter. “But even if you’re serious, what sort of arrangement…” She started to ask, but as the answer occurred to her she stopped mid-sentence, drawing in a sharp breath. It couldn’t be! She searched her mind for another possible explanation but her thoughts kept coming back to just one.
“Mead has a daughter, Brigid. He’s offered a new ship as her dowry.” Larry told her, and Carra’s stomach threatened to rebel. She climbed over him awkwardly and stumbled out of bed, lurching for the chamber pot. Thankfully by the time she’d reached it, the turmoil in her belly had calmed.
“You’re betrothed to Mead’s daughter?” She asked, her pulse pounding in her ears. “All this time, we’ve been…” she threw her hands up in the air in frustration. “And your promised to marry Brigid Mead? She’s all of what, fourteen? Fifteen years old? She’s barely sprouted teets and you plan on making a family with her?”
“It’s just a business arrangement, Carra.” Larry told her with a heavy sigh. Carra laughed bitterly at this, the tears threatening to spill despite her resolve not to let him see.
“Right. Business.” She mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief. “You are the coldest bastard imaginable.” She told him bitterly, pulling on her clothes hurriedly and storming out of the cabin. Part of her wanted him to call out after her, or to give chase. It was no surprise, however, that he did nothing of the sort.
***************************************************
The very air on board the aingeal was thick with tension in the days which followed. Everyone knew something was wrong when Carra had climbed into a hammock in the middle of the night, but no one wanted to ask. Captain Mullen’s privacy had always been something he guarded tooth and nail.
Everyone was still a little uncomfortable with Fiona and Adam’s new relationship, since most of them were still learning to accept the fact that she was not the young boy as they’d all been fooled into believing. Larry was avoiding Paul, who was understandably defensive of his daughter, and Carra was avoiding them both.
On their last night at sea, Bono found her hiding in the cargo hold, as he had once before, much earlier in the voyage.
“Here we are again.” He said, crouching down beside her and reaching out to smooth her hair back from her face tenderly. She swatted his hand away indignantly and glowered at him in the dim light.
“Wow. You almost look like him, when you scowl like that.” He teased, earning an even deeper frown.
“Piss off.” She told him, looking back down at the floor by her feet. She sat there, her knees bent up to her chest, her finger tracing patterns in the dust and grime on the floor, and waited for him to do just that.
“I know about the girl.” He said, and she looked up at him in shock.
“What do you know?” She demanded.
“That Larry thought he could take care of several of his problems at once by making a deal with some boat builder her knew. He marries the man’s daughter, and gets a new ship in the process. He also no longer has to deal with finding someone to make a home for him, someone to provide him an heir. A child to carry the family name. His sisters married off, has a new family name. He’s no brother to share the burden.”
“Oh, the burden!” Carra laughed sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “Yes, the burden of bedding a young girl over and over again until she produces a son. That’s a terrible burden, that.”
“It weighs on his mind.” Bono told her, keeping his voice soft but serious.
“And why …” Carra asked, pausing to keep her voice from crumbling with tears. “Why am I not good enough to carry his child?”
“I don’t know what was in his mind when he made the arrangement, Carra. I also suspect that you don’t know that much, either. You’ve only been lovers a few months. This arrangement obviously goes back some time.”
“Bollix. I’ve been here since he was three years old!” She argued weakly, wiping away a stray tear that had managed to escape.
“Carra, weren’t you engaged at one time, to another man?”
“Aye. That was only because he had … he made it clear he was not in love with me, the way I was with him. He was… he was with some woman. The way he was supposed to be with me.” She mumbled as she lost the battle with the tears struggling to find their way out from inside of her.
“Come here, love.” Bono told her, sitting on the floor and opening his arms to her, gathering her up, his warmth surrounding her as she wept.
“I didn’t say it was right.” He whispered as he smoothed her hair back with one thick hand. He kissed the top of her head, resting his cheek against her hair and sighed. No one knew better than Bono, at that moment, just how unfair love could be. Just how much it could hurt. Carra knew that he really felt the pain she suffered, and she held tight to him, both taking and giving comfort as best she could.
*************************************************************
“Where will you go?” Larry asked Adam as he gave the couple the pay he owed them, including the payback on the loan.
“My mother grew up in Dublin. Her parents died not long ago. Their house belongs to my father now, Fiona and I’ll stay there for awhile. At least as long as it takes for him to hear about us.” Adam quipped. “You’ll let me know when you’re ready to set sail, again, in the spring?”
“If you’re still there.” Larry replied with a smile, accepting the hastily scribbled address from his new friend.
“If you need anything, at any time, don’t hesitate to visit or send word.” Adam told him earnestly.
“Same here.” Larry told him, touched by the offer. They shook hands, patted each other on the shoulder roughly, and wished each other farewell. Adam offered his arm to Fiona, who slipped her hand into the bend of his elbow and let him lead her off the ship. They had already said their good-byes to Edge and Bono, who had promised to send for them shortly and invite them to Edge’s wedding.
“I’ve been told this might’ve been the last voyage for the aingeal.” Edge commented to Larry as he waited for Bono to gather his belongings and join him.
“Aye. It looks as if it may just be.” Larry replied, a hint of sorrow in his voice.
“Well, I know I’m not a natural born seaman like you or your father, but I truly loved working on this ship. It’s a shame to think of her being torn apart and sold as scrap.”
“We’ll be using a lot of the equipment on the new ship. She won’t be so different.”
“Do you truly think so?” Edge asked, his green eyes pensive as he considered this statement. “I don’t know that I can believe that. Each ship is different, unique. Like the women they’re named after.” He added and Larry scowled at the man’s hidden meaning. “One is not like all the rest.”
“Well, I suppose it’s best then, that you aren’t the captain of a boat. You’d be too sentimental and end up riding a leaky vessel to your doom.” Larry told him gruffly, not appreciating the feeling that he was being judged for decisions he’d made a long time ago.
“I suppose it is best. I’ll remain a fiddler and a minstrel.” Edge told him, smiling politely. He had no personal quarrel with Larry, and he did not want to leave his friend on bad terms. “I’ll send you word, once we’ve arranged for the wedding. You’ll be there, won’t you?”
“I will.” Larry agreed with a slight smile, accepting the man’s silent offer of truce.
“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” Bono said as he hurried across the deck toward Edge, his canvas bag tossed over one shoulder. Carra was not far behind him, carrying her own pack.
“I’m right where I told you I’d be.” Edge said, knowing Bono had probably forgotten that within seconds of hearing it. If he had heard it at all. When the man got lost in the maze of his own imagination, he could be told the secrets of the universe and be completely unable to recall them later.
“Carra. It was a pleasure working with you again.” Edge told her, kissing the lithe little redhead on the cheek when she stopped beside him.
“Why Edgie, how forward of you.” Carra flirted, batting her eyelashes at him playfully. “But I’m afraid I’ve already agreed to see the two of you safely home, so there’s no need to ask again,”
“I’m sorry?” Edge asked, his eyes widening in surprise.
“Carra’s coming home with us, for a visit.” Bono informed him, purposely avoiding Larry’s eyes.
“Oh.” Edge said, glancing at each of the three of them in confusion. “Um… are you ready then? Have you said your good-byes?”
“I have, I just left my father in his quarters.” She told him with a nod, and Edge could see in the tension in Larry’s jaw and shoulders that no one had mentioned this plan to him until that very moment. He watched the Captains hands flex into fists, his muscles bulging and relaxing.
“Will you excuse us for a moment?” Larry growled, giving no time for anyone to answer as he grabbed Carra’s wrist and began to drag her away.
“Hey!” She objected, struggling to pull away. Finally Larry stopped, but did not release her from his grasp. She stared him down, her jaw thrust forward and her green eyes burning with indignance.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He demanded, as Carra jerked her hand free.
“I’m doing whatever I want to do.” She hissed, turning on her heel to storm off, but Larry had her trapped again with a simple move. He grabbed both of her wrists this time, pinning them against the wall on either side of her head.
“You haven’t said two words to me since the night we left London.” He complained. “And you haven’t given me the chance to say two words to you, either. Now yer gonna just go off with these two because yer mad at me?”
“I’m going with them because I’m wanted with them.” She told him defiantly.
“Fuck, Carra! I never said I didn’t want you!” He growled, leaning in as if to kiss her. Carra knew she didn’t dare let his mouth touch her or her resolve would vanish.
“Try it and I will bite you, this time.” She spat, baring her teeth at him threateningly. Larry backed off, frowning at her as his eyes searched her face to see if she were serious.
“No, you didn’t say ‘I don’t want you, Carra.’ But you did tell me at least one of the ways you don’t want me.” She told him, her voice cooling off to the point that there was no emotion at all in it.
“Carra… you’re mine! You’ve said so yerself.” He argued, releasing one of her wrists so that he could stroke her cheek. Carra quickly used her free hand to wrestle her other hand away from his grasp, shrugging away from his touch.
“As the saying goes, ‘I’ll be true as long as you – and not one moment after.” She said sharply as she hurried away from him, past Bono and Edge, and down the gangway. Edge glanced at Larry sheepishly before hurrying after her, and Bono turned back toward Larry.
“Thank you again, for the sanctuary and the work.” Bono told him, meeting his eyes long enough to nod at him before turning to leave. He drew up short when he felt a hand grab his shoulder tightly. He turned back, preparing himself for a fight.
“You’d best take care of her.” Larry growled, his silver eyes darker than the cloudy December sky. Bono nodded in understanding and watched as Larry turned and walked back across the deck toward his cabin. Bono himself then hurried to catch up with Edge.
“Thanks for warning me before hand, about that.” Edge complained as they hurried to catch up to Carra on the dock.
“You needed a little excitement in your life.” Bono replied with a smirk. Edge could not stay angry with his friend, even under other circumstances.
“You’re always making sure of that for me.” He quipped, making Bono smirk. Edge couldn’t have held on to any irritation with anyone. He could feel it in every step he took, every breath. He was home.
**Disclaimer – Though inspired in part by people who exist in reality, this story is not meant to represent them in any literal way.
On the rising tide Chapter 16
“I was starting to think you had lost your way.” Carra told Larry when he finally slipped into bed several hours after everyone else had retired. She’d lain in bed, waiting for him and trying not to listen to the sounds of the newlyweds in the next cabin.
“I was talking to Bono.” Larry mumbled as he turned over onto his side, his face away from her.
“Found some more wine, too, would be my guess.” Carra sighed, knowing Larry’s moods well enough to tell he was not feeling particularly friendly tonight. Larry grunted in affirmation of Carra’s guess but said nothing more. She sighed and rolled away from him as well.
“It’s got nothing to do with… you know, love.” He said suddenly, startling her just as she began to doze.
“What’s that?” She asked, rubbing tired eyes.
“Marriage. It’s not about love. It’s a business arrangement, is all. You have to match up people who can make decisions together, take care of things for one another. You put love and desire into it and it just complicates things. Makes it harder for everyone.” He told her, rolling over onto his back to glance at her. She did the same, their eyes meeting in the nearly non existent light.
“What a romantic way of looking at things.” She said dryly.
“Romance and romantic love doesn’t last.” He told her, sighing deeply, as if stating a well known fact. “If marriage were based solely on love, the world would be in a sore state of affairs.”
“Why are you sharing this brilliant theory with me now?” Carra asked him bitterly. “Did you think I was lying here awake, praying for a proposal of marriage from you?” Larry’s silence was enough to tell her the answer was yes.
“Fuck you, Mullen. Who says I’d have you, anyway?” She snapped, rolling away from him, turning her face to the wall before he saw the emotion in her eyes.
“I couldn’t have proposed if I’d wanted to.” He told her gruffly. “I’ve an arrangement with Alastar Mead.”
“Mead? The shipbuilder?” Carra asked, rolling back to look at him in doubt. A sudden sense of worry turned her stomach into a knot. “What for?”
“The aingeal’s slowed down, Carra. She’s losing money. We need a ship that’s faster, a ship that doesn’t take more money just for repairs after every voyage than we make in profit.”
“I don’t agree.” She told him through clenched teeth. The idea of abandoning the aingeal made her stomach twist even tighter. “But even if you’re serious, what sort of arrangement…” She started to ask, but as the answer occurred to her she stopped mid-sentence, drawing in a sharp breath. It couldn’t be! She searched her mind for another possible explanation but her thoughts kept coming back to just one.
“Mead has a daughter, Brigid. He’s offered a new ship as her dowry.” Larry told her, and Carra’s stomach threatened to rebel. She climbed over him awkwardly and stumbled out of bed, lurching for the chamber pot. Thankfully by the time she’d reached it, the turmoil in her belly had calmed.
“You’re betrothed to Mead’s daughter?” She asked, her pulse pounding in her ears. “All this time, we’ve been…” she threw her hands up in the air in frustration. “And your promised to marry Brigid Mead? She’s all of what, fourteen? Fifteen years old? She’s barely sprouted teets and you plan on making a family with her?”
“It’s just a business arrangement, Carra.” Larry told her with a heavy sigh. Carra laughed bitterly at this, the tears threatening to spill despite her resolve not to let him see.
“Right. Business.” She mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief. “You are the coldest bastard imaginable.” She told him bitterly, pulling on her clothes hurriedly and storming out of the cabin. Part of her wanted him to call out after her, or to give chase. It was no surprise, however, that he did nothing of the sort.
***************************************************
The very air on board the aingeal was thick with tension in the days which followed. Everyone knew something was wrong when Carra had climbed into a hammock in the middle of the night, but no one wanted to ask. Captain Mullen’s privacy had always been something he guarded tooth and nail.
Everyone was still a little uncomfortable with Fiona and Adam’s new relationship, since most of them were still learning to accept the fact that she was not the young boy as they’d all been fooled into believing. Larry was avoiding Paul, who was understandably defensive of his daughter, and Carra was avoiding them both.
On their last night at sea, Bono found her hiding in the cargo hold, as he had once before, much earlier in the voyage.
“Here we are again.” He said, crouching down beside her and reaching out to smooth her hair back from her face tenderly. She swatted his hand away indignantly and glowered at him in the dim light.
“Wow. You almost look like him, when you scowl like that.” He teased, earning an even deeper frown.
“Piss off.” She told him, looking back down at the floor by her feet. She sat there, her knees bent up to her chest, her finger tracing patterns in the dust and grime on the floor, and waited for him to do just that.
“I know about the girl.” He said, and she looked up at him in shock.
“What do you know?” She demanded.
“That Larry thought he could take care of several of his problems at once by making a deal with some boat builder her knew. He marries the man’s daughter, and gets a new ship in the process. He also no longer has to deal with finding someone to make a home for him, someone to provide him an heir. A child to carry the family name. His sisters married off, has a new family name. He’s no brother to share the burden.”
“Oh, the burden!” Carra laughed sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “Yes, the burden of bedding a young girl over and over again until she produces a son. That’s a terrible burden, that.”
“It weighs on his mind.” Bono told her, keeping his voice soft but serious.
“And why …” Carra asked, pausing to keep her voice from crumbling with tears. “Why am I not good enough to carry his child?”
“I don’t know what was in his mind when he made the arrangement, Carra. I also suspect that you don’t know that much, either. You’ve only been lovers a few months. This arrangement obviously goes back some time.”
“Bollix. I’ve been here since he was three years old!” She argued weakly, wiping away a stray tear that had managed to escape.
“Carra, weren’t you engaged at one time, to another man?”
“Aye. That was only because he had … he made it clear he was not in love with me, the way I was with him. He was… he was with some woman. The way he was supposed to be with me.” She mumbled as she lost the battle with the tears struggling to find their way out from inside of her.
“Come here, love.” Bono told her, sitting on the floor and opening his arms to her, gathering her up, his warmth surrounding her as she wept.
“I didn’t say it was right.” He whispered as he smoothed her hair back with one thick hand. He kissed the top of her head, resting his cheek against her hair and sighed. No one knew better than Bono, at that moment, just how unfair love could be. Just how much it could hurt. Carra knew that he really felt the pain she suffered, and she held tight to him, both taking and giving comfort as best she could.
*************************************************************
“Where will you go?” Larry asked Adam as he gave the couple the pay he owed them, including the payback on the loan.
“My mother grew up in Dublin. Her parents died not long ago. Their house belongs to my father now, Fiona and I’ll stay there for awhile. At least as long as it takes for him to hear about us.” Adam quipped. “You’ll let me know when you’re ready to set sail, again, in the spring?”
“If you’re still there.” Larry replied with a smile, accepting the hastily scribbled address from his new friend.
“If you need anything, at any time, don’t hesitate to visit or send word.” Adam told him earnestly.
“Same here.” Larry told him, touched by the offer. They shook hands, patted each other on the shoulder roughly, and wished each other farewell. Adam offered his arm to Fiona, who slipped her hand into the bend of his elbow and let him lead her off the ship. They had already said their good-byes to Edge and Bono, who had promised to send for them shortly and invite them to Edge’s wedding.
“I’ve been told this might’ve been the last voyage for the aingeal.” Edge commented to Larry as he waited for Bono to gather his belongings and join him.
“Aye. It looks as if it may just be.” Larry replied, a hint of sorrow in his voice.
“Well, I know I’m not a natural born seaman like you or your father, but I truly loved working on this ship. It’s a shame to think of her being torn apart and sold as scrap.”
“We’ll be using a lot of the equipment on the new ship. She won’t be so different.”
“Do you truly think so?” Edge asked, his green eyes pensive as he considered this statement. “I don’t know that I can believe that. Each ship is different, unique. Like the women they’re named after.” He added and Larry scowled at the man’s hidden meaning. “One is not like all the rest.”
“Well, I suppose it’s best then, that you aren’t the captain of a boat. You’d be too sentimental and end up riding a leaky vessel to your doom.” Larry told him gruffly, not appreciating the feeling that he was being judged for decisions he’d made a long time ago.
“I suppose it is best. I’ll remain a fiddler and a minstrel.” Edge told him, smiling politely. He had no personal quarrel with Larry, and he did not want to leave his friend on bad terms. “I’ll send you word, once we’ve arranged for the wedding. You’ll be there, won’t you?”
“I will.” Larry agreed with a slight smile, accepting the man’s silent offer of truce.
“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!” Bono said as he hurried across the deck toward Edge, his canvas bag tossed over one shoulder. Carra was not far behind him, carrying her own pack.
“I’m right where I told you I’d be.” Edge said, knowing Bono had probably forgotten that within seconds of hearing it. If he had heard it at all. When the man got lost in the maze of his own imagination, he could be told the secrets of the universe and be completely unable to recall them later.
“Carra. It was a pleasure working with you again.” Edge told her, kissing the lithe little redhead on the cheek when she stopped beside him.
“Why Edgie, how forward of you.” Carra flirted, batting her eyelashes at him playfully. “But I’m afraid I’ve already agreed to see the two of you safely home, so there’s no need to ask again,”
“I’m sorry?” Edge asked, his eyes widening in surprise.
“Carra’s coming home with us, for a visit.” Bono informed him, purposely avoiding Larry’s eyes.
“Oh.” Edge said, glancing at each of the three of them in confusion. “Um… are you ready then? Have you said your good-byes?”
“I have, I just left my father in his quarters.” She told him with a nod, and Edge could see in the tension in Larry’s jaw and shoulders that no one had mentioned this plan to him until that very moment. He watched the Captains hands flex into fists, his muscles bulging and relaxing.
“Will you excuse us for a moment?” Larry growled, giving no time for anyone to answer as he grabbed Carra’s wrist and began to drag her away.
“Hey!” She objected, struggling to pull away. Finally Larry stopped, but did not release her from his grasp. She stared him down, her jaw thrust forward and her green eyes burning with indignance.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He demanded, as Carra jerked her hand free.
“I’m doing whatever I want to do.” She hissed, turning on her heel to storm off, but Larry had her trapped again with a simple move. He grabbed both of her wrists this time, pinning them against the wall on either side of her head.
“You haven’t said two words to me since the night we left London.” He complained. “And you haven’t given me the chance to say two words to you, either. Now yer gonna just go off with these two because yer mad at me?”
“I’m going with them because I’m wanted with them.” She told him defiantly.
“Fuck, Carra! I never said I didn’t want you!” He growled, leaning in as if to kiss her. Carra knew she didn’t dare let his mouth touch her or her resolve would vanish.
“Try it and I will bite you, this time.” She spat, baring her teeth at him threateningly. Larry backed off, frowning at her as his eyes searched her face to see if she were serious.
“No, you didn’t say ‘I don’t want you, Carra.’ But you did tell me at least one of the ways you don’t want me.” She told him, her voice cooling off to the point that there was no emotion at all in it.
“Carra… you’re mine! You’ve said so yerself.” He argued, releasing one of her wrists so that he could stroke her cheek. Carra quickly used her free hand to wrestle her other hand away from his grasp, shrugging away from his touch.
“As the saying goes, ‘I’ll be true as long as you – and not one moment after.” She said sharply as she hurried away from him, past Bono and Edge, and down the gangway. Edge glanced at Larry sheepishly before hurrying after her, and Bono turned back toward Larry.
“Thank you again, for the sanctuary and the work.” Bono told him, meeting his eyes long enough to nod at him before turning to leave. He drew up short when he felt a hand grab his shoulder tightly. He turned back, preparing himself for a fight.
“You’d best take care of her.” Larry growled, his silver eyes darker than the cloudy December sky. Bono nodded in understanding and watched as Larry turned and walked back across the deck toward his cabin. Bono himself then hurried to catch up with Edge.
“Thanks for warning me before hand, about that.” Edge complained as they hurried to catch up to Carra on the dock.
“You needed a little excitement in your life.” Bono replied with a smirk. Edge could not stay angry with his friend, even under other circumstances.
“You’re always making sure of that for me.” He quipped, making Bono smirk. Edge couldn’t have held on to any irritation with anyone. He could feel it in every step he took, every breath. He was home.
