Originally posted by Lilly:
As many of you may know, I've been on the stressed side of life for some time now. I moved out of my house which was a bittersweet change. I have been studying 24 hours a day and have become so nervous about it that I had two semi-panic attacks landing me in the hostpital. I am not afraid to fail these tests. I am afraid to disappoint with my scores. I am afraid to disappoint myself and my mother and my college and my friends, who I know all love me no matter what my score is...but it's still frightening to me. Idealism has caught up with me again, making me detatched from reality in general. I find myself dreaming and promising my life away and rarely acting upon anything I want. My beliefs have been recently thrown out the window and I'm standing on the last string which is beginning to unravel. I am getting so sick of everyday life. I need a big change fast, or I will be ill with myself for a long time. I know this sort of thing belongs more in zc, but I wanted to post it here to the ladies of pleba, since they are the ones who know me best. I have lost control of myself, and I'm not sure what to do to regain it again. I feel redundant, that I'm not thinking, saying, or doing anything new, that I'm not progressing with my thoughts. Hopefully I will find the way soon.
First off, gah, I feel bad for posting, since i'm just a newbie who's been doing nothing but lurking since she signed up, but I felt like I had to drop a line about this.
I wanted to say that ya gotta back off the studying a bit. Trust me, not sleeping a whole lot and concentrating on things too much will seriously kill you, mentally, physically, emotionally. Me, I suffered from a nervous breakdown and i'm still recovering from it even today because I used to stay up really late, this went on for years until the day it happened. Of course, you're doing it for your own good, you're studying to keep up a good education. Me however, I was a stupid jerkwad who would stay up and just waste her time either online or cramming for things I forgot to study and do for school, but anyway, I know about the sleep thing. *sheepish smile*
About the sleep thing though, get yourself some rest, eight hours or more, step back from all the studying, give yourself some breaks, study at intervals, anything. Try not to push yourself using Jolt, Mountain Dew, coffee, anything like that. That'll jarr ya.
I'm sure that whoever you're afraid to dissapoint will understand completely that you can't make miracles. No one's perfect. If you fail, you fail, but it's best you take care of yourself first, then worry about what others think later on when you're able to do it.
Umm...am I making any sense here? Hopefully I am. -_-
A lot of what you said...i've been there. I'm still there, but i'm trying to climb out of the funk as well. Here's hoping all of us who're stuck in it will get out of it. And umm...i'll go back to lurkdom now. I'm sure everyone else said better stuff, yes yes. Take care. *sheepish smile, flees*
------------------
~Serena190.
"My friend made me do it, Bono! I have no will of my own! Yarrrgh!" ~ Me (i'm starting to regret that I chose this name, but you did make me do it. :B
"The kind of music I like depends very much on my mood." ~ Anni-Frid "Frida" Lyngstad, ABBA.
"I must be allowed to be as I am." ~ Agnetha F?ktskog, ABBA.
"It was a pretty special couple of years. I mean it was a pretty mad couple of years where reality and fantasy and everything got kinda mixed up big time." ~ Adam, describing the atmosphere of the ZooTV tour, 1993.
aisyone75
