Look but dont Touch - Page 2 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Your Blue Room > PLEBA > PLEBA Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 06-29-2003, 02:34 PM   #21
New Yorker
 
elizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: PANTSburgh, PA
Posts: 3,046
Local Time: 10:39 AM
bluey, bluey, bluey...

you and some other people i have been talking to are really right.

it's an exoticism thing...an i-want-new-things-in-my-life thing.

i know it. i can talk about it. i just need to wait this out.

and you know what else would help? if the stupid crush guy would reply scathingly to my joking email...then i would have things taken care of once and for all!!

(i know that works for me to get rid of obsessive crushes because i once wrote this incredibly long letter to a celeb i had a crush on, and i asked a bunch of serious questions, told a lot, etc...i was so NAIVE...and rec'd two postcard sized photos in return. that was IT. boy did i stop watching all HIS movies. for a few years at least. so anyway the point is, if i get a nice, hearty rejection then all is well!!)
__________________

elizabeth is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 03:25 PM   #22
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
hiphop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: in the jungle
Posts: 7,410
Local Time: 05:39 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by elizabeth
well now...hearing things from the other side is very interesting. i was thinking (while drinking) last night that i wanted to at least tell this guy how i felt in a casual lighthearted way and just see if he even had any small similar feeling. but now i see that it could come off as being...well....sort of "no point" and just a big tease. i don't want to be like that...i just want to know...

well hiphop...is there ever any chance of you seeing this girl again?
I gave her my phone number so she can call me up if she wants to. I got her emailadress, but not her number, I thought it was better not to ask for it, since I would be tempted to call her up. Lets see if she calls me - but I do not think so. I don┤t know if I will write her a mail.

I might see her on a 2 days jazz festival she is going to attend with her boyfriend. I better not meet that sucker. I will be with friends. Great, huh.

What do you think should I write her one of those pseudo-nice-not-very-caring emails saying "Hey just wanted to say hi it was very nice call me up whenever"... or maybe I simply shouldn┤t waste time.

I know a boy a boy called trampoline you know what I mean I think I know what he wants I think I know what he wants
__________________

hiphop is offline  
Old 06-29-2003, 11:18 PM   #23
Blue Crack Addict
 
Moonlit_Angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: In a dimension known as the Twilight Zone...do de doo doo, do de doo doo...
Posts: 20,715
Local Time: 10:39 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by bluephisto
Maybe take some time to remember why you married your husband and that this guy looks perfect right now because you're not close. Romance is created by the illusion of perfection, by the projection of one's needs onto another person. Yeah, he looks exotic now but I bet he picks his nose on the bus. Lol. You get what I mean, though.
Ooh. Good point. . Very true.

Quote:
Originally posted by bluephisto
Maybe taking some time to see why you're attracted to this guy is good, like not just "he's pretty" but really think about what ABOUT him attracts you. It sounds like being exotic and alternative and activist is what gets you the most ... maybe you just need more of THAT in you, in your life. Maybe things are a little routine and you feel like there are still things out there you need to do and try. Whatever it is, answer that need by changing YOUR life, talking to your hubby about travelling, or just deciding to do some activist work of your own.
Mmhm.

Hiphop, so sorry to hear that about the girl. . I know how it feels to like someone and then find out that they do have someone else in their life (or at least, from what you've heard, they have someone else in their life). It's frustrating. But perhaps someday things could turn around for the better. And even if romance between you two never blossoms, look at it this way, you'll have gained a good friend. .

*Sigh*

Love really does hurt sometimes, doesn't it?

Angela
Moonlit_Angel is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 02:29 AM   #24
New Yorker
 
celia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: all maps welcome
Posts: 2,766
Local Time: 03:39 PM
Hi, I know I dont know you but im new here and was interested with your story

I think this will happen to most people in their lives, This crush sounds like someone most people on here would be drawn to or inspired by...and I think soemtimes we get carried away with our feelings for someone when they seem so different and fresh.

I think the writing down why you love your husband is a good idea...

Glad your crush is fading out....it may seem like it never will at first but it really does..

Good luck
celia is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 11:44 AM   #25
War Child
 
najeena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: an island paradise
Posts: 995
Local Time: 03:39 PM
I think it does happen to most people, myself included. You have to take a deep breath and look to the future. Fantasy is a wonderful thing, but putting your marriage in jeopardy is a terrible, terrible risk.
najeena is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 03:48 PM   #26
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
hiphop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: in the jungle
Posts: 7,410
Local Time: 05:39 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Moonlit_Angel



*Sigh*

Love really does hurt sometimes, doesn't it?

Angela
Thanks. Yes it does. Anyway ~ I risk to look like a fool for love, because I wrote her an email, just a few sentences, but deep... no mediocricity in my life.

well. whatever.
hiphop is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 04:34 PM   #27
New Yorker
 
elizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: PANTSburgh, PA
Posts: 3,046
Local Time: 10:39 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by whenhiphopdrovethebigcars
no mediocricity in my life.

ahhhh, hiphop...I believe you and i share the same addiction to drama and extremes. that's all my crush is, i know it. i just have to keep doing the day-to-day until i'm back to normal. and then something else will come along to spice up my life and i'll rant and rave about how i'm madly in love with whatever new thing comes along...

it's just my way of keeping my life interesting...complicated... SIGH!!!!! I'm such a goober.

it's funny how many people have told me they've felt this in one way or another...here in this thread, and then a friend from college told me the same thing...and that was a GUY, so at least it's not a gender thing.

i guess it is good to hear in the long run that many people go through this and come out ok. i KNOW i will come out ok because there is NO DAMN WAY i can live without ed. i just truly love the physical rush that is associated with this. you all know what i mean. it's that kind of feeling you only get with imagining and anticipating and wondering...there is a different kind of wonderful, lovely, warm feeling i get from ed...and that's the one that doesn't fade after a week or so.
elizabeth is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 09:45 PM   #28
New Yorker
 
elizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: PANTSburgh, PA
Posts: 3,046
Local Time: 10:39 AM
well, folks, Oscar Wilde warned me. He said, "the very essence of romance is uncertainty." I should've listened!

My dumber side has been confirmed. My crush sent me a message by not sending me a message and instead sent a message to me and my husband. Now I know he has rec'd my stupid personal message, decided not to reply in reply, and my stupid wishful thoughts have disappeared like dew, warmed by the sun, until nothing is left but a faint mark.

damn.

now i know why they call it a crush.
elizabeth is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 09:48 PM   #29
Offishul Kitteh Doctor
Forum Moderator
 
bonosloveslave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Taking care of kitties
Posts: 9,655
Local Time: 11:39 AM
You know this is for the best, right? (as cliche as that is )

__________________
bonosloveslave [at] interference.com
bonosloveslave is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 09:54 PM   #30
New Yorker
 
elizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: PANTSburgh, PA
Posts: 3,046
Local Time: 10:39 AM
I know but it SUCKS!!!!!

i wanted something...anything in response....anything's better than being ignored, right? A joking response could mean that he's flattered, thanks, let's be friends! and i'd be like "cool!" and probably get over it.

No response at all, in my mind, means "ok, back up weirdo stalker."

ok i'll be brave here. This is all my email said...and since email DOES NOT have a tone (despite grad professor's theories to the contrary) you can infer what you will. I read his emails from Central America (recall they were extremely witty) and said

"****. after reading all your emails from Central America, I can't decide if I love you or hate you. elizabeth."

i deleted his name because i'm a wussy.

now YOU tell ME....was that so horrible that it didn't warrant even a single line of response?@?!@ nothing?@!#$%?@#!$





P.S. I'm not the only one suffering here! everyone who reads this should send caring thoughts to those in REAL need.
elizabeth is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 10:02 PM   #31
Offishul Kitteh Doctor
Forum Moderator
 
bonosloveslave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Taking care of kitties
Posts: 9,655
Local Time: 11:39 AM
Well, just reading that, he may not have picked up on the undertone you meant to infer in that - I probably wouldn't have.

Maybe he's just really dense like me.
__________________
bonosloveslave [at] interference.com
bonosloveslave is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 10:04 PM   #32
New Yorker
 
elizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: PANTSburgh, PA
Posts: 3,046
Local Time: 10:39 AM
you're not dense.

i just figured it was innocent enough to elicit SOME response...without being too overtly suggestive.
elizabeth is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 10:21 PM   #33
New Yorker
 
elizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: PANTSburgh, PA
Posts: 3,046
Local Time: 10:39 AM
DAMN.


well, loyal readers, elizabeth DID receive an email just to her, from ****, and it was innocent and casual.

so of course, being the smart, healthy, well-adjusted person that she is...she takes it one step further and replies with a STUPID EMAIL.....

GOD SHE"S DUMB.

distance yourself now, while you're still safe!
elizabeth is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 10:52 PM   #34
BAW
The Flower
 
BAW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: The OC....!!!!
Posts: 11,094
Local Time: 07:39 AM
omg Elizabeth! You poor thing!



check your email
BAW is offline  
Old 06-30-2003, 11:04 PM   #35
New Yorker
 
elizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: PANTSburgh, PA
Posts: 3,046
Local Time: 10:39 AM
you're the best, babe.
elizabeth is offline  
Old 07-01-2003, 12:49 AM   #36
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
hiphop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: in the jungle
Posts: 7,410
Local Time: 05:39 PM
Heh elizabeth. confused?
hiphop is offline  
Old 07-01-2003, 04:23 AM   #37
War Child
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: In the mud, in the maze of my imagination.
Posts: 542
Local Time: 07:39 AM
Ok,

Ask yourself here. WHAT DO YOU WANT by sending this guy emails? What do you really want? Just an adrenaline rush? Confirmation that you're still a sexual being to other men outside of your marriage? Do you need an ego boost?

It concerns me that you felt like the situation was resolved and you're stirring it up again. I hate to be a downer, but how much would it hurt your husband to know what you're doing?

I'm just saying these things so that you don't get in over your head. Examine your thoughts. What do you really REALLY need from this guy? I get the strong feeling that your crush isn't really about this guy, but what the guy REPRESENTS to you.

- Do you need him to tell you you're still young?
- Do you need him to give you another life?
- Do you need him because you feel like you have nothing of your own in your life that your husband isn't involved in?
- Do you want an excuse to uproot and start over?
- Do you need the rush of new love? The rush of the chase? It gets addicting after a while.

Give it some solid thought and consider that he may just give this information to your husband if he's his friend.

I hope this all works out okay, sweetie.
-Bluey
bluephisto is offline  
Old 07-02-2003, 11:14 AM   #38
New Yorker
 
elizabeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: PANTSburgh, PA
Posts: 3,046
Local Time: 10:39 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by bluephisto
Ok,

Ask yourself here. WHAT DO YOU WANT by sending this guy emails? What do you really want? Just an adrenaline rush? Confirmation that you're still a sexual being to other men outside of your marriage? Do you need an ego boost?


you're right. yes to all.

Quote:
It concerns me that you felt like the situation was resolved and you're stirring it up again. I hate to be a downer, but how much would it hurt your husband to know what you're doing?
it was resolved...but not the way I wanted it. again, ego. this would hurt my husband. he doesn't even like it that i want to see pirates of the carribean.

Quote:
I'm just saying these things so that you don't get in over your head. Examine your thoughts. What do you really REALLY need from this guy? I get the strong feeling that your crush isn't really about this guy, but what the guy REPRESENTS to you.
YOU'RE RIGHT. I know it. It's not HIM at all. Dammit. I know.

Quote:
- Do you need him to tell you you're still young?
- Do you need him to give you another life?
- Do you need him because you feel like you have nothing of your own in your life that your husband isn't involved in?
- Do you want an excuse to uproot and start over?
- Do you need the rush of new love? The rush of the chase? It gets addicting after a while.

Give it some solid thought and consider that he may just give this information to your husband if he's his friend.

I hope this all works out okay, sweetie.
-Bluey
all this is SO right on. you should either be a therapist or write poetry. And you're not the only one reminding me of these very important things. Others have said the same thing...different ways with the same basic meaning. Don't worry...i'm already fixing things...

for instance, after i rec'd the last email from him Monday night, I didn't feel the need ONCE to check my email for messages from him all day Tuesday! Not a single check! And I didn't realize it until this morning! I'm proud of myself. I'm also thinking of this whole experience in terms of fiction writing. I think I could come up with some good poetry or short stories, where I see myself of a week ago as a different person experiencing this dilemma. Because I'm getting out of it, like I knew I would.

Besides, dancing with ed to a song by alexi murdoch is a good way to really feel the love. He's a romantic guy, my husband. I'm very, very happy with him... and I know it. It's just all that excess ego baggage that crops up every once in while to keep me on my toes.

Ed's actually lucky....because after one of these innocent crushes, I always treat him really well. Not out of guilt, because I didn't DO a thing! (YAY!) but out of renewed attraction and committment.

and you know what??? everyone here who responded is amazing. And I love you all very much!!
elizabeth is offline  
Old 07-02-2003, 11:25 PM   #39
War Child
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: In the mud, in the maze of my imagination.
Posts: 542
Local Time: 07:39 AM
*hugs*

I'm so glad you feel a little better, it's a hard situation to be in, very confusing.



-Dr. Bluey
bluephisto is offline  
Old 07-05-2003, 02:43 PM   #40
Bono's Belly Dancing Friend
 
Mrs. Edge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Torontonian in Maryland
Posts: 2,913
Local Time: 11:39 AM
Elizabeth, it has happened to me to.

*gasps of horror from the crowd*

I hate to talk about it in public because so many people know me, and consider my husband and me to be the perfect couple, and in many ways we are.l...but I wanted to say that you are not alone, and that this happens much more than people realise.

In my case, the main reason I think it happens is because I got married at age 19, and I will never stop wondering if you can find the right person for yourself at such a young age, especially when I have changed so much as a person. Much as I love and care for my husband, I can't muster much enthusiasm....at least of the romantic variety. I can never stop wondering what if...what if.......but just supposing.....

It's horrible. I will have to continue working through this, and coming to some sort of decision, but I just wanted to give you a word of support to say that I know EXACTLY how you feel, and if you want to email or PM me, please feel free.

__________________

Mrs. Edge is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:39 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright ┬ę Interference.com
×