Overcome with a sense of self consciousness, and suddenly aware of Bono's perceptive blue gaze resting on her, Antonia mumbled some excuse about having to go back into the kitchen, and hastily made her escape not caring that she almost seemed rude.
Sitting herself down at the kitchen table she realised she was trembling, her nerves getting the better of her. She cursed herself, for falling apart whenever she had to come face to face with anyone still she felt so awkward in front of him, not knowing what to say or how to act espicially when sheremembered the state she had been in on that balcony the first time they met.
Bono's unexpected appearence had shaken her, in her mind he was connected with that world of glittering celebrities and politicians and her husband that brought back too vividly memories of times she did not want to think about.. It was so much easier pretending it didn't exist, it was the only way she could handle it.
Being here In Ireland where no one really knew who she was had made it so much easier for her, she was glad that Seamus had insisted she come back with him. Here at least she had happy memories around her she could draw on, of being with her grandmother and Seamus, when she had visited.
The day before she had asked Seamus to take her to her grandmother grave where she had laid fresh flowers and for once had felt totally at peace with herself as she spent an hour or so sitting by the grave with her memories of her grandmother she could recall
Today she had woken up without the sense of dread filling her that had dogged her for the last year or so, and actually felt like doing something other than just sitting around or sleeping, which was why she had been in Seamus's kitchen making lunch for them, it had only been ham and cheese sandwhiches and tea, but the simple task made her feel she could start dealing with those little things in her life again.
Bono turning up had thrown her into a bit of a fluster, but she was not going to let it knock her back completely.
In the last few weeks Seamus had been trying to drill into her brain, that she couldn't and shouldn't give into the dispair or depression, if not for her sake then for his at least.
He had been so good and kind to her, and the fact that it seemed to matter to him that she got well had forced her out of her black dispair, and she was trying hard to not dwell on how worthless she felt, and made an attempt to cope.
The doctors and specialist had told her to take it one small step at a time, and that was what she was trying to do. It was hard, but she felt she was making a little progress, and wouldn't let Bono's arrival knock her back again.
Taking a deep breath she got up and went over to finish buttering the bread and cutting the cheese, she was going to make lunch if it was the last thing she would ever do......
Meanwhile back in the living room Bono sensed that his presence had made Antonia uneasy, and even Seamus shifted uncomfortable as she quickly disappeared back into the kitchen,
"Sorry about that, I am afraid she is feeling a little fragile at the moment, not much up to dealing with company" he apologised.
"Its ok" Bono replied "Anyway I don't plan on staying long just needed to ask you a favour, or rather your sister Pat a favour, if she would like to come by and do a bit of cleaning for me now I will be staying a while, I will pay her good rates of course"
"Well I can't see Pat turning the offer down, she needs all the money she can get, with four of her five kids still living with her" Seamus replied with a smile "I will give her a ring and let you know"
"That would be great" Bono nodded "Well I had better be heading, got a lot to sort out, probably catchya later" he started to walk b out towards the front door and just stopped breifly remembering, "And um, give Antonia my regards"
"Will do" Seamus replied "And when you visit O'Rourkes, I will make sure the first drink is on the house courtesy of me"
"I will hold you to that" Bono laughed then with a wave he was gone.
Once Bono's car drove away Seamus went in to check on Antonia, who was busy pouring out the tea
"Are you OK?" he enquired with concern "Sorry if seeing Bono upset you in anyway, I never realised you had met him...I thought seeing another face other than my ugly mug might cheer you up a bit"
Antonia couldn't help smiling at his last remark, "I am fine I think, I am just so sorry I probably ambarrased you by disappearing like that.. and I don't know what Bono must think of me, it wasn't that I didn't want to be in his company, it just brought back some bad memories connected with our meeting that I had of Gareth" she finished with a small frown.
Then putting down the tea pot after pouring tea into the two cups, she turned to face Seamus, with a little look of dispair in her hazel eyes
"Do you think I will be ever normal again... sometimes I get so scared-" she broke of there running a hand nervously through her hair
Seamus was over to her in an instant "Of course you are going to be normal, you are getting there slowly but surely, don't go upsetting yourself, remember one step at a time, and I am going to be here to help you all the way so don't you start fretting and getting yourself in a state, you hear me" he told her
She managed a small nod and hugged him "I am so glad I have you Seamus...sometimes I wish my mother had married you and you were my father.. I have a feeling my life would be a lot different" tears welled up in her eyes as her arms tightened around him.
"I know Toni, I know... But its going to get better, I promise" Seamus managed to reply patting her comfortingly on the back trying to keep his own emotions in check before he ended up in tears too.
Sitting herself down at the kitchen table she realised she was trembling, her nerves getting the better of her. She cursed herself, for falling apart whenever she had to come face to face with anyone still she felt so awkward in front of him, not knowing what to say or how to act espicially when sheremembered the state she had been in on that balcony the first time they met.
Bono's unexpected appearence had shaken her, in her mind he was connected with that world of glittering celebrities and politicians and her husband that brought back too vividly memories of times she did not want to think about.. It was so much easier pretending it didn't exist, it was the only way she could handle it.
Being here In Ireland where no one really knew who she was had made it so much easier for her, she was glad that Seamus had insisted she come back with him. Here at least she had happy memories around her she could draw on, of being with her grandmother and Seamus, when she had visited.
The day before she had asked Seamus to take her to her grandmother grave where she had laid fresh flowers and for once had felt totally at peace with herself as she spent an hour or so sitting by the grave with her memories of her grandmother she could recall
Today she had woken up without the sense of dread filling her that had dogged her for the last year or so, and actually felt like doing something other than just sitting around or sleeping, which was why she had been in Seamus's kitchen making lunch for them, it had only been ham and cheese sandwhiches and tea, but the simple task made her feel she could start dealing with those little things in her life again.
Bono turning up had thrown her into a bit of a fluster, but she was not going to let it knock her back completely.
In the last few weeks Seamus had been trying to drill into her brain, that she couldn't and shouldn't give into the dispair or depression, if not for her sake then for his at least.
He had been so good and kind to her, and the fact that it seemed to matter to him that she got well had forced her out of her black dispair, and she was trying hard to not dwell on how worthless she felt, and made an attempt to cope.
The doctors and specialist had told her to take it one small step at a time, and that was what she was trying to do. It was hard, but she felt she was making a little progress, and wouldn't let Bono's arrival knock her back again.
Taking a deep breath she got up and went over to finish buttering the bread and cutting the cheese, she was going to make lunch if it was the last thing she would ever do......
Meanwhile back in the living room Bono sensed that his presence had made Antonia uneasy, and even Seamus shifted uncomfortable as she quickly disappeared back into the kitchen,
"Sorry about that, I am afraid she is feeling a little fragile at the moment, not much up to dealing with company" he apologised.
"Its ok" Bono replied "Anyway I don't plan on staying long just needed to ask you a favour, or rather your sister Pat a favour, if she would like to come by and do a bit of cleaning for me now I will be staying a while, I will pay her good rates of course"
"Well I can't see Pat turning the offer down, she needs all the money she can get, with four of her five kids still living with her" Seamus replied with a smile "I will give her a ring and let you know"
"That would be great" Bono nodded "Well I had better be heading, got a lot to sort out, probably catchya later" he started to walk b out towards the front door and just stopped breifly remembering, "And um, give Antonia my regards"
"Will do" Seamus replied "And when you visit O'Rourkes, I will make sure the first drink is on the house courtesy of me"
"I will hold you to that" Bono laughed then with a wave he was gone.
Once Bono's car drove away Seamus went in to check on Antonia, who was busy pouring out the tea
"Are you OK?" he enquired with concern "Sorry if seeing Bono upset you in anyway, I never realised you had met him...I thought seeing another face other than my ugly mug might cheer you up a bit"
Antonia couldn't help smiling at his last remark, "I am fine I think, I am just so sorry I probably ambarrased you by disappearing like that.. and I don't know what Bono must think of me, it wasn't that I didn't want to be in his company, it just brought back some bad memories connected with our meeting that I had of Gareth" she finished with a small frown.
Then putting down the tea pot after pouring tea into the two cups, she turned to face Seamus, with a little look of dispair in her hazel eyes
"Do you think I will be ever normal again... sometimes I get so scared-" she broke of there running a hand nervously through her hair
Seamus was over to her in an instant "Of course you are going to be normal, you are getting there slowly but surely, don't go upsetting yourself, remember one step at a time, and I am going to be here to help you all the way so don't you start fretting and getting yourself in a state, you hear me" he told her
She managed a small nod and hugged him "I am so glad I have you Seamus...sometimes I wish my mother had married you and you were my father.. I have a feeling my life would be a lot different" tears welled up in her eyes as her arms tightened around him.
"I know Toni, I know... But its going to get better, I promise" Seamus managed to reply patting her comfortingly on the back trying to keep his own emotions in check before he ended up in tears too.
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Poor Antonia. 
