Antonia wasn't aware of Bono coming towards her until he spoke up "hey, hows are you?"
She turned to her hazel eyes in his direction slightly startled to see him standing there
"Creeping up on me again?" she queried this time only she was smiling
"Not intentionallly" Bono grinned "Just came to check if you are ok, just called to Pat's house to offer her my sympathy, Seamus was concerned you hadn't returned to the house.. so I told him I would come and check on you"
"I see," she replied and turned to stare at the headstone of her grandmothers grave.
"Poor Seamus.. he worries about me too much" she remarked
"I was just standing here thinking on my grandmother, I never knew her for very long.. four years or so then she died.. but you know the time I did spend with her here in Ireland it was special.. all good memories.. I wish my father had let me come to Ireland sooner so I would have known her longer.. but he thought I was better of at boarding school with strangers... oh they were good to me, took care of me... but then they were getting paid for it."
Antonia paused as she recalled some distant memory and smiled I think my grandmother was the first person who made me feel like I was really loved and wanted and not so alone in the world.. and then death came and snatched it from me"
"I am so sorry Toni" Bono told her quietly "It must have been hard for you"
"Yes it was" Antonia nodded, "Thats when I met Gareth and married him, I thought it would replace what I had lost with my grandmother that someone would love me... but I guess I got that wrong" she let out a small bitter laugh.
"Then I realised I was more alone than ever, until Seamus came and rescued me and give me a reason to live again... but I was just thinking if anything happens to him there is no one else who really cares...And I will all be alone again" her expression was desolate as she wrapped her arms around herself as if trying to protect herself from what the future might hold for her.
Bono was unable to bear it. He went over and put his arms around her hugging her tight " hey C'mon that's not true Toni, you have me, I care about you.. I will be here for you" he reminded her
She pulled away a little from him to look into his eyes, a tremor of a smile on her lips, her hand reached up to stroke his cheek
"You are very sweet.. but lets face it, probably this time next year or the year after that, you will meet some pretty supermodel and get married and settle down... and thats only expected, and forget all about me"
His blue eyes scanned her face, openly disturbed by this assumption, and he shook his head a little
"That's not going to happen, I am not going to forget you.. I couldn't even if I wanted to, I am beginning to realise that now. The truth is I don't want to forget you, or find some supermodel to settle down with.. I want to be with you, If I had a choice I would happily spend the rest of my life loving you taking care of you.. so don't say you don't matter to me, because that is far from the reality
Seeing the raw open emotion in his expression made her heart jolt.. he was talking to her as a lover now not just a friend.. she hadn't realised until that moment how deep his feeling were for her, just as she felt for him
This had come as a shock to her, she was still trying to take it in.. was this just because he felt pity of her.. but even if it wasn't and his feelings mirrored her own.. it could not be.. things were too complicated they could not go down that path she realised painfully and she had no right to give him or herself any hope that it could
She put her fingers to his lips " Oh please don't say anymore" she murmered pleadingly "You can't, you mustn't-" she broke of there
as his hand came up to grasp her wrist and he pressed his mouth in a tender kiss against her fingers, wishing it was her lips, but restraining himself knowing the action would be his undoing and realising how emotionally fragile she was, he did not want to make the situation any worse
"I know" he finally replied understandingly his tone thick with emotion.
She felt his body shudder as he tried to regain control and get his emotions back in check, but couldn't resist putting his arms around her and enveloping her in a one last tight hug to comfort himself as much as her.. knowing it was all he could allow himself to do.
"I am sorry I should not have said anything.. only I can't bear to see you so unhappy.. and its been driving me crazy these last few weeks, knowing how I was feeling towards you, and not able to say or do anything about it" he told her
"I didn't realise" she replied clinging to him "I thought that I-" she was about to confess her own feelings towards him too, only never got the chance and she heard a voice call her name.
They let go of each other, she looked blindly round to see Aileen standing uncertainly a short distance away
"Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt.. only Pat and Seamus were wondering where you had got to as Seamus has to go now and get back to the pub to open it" she explained.
"Oh of course.. I-Iam coming now" Antonia replied hastily trying to pull herself together.
"Are you alright?" Aileen asked in concern as she aproached her
"Yes.. I was just a bit upset thinking about my Gran.. Bono was trying to comfort me.. but I am ok now" Antonia explained aware that Bono was walking just behind her.
"Oh I see" Aileen replied with a speculative glance between Antonia and Bono, who was keeping his head down
When they got near the house he spoke up "I had better get back to my place some last minute stuff to sort out before I
go"
He had trouble looking Antonia in the eye as he toyed with the car keys in his hand as a distraction
"You just take care of yourselves ok" he hoped his tone sounded a lot more casual than he felt
"We will" Antonia replied quietly and watched him go over to get into his car, Aileen waved him of before she and Antonia went back into the house
Seamus kept giving Antonia a glance of concern as he drove her back to his place to drop her of before heading out to open the pub
"Are you sure you are ok?" he enquired "You seem very quiet"
"I am fine" Antonia tried to reassure him with a small smile, "I am sorry just the funeral made my thoughts turn a little morbid
but I will be ok"
"You know if there is anything wrong you can talk to me" Seamus then said.
"I know" she returned, but even so did not think it was appropriate to tell him what had happened between her and Bono in the grave yard.. not when she was still trying to figure it out for herself, her emotions were all over the place.. and she would be glad when Seamus dropped her of at the house where she could be alone to reassess them and what had happened.
But when they finally reached the drive way of Seamus's house there was a large dark car already parked in it, that seemed familar to Antonia.
Her heart was in her mouth as she seen the driver get out and realised who it was. All thoughts of what had just happened with her and Bono vanished, she clutched Seamus's arm.
"Oh my God....she exclaimed in shock, Its my Father!"
She turned to her hazel eyes in his direction slightly startled to see him standing there
"Creeping up on me again?" she queried this time only she was smiling
"Not intentionallly" Bono grinned "Just came to check if you are ok, just called to Pat's house to offer her my sympathy, Seamus was concerned you hadn't returned to the house.. so I told him I would come and check on you"
"I see," she replied and turned to stare at the headstone of her grandmothers grave.
"Poor Seamus.. he worries about me too much" she remarked
"I was just standing here thinking on my grandmother, I never knew her for very long.. four years or so then she died.. but you know the time I did spend with her here in Ireland it was special.. all good memories.. I wish my father had let me come to Ireland sooner so I would have known her longer.. but he thought I was better of at boarding school with strangers... oh they were good to me, took care of me... but then they were getting paid for it."
Antonia paused as she recalled some distant memory and smiled I think my grandmother was the first person who made me feel like I was really loved and wanted and not so alone in the world.. and then death came and snatched it from me"
"I am so sorry Toni" Bono told her quietly "It must have been hard for you"
"Yes it was" Antonia nodded, "Thats when I met Gareth and married him, I thought it would replace what I had lost with my grandmother that someone would love me... but I guess I got that wrong" she let out a small bitter laugh.
"Then I realised I was more alone than ever, until Seamus came and rescued me and give me a reason to live again... but I was just thinking if anything happens to him there is no one else who really cares...And I will all be alone again" her expression was desolate as she wrapped her arms around herself as if trying to protect herself from what the future might hold for her.
Bono was unable to bear it. He went over and put his arms around her hugging her tight " hey C'mon that's not true Toni, you have me, I care about you.. I will be here for you" he reminded her
She pulled away a little from him to look into his eyes, a tremor of a smile on her lips, her hand reached up to stroke his cheek
"You are very sweet.. but lets face it, probably this time next year or the year after that, you will meet some pretty supermodel and get married and settle down... and thats only expected, and forget all about me"
His blue eyes scanned her face, openly disturbed by this assumption, and he shook his head a little
"That's not going to happen, I am not going to forget you.. I couldn't even if I wanted to, I am beginning to realise that now. The truth is I don't want to forget you, or find some supermodel to settle down with.. I want to be with you, If I had a choice I would happily spend the rest of my life loving you taking care of you.. so don't say you don't matter to me, because that is far from the reality
Seeing the raw open emotion in his expression made her heart jolt.. he was talking to her as a lover now not just a friend.. she hadn't realised until that moment how deep his feeling were for her, just as she felt for him
This had come as a shock to her, she was still trying to take it in.. was this just because he felt pity of her.. but even if it wasn't and his feelings mirrored her own.. it could not be.. things were too complicated they could not go down that path she realised painfully and she had no right to give him or herself any hope that it could
She put her fingers to his lips " Oh please don't say anymore" she murmered pleadingly "You can't, you mustn't-" she broke of there
as his hand came up to grasp her wrist and he pressed his mouth in a tender kiss against her fingers, wishing it was her lips, but restraining himself knowing the action would be his undoing and realising how emotionally fragile she was, he did not want to make the situation any worse
"I know" he finally replied understandingly his tone thick with emotion.
She felt his body shudder as he tried to regain control and get his emotions back in check, but couldn't resist putting his arms around her and enveloping her in a one last tight hug to comfort himself as much as her.. knowing it was all he could allow himself to do.
"I am sorry I should not have said anything.. only I can't bear to see you so unhappy.. and its been driving me crazy these last few weeks, knowing how I was feeling towards you, and not able to say or do anything about it" he told her
"I didn't realise" she replied clinging to him "I thought that I-" she was about to confess her own feelings towards him too, only never got the chance and she heard a voice call her name.
They let go of each other, she looked blindly round to see Aileen standing uncertainly a short distance away
"Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt.. only Pat and Seamus were wondering where you had got to as Seamus has to go now and get back to the pub to open it" she explained.
"Oh of course.. I-Iam coming now" Antonia replied hastily trying to pull herself together.
"Are you alright?" Aileen asked in concern as she aproached her
"Yes.. I was just a bit upset thinking about my Gran.. Bono was trying to comfort me.. but I am ok now" Antonia explained aware that Bono was walking just behind her.
"Oh I see" Aileen replied with a speculative glance between Antonia and Bono, who was keeping his head down
When they got near the house he spoke up "I had better get back to my place some last minute stuff to sort out before I
go"
He had trouble looking Antonia in the eye as he toyed with the car keys in his hand as a distraction
"You just take care of yourselves ok" he hoped his tone sounded a lot more casual than he felt
"We will" Antonia replied quietly and watched him go over to get into his car, Aileen waved him of before she and Antonia went back into the house
Seamus kept giving Antonia a glance of concern as he drove her back to his place to drop her of before heading out to open the pub
"Are you sure you are ok?" he enquired "You seem very quiet"
"I am fine" Antonia tried to reassure him with a small smile, "I am sorry just the funeral made my thoughts turn a little morbid
but I will be ok"
"You know if there is anything wrong you can talk to me" Seamus then said.
"I know" she returned, but even so did not think it was appropriate to tell him what had happened between her and Bono in the grave yard.. not when she was still trying to figure it out for herself, her emotions were all over the place.. and she would be glad when Seamus dropped her of at the house where she could be alone to reassess them and what had happened.
But when they finally reached the drive way of Seamus's house there was a large dark car already parked in it, that seemed familar to Antonia.
Her heart was in her mouth as she seen the driver get out and realised who it was. All thoughts of what had just happened with her and Bono vanished, she clutched Seamus's arm.
"Oh my God....she exclaimed in shock, Its my Father!"
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