|02-23-2005, 01:53 AM||#1|
Join Date: Dec 2003
Local Time: 11:56 AM
lessons in love part 6
Antonia stood on the steep grassy hillside taking in the view in front of her of the rugged irish coastline below. On a good day the scene was calm peaceful and tranquil, but when the weather was not so good, like today when it was grey cold and blustery, and rain threatened to burst from the stormy dark clouds in the sky, the calm sea had become restless and the white foaming waves dashing against the rocks.__________________
Watching it Antonia felt her own stormy restless soul was at one with the scenery, and found the biting wind strangely invigorating.
Part of her therapy for when she was feeling down, was to go for long walks to help clear her head, usually Seamus accompanied her, but today was different. He had been needed to sort deliveries at the bar, he had not wanted to leave Antonia on her own, still very protective and concerned how she could cope.
But Antonia had convinced him she would be fine on her own, and assured him she would not do anything stupid to herself, if that was his worry.
He was still reluctant pointing out she could come with him to the village and stay in his private office, But Antonia was already feeling guilty that poor Seamus seem to have brought his own usual life to a halt to care for her, and she felt like she had to start standing on her own too feet, at least she was starting to cope with that idea again... she had pointed this out to him and he had finally agreed to go, promising to be back in a few hours and if she needed him at all to phone him.
She promised she would but felt sure she could cope fine on her own. But once he was gone, and the house suddenly grew silent
after a half hour of fittering around the place she felt like the walls were closing in on her, and realised it was not as easyas she first thought,
But she refuse to give into the sudden sense of loneliness and gloom that threatened to settle on her and end up having to phone Seamus telling him she couldnt handle it, So she had put on her coat and decided to go for a walk, feeling sure with such bad weather it would make her feel grateful when she returned to the house and it would feel a lot cosier.
She had started of on a brisk walk, but it had slowed down to a saunter as she approached the coastline, and here she found herself stopping to stare out at the grey restless sea that stretched out to meet the equally grey skyline in the horizon, and suddenly Antonia didnt feel so alone anymore, her mind shifting from her own inward demons to concentrate on admiring her surroundings, and feeling at one with them,
The strong sharp wind almost felt like it would lift her of her feet when it blew in the stronger gusts, and she found herself thinking it would kind of be good to be carried of by the wind over the sea just letting it take her to where ever it wanted, she could relinquish control of herself to the wind, and she never have to worry about what direction or desicion to take next it would do it for her and then she wouldn't have a care in the world .. the idea seemed very appealing, she closed her eyes for a moment imagining that was what was happening to her, it made her feel so relaxed... then a voice interrupted her reverie....
"The scenery is kindda breathtaking. I have to admit"
Opening her eyes Antonia swung round and found Bono standing a few yards away from her. He was dressed in a sheepskin coat
his hand stuffed into the pockets of his jeans and wore a cap on his head, but now he took one of his hands out of his pocket to tilt his cap upwards at the front, so he could see better and flashed her a small smile, "Bit of a windy day isn't it?" he then remarked
"You are making quite a habit out of appearing out of nowhere behind me when I least expect it" Antonia remarked, not sure sure how to deal with his sudden intrusion.
"He had the grace to squirm a little and looked apologetic "Yeah I guess I do, sorry about that.. I was just passing by saw you here on your own, you looked a little lost, I thought I would check to see you were ok" he then explained.
"Well as you can see.. I am fine" Antonia assured him
"Yeah, I guess so" Bono replied with a small nod of his head "Sorry again, I didn't mean to intrude, if you are just wanting some privacy I will be on my way" he went to turn to walk away.
Antonia watched him, biting on her lower lip anxiously hoping she had not sounded rude.. that had not been her intention.. she was just finding it difficult lately talking and relating with people, now she felt bad... he had only been showing concern for her after all.
"Wait!" she found herself calling out after him.
Bono stopped and turned, his blue eyes meeting hers enquiringly.
"You don't have to go, I am sorry if I was a bit abrupt.. and I feel I also need to apologise to you for the other day when you came to Seamus' house and I walked away on you then as well rather rudely... I didn't mean to make it seem like I objected to your company.. that was not the case, and it is not the case now" she told him managing a small, and what she hoped friendlier smile.
"Its alright" Bono returned, "Makes kind of a change for me, a woman giving me the brush of" he grinned "Guess my ol charm isn't as strong as I thought it was" His light hearted remark turning the moment on himself as a joke had the desired affect to break what ever tension had lay between them as Antonia laughed suddenly feeling at ease in his presence, much to his relief.
He had been taking a stroll himself when he had come across Antonia standing seeming lost in a world of her own that had made him a little concerned, he had been torn whether to approach her or not to disturb her, but in the end his concern won. If anything had happened to her and he had done nothing.. he would have felt bad.. so in the end it had been worth getting his head bit of, as long as he knew she was ok.
"So are you enjoying your stay in Ireland?" he asked just to make casual conversation on what he hoped was a safe topic
"Yes, I have always loved coming here" Antonia replied with a small smile, "And Seamus has been so good to me, I don't know how I will ever repay him for his kindness"
"Yeah I don't think I have known him as long as you, but I do know he is a good man" Bono agreed
"Sometimes I think he is an absolute saint" Antonia then said "Espicially when I think how he has put up with me this past few weeks" she turned to stare out at the sea again as she spoke, the wind whipping her dark hair against her redden cheeks
Bono decided not to comment on her remark, perceptively realising she was probably addressing it more to herself than to him.
Now she turned her hazel eyes back on him as if suddenly remembering he was there, "I am sorry I am not exactly at my best at the moment, things have been a little..tough lately, it's been a while from I have socialized in company"
"Its ok" Bono told her, his tone gentle. his eyes understanding "Remember, you don't need to put on your happy face for my sake"
She felt her face heat up a little at the rememberance of the night at the charity ball. It made her recall the time on the balcony when she had been trying to hold it together and to pretend she was handling everything going on in her life, when that wasn't the case at all, he had been the first to get a glimpse of her vunerability and her true feelings.
She realised would be a bit foolish now to pretend she was wonderful in front of him,and even though they were hardly aquainted that well with each other, he had seen a side of her no one else had, and she suddenly didn't feel the strain of having to pretend be something she was not it was a relief in a way.
After all it had been her attempt to act like her life was great, and not facing up to the mess that had been her downfall in the end.. She was slowly starting to understand it was alright not to be perfect espicially in front of other people"
But now another thought suddenly came to her about the present, making her frown
"I just realised how long I have been standing here..If Seamus gets back to the house and I am not there he will get himself into a panic thinking something has happened to me.. I had really better be getting back"
She went to walk past Bono, then came to a halt and turned to him as another thought occurred to her, "If you are heading back that way yourself, you can walk with me if you like, perhaps I could make you coffee or something to make up for my earlier rudeness"
"Well, I don't want to feel like I am imposing on you any further" Bono replied sounding a little reluctant, not sure if she just inviting him out of some sort of politness
"You won't be" Antonia assured him "I think I would really like the company actually" she added, much to her surprise finding she genuinely meant it and she smiled
"Sure thing, coffee it is then" Bono returned and fell into step with her as they made their way back to Seamus' house.
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