Echo
War Child
This one is a little different.
When trying to come up with an idea for a new script I realized that no matter what the scenario, the plot would be the same: Edge blushes, Larry talks about his meat...Frankly, the PLEBA scripts, however funny they were, became almost incestuous in their use of inside jokes and scandalous slapstick.
So I took a step back and came up with a new plan.
This script is based on the classic story of Salome. Considering U2 had written a song about her, I figured it was as appropriate a classic story as any to base a script on. There's still a few inside jokes and Mona-isms, but be warned; the word "button" is not once mentioned in the following piece of work.
My script is actually taken more from Oscar Wilde's version, rather than the more condensed biblical account of Salome and John the Baptist, but consult your local New Testament for the original story if you're confused.
...
*Adam, Larry, and Edge stand guard outside the Clarence Hotel. As guests are escorted in the main entrance, these three men are relegated to a side door.*
ADAM: Why am I holding a spear?
EDGE: You're a guard.
ADAM: Well, why am I a guard, and, more importantly, NOT a guest at Bono's party?
LARRY: Because behind this door (gestures) is a very special man. Bono's been holding him prisoner for a while now, in anticipation of an event whose significance he has not revealed yet.
EDGE: We're here because we're the men Bono trusts more than anyone else in the world.
ADAM: (blinks) Is this gonna end up with you and Bono getting it on?
EDGE: It's not THAT kind of classic.
ADAM: Oh yeah? Then how come there's no chicks here?
LARRY: Why do there need to be chicks here?
ADAM: I am standing outside a swank hotel holding a spear which has not been sufficiently explained to me and I see no women! You have to admit I am perfectly justified in being apprehensive.
EDGE: I assure you, there will be nothing of that sort going on. Bono and I are just good friends...from now on...
ADAM: Alright that's it. If I don't see a girl in the next thirty seconds I am throwing down this spear and leaving...well, I may take the spear with me, it's kind of neat...
*Mona comes round the corner and into the alley where Adam, Larry, and Edge are situated. She's fresh from the party; just taking a break from the hustle and bustle, she is resplendent in her black cocktail dress and is clutching a martini.*
LARRY: There's one now!
ADAM: How do you know that's really a girl? There are a lot of convincing transvestites out there.
EDGE: What a terrible thing to say!
LARRY: Well of course they're convincing compared to YOUR cross-dressing endeavors.
MONA: Hey guys, what's goin' on?
ADAM: (eyes Mona warily) If you're really a girl...Which member of U2 do you most want to defile?
MONA: Bono! Of course!
EDGE: Yep. She's the real deal. The men always go for Larry.
MONA: What are you guys doing back here? The party's inside! Hey, cool spear!
EDGE: We have to guard this door. Inside is Bono's prisoner.
MONA: Ooh, a prisoner! Did Bono tie him up? Lucky prisoner.
LARRY: It is the prophet Brian Eno.
MONA: Bring him out, I want to have a look at him.
EDGE: I don't think that's such a good idea.
MONA: What, does he look like a walrus or something. Come on, I can take it.
LARRY: I really don't think we should. It's dangerous.
MONA: Please? If you show him to me, I'll get you into the party.
ADAM: Say no more!
*Before the others can protest, Adam has opened the door and retrieved the prophet, who now stands before them.*
MONA: So you're the one they call Brian Eno.
BRIAN ENO: (doesn't seem to notice Mona. Stares into the distance) Where is she who builds animatrons and renders graven images of naked rock stars?
MONA: Hey! He's talking about Echo!
EDGE: Oh, no, no! He's just, uh...just talking nonsense.
BRIAN ENO: Where is she who speaks scandalously of goateed guitarists and wiles away her hours writing pointless screwball comedies?
MONA: He IS talking about Echo! How dare he!
BRIAN ENO: (now speaking directly to Mona) And YOU! You should be ashamed! Lusting after men twice your age! Drowning the cities in your tamale-induced drool! Scandalizing the masses! How many have you made suffer? How many, I ask! Harlot!
MONA: Put him away!
*Mona leaves in a huff and returns to the party. Bono has been waiting eagerly for her return. He sits in a beanbag chair, holding a glass of Guinness and chatting up various senators and lounge singers. Not too far from him is Echo, brooding on a davenport next to Stewart Copeland, who to her dismay is not yet undressed.*
*When Bono sees Mona, he sits up (as best he can in a beanbag chair) and spills his Guinness in excitement.*
BONO: You're back! Just the girl I wanted to see; I've been waiting to ask something of you.
MONA: (gleam in her eye) Are you gonna ask me to be your...(gasp) Elevation Technician?
BONO: Actually, I was going to ask you to clean the loo...But first! Mona, I want you to dance for me.
MONA: Dance? But...what kind of dance shall I do?
BONO: Well, bumping is mandatory....grinding is optional. (grins)
*And so Mona dances for Bono. He watches with amazement. Echo looks on, seething. Not because of Mona; she's just always seething.*
ECHO: Are you SURE you won't get naked for me? I'm an artist, you know, it would all be perfectly legitimate.
STEWART COPELAND: Look lady, I don't know who you are, but I've got a wife and kids at home!
ECHO: (points) So does he.
BONO: Yow! Shake it, shake it, shake it Mona!
*Mona finishes her dance with a twirl in Bono's direction.*
BONO: Rock n' roll, doggie! That was incredible! Mona, you have performed a divine service and will reward you. You can have anything you desire, just ask it of me.
MONA: Woo hoo! Hot Bono lovin'!
ECHO: Psst! Mona!
MONA: (turns) What?
ECHO: Come here a sec.
*Mona approaches the perpetually morose and vindictive Echo.*
ECHO: I heard what Bono told you. I want you to ask this of him...(She whispers her request in Mona's ear)
MONA: No way! I am about to get some hot Bono lovin' over here! I'm not gonna ask him for THAT!
ECHO: Come on, please? Didn't I introduce you to ScottPhisto?
MONA: My soulmate! (swoon) Well, I guess I owe you one. But I really needed that hot Bono lovin', I want you to know that.
*Mona returns to Bono.*
BONO: Well, what is it you desire? Diamonds and a ring of gold?
MONA: I want the head of Brian Eno on a silver platter.
BONO: What?! I can't do that. I'll give you half what I got...all the lemons your heart desires...
MONA: No dice. I want Eno's noggin on a plate. You promised.
BONO: (sighs) Well, I suppose I did. (He signals for Edge, Larry, and Adam to commence Brian Eno's decapitation)
ECHO: Hmph. That oughta settle HIS hash...
------------------
*Echo* The Proud Owner of Animatronic Edge!
"Romance is dead. Turns out all this time someone had just put sunglasses
on it and propped it up in a chair." -James "Kibo" Parry
"Admit it. You got a stiffy." - Edge
Bono-Man! An Epic Superhero Adventure!
http://www.geocities.com/bonogoestovegas
The Official PLEBA Glossary: Delicious AND Nutritious!
http://www.vodkatea.com/g/glossary.asp?gid=165
When trying to come up with an idea for a new script I realized that no matter what the scenario, the plot would be the same: Edge blushes, Larry talks about his meat...Frankly, the PLEBA scripts, however funny they were, became almost incestuous in their use of inside jokes and scandalous slapstick.
So I took a step back and came up with a new plan.
This script is based on the classic story of Salome. Considering U2 had written a song about her, I figured it was as appropriate a classic story as any to base a script on. There's still a few inside jokes and Mona-isms, but be warned; the word "button" is not once mentioned in the following piece of work.
My script is actually taken more from Oscar Wilde's version, rather than the more condensed biblical account of Salome and John the Baptist, but consult your local New Testament for the original story if you're confused.
...
*Adam, Larry, and Edge stand guard outside the Clarence Hotel. As guests are escorted in the main entrance, these three men are relegated to a side door.*
ADAM: Why am I holding a spear?
EDGE: You're a guard.
ADAM: Well, why am I a guard, and, more importantly, NOT a guest at Bono's party?
LARRY: Because behind this door (gestures) is a very special man. Bono's been holding him prisoner for a while now, in anticipation of an event whose significance he has not revealed yet.
EDGE: We're here because we're the men Bono trusts more than anyone else in the world.
ADAM: (blinks) Is this gonna end up with you and Bono getting it on?
EDGE: It's not THAT kind of classic.
ADAM: Oh yeah? Then how come there's no chicks here?
LARRY: Why do there need to be chicks here?
ADAM: I am standing outside a swank hotel holding a spear which has not been sufficiently explained to me and I see no women! You have to admit I am perfectly justified in being apprehensive.
EDGE: I assure you, there will be nothing of that sort going on. Bono and I are just good friends...from now on...
ADAM: Alright that's it. If I don't see a girl in the next thirty seconds I am throwing down this spear and leaving...well, I may take the spear with me, it's kind of neat...
*Mona comes round the corner and into the alley where Adam, Larry, and Edge are situated. She's fresh from the party; just taking a break from the hustle and bustle, she is resplendent in her black cocktail dress and is clutching a martini.*
LARRY: There's one now!
ADAM: How do you know that's really a girl? There are a lot of convincing transvestites out there.
EDGE: What a terrible thing to say!
LARRY: Well of course they're convincing compared to YOUR cross-dressing endeavors.
MONA: Hey guys, what's goin' on?
ADAM: (eyes Mona warily) If you're really a girl...Which member of U2 do you most want to defile?
MONA: Bono! Of course!
EDGE: Yep. She's the real deal. The men always go for Larry.
MONA: What are you guys doing back here? The party's inside! Hey, cool spear!
EDGE: We have to guard this door. Inside is Bono's prisoner.
MONA: Ooh, a prisoner! Did Bono tie him up? Lucky prisoner.
LARRY: It is the prophet Brian Eno.
MONA: Bring him out, I want to have a look at him.
EDGE: I don't think that's such a good idea.
MONA: What, does he look like a walrus or something. Come on, I can take it.
LARRY: I really don't think we should. It's dangerous.
MONA: Please? If you show him to me, I'll get you into the party.
ADAM: Say no more!
*Before the others can protest, Adam has opened the door and retrieved the prophet, who now stands before them.*
MONA: So you're the one they call Brian Eno.
BRIAN ENO: (doesn't seem to notice Mona. Stares into the distance) Where is she who builds animatrons and renders graven images of naked rock stars?
MONA: Hey! He's talking about Echo!
EDGE: Oh, no, no! He's just, uh...just talking nonsense.
BRIAN ENO: Where is she who speaks scandalously of goateed guitarists and wiles away her hours writing pointless screwball comedies?
MONA: He IS talking about Echo! How dare he!
BRIAN ENO: (now speaking directly to Mona) And YOU! You should be ashamed! Lusting after men twice your age! Drowning the cities in your tamale-induced drool! Scandalizing the masses! How many have you made suffer? How many, I ask! Harlot!
MONA: Put him away!
*Mona leaves in a huff and returns to the party. Bono has been waiting eagerly for her return. He sits in a beanbag chair, holding a glass of Guinness and chatting up various senators and lounge singers. Not too far from him is Echo, brooding on a davenport next to Stewart Copeland, who to her dismay is not yet undressed.*
*When Bono sees Mona, he sits up (as best he can in a beanbag chair) and spills his Guinness in excitement.*
BONO: You're back! Just the girl I wanted to see; I've been waiting to ask something of you.
MONA: (gleam in her eye) Are you gonna ask me to be your...(gasp) Elevation Technician?
BONO: Actually, I was going to ask you to clean the loo...But first! Mona, I want you to dance for me.
MONA: Dance? But...what kind of dance shall I do?
BONO: Well, bumping is mandatory....grinding is optional. (grins)
*And so Mona dances for Bono. He watches with amazement. Echo looks on, seething. Not because of Mona; she's just always seething.*
ECHO: Are you SURE you won't get naked for me? I'm an artist, you know, it would all be perfectly legitimate.
STEWART COPELAND: Look lady, I don't know who you are, but I've got a wife and kids at home!
ECHO: (points) So does he.
BONO: Yow! Shake it, shake it, shake it Mona!
*Mona finishes her dance with a twirl in Bono's direction.*
BONO: Rock n' roll, doggie! That was incredible! Mona, you have performed a divine service and will reward you. You can have anything you desire, just ask it of me.
MONA: Woo hoo! Hot Bono lovin'!
ECHO: Psst! Mona!
MONA: (turns) What?
ECHO: Come here a sec.
*Mona approaches the perpetually morose and vindictive Echo.*
ECHO: I heard what Bono told you. I want you to ask this of him...(She whispers her request in Mona's ear)
MONA: No way! I am about to get some hot Bono lovin' over here! I'm not gonna ask him for THAT!
ECHO: Come on, please? Didn't I introduce you to ScottPhisto?
MONA: My soulmate! (swoon) Well, I guess I owe you one. But I really needed that hot Bono lovin', I want you to know that.
*Mona returns to Bono.*
BONO: Well, what is it you desire? Diamonds and a ring of gold?
MONA: I want the head of Brian Eno on a silver platter.
BONO: What?! I can't do that. I'll give you half what I got...all the lemons your heart desires...
MONA: No dice. I want Eno's noggin on a plate. You promised.
BONO: (sighs) Well, I suppose I did. (He signals for Edge, Larry, and Adam to commence Brian Eno's decapitation)
ECHO: Hmph. That oughta settle HIS hash...
------------------
*Echo* The Proud Owner of Animatronic Edge!
"Romance is dead. Turns out all this time someone had just put sunglasses
on it and propped it up in a chair." -James "Kibo" Parry
"Admit it. You got a stiffy." - Edge
Bono-Man! An Epic Superhero Adventure!
http://www.geocities.com/bonogoestovegas
The Official PLEBA Glossary: Delicious AND Nutritious!
http://www.vodkatea.com/g/glossary.asp?gid=165
