Funny top 10 list

ILuvLarryMullen · 09-06-2002, 04:00 AM

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR AMISH TEEN IS IN TROUBLE:

10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without
bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, 'cause
the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the
influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

I love the rap one

MiniFly · 09-06-2002, 04:08 AM

Thankee Shannon, for thou has't made me spit water all over mine keyboard.

*BOOMCHAA!* · 09-06-2002, 08:50 AM

HEH! Women without bonnets!!!

MonaVox · 09-06-2002, 08:51 AM

cottage cheese and no bonnets!!!!!!!

wertsie · 09-06-2002, 09:20 AM

Anybody have any other funny top ten lists? Why not post 'em?!

Gina Marie · 09-06-2002, 09:33 AM

I LOVE Letterman Top Ten Lists..

Btw, this isn't a 'political statement' or anything like it-this was the current list on his site.

Top Ten Things Overheard In Bill Clinton's Negotiations With CBS

10. "Please, get your hand off my knee"

9. "I'm interested in CBS because of the long tradition -- screw it -- I just want the $50 million"

8. "Please, get your hand off my knee"

7. "Sorry, I can't provide references from my last job"

6. "Please, zip your pants and get your hand off my knee"

5. "If you want Letterman's time slot we'll can his ass in a heartbeat"

4. "Here's a list of the dry cleaners in the area"

3. "I don't think all of your shows should be about strippers"

2. "Please, get your hand off yourself"

1. "Tell me about the internship program"

souLnation2002 · 09-07-2002, 04:02 PM

hippy · 09-07-2002, 05:02 PM

Thou sucketh!

MissVelvetDress_75 · 09-07-2002, 05:06 PM

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!!!

oh those lists are f

ing funny!!!!!!!!

[Q]6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
[/Q]

[q]4. "Here's a list of the dry cleaners in the area"[/q]

DML · 09-07-2002, 06:50 PM

HAHAHAHA!

Remember that Amish Paradise song by Weird Al? My father wanted to move my family to the Amish lands when I was in 8th grade.

adamswildhoney · 09-07-2002, 06:56 PM

Thoses are great!

Gina Marie · 09-07-2002, 08:16 PM

Top Ten Lance Bass Excuses For Not Going Into Space

10. Hair too spiky to fit in helmet

9. After seeing the motion picture "Signs" realized there's monsters in outer space!

8. Didn't want to miss "American Idol" finale

7. Hard to find people who'll pay $20 million to indulge spoiled pop star and his childish fantasies

6. If something happens to him, who for the love of God will entertain America?

5. Why observe earth's splendor from space when you could go to McDonald's or something?

4. Who schedules training sessions at unreasonable hour of 10am?

3. Doesn't need excuses 'cause if you ask me he's already out of this world!

2. Blew most of the necessary $20 million on hookers and gum

1. He's *N Scared

Top Ten Ways To Describe Donald Trump's Hair

10. Odd

9. Peculiar

8. Windswept

7. Trumpy

6. Strangely hypnotic

5. Unbe-weave-able

4. Wiggy

3. Stylish (dumb guys only)

2. Proof money can't buy everything

1. Taj Ma-helmet

What is up w/ that guy's hair anyway?

Liesje · 09-07-2002, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by DML
HAHAHAHA! Remember that Amish Paradise song by Weird Al?

Dood, that was great!

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain. But that's juts perfect for an Amish like me you know I shun fancy things like electricity. At four thirty in the morning I'm milking cows, Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows, fool, I've been milking and plowing so long that even Ezekial thinks that my mind is gone! But if you finish all your chores and I finish mine, then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699!

*chorus I don't remember*

A tourist kicked me in the butt last week, I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek. I really don't care infact I wish him well, cus I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell! I don't wear buttons but I've got a cool hat and my homies agree I really look good in black. I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline, got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin.....gah! that's all I remember, the shitty "music" from outside is distracting me!

Liesje · 09-07-2002, 09:20 PM

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Brooke Shields/Andre Agassi Wedding

10. He must really love her -- he's actually seen all of her movies

9. Please, Ms. Seles, no grunting during the ceremony

8. Brooke has more hair in her eyebrows than Andre has on his whole head

7. Somebody call the cops, John McEnroe just punched out an usher

6. They never have sex without a line judge and a ball boy

5. Could someone give Andre a boost so he can kiss the bride?

4. Hey look! Instead of spraying champagne on the groom, they're dousing him with Rogaine

3. The only reason anyone cares about this wedding is it comes between 'Seinfeld' and 'E.R.'

2. How sweet -- his best man is Martina Navratilova

1. Just do it

Liesje · 09-07-2002, 09:21 PM

ok, guys, this one's better!

Top Ten Canadian Euphemisms For Sex

10. Playing mountie

9. Fur trapping

8. Making Peg whinny

7. Entering parliament

6. Pulling the goalie

5. Doin' it, eh?

4. Putting the "man" in Manitoba

3. High sticking

2. Stuffing a beaver -- the beaver is our national animal

1. Oh, Oh, Oh Canada

Liesje · 09-07-2002, 09:24 PM

April 20, 1994:

Top Ten Questions President Clinton Was Asked by Teens on MTV

10. Will your health-care plan cover a wicked hangover?

9. Can you make a law that they have to play more U2 videos?

8. Where's the sax, Tubby?

7. How do you keep your thighs so pasty white?

6. Does Gennifer Flowers wear boxers or briefs?

5. Is it true you wanted to remove your pants and call this Clinton Unplugged?

4. Hey, like, what's with that Gore dude?

3. This 'United States' you keep mentioning -- is that like a band or something?

2. Wow -- How'd you get your ass into those shorts?

1. Where's Beavis, Butthead?

Ultraviolet Light · 09-07-2002, 09:27 PM

50 fun things to do at the mall.
1~Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2~Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3~Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shlock.
4~Sneeze on the sample tray at Heckory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5~At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
6~Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7~Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
8~Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger Queen...
9~....but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food".
10~Follow patrons of D. Balton's around while reading aloud from Dianetics.
11~Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
12~Ask a salesman why a particular tv is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"
13~Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Snears.
14~Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
15~Test mattresses in your pajamas.
16~Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
17~If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
18~Sprint up the down escalator.
19~Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture".
20~Ask appliance personnel if they have any tvs that play only in Spanish.
21~Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
22~Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
23~At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
24~Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
25~Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
26~Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
27~Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
28~Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
29~In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."
30~Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
31~Play the tuba for change.
32~Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play "Jesus Built My Hotrod".
33~Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
34~Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz".
35~Ask the personnel at Peer 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw".
36~"Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
37~Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
38~Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.
39~Change every tv in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell". Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
40~Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!"
41~Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof".
42~"Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
43~Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
44~Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.
45~If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on your lap.
46~Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."
47~Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
48~At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
49~Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
50~Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.

Yes, I'm aware that's more than Ten, but they're playing Vanilla Ice outside - I think that's a valid excuse, don't you?

MissVelvetDress_75 · 09-07-2002, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LivLuvAndBootlegMusic
April 20, 1994:

Top Ten Questions President Clinton Was Asked by Teens on MTV

9. Can you make a law that they have to play more U2 videos?

hell yeah!!!!!

ZooEuropa · 09-09-2002, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gina Marie
I LOVE Letterman Top Ten Lists..

Btw, this isn't a 'political statement' or anything like it-this was the current list on his site.

Top Ten Things Overheard In Bill Clinton's Negotiations With CBS

10. "Please, get your hand off my knee"

9. "I'm interested in CBS because of the long tradition -- screw it -- I just want the $50 million"

8. "Please, get your hand off my knee"

7. "Sorry, I can't provide references from my last job"

6. "Please, zip your pants and get your hand off my knee"

5. "If you want Letterman's time slot we'll can his ass in a heartbeat"

4. "Here's a list of the dry cleaners in the area"

3. "I don't think all of your shows should be about strippers"

2. "Please, get your hand off yourself"

1. "Tell me about the internship program"

I saw this one too!

09-06-2002, 04:00 AM	#1
ILuvLarryMullen Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: in the sunshine Posts: 6,904 Local Time: 07:00 PM	Funny top 10 list TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR AMISH TEEN IS IN TROUBLE: 10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets. 8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup. 7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!" 6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy." 5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap." 4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks. 3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't listening." 2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese." 1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards. I love the rap one __________________

09-06-2002, 04:08 AM	#2
MiniFly War Child Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: At Johnny Depp's house. Posts: 696 Local Time: 07:00 PM	Thankee Shannon, for thou has't made me spit water all over mine keyboard. __________________

09-07-2002, 05:02 PM	#8
hippy ONE<br>love, blood, life Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Lookin' for the face I had before the world was made Posts: 12,144 Local Time: 11:00 PM	Thou sucketh! __________________ Write for Interference! Email or PM me (kim@interference.com) if you're interested.

09-07-2002, 09:27 PM	#17
Ultraviolet Light New Yorker Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 2,792 Local Time: 11:00 PM	dear GAWD where did the people outside get their MUSIC?! 50 fun things to do at the mall. 1~Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2~Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3~Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shlock. 4~Sneeze on the sample tray at Heckory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5~At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!" 6~Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles. 7~Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable. 8~Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger Queen... 9~....but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food". 10~Follow patrons of D. Balton's around while reading aloud from Dianetics. 11~Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. 12~Ask a salesman why a particular tv is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?" 13~Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Snears. 14~Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning. 15~Test mattresses in your pajamas. 16~Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels. 17~If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side. 18~Sprint up the down escalator. 19~Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture". 20~Ask appliance personnel if they have any tvs that play only in Spanish. 21~Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda. 22~Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone. 23~At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them. 24~Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner. 25~Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist. 26~Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke. 27~Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens. 28~Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard. 29~In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..." 30~Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps. 31~Play the tuba for change. 32~Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play "Jesus Built My Hotrod". 33~Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers. 34~Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz". 35~Ask the personnel at Peer 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw". 36~"Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display. 37~Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts. 38~Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it. 39~Change every tv in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell". Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets. 40~Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!" 41~Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof". 42~"Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises. 43~Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down. 44~Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real. 45~If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on your lap. 46~Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's." 47~Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself. 48~At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed. 49~Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man." 50~Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet. Yes, I'm aware that's more than Ten, but they're playing Vanilla Ice outside - I think that's a valid excuse, don't you?

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09-06-2002, 08:50 AM	#3
BOOMCHAA! Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: may I touch you? Posts: 9,106 Local Time: 09:00 PM	HEH! Women without bonnets!!!

09-06-2002, 08:51 AM	#4
MonaVox Rock n' Roll Doggie Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Brooklyn, NY Posts: 3,460 Local Time: 10:00 PM	cottage cheese and no bonnets!!!!!!!

09-06-2002, 09:20 AM	#5
wertsie Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: on a country road... Posts: 4,752 Local Time: 10:00 PM	Anybody have any other funny top ten lists? Why not post 'em?!

09-06-2002, 09:33 AM	#6
Gina Marie Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Bruce's land of hope and dreams Posts: 5,404 Local Time: 10:00 PM	I LOVE Letterman Top Ten Lists.. Btw, this isn't a 'political statement' or anything like it-this was the current list on his site. Top Ten Things Overheard In Bill Clinton's Negotiations With CBS 10. "Please, get your hand off my knee" 9. "I'm interested in CBS because of the long tradition -- screw it -- I just want the $50 million" 8. "Please, get your hand off my knee" 7. "Sorry, I can't provide references from my last job" 6. "Please, zip your pants and get your hand off my knee" 5. "If you want Letterman's time slot we'll can his ass in a heartbeat" 4. "Here's a list of the dry cleaners in the area" 3. "I don't think all of your shows should be about strippers" 2. "Please, get your hand off yourself" 1. "Tell me about the internship program"

09-07-2002, 04:02 PM	#7
souLnation2002 Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 6,052 Local Time: 10:00 PM

09-07-2002, 05:06 PM	#9
MissVelvetDress_75 Blue Crack Addict Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: basking in my post-concert glow still mesmerized by the orbit of his hips..Also Holding Bono Close as he requested. Posts: 25,776 Local Time: 11:00 PM	BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!!! oh those lists are f ing funny!!!!!!!! [Q]6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy." [/Q] [q]4. "Here's a list of the dry cleaners in the area"[/q]

09-07-2002, 06:50 PM	#10
DML War Child Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: outside the Quick Stop Posts: 773 Local Time: 10:00 PM	HAHAHAHA! Remember that Amish Paradise song by Weird Al? My father wanted to move my family to the Amish lands when I was in 8th grade.

09-07-2002, 06:56 PM	#11
adamswildhoney ONE love, blood, life Join Date: May 2002 Location: Somewhere in NorCal Posts: 10,333 Local Time: 07:00 PM	Thoses are great!

09-07-2002, 08:16 PM	#12
Gina Marie Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Bruce's land of hope and dreams Posts: 5,404 Local Time: 10:00 PM	Top Ten Lance Bass Excuses For Not Going Into Space 10. Hair too spiky to fit in helmet 9. After seeing the motion picture "Signs" realized there's monsters in outer space! 8. Didn't want to miss "American Idol" finale 7. Hard to find people who'll pay $20 million to indulge spoiled pop star and his childish fantasies 6. If something happens to him, who for the love of God will entertain America? 5. Why observe earth's splendor from space when you could go to McDonald's or something? 4. Who schedules training sessions at unreasonable hour of 10am? 3. Doesn't need excuses 'cause if you ask me he's already out of this world! 2. Blew most of the necessary $20 million on hookers and gum 1. He's N Scared Top Ten Ways To Describe Donald Trump's Hair* 10. Odd 9. Peculiar 8. Windswept 7. Trumpy 6. Strangely hypnotic 5. Unbe-weave-able 4. Wiggy 3. Stylish (dumb guys only) 2. Proof money can't buy everything 1. Taj Ma-helmet What is up w/ that guy's hair anyway?

09-07-2002, 09:20 PM	#14
Liesje Blue Crack Addict Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: In the dog house Posts: 19,563 Local Time: 11:00 PM	Top Ten Things Overheard at the Brooke Shields/Andre Agassi Wedding 10. He must really love her -- he's actually seen all of her movies 9. Please, Ms. Seles, no grunting during the ceremony 8. Brooke has more hair in her eyebrows than Andre has on his whole head 7. Somebody call the cops, John McEnroe just punched out an usher 6. They never have sex without a line judge and a ball boy 5. Could someone give Andre a boost so he can kiss the bride? 4. Hey look! Instead of spraying champagne on the groom, they're dousing him with Rogaine 3. The only reason anyone cares about this wedding is it comes between 'Seinfeld' and 'E.R.' 2. How sweet -- his best man is Martina Navratilova 1. Just do it

09-07-2002, 09:21 PM	#15
Liesje Blue Crack Addict Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: In the dog house Posts: 19,563 Local Time: 11:00 PM	ok, guys, this one's better! Top Ten Canadian Euphemisms For Sex 10. Playing mountie 9. Fur trapping 8. Making Peg whinny 7. Entering parliament 6. Pulling the goalie 5. Doin' it, eh? 4. Putting the "man" in Manitoba 3. High sticking 2. Stuffing a beaver -- the beaver is our national animal 1. Oh, Oh, Oh Canada

09-07-2002, 09:24 PM	#16
Liesje Blue Crack Addict Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: In the dog house Posts: 19,563 Local Time: 11:00 PM	April 20, 1994: Top Ten Questions President Clinton Was Asked by Teens on MTV 10. Will your health-care plan cover a wicked hangover? 9. Can you make a law that they have to play more U2 videos? 8. Where's the sax, Tubby? 7. How do you keep your thighs so pasty white? 6. Does Gennifer Flowers wear boxers or briefs? 5. Is it true you wanted to remove your pants and call this Clinton Unplugged? 4. Hey, like, what's with that Gore dude? 3. This 'United States' you keep mentioning -- is that like a band or something? 2. Wow -- How'd you get your ass into those shorts? 1. Where's Beavis, Butthead?