Effanbee
The Fly
In which Roo and Bono are totally hopeless about resolving their situation. And Larry makes an appearance. Warning: mental images of Bono in the spa could be damaging to your health …
Free Falling
Chapter 5
A day of rain and I’m in the kitchen baking bread, humming to myself, absorbed in the task. A knock at the back door, Janey calling out hello.
‘In here,’ I called back. ‘Come on in.’
‘Hey, that smells good,’ said Janey. ‘Good timing, ay?’
‘As usual,’ I smiled. ‘Is Sam with you?’
‘No, he’s off engineering something huge and complicated.’ Janey looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. ‘So, where is he?’
‘In the spa.’
‘Oh, boy. Can I go look?’
‘Perv.’
‘Spoilsport.’ Janey reached out an pulled a piece off one of the new loaves. ‘Got any jam?’
‘Here you go.’ I passed her a jar of plum jam.
Bono wandered into the kitchen wearing a towel around his waist. Janey dropped her bread jam-side down on the floor.
‘Hey, Janey,’ Bono greeted her, politely retrieving the bread.
‘Bono, how’re you doing?’ said Janey, slightly breathless.
‘Good, thanks,’ answered Bono in the traditional Kiwi way. ‘Hey there, angel.’ He moved round the table and leaned over to kiss me, causing anther lapse of motor control from Janey. Bono sat down innocently and helped himself to bread.
Janey caught my eye, raised an eyebrow. I put a hand over my mouth to stop the giggles. Bono looked at us wide-eyed.
I got up to put the kettle on while Bono chatted to Janey, oblivious to the effect he was having on her.
‘Clothes,’ I whispered to him as I sat down again.
‘Oh. Yes, now where did I leave them?’
‘Bedroom floor? Bathroom? Front deck? All of the above?’
Bono grinned. ‘Sitting room, actually.’
‘Why … no, don’t tell me. Away with you, dreadful man.’
Bono departed to make himself decent again.
Janey looked at me shrewdly. ‘So, how is it?’
‘How’s what?’ I looked down at the table, blushing.
‘Come on, Roo. It’s written all over both of you.’
‘I can’t hide anything from you, can I? You know me too well.’ I smiled. ‘It’s pretty damn marvellous, actually.’
‘Good for you,’ said Janey. ‘Is he going to stick around this time?’
‘No, I don’t think so.’
Janey frowned. ‘So he’s just playing around with you until he sorts his life out, is that it?’
‘No, no. Bono’s not like that.’
‘Hmmph. Are you sure you’re not just seeing what you want to see?’
‘Truly, Janey. We’re walking with our eyes open. I know Bono couldn’t stay with me, he’s just not an ordinary man - however much he thinks he wants to be.’
Janey didn’t look convinced. ‘I don’t understand how you can sit there and calmly tell me you’re going to let him go.’
‘The way I see it, it’s the only thing I can do. Bono has huge responsibilities to so many people. He can’t turn away from them to be with me. I wouldn’t want him to.’
‘Well, I hope you know what you’re doing, Roo. It all sounds a bit too complicated to me.’
I could hear Bono singing to himself in the sitting room. He sounded so happy …
‘Roo?’
‘Sorry, what?’
‘You’re totally distracted.’ Janey’s face softened. ‘I’ll leave you two in peace. Call me if you need anything.’
I hugged my friend, said goodbye to her and went to find Bono. He was in the sitting room, half-dressed in jeans and nothing else, standing by the window looking out at the rain.
‘Reckon the rain’s set in for the day,’ Bono remarked.
I leaned against his shoulder. ‘Reckon.’
‘Might as well get an early night then.’
‘It’s only three in the afternoon, Bono.’
‘So?’ Bono took my hand and pulled me gently towards the bedroom.
*****
‘… rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief. Damn, I’ve got a thief again.’
Bono and I were lying on our fronts on the bed, sharing a bowl of cherries and playing the children’s game with the stones.
‘Here, have some more, Roo. I don’t want to be thief.’
I took a cherry and rolled it down Bono’s back. ‘But you are, thief of my heart.’
Bono smiled and hung a pair of cherries over my ear, knowing he could not have stolen something so freely given.
I counted my stones and came out with soldier.
‘Piddle. I wanted a rich man.’
‘You’ve got one.’
‘Sweet.’
Bono gave me a kiss which tasted of cherries.
‘What was that?’
‘What?’
‘Listen …’ I could hear a roaring noise, getting louder. Bono and I looked at each other.
‘Sounds like a bike,’ he said.
‘A big bike.’
‘Larry?’
‘Oh shit!’
We jumped up like a pair of guilty kids. Bono started pulling on clothes at random.
‘Bono …’
‘Come on, Roo. He nearly here.’
‘That T-shirt’s inside out.’
‘Oh fuck!’
I snorted laughter.
‘It’s not funny Roo,’ Bono said, trying to be serious but laughing anyway. ‘Shit, now this zip’s stuck.’
‘Let me do it. Stop jumping around, Bono, or we’ll have a disaster here.’
Somehow Bono got into his clothes and leapt off to meet Larry just as a large and shiny Harley drew up in the front yard. I followed in a more leisurely fashion, hearing Bono yell ‘Larry Mullen Junior!’ from the front porch.
Larry came in looking like the Terminator in his leathers and bike boots, saying ‘Get off me, Bono, y’ mad bastard.’ Bono let go of Larry while he shed his boots and jacket.
‘Roo, how’re you doing?’ Larry came forward and kissed my cheek in his reserved way.
‘All good, Larry. You’re looking very fine.’ It was true, Larry got more stunningly handsome with every year that passed.
‘Come on in, have a beer, looks like you got rained on, where’d you get the bike?’ said Bono all in one breath, totally hyper.
‘What the hell are you on, man?’
‘Oh, Roo’s been looking after me,’ said Bono as he led Larry towards the kitchen, winking at me over his shoulder.
While we sat around the kitchen table drinking cold beers Larry scrutinised Bono closely. ‘Have to say you’re looking good, Bono. What have you been doing to him, Roo?’
‘Oh, I’ve been getting lots of exercise,’ said Bono airily, looking at the ceiling. I kicked him under the table.
‘Just good food and fresh air and lots of sleep,’ I answered Larry, then jumped as Bono squeezed my knee.
Larry gave us one of his patented Larry-stares. ‘Well, whatever you’re doing it seems to be working,’ he said. ‘Now if we can just get his brain in gear again … love the earring, by the way.’
‘Earring? Oh …’ I hastily removed the cherries with which Bono had decorated me. ‘Look, um, why don’t you guys go and catch up on your news while I get some food together. You must be hungry, Larry?’ I could see Bono out of the corner of my eye, trying hard not to burst out laughing.
‘Starving. thanks, Roo. C’mon, eejit.’
Lord, I thought when they had gone. What are we going to do now we have company? Will Bono want to tell everyone? How would they react? Larry would probably kill me. I worried these thoughts around in my head as I cooked dinner, realising belatedly that we should have put some thought into it before now.
Bono and Larry sat talking late into the night. I went to bed at 1 o’clock, wondering where Bono would decide to sleep that night. The bed seemed huge and empty, too big for me alone. I slept fitfully.
In the silent hour before dawn, Bono came in quietly.
‘I thought you might not…’ I whispered to him.
Bono placed a finger over my lips. ‘Hush, Roo. I’m here.’
‘We didn’t think this out very well, did we? Are we going to tell everyone?’
‘No more questions tonight, angel,’ said Bono sleepily. ‘We’ll see what the morning brings, OK?’
Free Falling
Chapter 5
A day of rain and I’m in the kitchen baking bread, humming to myself, absorbed in the task. A knock at the back door, Janey calling out hello.
‘In here,’ I called back. ‘Come on in.’
‘Hey, that smells good,’ said Janey. ‘Good timing, ay?’
‘As usual,’ I smiled. ‘Is Sam with you?’
‘No, he’s off engineering something huge and complicated.’ Janey looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. ‘So, where is he?’
‘In the spa.’
‘Oh, boy. Can I go look?’
‘Perv.’
‘Spoilsport.’ Janey reached out an pulled a piece off one of the new loaves. ‘Got any jam?’
‘Here you go.’ I passed her a jar of plum jam.
Bono wandered into the kitchen wearing a towel around his waist. Janey dropped her bread jam-side down on the floor.
‘Hey, Janey,’ Bono greeted her, politely retrieving the bread.
‘Bono, how’re you doing?’ said Janey, slightly breathless.
‘Good, thanks,’ answered Bono in the traditional Kiwi way. ‘Hey there, angel.’ He moved round the table and leaned over to kiss me, causing anther lapse of motor control from Janey. Bono sat down innocently and helped himself to bread.
Janey caught my eye, raised an eyebrow. I put a hand over my mouth to stop the giggles. Bono looked at us wide-eyed.
I got up to put the kettle on while Bono chatted to Janey, oblivious to the effect he was having on her.
‘Clothes,’ I whispered to him as I sat down again.
‘Oh. Yes, now where did I leave them?’
‘Bedroom floor? Bathroom? Front deck? All of the above?’
Bono grinned. ‘Sitting room, actually.’
‘Why … no, don’t tell me. Away with you, dreadful man.’
Bono departed to make himself decent again.
Janey looked at me shrewdly. ‘So, how is it?’
‘How’s what?’ I looked down at the table, blushing.
‘Come on, Roo. It’s written all over both of you.’
‘I can’t hide anything from you, can I? You know me too well.’ I smiled. ‘It’s pretty damn marvellous, actually.’
‘Good for you,’ said Janey. ‘Is he going to stick around this time?’
‘No, I don’t think so.’
Janey frowned. ‘So he’s just playing around with you until he sorts his life out, is that it?’
‘No, no. Bono’s not like that.’
‘Hmmph. Are you sure you’re not just seeing what you want to see?’
‘Truly, Janey. We’re walking with our eyes open. I know Bono couldn’t stay with me, he’s just not an ordinary man - however much he thinks he wants to be.’
Janey didn’t look convinced. ‘I don’t understand how you can sit there and calmly tell me you’re going to let him go.’
‘The way I see it, it’s the only thing I can do. Bono has huge responsibilities to so many people. He can’t turn away from them to be with me. I wouldn’t want him to.’
‘Well, I hope you know what you’re doing, Roo. It all sounds a bit too complicated to me.’
I could hear Bono singing to himself in the sitting room. He sounded so happy …
‘Roo?’
‘Sorry, what?’
‘You’re totally distracted.’ Janey’s face softened. ‘I’ll leave you two in peace. Call me if you need anything.’
I hugged my friend, said goodbye to her and went to find Bono. He was in the sitting room, half-dressed in jeans and nothing else, standing by the window looking out at the rain.
‘Reckon the rain’s set in for the day,’ Bono remarked.
I leaned against his shoulder. ‘Reckon.’
‘Might as well get an early night then.’
‘It’s only three in the afternoon, Bono.’
‘So?’ Bono took my hand and pulled me gently towards the bedroom.
*****
‘… rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief. Damn, I’ve got a thief again.’
Bono and I were lying on our fronts on the bed, sharing a bowl of cherries and playing the children’s game with the stones.
‘Here, have some more, Roo. I don’t want to be thief.’
I took a cherry and rolled it down Bono’s back. ‘But you are, thief of my heart.’
Bono smiled and hung a pair of cherries over my ear, knowing he could not have stolen something so freely given.
I counted my stones and came out with soldier.
‘Piddle. I wanted a rich man.’
‘You’ve got one.’
‘Sweet.’
Bono gave me a kiss which tasted of cherries.
‘What was that?’
‘What?’
‘Listen …’ I could hear a roaring noise, getting louder. Bono and I looked at each other.
‘Sounds like a bike,’ he said.
‘A big bike.’
‘Larry?’
‘Oh shit!’
We jumped up like a pair of guilty kids. Bono started pulling on clothes at random.
‘Bono …’
‘Come on, Roo. He nearly here.’
‘That T-shirt’s inside out.’
‘Oh fuck!’
I snorted laughter.
‘It’s not funny Roo,’ Bono said, trying to be serious but laughing anyway. ‘Shit, now this zip’s stuck.’
‘Let me do it. Stop jumping around, Bono, or we’ll have a disaster here.’
Somehow Bono got into his clothes and leapt off to meet Larry just as a large and shiny Harley drew up in the front yard. I followed in a more leisurely fashion, hearing Bono yell ‘Larry Mullen Junior!’ from the front porch.
Larry came in looking like the Terminator in his leathers and bike boots, saying ‘Get off me, Bono, y’ mad bastard.’ Bono let go of Larry while he shed his boots and jacket.
‘Roo, how’re you doing?’ Larry came forward and kissed my cheek in his reserved way.
‘All good, Larry. You’re looking very fine.’ It was true, Larry got more stunningly handsome with every year that passed.
‘Come on in, have a beer, looks like you got rained on, where’d you get the bike?’ said Bono all in one breath, totally hyper.
‘What the hell are you on, man?’
‘Oh, Roo’s been looking after me,’ said Bono as he led Larry towards the kitchen, winking at me over his shoulder.
While we sat around the kitchen table drinking cold beers Larry scrutinised Bono closely. ‘Have to say you’re looking good, Bono. What have you been doing to him, Roo?’
‘Oh, I’ve been getting lots of exercise,’ said Bono airily, looking at the ceiling. I kicked him under the table.
‘Just good food and fresh air and lots of sleep,’ I answered Larry, then jumped as Bono squeezed my knee.
Larry gave us one of his patented Larry-stares. ‘Well, whatever you’re doing it seems to be working,’ he said. ‘Now if we can just get his brain in gear again … love the earring, by the way.’
‘Earring? Oh …’ I hastily removed the cherries with which Bono had decorated me. ‘Look, um, why don’t you guys go and catch up on your news while I get some food together. You must be hungry, Larry?’ I could see Bono out of the corner of my eye, trying hard not to burst out laughing.
‘Starving. thanks, Roo. C’mon, eejit.’
Lord, I thought when they had gone. What are we going to do now we have company? Will Bono want to tell everyone? How would they react? Larry would probably kill me. I worried these thoughts around in my head as I cooked dinner, realising belatedly that we should have put some thought into it before now.
Bono and Larry sat talking late into the night. I went to bed at 1 o’clock, wondering where Bono would decide to sleep that night. The bed seemed huge and empty, too big for me alone. I slept fitfully.
In the silent hour before dawn, Bono came in quietly.
‘I thought you might not…’ I whispered to him.
Bono placed a finger over my lips. ‘Hush, Roo. I’m here.’
‘We didn’t think this out very well, did we? Are we going to tell everyone?’
‘No more questions tonight, angel,’ said Bono sleepily. ‘We’ll see what the morning brings, OK?’
where's it all gonna end eh???
He'd need CPR then.... 
