Effanbee
The Fly
Free Falling
Chapter 15
A new day, sunny, windless, and a new perspective to go with it, seeing what I’d gained rather than what was lost.
Edge was sat up in bed surrounded by paper when I brought him breakfast, hatless for once and looking rather like a king conducting business from his chambers.
‘Morning Edge. Looks like you’ve been busy,’ I said.
‘Morning Roo. Wow, breakfast in bed, what a treat. These are some bits and pieces of lyrics Bono’s been writing. It’s great to see him writing again after so long.’
‘He wasn’t writing anything at all?’
‘No, that’s how bad things were for him. It was slightly worrying,’ said Edge with understatement. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye. ‘How did things go last night?’
‘Better than I hoped for,’ I said with a smile. ‘Bono’s back on track - it might be a bit rocky for a while, but he’ll get there.’
‘And what about you?’ asked the ever-thoughtful Edge.
‘I’m OK with it, now I know where I stand. It helps to know we can stay in touch. I’m so happy for him, Edge.’
‘I was almost sure it would turn out well,’ said Edge. ‘With Bono you never quite know, though.’
Something hit the bedroom door with a muffled thump, making Edge jump and spill his tea.
‘It’s only Beep,’ I laughed. ‘She’s never worked out the difference between a closed door and an open one.’
Edge smiled. ‘Let her in, Roo, she’ll knock herself out.’
‘Hold on to your tea, then.’ I opened the door and a cat avalanche poured through. Beep streaked up on to Edge’s bed and sat on him, fixing him with an hypnotic stare with eyes the exact colour of Edge’s. Effy settled on my lap, a black bun of a cat, rumbling contentedly.
Edge rescued his toast as Beep reached out a paw to hook it off the plate. ‘Cats don’t eat toast,’ Edge laughed.
‘This one does,’ I said. ‘And cakes and biscuits. She thieves them when your back’s turned and blames it on Effy.’
It was good to hear laughter in the house again, to look out on the day with hope.
‘How do you fancy lunch in the city?’ Edge asked.
In the past I would probably not fancied it at all, but that was then and this was now.
‘Great,’ I said. Edge crinkled his eyes at me. Beep did a vertical take-off and crash-landed among the lyrics. Edge fixed her with a reproving stare. Beep rolled on her back and squinted her eyes at him adoringly.
‘Shameless beast,’ I scolded her. ‘Leave the man in peace.’ I gathered the cats and went to get ready for the city.
******
Edge stood casually on the glass floor at the top of the Sky Tower, surveying the city and harbour spread out below. I stood with my back against the wall trying to subdue the shaking in my legs.
‘I’m sure I recognise those islands in the distance,’ said Edge. ‘Isn’t that where we stopped for lunch up north, Roo?’
I couldn’t tell as my eyes were squinched shut.
‘Roo, you’re going sort of green,’ observed Edge. I could hear the smile in his voice.
‘Edge, I’m having a little challenge here. Vertigo, y’know,’ I muttered. I managed to open my eyes. ‘I know it’s ridiculous, being a pilot and everything,’ I added, ashamed.
Edge held out his hand with a smile. I grabbed hold in a death-grip and took an uncertain step forward.
‘I’ve got you,’ said Edge. ‘Look, Roo - it’s such a clear day you can see forever.’
With Edge standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders, I was able to look out. The land and sea below us was so beautiful, the sight of it made me forget my fear.
‘Wow, Edge, I’ve lived here so long and never dared do this. I think I’ll come here often in future.’ I laughed.
‘You’ve been so brave I’m going to buy you lunch,’ said Edge. ‘Then perhaps we’ll do the bungy jump off the tower.’
‘Not quite that brave,’ I smiled, not entirely sure if Edge was joking. ‘But definitely lunch.’
We made our way to the circular restaurant at the top and scored a table by a window. Edge ordered aperitifs and I scanned the waterfront, looking for the Hilton and wondering if Bono was there and if he felt as happy as I did that day. I mentally wished him well and drank a silent toast. To Bono, the light in my life, happiness now and always …
I looked up as a shadow fell across our table, expecting to see the waiter. Instead, I found myself in the presence of Larry. I must have looked completely stupid as I gazed open-mouthed at the handsome drummer, unprepared to meet again the man who had become my nemesis.
Edge smoothed over my confusion expertly. ‘Larry, good to see you, mate,’ he said. ‘We’ve got some rather good wine here …’
Larry sat down, blocking my view of the Hilton. He poured himself a glass of wine, grinned at Edge. I switched my gaze to my own drink, feeling angry with Edge for contriving this meeting.
‘Hello Roo. How are you today?’ asked Larry formally.
‘Bloody fantastic, thanks,’ I replied, not looking at him. I felt we had little to say to each other and began to plan an escape. What should it be? Food poisoning, migraine, some other sort of crisis …?
‘Adam should be along any time now,’ said Larry, looking at his watch. ‘He got delayed by the hotel sauna.’
The waiter arrived with menus. I took one and stared at it, unseeing. Larry leaned over and plucked the menu from my hands, turned it the right way up.
Could it get any worse? I thought, wishing to sink through all the floors of the Sky Tower and hit the ground running.
‘I think you should have that, and that, and that …’ said a voice behind me. I turned round and there was Adam, looking spectacularly healthy.
‘Adam!’ I exclaimed, glad to see his wry smile. ‘Help me out here, you’re the expert on gourmet food.’
We perused the menu together, giggling over the flowery descriptions, some of which stretched to several paragraphs.
I glanced up and saw Edge smiling at us, then flicked my gaze to Larry’s face. He looked serious, but then he usually did. And a touch sad. A small arrow of guilt shot through me. Silly, I thought. Larry’s not going to be bothered about how I feel towards him. Why should he? He got what he wanted, after all.
Larry caught me staring at him. It was one of those moments when things could clearly go either way - we could ignore each other, look away and lose our friendship for ever, or …
We both smiled at the same time, tentatively, but it was a step in the right direction.
*****
‘Adam and I need to go,’ said Edge later, looking at his watch.
‘Leaving me with the bill again?’ said Larry.
‘Of course,’ said Edge with a grin.
Leaving me with Larry, I thought uneasily as Edge and Adam left. I began to get up, muttering some excuse to Larry, but he put his hand on my arm.
‘Roo, don’t go,’ he said.
‘Let’s not make things worse, Larry,’ I said. ‘It’s all over now and there’s nothing left to be said.’
‘It’s not over, Roo, and you know it. I need you to hear me out, one last time. Will you do that?’
I sighed. ‘All right, Larry. If it makes you happy.’
‘Come with me,’ he said.
We rode the lift in silence. Larry walked quickly to the car park, where his big Harley stood like a sleeping predator. He handed me a helmet and spare jacket.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked him.
‘North,’ said Larry shortly, lowering his visor.
The Harley made quick work of the city traffic, Larry expertly threading through the cars and buses on to the motorway. Over the bridge, taking possession of the road, we left the city behind us.
Houses, fields, farms, flashing past, gone in the blink of an eye. Exhilarated and terrified at the same time, I held onto Larry, leaning into the curves, feeling the awesome acceleration as we powered down the straights.
Slowing now as we turned onto a gravel road, steep and twisty with the sea below us and to our right. Rolling to a halt where the land stopped and the sea began, a surf beach with glassy green breakers curling in to embrace the shore.
I dismounted on shaky legs, took off my helmet and ran my fingers through my hair.
‘Good?’ asked Larry with a wicked grin.
‘Um, yes, sort of scary as well. I’ve never been on the back of a bike before,’ I confessed.
‘You’re kidding?’ Larry laughed.
‘Nope. But now I know what I’ve been missing I may have to do it more often,’ I smiled.
We sat down on the high grassy bank. ‘So why have you brought me here, Larry?’
‘I thought you might be more at ease here, it’s your sort of place. Look, Roo, I’m not eloquent like Edge and Bono and I haven’t got Adam’s empathy. I’m not good at this sort of thing …’ Larry stopped, a small frown creasing his forehead.
I waited patiently for him to find the words.
‘You said you’d never forgive me, Roo,’ he said eventually. ‘I can understand that, but I thought I did the right thing. I know Bono so well, I really believe it would have been worse for everyone the longer it went on.’
‘Well, yes Larry, it probably would have. You must realise that I spoke those words in anger … and I think I had the right to be pissed off. After all, I’d just been totally humiliated …’
‘I’m sorry, Roo,’ Larry said quietly. ‘I’m supposed to be the tough one, the voice of reason. That doesn’t mean I’m totally devoid of emotion - I don’t want this enmity between us.’
‘Neither do I,’ I said. ‘What’s done is done. It’s pointless laying blame, feeling guilty and wasting our lives agonising over it.’
We sat in silence for a while.
‘Bono’s given me an idea for something I can do in the future,’ I said.
‘Can you tell me?’ asked Larry. ‘Or is it a secret?’
‘I’m through with secrets too,’ I said. ‘It was just something he said about Sweetwaters being a healing kind of place. I’m going to make it into somewhere for people to find themselves again when they are lost.’
‘Like a retreat?’
I nodded.
‘Will it be open to anyone? Even a thick-headed drummer with a bad temper?’ Larry turned to me with a half-smile.
‘Especially if he takes me home safely,’ I said gravely.
I no longer felt the need for escape. It’s time I stopped running, I thought. Time to stand and face the tide. To take back control.
Chapter 15
A new day, sunny, windless, and a new perspective to go with it, seeing what I’d gained rather than what was lost.
Edge was sat up in bed surrounded by paper when I brought him breakfast, hatless for once and looking rather like a king conducting business from his chambers.
‘Morning Edge. Looks like you’ve been busy,’ I said.
‘Morning Roo. Wow, breakfast in bed, what a treat. These are some bits and pieces of lyrics Bono’s been writing. It’s great to see him writing again after so long.’
‘He wasn’t writing anything at all?’
‘No, that’s how bad things were for him. It was slightly worrying,’ said Edge with understatement. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye. ‘How did things go last night?’
‘Better than I hoped for,’ I said with a smile. ‘Bono’s back on track - it might be a bit rocky for a while, but he’ll get there.’
‘And what about you?’ asked the ever-thoughtful Edge.
‘I’m OK with it, now I know where I stand. It helps to know we can stay in touch. I’m so happy for him, Edge.’
‘I was almost sure it would turn out well,’ said Edge. ‘With Bono you never quite know, though.’
Something hit the bedroom door with a muffled thump, making Edge jump and spill his tea.
‘It’s only Beep,’ I laughed. ‘She’s never worked out the difference between a closed door and an open one.’
Edge smiled. ‘Let her in, Roo, she’ll knock herself out.’
‘Hold on to your tea, then.’ I opened the door and a cat avalanche poured through. Beep streaked up on to Edge’s bed and sat on him, fixing him with an hypnotic stare with eyes the exact colour of Edge’s. Effy settled on my lap, a black bun of a cat, rumbling contentedly.
Edge rescued his toast as Beep reached out a paw to hook it off the plate. ‘Cats don’t eat toast,’ Edge laughed.
‘This one does,’ I said. ‘And cakes and biscuits. She thieves them when your back’s turned and blames it on Effy.’
It was good to hear laughter in the house again, to look out on the day with hope.
‘How do you fancy lunch in the city?’ Edge asked.
In the past I would probably not fancied it at all, but that was then and this was now.
‘Great,’ I said. Edge crinkled his eyes at me. Beep did a vertical take-off and crash-landed among the lyrics. Edge fixed her with a reproving stare. Beep rolled on her back and squinted her eyes at him adoringly.
‘Shameless beast,’ I scolded her. ‘Leave the man in peace.’ I gathered the cats and went to get ready for the city.
******
Edge stood casually on the glass floor at the top of the Sky Tower, surveying the city and harbour spread out below. I stood with my back against the wall trying to subdue the shaking in my legs.
‘I’m sure I recognise those islands in the distance,’ said Edge. ‘Isn’t that where we stopped for lunch up north, Roo?’
I couldn’t tell as my eyes were squinched shut.
‘Roo, you’re going sort of green,’ observed Edge. I could hear the smile in his voice.
‘Edge, I’m having a little challenge here. Vertigo, y’know,’ I muttered. I managed to open my eyes. ‘I know it’s ridiculous, being a pilot and everything,’ I added, ashamed.
Edge held out his hand with a smile. I grabbed hold in a death-grip and took an uncertain step forward.
‘I’ve got you,’ said Edge. ‘Look, Roo - it’s such a clear day you can see forever.’
With Edge standing behind me, his hands on my shoulders, I was able to look out. The land and sea below us was so beautiful, the sight of it made me forget my fear.
‘Wow, Edge, I’ve lived here so long and never dared do this. I think I’ll come here often in future.’ I laughed.
‘You’ve been so brave I’m going to buy you lunch,’ said Edge. ‘Then perhaps we’ll do the bungy jump off the tower.’
‘Not quite that brave,’ I smiled, not entirely sure if Edge was joking. ‘But definitely lunch.’
We made our way to the circular restaurant at the top and scored a table by a window. Edge ordered aperitifs and I scanned the waterfront, looking for the Hilton and wondering if Bono was there and if he felt as happy as I did that day. I mentally wished him well and drank a silent toast. To Bono, the light in my life, happiness now and always …
I looked up as a shadow fell across our table, expecting to see the waiter. Instead, I found myself in the presence of Larry. I must have looked completely stupid as I gazed open-mouthed at the handsome drummer, unprepared to meet again the man who had become my nemesis.
Edge smoothed over my confusion expertly. ‘Larry, good to see you, mate,’ he said. ‘We’ve got some rather good wine here …’
Larry sat down, blocking my view of the Hilton. He poured himself a glass of wine, grinned at Edge. I switched my gaze to my own drink, feeling angry with Edge for contriving this meeting.
‘Hello Roo. How are you today?’ asked Larry formally.
‘Bloody fantastic, thanks,’ I replied, not looking at him. I felt we had little to say to each other and began to plan an escape. What should it be? Food poisoning, migraine, some other sort of crisis …?
‘Adam should be along any time now,’ said Larry, looking at his watch. ‘He got delayed by the hotel sauna.’
The waiter arrived with menus. I took one and stared at it, unseeing. Larry leaned over and plucked the menu from my hands, turned it the right way up.
Could it get any worse? I thought, wishing to sink through all the floors of the Sky Tower and hit the ground running.
‘I think you should have that, and that, and that …’ said a voice behind me. I turned round and there was Adam, looking spectacularly healthy.
‘Adam!’ I exclaimed, glad to see his wry smile. ‘Help me out here, you’re the expert on gourmet food.’
We perused the menu together, giggling over the flowery descriptions, some of which stretched to several paragraphs.
I glanced up and saw Edge smiling at us, then flicked my gaze to Larry’s face. He looked serious, but then he usually did. And a touch sad. A small arrow of guilt shot through me. Silly, I thought. Larry’s not going to be bothered about how I feel towards him. Why should he? He got what he wanted, after all.
Larry caught me staring at him. It was one of those moments when things could clearly go either way - we could ignore each other, look away and lose our friendship for ever, or …
We both smiled at the same time, tentatively, but it was a step in the right direction.
*****
‘Adam and I need to go,’ said Edge later, looking at his watch.
‘Leaving me with the bill again?’ said Larry.
‘Of course,’ said Edge with a grin.
Leaving me with Larry, I thought uneasily as Edge and Adam left. I began to get up, muttering some excuse to Larry, but he put his hand on my arm.
‘Roo, don’t go,’ he said.
‘Let’s not make things worse, Larry,’ I said. ‘It’s all over now and there’s nothing left to be said.’
‘It’s not over, Roo, and you know it. I need you to hear me out, one last time. Will you do that?’
I sighed. ‘All right, Larry. If it makes you happy.’
‘Come with me,’ he said.
We rode the lift in silence. Larry walked quickly to the car park, where his big Harley stood like a sleeping predator. He handed me a helmet and spare jacket.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked him.
‘North,’ said Larry shortly, lowering his visor.
The Harley made quick work of the city traffic, Larry expertly threading through the cars and buses on to the motorway. Over the bridge, taking possession of the road, we left the city behind us.
Houses, fields, farms, flashing past, gone in the blink of an eye. Exhilarated and terrified at the same time, I held onto Larry, leaning into the curves, feeling the awesome acceleration as we powered down the straights.
Slowing now as we turned onto a gravel road, steep and twisty with the sea below us and to our right. Rolling to a halt where the land stopped and the sea began, a surf beach with glassy green breakers curling in to embrace the shore.
I dismounted on shaky legs, took off my helmet and ran my fingers through my hair.
‘Good?’ asked Larry with a wicked grin.
‘Um, yes, sort of scary as well. I’ve never been on the back of a bike before,’ I confessed.
‘You’re kidding?’ Larry laughed.
‘Nope. But now I know what I’ve been missing I may have to do it more often,’ I smiled.
We sat down on the high grassy bank. ‘So why have you brought me here, Larry?’
‘I thought you might be more at ease here, it’s your sort of place. Look, Roo, I’m not eloquent like Edge and Bono and I haven’t got Adam’s empathy. I’m not good at this sort of thing …’ Larry stopped, a small frown creasing his forehead.
I waited patiently for him to find the words.
‘You said you’d never forgive me, Roo,’ he said eventually. ‘I can understand that, but I thought I did the right thing. I know Bono so well, I really believe it would have been worse for everyone the longer it went on.’
‘Well, yes Larry, it probably would have. You must realise that I spoke those words in anger … and I think I had the right to be pissed off. After all, I’d just been totally humiliated …’
‘I’m sorry, Roo,’ Larry said quietly. ‘I’m supposed to be the tough one, the voice of reason. That doesn’t mean I’m totally devoid of emotion - I don’t want this enmity between us.’
‘Neither do I,’ I said. ‘What’s done is done. It’s pointless laying blame, feeling guilty and wasting our lives agonising over it.’
We sat in silence for a while.
‘Bono’s given me an idea for something I can do in the future,’ I said.
‘Can you tell me?’ asked Larry. ‘Or is it a secret?’
‘I’m through with secrets too,’ I said. ‘It was just something he said about Sweetwaters being a healing kind of place. I’m going to make it into somewhere for people to find themselves again when they are lost.’
‘Like a retreat?’
I nodded.
‘Will it be open to anyone? Even a thick-headed drummer with a bad temper?’ Larry turned to me with a half-smile.
‘Especially if he takes me home safely,’ I said gravely.
I no longer felt the need for escape. It’s time I stopped running, I thought. Time to stand and face the tide. To take back control.
but I don't want this to be the second to last chapter already! 
)
