Sad_Girl
Blue Crack Supplier
*Disclaimer: Although obviously inspired in part by people who exist in real life, this story is in no way meant to represent reality, past, present or future. The author has no personal experience or contact with the band or their friends and family. There are facts within this story which may be contrary to real life either because they were changed for artistic purposes or simply because the author had no knowledge of the truth on a particular subject; i.e.: dates and times. No offense is intended to anyone who inspired this work of fiction. It’s just a wandering thought found trapped in the maze of someone’s imagination.
Babyface pt 9
One day in late March, Larry was in school, Bono and Edge were hard at work writing new material for the band, but Adam was relaxing in his cozy room at home. The sound of the phone buzzing broke the nearly complete mid-day silence of the Clayton household like a ball crashing through a window. Adam jolted awake in the chair where he had dozed off while listening to a new record he’d gotten. He stood, still groggy from his rude awakening, and shuffled out of his room and down the stairs. Normally, he would have expected the phone to stop ringing long before he even reached it. The fact that it was still ringing made him suspect something was wrong even before he heard the voice on the other end of the line.
“May I speak with Adam Clayton please?” A woman asked.
“This is.” He replied, wiping the sleep from his eyes and replacing his glasses.
“Mr. Clayton I’m Nurse McAllen over at Hearts of Mercy hospital. We have a patient here in the trauma ward by the name of Janet Vale…”
“Janet? Is she all right?” Adam asked, a surge of adrenaline waking him up completely now.
“She’s going to be fine, but the doctor refuses to releases her without someone to look after her for awhile. That’s why she asked that I call you.” The woman explained.
“Oh. Right. I’ll be there shortly.” He replied, hanging up the phone and hurrying to borrow his fathers car. No sooner had he identified himself to the nurse at the front desk than the doctor appeared. It was not the same doctor who had cared for her all those months back, in November. He was actually quite different from him in as many ways as Adam could judge in the first impression. He was shorter, with a head of thick black hair that was turning gray at the temples. Where the other doctor had been a barrel chested beast of a man, this doctor was straw thin and looked as if a stiff breeze would blow him away.
“Adam Clayton?” he repeated upon hearing his name. “I’m doctor Kennedy.” He introduced himself and shook Adam’s hand.
“How’s Janet?” Adam asked immediately, a sour feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“She’s going to be all right, for now.” The doctor started, pulling him off to the side for some privacy. “I don’t think she really understands just how serious her condition is. I’ve seen her twice before myself, and I see on her records that she’s been in here other times as well. I think it’s only fair to make sure you know… Janet has come very close to dying because of her asthma.” He paused here to study Adam’s reaction. Adam closed his eyes and ran one of his overly large hands over his face. He didn’t understand exactly why the doctor was telling him this, and he was certain he was about to share something worse. “Unless she gets it under better control, she will die.”
Adam’s heart felt as if it had dropped into his stomach, like he had been punched in the gut and had the wind knocked out of him. The doctor paused to let this news sink in for a moment, watching for the color to return to Adam’s cheeks.
“Now that you understand that… I hope it helps you to be grateful for the fact that your girlfriend is alive.” The doctor said, reaching out and resting a hand on Adam’s shoulder. Adam started to correct the doctor, but he wouldn’t be interrupted. “Unfortunately, because of her asthma attack today, however, she miscarried the baby.”
“Baby?” He spat the word out as if it had been lodged in his throat, threatening to choke him to death.
The doctor’s mouth hung open and he stared at Adam for a long silent moment.
“I assumed you knew.” He finally stuttered. “Your girlfriend was nearly into her second trimester.”
“She’s not…” Adam started to correct the man, but stopped himself. As if the situation weren’t awkward and uncomfortable enough. “She’s not pregnant anymore?” he asked instead.
“I’m sorry, no.” The doctor told him more gently this time. “But it doesn’t mean she’ll never have children. Maybe, when you’re older, it would be better, anyway.” The man said and Adam frowned hard. This annoying little man was just on this side of obnoxious. He hated to imagine what his bedside manner must be like.
“Can I see her?” He asked, the barely restrained irritation clear in his voice. The doctor consented with a nod and the nurse showed Adam into the room where Janet was waiting impatiently. She had already shed her gown and was dressed in her regular clothes, ready to go home. Adam smiled at her, though his smile did not touch his eyes, and she tried to return his polite gesture but failed.
On the drive home, she mumbled her thanks to him but had nothing more to say, and Adam waited until they were safely in her flat before he approached the subject.
“So, are you going to be all right? About the baby?” He asked, settling down next to her on the couch. She turned to look at him, her eyes wide with genuine shock.
“How… what… Adam, how do you know about that?” She asked, her entire body beginning to tremble.
“The doctor thought I was the father.” He replied, slipping a cigarette out of the pack and into his mouth nervously. He had the lighter halfway to the cigarette before he remembered he shouldn’t smoke around her. “I… Jesus, Janet! Larry never even said a bloody word to any of us about this.” He told her, anxiously taking the cigarette out of his lips and then putting it back out of habit.
“He doesn’t know.” She said softly, looking down at her hands, avoiding his eyes at all costs.
“What?” Adam demanded. “He doesn’t know…”
“That I’m pregnant. That I WAS pregnant.” She corrected herself, her shoulders beginning to shake, her hair falling down to cover her face. Adam could hardly believe what he was hearing.
“When were you planning on telling him? When you went into bloody labor?” Adam asked, and Janet’s only reply was to cover her eyes with her hands and sob. Adam’s heart ached for her, and he reached out to her and held her. She wrapped her arms around him and wept against his chest for a long time. When her tears slowed and she finally managed to catch her breath again, she turned her head away and rested it on his shoulder.
“I couldn’t tell him.” She said. “I don’t want to ruin his life. I was so scared, Adam! It’s been hell for nearly three months now!” She leaned back to look into his eyes and saw the genuine sympathy only a real friend could provide. He reached out to her and smoothed her hair back from her face.
“Did you do this on purpose?” He asked. “Did you not take care of your asthma because you hoped…” He saw the tears and shame in her eyes and couldn’t finish his sentence. “Janet, you could’ve died!” He scolded, kissing her on the forehead. “That would’ve been harder on him than anything else.”
“I know. I know! Adam, no matter what way I turn, it seems whatever I do will end up bad for him. You guys have big dreams! And I think you can do it, I really do! I just… I don’t see where I fit in that picture.” She told him, leaning back out of his embrace and wiping her face with a tissue. Adam sighed and wished he could light his cigarette.
“So what are you going to do?” He asked. “Are you going to tell him now?”
“Why? I mean… what would be the point?” She sighed.
“Because Janet, keeping this inside of you is killing you!” Adam told her seriously. “Look at you! And because.. because it was his baby, too. So many reasons I can’t even…”Adam threw his hands up in a gesture of frustration at the question.
“Ok.” She consented. “You’re right. I don’t … I can’t stand to hurt him. It has to be the last time.” She sighed, hanging her head. “I have to figure out a way to say goodbye.”
“He’s not likely to let go easily.” Adam told her, and Janet nodded. She’d realized that a long time ago.
“Just… don’t say anything to him yet. Let me figure out a way to do this.” She asked, swallowing the lump of tears and sorrow that had wedged in her throat. Adam nodded slowly, unsure of the wisdom of the decision, but deciding to respect her wishes. He stood and began to pace anxiously, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to let everything that had just happened settle in to his mind.
“What time is it?” He asked suddenly, turning to look at the sunburst clock on the wall. “Fuck. I’m late for practice.” He announced, glancing down at Janet and wondering if it was safe to leave her alone. She was so sad.
“I can call and tell them I won’t be there.” He offered.
“No. No, because then you would have to lie for me when they asked why… I don’t want that. Just buy me some time.” She asked, and Adam nodded in agreement, but he did not make a move to leave. He didn’t feel right about it.
“Go on, I’m fine.” She assured him, standing to see him to the door. She opened it for him and waited while he stood in the doorway, looking at her as if it were the first time he’d ever seen her. “What?” she asked, trying to sound upbeat and playful.
“I was just thinking.” He told her with a small smile, his blue eyes gleaming slightly.
“What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking how lucky he was. Because you love him more than I could have imagined.” He told her. “And I have to admit… I was feeling a bit jealous. Wondering if anyone would do for me what you’re doing for him.”
“Oh Adam.” Janet sighed, hugging him for a long moment. She pulled back and looked at him closely, her eyes meeting and holding his own. “I’m not just doing this for Larry, you know. I mean, mostly. Of course. But the four of you? That’s something too special for me to risk ruining.” She said, and Adam smiled sweetly, surprising her by leaning in and kissing her softly.
“Thank you.” He told her sincerely. She smiled shyly and watched as he disappeared down the stairs before she closed the door.
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Larry’s mind was not on school. He sat near the window, not bothering to hide the fact that he was staring out into the gray pre-spring day, his mind a million miles from what was going on in his class. Janet had been sick a lot lately, and he was worried about her. She swore everything was all right, but she had grown so quiet that Larry wondered if something more was bothering her. He hated feeling like she wasn’t telling him everything.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure approaching the monstrous old brick school building he was currently sitting in. It was a woman, and she was running toward them as if the devil himself were at her heels. As she drew closer, he saw her long blonde hair flying up behind her in the wind and his heart jumped. What was Janet doing here?
He stood quickly, ready to hurry out of the room before he remembered where he was and quickly asked permission of the instructor to leave the room for a moment. Assuming he needed to visit the loo, the instructor granted him permission, and as soon as the door was closed, Larry sprinted toward the front doors. He had barely stepped outside before she was in his arms.
“Janet, what’s wrong?” He demanded, his eyes searching behind her for some sign of trouble pursuing. Janet panted for breath, shaking her head because she could not talk. Larry looked at her, her cheeks flushed a pleasant rosy shade and her eyes gleaming with excitement.
“Nothing! Nothings wrong! They found him!” She exclaimed, still out of breath but too excited to wait. “They found my brother!” She announced, and despite the smile on her face, Larry saw there were also tears in her eyes.
“That’s incredible!” He said, kissing her firmly on the mouth and squeezing her tight.
“He’s in a military hospital, but he’s coming home soon!” she told him after he kissed her, and she reached up to touch his face. “He’s going home!” she repeated, closing her own eyes and biting her lip, as if to savor the moment all the more.
“I’m so happy for you.” Larry told her, despite the sour feeling which had begun to churn in his stomach.
“You know how much I’ve been praying for this, right?” She asked, holding his face between her palms and looking into his eyes.
“Right. Of course, so have I.” He agreed, the sour feeling growing.
“Babyface… I’m going home, too.” She told him, and Larry felt as if someone had sliced him from throat to belly, everything inside of him spilling out. Once again he felt that same dizzying sensation of change taking him by surprise. He wondered if there was any security in life at all, or if he would constantly feel like he was in a small boat on a raging sea, unable to tell which direction was East or West, which was up and which was down.
“For how long?” He asked, his silver eyes turning gray. Janet bit her lip and gazed into those eyes for a long time. He could tell she was wrestling with something inside of her. He just had to wait and see what part of her won the struggle.
“I don’t know. Forever, maybe.”
“What about us? I… we can make it work, right?” Larry asked, covering one of her hands with his own and turning his face to kiss her palm. He saw her green eyes fill with tears, and before she even spoke, he knew her answer.
“No.” she told him, her voice so soft it could barely be heard. “No, babyface… we can’t.” She told him, trying to hold fast to him as he pulled away from her. He couldn’t stand to have her touching him suddenly. He clenched his teeth against the torrent of horrible, hateful things he wanted to say to her right then. He clenched his hands into fists instinctively. It was his natural reaction, to want to lash out at something that hurt him.
He knew he didn’t really want to do that, though. So he turned his back to her, his head down so she would not see the tears burning his eyes.
“Larry…” she said, resting a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged away violently.
“I have to go back to class.” He told her coldly, stomping back into the school without looking back. He knew he couldn’t look back, because it would hurt to much to see her. He had been so certain he would have her in his life forever. He’d considered it a given that once the band had a recording deal, they would get married. He hadn’t imagined life without her since his birthday. Suddenly, he was alone again.
Babyface pt 9
One day in late March, Larry was in school, Bono and Edge were hard at work writing new material for the band, but Adam was relaxing in his cozy room at home. The sound of the phone buzzing broke the nearly complete mid-day silence of the Clayton household like a ball crashing through a window. Adam jolted awake in the chair where he had dozed off while listening to a new record he’d gotten. He stood, still groggy from his rude awakening, and shuffled out of his room and down the stairs. Normally, he would have expected the phone to stop ringing long before he even reached it. The fact that it was still ringing made him suspect something was wrong even before he heard the voice on the other end of the line.
“May I speak with Adam Clayton please?” A woman asked.
“This is.” He replied, wiping the sleep from his eyes and replacing his glasses.
“Mr. Clayton I’m Nurse McAllen over at Hearts of Mercy hospital. We have a patient here in the trauma ward by the name of Janet Vale…”
“Janet? Is she all right?” Adam asked, a surge of adrenaline waking him up completely now.
“She’s going to be fine, but the doctor refuses to releases her without someone to look after her for awhile. That’s why she asked that I call you.” The woman explained.
“Oh. Right. I’ll be there shortly.” He replied, hanging up the phone and hurrying to borrow his fathers car. No sooner had he identified himself to the nurse at the front desk than the doctor appeared. It was not the same doctor who had cared for her all those months back, in November. He was actually quite different from him in as many ways as Adam could judge in the first impression. He was shorter, with a head of thick black hair that was turning gray at the temples. Where the other doctor had been a barrel chested beast of a man, this doctor was straw thin and looked as if a stiff breeze would blow him away.
“Adam Clayton?” he repeated upon hearing his name. “I’m doctor Kennedy.” He introduced himself and shook Adam’s hand.
“How’s Janet?” Adam asked immediately, a sour feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“She’s going to be all right, for now.” The doctor started, pulling him off to the side for some privacy. “I don’t think she really understands just how serious her condition is. I’ve seen her twice before myself, and I see on her records that she’s been in here other times as well. I think it’s only fair to make sure you know… Janet has come very close to dying because of her asthma.” He paused here to study Adam’s reaction. Adam closed his eyes and ran one of his overly large hands over his face. He didn’t understand exactly why the doctor was telling him this, and he was certain he was about to share something worse. “Unless she gets it under better control, she will die.”
Adam’s heart felt as if it had dropped into his stomach, like he had been punched in the gut and had the wind knocked out of him. The doctor paused to let this news sink in for a moment, watching for the color to return to Adam’s cheeks.
“Now that you understand that… I hope it helps you to be grateful for the fact that your girlfriend is alive.” The doctor said, reaching out and resting a hand on Adam’s shoulder. Adam started to correct the doctor, but he wouldn’t be interrupted. “Unfortunately, because of her asthma attack today, however, she miscarried the baby.”
“Baby?” He spat the word out as if it had been lodged in his throat, threatening to choke him to death.
The doctor’s mouth hung open and he stared at Adam for a long silent moment.
“I assumed you knew.” He finally stuttered. “Your girlfriend was nearly into her second trimester.”
“She’s not…” Adam started to correct the man, but stopped himself. As if the situation weren’t awkward and uncomfortable enough. “She’s not pregnant anymore?” he asked instead.
“I’m sorry, no.” The doctor told him more gently this time. “But it doesn’t mean she’ll never have children. Maybe, when you’re older, it would be better, anyway.” The man said and Adam frowned hard. This annoying little man was just on this side of obnoxious. He hated to imagine what his bedside manner must be like.
“Can I see her?” He asked, the barely restrained irritation clear in his voice. The doctor consented with a nod and the nurse showed Adam into the room where Janet was waiting impatiently. She had already shed her gown and was dressed in her regular clothes, ready to go home. Adam smiled at her, though his smile did not touch his eyes, and she tried to return his polite gesture but failed.
On the drive home, she mumbled her thanks to him but had nothing more to say, and Adam waited until they were safely in her flat before he approached the subject.
“So, are you going to be all right? About the baby?” He asked, settling down next to her on the couch. She turned to look at him, her eyes wide with genuine shock.
“How… what… Adam, how do you know about that?” She asked, her entire body beginning to tremble.
“The doctor thought I was the father.” He replied, slipping a cigarette out of the pack and into his mouth nervously. He had the lighter halfway to the cigarette before he remembered he shouldn’t smoke around her. “I… Jesus, Janet! Larry never even said a bloody word to any of us about this.” He told her, anxiously taking the cigarette out of his lips and then putting it back out of habit.
“He doesn’t know.” She said softly, looking down at her hands, avoiding his eyes at all costs.
“What?” Adam demanded. “He doesn’t know…”
“That I’m pregnant. That I WAS pregnant.” She corrected herself, her shoulders beginning to shake, her hair falling down to cover her face. Adam could hardly believe what he was hearing.
“When were you planning on telling him? When you went into bloody labor?” Adam asked, and Janet’s only reply was to cover her eyes with her hands and sob. Adam’s heart ached for her, and he reached out to her and held her. She wrapped her arms around him and wept against his chest for a long time. When her tears slowed and she finally managed to catch her breath again, she turned her head away and rested it on his shoulder.
“I couldn’t tell him.” She said. “I don’t want to ruin his life. I was so scared, Adam! It’s been hell for nearly three months now!” She leaned back to look into his eyes and saw the genuine sympathy only a real friend could provide. He reached out to her and smoothed her hair back from her face.
“Did you do this on purpose?” He asked. “Did you not take care of your asthma because you hoped…” He saw the tears and shame in her eyes and couldn’t finish his sentence. “Janet, you could’ve died!” He scolded, kissing her on the forehead. “That would’ve been harder on him than anything else.”
“I know. I know! Adam, no matter what way I turn, it seems whatever I do will end up bad for him. You guys have big dreams! And I think you can do it, I really do! I just… I don’t see where I fit in that picture.” She told him, leaning back out of his embrace and wiping her face with a tissue. Adam sighed and wished he could light his cigarette.
“So what are you going to do?” He asked. “Are you going to tell him now?”
“Why? I mean… what would be the point?” She sighed.
“Because Janet, keeping this inside of you is killing you!” Adam told her seriously. “Look at you! And because.. because it was his baby, too. So many reasons I can’t even…”Adam threw his hands up in a gesture of frustration at the question.
“Ok.” She consented. “You’re right. I don’t … I can’t stand to hurt him. It has to be the last time.” She sighed, hanging her head. “I have to figure out a way to say goodbye.”
“He’s not likely to let go easily.” Adam told her, and Janet nodded. She’d realized that a long time ago.
“Just… don’t say anything to him yet. Let me figure out a way to do this.” She asked, swallowing the lump of tears and sorrow that had wedged in her throat. Adam nodded slowly, unsure of the wisdom of the decision, but deciding to respect her wishes. He stood and began to pace anxiously, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to let everything that had just happened settle in to his mind.
“What time is it?” He asked suddenly, turning to look at the sunburst clock on the wall. “Fuck. I’m late for practice.” He announced, glancing down at Janet and wondering if it was safe to leave her alone. She was so sad.
“I can call and tell them I won’t be there.” He offered.
“No. No, because then you would have to lie for me when they asked why… I don’t want that. Just buy me some time.” She asked, and Adam nodded in agreement, but he did not make a move to leave. He didn’t feel right about it.
“Go on, I’m fine.” She assured him, standing to see him to the door. She opened it for him and waited while he stood in the doorway, looking at her as if it were the first time he’d ever seen her. “What?” she asked, trying to sound upbeat and playful.
“I was just thinking.” He told her with a small smile, his blue eyes gleaming slightly.
“What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking how lucky he was. Because you love him more than I could have imagined.” He told her. “And I have to admit… I was feeling a bit jealous. Wondering if anyone would do for me what you’re doing for him.”
“Oh Adam.” Janet sighed, hugging him for a long moment. She pulled back and looked at him closely, her eyes meeting and holding his own. “I’m not just doing this for Larry, you know. I mean, mostly. Of course. But the four of you? That’s something too special for me to risk ruining.” She said, and Adam smiled sweetly, surprising her by leaning in and kissing her softly.
“Thank you.” He told her sincerely. She smiled shyly and watched as he disappeared down the stairs before she closed the door.
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Larry’s mind was not on school. He sat near the window, not bothering to hide the fact that he was staring out into the gray pre-spring day, his mind a million miles from what was going on in his class. Janet had been sick a lot lately, and he was worried about her. She swore everything was all right, but she had grown so quiet that Larry wondered if something more was bothering her. He hated feeling like she wasn’t telling him everything.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure approaching the monstrous old brick school building he was currently sitting in. It was a woman, and she was running toward them as if the devil himself were at her heels. As she drew closer, he saw her long blonde hair flying up behind her in the wind and his heart jumped. What was Janet doing here?
He stood quickly, ready to hurry out of the room before he remembered where he was and quickly asked permission of the instructor to leave the room for a moment. Assuming he needed to visit the loo, the instructor granted him permission, and as soon as the door was closed, Larry sprinted toward the front doors. He had barely stepped outside before she was in his arms.
“Janet, what’s wrong?” He demanded, his eyes searching behind her for some sign of trouble pursuing. Janet panted for breath, shaking her head because she could not talk. Larry looked at her, her cheeks flushed a pleasant rosy shade and her eyes gleaming with excitement.
“Nothing! Nothings wrong! They found him!” She exclaimed, still out of breath but too excited to wait. “They found my brother!” She announced, and despite the smile on her face, Larry saw there were also tears in her eyes.
“That’s incredible!” He said, kissing her firmly on the mouth and squeezing her tight.
“He’s in a military hospital, but he’s coming home soon!” she told him after he kissed her, and she reached up to touch his face. “He’s going home!” she repeated, closing her own eyes and biting her lip, as if to savor the moment all the more.
“I’m so happy for you.” Larry told her, despite the sour feeling which had begun to churn in his stomach.
“You know how much I’ve been praying for this, right?” She asked, holding his face between her palms and looking into his eyes.
“Right. Of course, so have I.” He agreed, the sour feeling growing.
“Babyface… I’m going home, too.” She told him, and Larry felt as if someone had sliced him from throat to belly, everything inside of him spilling out. Once again he felt that same dizzying sensation of change taking him by surprise. He wondered if there was any security in life at all, or if he would constantly feel like he was in a small boat on a raging sea, unable to tell which direction was East or West, which was up and which was down.
“For how long?” He asked, his silver eyes turning gray. Janet bit her lip and gazed into those eyes for a long time. He could tell she was wrestling with something inside of her. He just had to wait and see what part of her won the struggle.
“I don’t know. Forever, maybe.”
“What about us? I… we can make it work, right?” Larry asked, covering one of her hands with his own and turning his face to kiss her palm. He saw her green eyes fill with tears, and before she even spoke, he knew her answer.
“No.” she told him, her voice so soft it could barely be heard. “No, babyface… we can’t.” She told him, trying to hold fast to him as he pulled away from her. He couldn’t stand to have her touching him suddenly. He clenched his teeth against the torrent of horrible, hateful things he wanted to say to her right then. He clenched his hands into fists instinctively. It was his natural reaction, to want to lash out at something that hurt him.
He knew he didn’t really want to do that, though. So he turned his back to her, his head down so she would not see the tears burning his eyes.
“Larry…” she said, resting a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged away violently.
“I have to go back to class.” He told her coldly, stomping back into the school without looking back. He knew he couldn’t look back, because it would hurt to much to see her. He had been so certain he would have her in his life forever. He’d considered it a given that once the band had a recording deal, they would get married. He hadn’t imagined life without her since his birthday. Suddenly, he was alone again.
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I hope the story doesn't end soon, but I'm looking forward to the next bit!
Can't wait for the next part, SG. 
but... 
