lardencelover
The Fly
The Awesome Adventures of U2!
By Mandi K.
[u2popmusik@hotmail.com]
? 2001
Adventure Two:
?The butts are burning??
Scene One
Setting: [Paul McGuiness?s Office at U2?s Principle Management] Paul is sitting at his desk, chain smoking heavily and wearing a grim look on his face. Bono is lying down on a couch to Paul?s left and Edge is sitting in a chair in front of his desk. Adam is sitting at Bono?s feet, desperately trying to out smoke Paul. Larry is perched on the corner of Paul?s desk, staring out the window at a quiet Dublin morning down below.
Paul rubs his eyes with his free hand and sighs.
Paul: ?So they said that their master got the DNA from you? Well, that means it?s an inside job or how else would they get it??
Edge: ?Yeah? we need to go to the police. We should have as soon as they retrieved me.?
Bono: (Propping himself up on his elbow) ?Yeah! Like the police were gonna believe that our evil twins came out of nowhere and stole you.?
Adam: ?Well, then what CAN we do??
Paul: (pauses) (hesitantly)?Well, there is something? but I really don?t like it. However, I don?t like them kidnapping you either, so??
Larry: ?It?s neither.?
Bono: ?NO, it?s either.?
Adam: ?I still say that it could be neither or either.?
Bono: (Snorting) ?And I suppose you don?t like pineapples either??
Larry: ?NEITHER.?
Bono, Adam & Edge: ?WHATEVER!?
Paul: ?Enough about pineapples! This is important.?
Bono: (Sitting up) ?What is it??
Paul: (quietly and solemnly) ?I have something for you four. I hoped I would never have to give it to you? that it would never be necessary, but I see now that it is.? (His finger snaps up in Edge?s face as a warning and all four of the band members flinch out of habit) ?BUT? you must not tell anyone about it and you must only use it when it is extremely necessary.?
Adam: ?Paul, what are you going on about??
Paul pulls out an ornate crystal box from the inside of one of his many locked drawers of his desk. He opens the crystal latch of the box and the top pops open, revealing four colored orbs of light, nestled comfortably within little dents in the crystal. The orbs are all a different color: blue, yellow, green and red.
Paul: ?This is what I?m going on about my dear friends.?
Larry: (Leaning in to get a closer look) ?What are they??
Larry reaches out to touch them and Paul pulls the box away and shuts it close.
Paul: ?Don?t touch it yet! I need to explain first!?
Larry?s hand snaps back and his gives Paul an agitated look.
Larry: ?Why? What are they??
Paul: ?They are called elemental force orbs. I?m not at liberty to say how I came upon them, but I had them as an intention for you four if there ever came a time when bodyguards were no longer enough. I feel now is that time.?
Adam: (Standing up, flicking his cigarette, and talking to Bono) ?Bonkers. He?s gone completely mad.?
Bono: (Shrugging) ?It was bound to happen managing us. I mean, look what it did to you. And you only managed us what? Two years? This guy?s been doing it for more than twenty! He?s been on his way out since 1980, if ye ask me??
Edge: ?He?s been on his way out since we MET him.?
Paul: ?I resemble that remark! No, wait? I mean-?
Larry: (Squinting at Paul) ?You don?t really expect us to believe this gibberish, do you??
Edge: ?Yeah. Weird time to show off your new Christmas lights, Paul.?
Paul: ?When have I ever lied to you?!?
Larry, Bono, Edge and Adam scowl at Paul and he backtracks.
Paul: ?Okay, don?t answer that, but I?m not lying now. This is what it seems.?
Edge: ?Uh-huh? and what do they do then??
Paul: ?Well, it?s simple enough. When you use these on a person, that person takes on the qualities and the element of that orb.?
Bono: (leaning his head on his hand and obviously humoring Paul) ?Uh-huh? and what are these qualities you speak of??
Paul: ?Well, umm? let?s find out, shall we? I want these to go to you. Understand? you will have abnormal powers and the ability to control certain parts of nature. Again, you must only use the powers when it is necessary.?
Adam: (totally confused) ?Abnormal powers? The ability to control certain parts of NATURE?? (Whistles) ?Bono, why don?t you go get your straight jacket out of the closet? I think we need it.?
Bono: ?NOT MINE! Why not yours!?
Adam: ?No way!!!?
Larry, who is now behind Paul, looks at Edge and mouths, ?He?s off his rocker?. Edge pretends to be staring at Paul, but widens his eyes at Larry and nods his head vigorously.
Paul: ?Look, I know you don?t believe me, so just try it. If I?m lying you can prove what an old bat I am.?
Bono looks at Adam. Adam raises his eyebrows at Edge. Edge looks at Larry, who is always the decision maker in the U2 camp. Larry shrugs indifferently.
Larry: ?Alright, Paul, alright? why not, right fellas??
Bono, Edge & Adam: (Mumbling) ?Yeah, yeah? sure, sure? why not??
All four look nervously at the orbs Paul is holding. Nobody moves to touch them.
Edge: ?You know what? Larry, you?re a brave man, why don?t you go first??
Larry: (Snorts) ?Not that brave!?
Paul: (Annoyed) ?C?mon! If I?m lying you have nothing to worry about, right??
Larry: (looks up at him) (Pauses, then nods) ?Of course!? (Pulling his pants up with great gusto and broadening his shoulders, a macho look spreading across his face) ?Paul, you?re a slick one trying to get us worked up over a little joke like this!?
Larry reaches out and touches the red orb. He laughs casually at the others as at first nothing happens, and then suddenly yells out.
Larry: (Yanking at his fingers) ?My fingers are stuck! Argh!?
The orb Larry chose begins to crackle and snap, and Larry?s fingers become warm, then very hot. Much to Larry?s surprise, the feeling is not painful and it works its way up his arm. Quite without notice, a sudden flame shoots from the orb and engulfs Larry?s hand. Larry yells out quickly and Edge, Bono and Adam go into immediate hysterics, attempting to pull Larry away from the orb. Suddenly they all cry out and let go of Larry, who is making the face of a constipated eighty year old.
Bono: ?He?s burning hot!?
Adam: (In awe) ?Look at him? he?s turning red.?
Edge: ?It?s a scientific phenomenon? where?s my journal? I gotta write this down so I can research it??
Larry: (shaking violently, his hand still stuck to the orb) ?Y-you guys? m-m-make it s-stop-p!!!?
Paul: (Nodding slowly) ?He got Fire.?
The flame then engulfs Larry?s whole body. Larry lets out a shrill yell and the flame dies out. Larry collapses to the floor wearily, Bono attempting to catch him and soften his fall.
Larry is covered in a cold sweat and he is breathing heavily. Bono slaps his face lightly, trying to get a response. Edge and Adam kneel worriedly around him and Paul glances at him from over his desk.
Paul: ?He?ll be fine.?
Edge: (Worriedly) ?FINE? Paul, he was just swallowed up by fire!?
Paul: ?That?s okay? it didn?t hurt him? nor will it ever again.?
Larry?s lashes flutter and then his blue eyes snap open. He squeals loudly and wraps his arms around Bono?s neck in fright.
Larry: (Yanking Bono?s face into his shoulder as he squeezes him) ?Mummy!!!?
Bono: (Voice muffled in Larry?s shirt) ?Larry, you?re? ugh? fine? ugh? let GO! Larry? hey, you smell good!?
Larry immediately lets go of Bono, throwing him a funny look.
Bono: (Shrugging as he settles himself on Larry?s chest and takes in a deep sniff) ?What? Well, you DO!?
Larry grunts in an attempt to flash his masculinity and shoves Bono off him. Edge and Adam help him up. Larry stands up, weakly at first, then becomes familiar with his feet again and stands up straight, brushing off Bono-dust from his shoulder.
Larry: (Snaps as Adam and Edge fuss over him) ?I?m okay, I?m okay!?
Bono: (still lying on the floor) ?If you?re okay, then why is you booty on fire??
Larry howls, jumping around frantically as the seat of his jeans flames up. Edge, without thinking, immediately starts to beat Larry?s butt in an attempt to put out the fire. Adam grabs a glass of water off Paul?s desk and splashes Larry?s backside with it.
Edge: ?You okay??
Larry: (Nodding) ?Yeah? it didn?t hurt at least. Shouldn?t it have hurt? No, I?m fine??
Bono: ?But are your ducky knickers okay??
Larry looks worriedly at his butt.
Larry: ?I hope so or Aaron won?t be too happy.? (Realizes Bono?s teasing him) ?Hey, shut up!?
Paul: (standing up) ?Okay, now? Larry. I want you to think of something that really ticks you off or annoys you and hold out your hand.?
Larry: (Raising and eyebrow) ?WHY??
Paul: (Pleading eyes) ?Please??
Larry rolls his eyes and holds out his hand. Nothing happens.
Paul: ?No, no? think of something that REALLY ticks you off? something that gets you really angry.?
A look of concentration crosses Larry?s face. Suddenly, anger flashes across his face.
Larry: ?Photographers!?
A huge flame bursts into Larry?s palm and Adam and Bono jump back, terrified. Edge, however, doesn?t move fast enough and yelps as one of his eyebrows is singed.
Larry: ?Heh, heh! Cool!?
Bono: ?How the hell did you do that????
Larry: (shrugs at him, the flame still floating in his hand) ?I dunno.?
Edge: ?Argh! How come it singed my eyebrow and not yours? You?re obviously closer to the fire than I was!?
Paul: ?Larry will now be immune to fire for the rest of his life. He cannot be scalded, singed or even sunburned. Though you?ll now be able to get quite a nice tan.?
Larry: (Gleefully as if to a girlfriend) ?Really? Oh, do you think so, Paul??
Adam: ?Okay, okay? I can see this. Is that all it does??
Paul: ?No? let?s see? you picked Fire, Larry, so? pick up my desk.?
Larry: (Flame burns out) ?You?re kidding right? That desk is steel!?
Paul: ?Just trust me.?
Bono: ?PAUL. Larry has a bad back. Remember? We practically made the whole POP album without him. What makes you think he can lift that??
Paul: ?It?s a side effect.?
Larry grins happily and lunges Paul?s desk into the air.
Larry: ?Oh, this is SWEET.? (Puts the desk back down)
Edge, Bono and Adam stare at each other a moment. Then they hurl themselves at Paul?s desk, scrabbling for the crystal box in Paul?s hands. They immediately begin to wrestle.
Bono: ?OW! That?s my foot, you freaking wanker!?
Edge: ?My eye! My eye!?
Adam: ?Oh, God! Edge, your feet! Your feet! Get ?em away from my nose!?
Paul: (Intervening) ?ONE AT A TIME. And use it only for good??
Edge, Bono & Adam: (straightening themselves and holding up their right hands) ?Only for good!?
Paul: ?Okay? Edge first.?
Edge beams proudly and looks at the orbs. He toils for a moment, but when Bono heaves a huge sigh of impatience, Edge makes his choice. He chooses the yellow orb. Suddenly lightening rips through the room and strikes Edge. For a moment he looks like an x-ray of himself. He begins to shake violently like Larry had done, the others backing away in suspense. Finally the jolting stops, and Edge stands holding the now useless and clear orb, a large singe ring around him. His hat is stuck to the ceiling by static electricity and what is left of his hair is standing straight up on end. He turns around to the others and Larry bursts into a muffled fit of laughter. Bono looks down at Edge?s bare feet, then across the room to his shoes, which had flown off, and begins to choke.
Bono: ?The smell is overwhelming me!?
Adam races over and, with a plugged nose, throws Edge his shoes.
Edge: (Irritably) ?Oh, honestly!?
Paul: ?Okay, Edge is immune to electricity. Every time you think of something that really made you anxious or excited, you will produce electricity currents.?
Edge bounces a current from one hand to the other cheerfully.
Edge: ?What else??
Paul: ?Well, your intelligence has been vastly increased.?
Edge: ?But I was already the brains of this operation!?
Bono: (Snorting) ?Yeah, sure you were.?
Paul: ?Alright, Adam!?
Adam looks at the two remaining orbs: the green and the blue. He chooses the blue and instantly the room fills with water from an unseen waterfall. The five are plunged into its icy depths, but a large bubble surrounds Adam. Adam looks around him frantically as the bubble begins to shake, Adam gyrating along with it. For a split moment gills can be seen on the side of his neck, but they disappear in a flash. The water suddenly drains. Bono is lying of the floor, attempting to doggy paddle, Larry is crying, (his water wings and inter tube attached tightly to him), and Edge looks miserable, his hat wet and soppy atop his head. Adam is perfectly dry.
Paul: ?Whenever you think hard about calm, peaceful things that make you truly happy, you will shoot water out. You will never drown and you can also now heal small wounds!?
Adam: (Disgruntled) ?Oh great. Now whenever someone has a cold? ?Oh, just go to Aquarius Adam! He?ll help you out.? Grrrrr??
Paul: ?Yeah, yeah? okay, Bono, you get what?s left!?
Bono: (Grumpily) ?Oh, joy.?
He touches the green orb and there is a pause before anything happens. Suddenly, Bono gets the hiccups. However, every time he hiccups, the ground shakes the other four to the bone. Larry collapses to the floor, in a fit of tears [again] as Adam falls on top of him. Edge jumps into the arms of Paul, knocking them both onto the ground.
Edge: ?Mummy!?
Adam: ?Bloody hell! Earthquake!?
Bono: (putting his hand sheepishly over his mouth) ?Is that little ol?- *HICCUP*? (ground rattles) ?Me??
Adam: ?Yes! Now stop!?
Edge: ?Hold your breath!?
Larry: ?Drink some water!?
Adam: ?Take a teaspoon of sugar!?
Bono looks frantically at his band mates as he tries to hold his breath and drink a glass of sugar water at the same time. However, his hiccups continue, bouncing the other four around the floor like Mexican jumping beans. Finally Paul sneaks up behind Bono and scares him, ending the hiccups. The water inside Bono?s mouth goes flying through the air and right into Adam?s face. Adam howls angrily, blinded, and flings his arms in the air, hitting Larry right in the nose. Larry?s bawling becomes even louder than ever.
Adam: (Squinting) ?I thought you said I?m immune to water!?
Larry: ?WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!?
Paul: ?Oh, I never said that. I just said you couldn?t drown.? (To Bono) ?You can summon those monstrous hiccups just by thinking hard about something that upsets you or made you emotional. You also have a great affinity for plants now? green thumb, if you will. You did get Earth, after all.?
Bono: (Sarcastically and jealously) ?Great. Larry gets to be Satan and I?m a gardener.?
Larry pouts at him and blubbers louder.
Bono: ?LARRY, SHUT IT!?
Larry continues to snivel and Bono puffs up his chest in anger.
Bono: ?LARRY JOSEPH MULLEN JUN-AHHHHHHH MY ARSE!!!?
Bono jumps around the room, hysterically slapping at his behind. Smoke is swirling up from the seat of Bono?s pants and Larry has a mischievous grin on his face.
Adam: (Scolding Larry) ?Young man, you did not just set Bono on fire, did you????
Larry: (Shifty eyes) ?? No.?
Edge: ?Ummm? Adam? A little help here??
Adam: ?Oh? right.? (Squirts Bono?s booty with his water abilities)
Larry: (To Bono) ?Are your drawers okay Bono??
Bono: (Glowering at Larry) ?Grrrrr?? (Larry starts to vibrate aggressively as Bono hiccups) ?You little brat!?
Paul: ?HEY! What did you guys just promise to do??
Adam & Edge: (Their heads down guiltily) ?Only use it for good.?
Paul: ?That?s right! If you don?t, something bad could happen! Now knock it off!?
Larry and Bono stop, still shooting daggers from their eyes at each other. Paul sits down on his soaked desk and looks them all in the eye.
Paul: ?Don?t get caught with this. Now I want you to go out there and find out who this jerk is.?
The four nod and move toward the door to leave. However, Adam hangs back and glances over at Paul.
Adam: ?Hey Paul??
Paul: ?Yes Adam??
Adam: ?Why didn?t you give us this a long time ago??
Paul: ?? I suppose there are a lot of reasons. It?s dangerous, it?s not the best thing? so on and so forth.?
Adam nods and goes to follow the others. In the doorway he stops and looks at Paul again.
Adam: ?Why?d you REALLY not give it to us earlier??
Paul: (Smiles briefly) ?I don?t trust any of you.?
Adam: (Nodding, a grin on his face) ?Thought as much?? (Stops one last time) ?I wouldn?t trust us either!?
Adam strolls out whistling, leaving Paul sitting by himself.
Paul: (To himself) ?I wonder if? they?ll figure out who the master is? it?s so obvious?? (Shakes his head, a smirk on his face) ?Nope? they?ll never figure it out. Those boys do everything the hard way.?
To Be Continued...
By Mandi K.
[u2popmusik@hotmail.com]
? 2001
Adventure Two:
?The butts are burning??
Scene One
Setting: [Paul McGuiness?s Office at U2?s Principle Management] Paul is sitting at his desk, chain smoking heavily and wearing a grim look on his face. Bono is lying down on a couch to Paul?s left and Edge is sitting in a chair in front of his desk. Adam is sitting at Bono?s feet, desperately trying to out smoke Paul. Larry is perched on the corner of Paul?s desk, staring out the window at a quiet Dublin morning down below.
Paul rubs his eyes with his free hand and sighs.
Paul: ?So they said that their master got the DNA from you? Well, that means it?s an inside job or how else would they get it??
Edge: ?Yeah? we need to go to the police. We should have as soon as they retrieved me.?
Bono: (Propping himself up on his elbow) ?Yeah! Like the police were gonna believe that our evil twins came out of nowhere and stole you.?
Adam: ?Well, then what CAN we do??
Paul: (pauses) (hesitantly)?Well, there is something? but I really don?t like it. However, I don?t like them kidnapping you either, so??
Larry: ?It?s neither.?
Bono: ?NO, it?s either.?
Adam: ?I still say that it could be neither or either.?
Bono: (Snorting) ?And I suppose you don?t like pineapples either??
Larry: ?NEITHER.?
Bono, Adam & Edge: ?WHATEVER!?
Paul: ?Enough about pineapples! This is important.?
Bono: (Sitting up) ?What is it??
Paul: (quietly and solemnly) ?I have something for you four. I hoped I would never have to give it to you? that it would never be necessary, but I see now that it is.? (His finger snaps up in Edge?s face as a warning and all four of the band members flinch out of habit) ?BUT? you must not tell anyone about it and you must only use it when it is extremely necessary.?
Adam: ?Paul, what are you going on about??
Paul pulls out an ornate crystal box from the inside of one of his many locked drawers of his desk. He opens the crystal latch of the box and the top pops open, revealing four colored orbs of light, nestled comfortably within little dents in the crystal. The orbs are all a different color: blue, yellow, green and red.
Paul: ?This is what I?m going on about my dear friends.?
Larry: (Leaning in to get a closer look) ?What are they??
Larry reaches out to touch them and Paul pulls the box away and shuts it close.
Paul: ?Don?t touch it yet! I need to explain first!?
Larry?s hand snaps back and his gives Paul an agitated look.
Larry: ?Why? What are they??
Paul: ?They are called elemental force orbs. I?m not at liberty to say how I came upon them, but I had them as an intention for you four if there ever came a time when bodyguards were no longer enough. I feel now is that time.?
Adam: (Standing up, flicking his cigarette, and talking to Bono) ?Bonkers. He?s gone completely mad.?
Bono: (Shrugging) ?It was bound to happen managing us. I mean, look what it did to you. And you only managed us what? Two years? This guy?s been doing it for more than twenty! He?s been on his way out since 1980, if ye ask me??
Edge: ?He?s been on his way out since we MET him.?
Paul: ?I resemble that remark! No, wait? I mean-?
Larry: (Squinting at Paul) ?You don?t really expect us to believe this gibberish, do you??
Edge: ?Yeah. Weird time to show off your new Christmas lights, Paul.?
Paul: ?When have I ever lied to you?!?
Larry, Bono, Edge and Adam scowl at Paul and he backtracks.
Paul: ?Okay, don?t answer that, but I?m not lying now. This is what it seems.?
Edge: ?Uh-huh? and what do they do then??
Paul: ?Well, it?s simple enough. When you use these on a person, that person takes on the qualities and the element of that orb.?
Bono: (leaning his head on his hand and obviously humoring Paul) ?Uh-huh? and what are these qualities you speak of??
Paul: ?Well, umm? let?s find out, shall we? I want these to go to you. Understand? you will have abnormal powers and the ability to control certain parts of nature. Again, you must only use the powers when it is necessary.?
Adam: (totally confused) ?Abnormal powers? The ability to control certain parts of NATURE?? (Whistles) ?Bono, why don?t you go get your straight jacket out of the closet? I think we need it.?
Bono: ?NOT MINE! Why not yours!?
Adam: ?No way!!!?
Larry, who is now behind Paul, looks at Edge and mouths, ?He?s off his rocker?. Edge pretends to be staring at Paul, but widens his eyes at Larry and nods his head vigorously.
Paul: ?Look, I know you don?t believe me, so just try it. If I?m lying you can prove what an old bat I am.?
Bono looks at Adam. Adam raises his eyebrows at Edge. Edge looks at Larry, who is always the decision maker in the U2 camp. Larry shrugs indifferently.
Larry: ?Alright, Paul, alright? why not, right fellas??
Bono, Edge & Adam: (Mumbling) ?Yeah, yeah? sure, sure? why not??
All four look nervously at the orbs Paul is holding. Nobody moves to touch them.
Edge: ?You know what? Larry, you?re a brave man, why don?t you go first??
Larry: (Snorts) ?Not that brave!?
Paul: (Annoyed) ?C?mon! If I?m lying you have nothing to worry about, right??
Larry: (looks up at him) (Pauses, then nods) ?Of course!? (Pulling his pants up with great gusto and broadening his shoulders, a macho look spreading across his face) ?Paul, you?re a slick one trying to get us worked up over a little joke like this!?
Larry reaches out and touches the red orb. He laughs casually at the others as at first nothing happens, and then suddenly yells out.
Larry: (Yanking at his fingers) ?My fingers are stuck! Argh!?
The orb Larry chose begins to crackle and snap, and Larry?s fingers become warm, then very hot. Much to Larry?s surprise, the feeling is not painful and it works its way up his arm. Quite without notice, a sudden flame shoots from the orb and engulfs Larry?s hand. Larry yells out quickly and Edge, Bono and Adam go into immediate hysterics, attempting to pull Larry away from the orb. Suddenly they all cry out and let go of Larry, who is making the face of a constipated eighty year old.
Bono: ?He?s burning hot!?
Adam: (In awe) ?Look at him? he?s turning red.?
Edge: ?It?s a scientific phenomenon? where?s my journal? I gotta write this down so I can research it??
Larry: (shaking violently, his hand still stuck to the orb) ?Y-you guys? m-m-make it s-stop-p!!!?
Paul: (Nodding slowly) ?He got Fire.?
The flame then engulfs Larry?s whole body. Larry lets out a shrill yell and the flame dies out. Larry collapses to the floor wearily, Bono attempting to catch him and soften his fall.
Larry is covered in a cold sweat and he is breathing heavily. Bono slaps his face lightly, trying to get a response. Edge and Adam kneel worriedly around him and Paul glances at him from over his desk.
Paul: ?He?ll be fine.?
Edge: (Worriedly) ?FINE? Paul, he was just swallowed up by fire!?
Paul: ?That?s okay? it didn?t hurt him? nor will it ever again.?
Larry?s lashes flutter and then his blue eyes snap open. He squeals loudly and wraps his arms around Bono?s neck in fright.
Larry: (Yanking Bono?s face into his shoulder as he squeezes him) ?Mummy!!!?
Bono: (Voice muffled in Larry?s shirt) ?Larry, you?re? ugh? fine? ugh? let GO! Larry? hey, you smell good!?
Larry immediately lets go of Bono, throwing him a funny look.
Bono: (Shrugging as he settles himself on Larry?s chest and takes in a deep sniff) ?What? Well, you DO!?
Larry grunts in an attempt to flash his masculinity and shoves Bono off him. Edge and Adam help him up. Larry stands up, weakly at first, then becomes familiar with his feet again and stands up straight, brushing off Bono-dust from his shoulder.
Larry: (Snaps as Adam and Edge fuss over him) ?I?m okay, I?m okay!?
Bono: (still lying on the floor) ?If you?re okay, then why is you booty on fire??
Larry howls, jumping around frantically as the seat of his jeans flames up. Edge, without thinking, immediately starts to beat Larry?s butt in an attempt to put out the fire. Adam grabs a glass of water off Paul?s desk and splashes Larry?s backside with it.
Edge: ?You okay??
Larry: (Nodding) ?Yeah? it didn?t hurt at least. Shouldn?t it have hurt? No, I?m fine??
Bono: ?But are your ducky knickers okay??
Larry looks worriedly at his butt.
Larry: ?I hope so or Aaron won?t be too happy.? (Realizes Bono?s teasing him) ?Hey, shut up!?
Paul: (standing up) ?Okay, now? Larry. I want you to think of something that really ticks you off or annoys you and hold out your hand.?
Larry: (Raising and eyebrow) ?WHY??
Paul: (Pleading eyes) ?Please??
Larry rolls his eyes and holds out his hand. Nothing happens.
Paul: ?No, no? think of something that REALLY ticks you off? something that gets you really angry.?
A look of concentration crosses Larry?s face. Suddenly, anger flashes across his face.
Larry: ?Photographers!?
A huge flame bursts into Larry?s palm and Adam and Bono jump back, terrified. Edge, however, doesn?t move fast enough and yelps as one of his eyebrows is singed.
Larry: ?Heh, heh! Cool!?
Bono: ?How the hell did you do that????
Larry: (shrugs at him, the flame still floating in his hand) ?I dunno.?
Edge: ?Argh! How come it singed my eyebrow and not yours? You?re obviously closer to the fire than I was!?
Paul: ?Larry will now be immune to fire for the rest of his life. He cannot be scalded, singed or even sunburned. Though you?ll now be able to get quite a nice tan.?
Larry: (Gleefully as if to a girlfriend) ?Really? Oh, do you think so, Paul??
Adam: ?Okay, okay? I can see this. Is that all it does??
Paul: ?No? let?s see? you picked Fire, Larry, so? pick up my desk.?
Larry: (Flame burns out) ?You?re kidding right? That desk is steel!?
Paul: ?Just trust me.?
Bono: ?PAUL. Larry has a bad back. Remember? We practically made the whole POP album without him. What makes you think he can lift that??
Paul: ?It?s a side effect.?
Larry grins happily and lunges Paul?s desk into the air.
Larry: ?Oh, this is SWEET.? (Puts the desk back down)
Edge, Bono and Adam stare at each other a moment. Then they hurl themselves at Paul?s desk, scrabbling for the crystal box in Paul?s hands. They immediately begin to wrestle.
Bono: ?OW! That?s my foot, you freaking wanker!?
Edge: ?My eye! My eye!?
Adam: ?Oh, God! Edge, your feet! Your feet! Get ?em away from my nose!?
Paul: (Intervening) ?ONE AT A TIME. And use it only for good??
Edge, Bono & Adam: (straightening themselves and holding up their right hands) ?Only for good!?
Paul: ?Okay? Edge first.?
Edge beams proudly and looks at the orbs. He toils for a moment, but when Bono heaves a huge sigh of impatience, Edge makes his choice. He chooses the yellow orb. Suddenly lightening rips through the room and strikes Edge. For a moment he looks like an x-ray of himself. He begins to shake violently like Larry had done, the others backing away in suspense. Finally the jolting stops, and Edge stands holding the now useless and clear orb, a large singe ring around him. His hat is stuck to the ceiling by static electricity and what is left of his hair is standing straight up on end. He turns around to the others and Larry bursts into a muffled fit of laughter. Bono looks down at Edge?s bare feet, then across the room to his shoes, which had flown off, and begins to choke.
Bono: ?The smell is overwhelming me!?
Adam races over and, with a plugged nose, throws Edge his shoes.
Edge: (Irritably) ?Oh, honestly!?
Paul: ?Okay, Edge is immune to electricity. Every time you think of something that really made you anxious or excited, you will produce electricity currents.?
Edge bounces a current from one hand to the other cheerfully.
Edge: ?What else??
Paul: ?Well, your intelligence has been vastly increased.?
Edge: ?But I was already the brains of this operation!?
Bono: (Snorting) ?Yeah, sure you were.?
Paul: ?Alright, Adam!?
Adam looks at the two remaining orbs: the green and the blue. He chooses the blue and instantly the room fills with water from an unseen waterfall. The five are plunged into its icy depths, but a large bubble surrounds Adam. Adam looks around him frantically as the bubble begins to shake, Adam gyrating along with it. For a split moment gills can be seen on the side of his neck, but they disappear in a flash. The water suddenly drains. Bono is lying of the floor, attempting to doggy paddle, Larry is crying, (his water wings and inter tube attached tightly to him), and Edge looks miserable, his hat wet and soppy atop his head. Adam is perfectly dry.
Paul: ?Whenever you think hard about calm, peaceful things that make you truly happy, you will shoot water out. You will never drown and you can also now heal small wounds!?
Adam: (Disgruntled) ?Oh great. Now whenever someone has a cold? ?Oh, just go to Aquarius Adam! He?ll help you out.? Grrrrr??
Paul: ?Yeah, yeah? okay, Bono, you get what?s left!?
Bono: (Grumpily) ?Oh, joy.?
He touches the green orb and there is a pause before anything happens. Suddenly, Bono gets the hiccups. However, every time he hiccups, the ground shakes the other four to the bone. Larry collapses to the floor, in a fit of tears [again] as Adam falls on top of him. Edge jumps into the arms of Paul, knocking them both onto the ground.
Edge: ?Mummy!?
Adam: ?Bloody hell! Earthquake!?
Bono: (putting his hand sheepishly over his mouth) ?Is that little ol?- *HICCUP*? (ground rattles) ?Me??
Adam: ?Yes! Now stop!?
Edge: ?Hold your breath!?
Larry: ?Drink some water!?
Adam: ?Take a teaspoon of sugar!?
Bono looks frantically at his band mates as he tries to hold his breath and drink a glass of sugar water at the same time. However, his hiccups continue, bouncing the other four around the floor like Mexican jumping beans. Finally Paul sneaks up behind Bono and scares him, ending the hiccups. The water inside Bono?s mouth goes flying through the air and right into Adam?s face. Adam howls angrily, blinded, and flings his arms in the air, hitting Larry right in the nose. Larry?s bawling becomes even louder than ever.
Adam: (Squinting) ?I thought you said I?m immune to water!?
Larry: ?WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!?
Paul: ?Oh, I never said that. I just said you couldn?t drown.? (To Bono) ?You can summon those monstrous hiccups just by thinking hard about something that upsets you or made you emotional. You also have a great affinity for plants now? green thumb, if you will. You did get Earth, after all.?
Bono: (Sarcastically and jealously) ?Great. Larry gets to be Satan and I?m a gardener.?
Larry pouts at him and blubbers louder.
Bono: ?LARRY, SHUT IT!?
Larry continues to snivel and Bono puffs up his chest in anger.
Bono: ?LARRY JOSEPH MULLEN JUN-AHHHHHHH MY ARSE!!!?
Bono jumps around the room, hysterically slapping at his behind. Smoke is swirling up from the seat of Bono?s pants and Larry has a mischievous grin on his face.
Adam: (Scolding Larry) ?Young man, you did not just set Bono on fire, did you????
Larry: (Shifty eyes) ?? No.?
Edge: ?Ummm? Adam? A little help here??
Adam: ?Oh? right.? (Squirts Bono?s booty with his water abilities)
Larry: (To Bono) ?Are your drawers okay Bono??
Bono: (Glowering at Larry) ?Grrrrr?? (Larry starts to vibrate aggressively as Bono hiccups) ?You little brat!?
Paul: ?HEY! What did you guys just promise to do??
Adam & Edge: (Their heads down guiltily) ?Only use it for good.?
Paul: ?That?s right! If you don?t, something bad could happen! Now knock it off!?
Larry and Bono stop, still shooting daggers from their eyes at each other. Paul sits down on his soaked desk and looks them all in the eye.
Paul: ?Don?t get caught with this. Now I want you to go out there and find out who this jerk is.?
The four nod and move toward the door to leave. However, Adam hangs back and glances over at Paul.
Adam: ?Hey Paul??
Paul: ?Yes Adam??
Adam: ?Why didn?t you give us this a long time ago??
Paul: ?? I suppose there are a lot of reasons. It?s dangerous, it?s not the best thing? so on and so forth.?
Adam nods and goes to follow the others. In the doorway he stops and looks at Paul again.
Adam: ?Why?d you REALLY not give it to us earlier??
Paul: (Smiles briefly) ?I don?t trust any of you.?
Adam: (Nodding, a grin on his face) ?Thought as much?? (Stops one last time) ?I wouldn?t trust us either!?
Adam strolls out whistling, leaving Paul sitting by himself.
Paul: (To himself) ?I wonder if? they?ll figure out who the master is? it?s so obvious?? (Shakes his head, a smirk on his face) ?Nope? they?ll never figure it out. Those boys do everything the hard way.?
To Be Continued...
Super U2! 
Keep it up Mandi!
*goes to sleep thinking about U2 superpowers**lol, Bono hiccups....*
