U2Girl1978
Blue Crack Addict
U2 Fan Fiction: A night at the show
- Thread starter ZooMacPhisto800
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
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If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
WildHoneyAlways
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
be more funny! 
anadgemila
New Yorker
More, more 
AtomicBono
ONE love, blood, life
4U2Play said:
this is fantastic. i'd add to it, but i'm busy using the brilliance of technology to rip all the 90's U2 vids onto my iPod...plus, I wouldn't wanna take away from the fun, the boys seem to really be enjoying this
Zoomerang96
ONE love, blood, life
MAKE THEM KISS ALREADY!!!!! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!! YES, LETTUCE LIP KISS!!!!!! MAKE THEM KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KISS KISS KISS!!!!!!!!!
KISS KISS KISS!!!!!!!!!
yertle-the-turtle
ONE love, blood, life
I JUST CAN'T GET ENO-UGH
nurse chrissi
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
I'm freakishly bored at work today - so here is the PLEBA side of the story - more will be worked in as I go along
Headache - kind and compassionate guy that he is was worried that the PLEBAns would catch cold so he offered to bring them back some coffee and blankets
“Oh we’re fine” replied Miroslava - “that’s our base camp over there .” “After careful surveillance of the area and updated weather conditions we set up last night”
Headache admired the solid structure that looked as if it were part of the building “ladies I must commend you on that structure - very impressive.”
“well it only takes us about 2 hours to set up - start to finish” Lila and Kelly said “the indoor plumbing and the central heat take up the bulk of the time but it is worth it. Thankfully we contract Gorman to set up the live satellite uplink.”
“We couldn’t live without the live satellite update” Chrissi said “How would we know where the band member were, what they were eating, where they were shopping, or what area of the world Bono was intent on saving in the 24 hours that we’ve been in line?” Chrissi shuddered “that would just be awful.”
“Too true Chrissi I know I always feel better when I know if LMJ had exposed a nipple while at dinner at his favorite restaurant in Chicago“ said Headache
“What do you know about u2 being in Chicago?” replied the anxious members of PLEBA (several of which rushed online to find out information)
“Nothing ladies - it was just a hypothetical scenario” Headache laughed “ Would you mind if later on my new friends and I come to have pre-concert cocktails with you - say about 3:30?” Headache asked ?
After conferring with the other PLEBAns Miroslava agreed but on the condition that Headache and his new special friends would NOT cut the line and return to the 69 club prior to the show.
“We’ll ask our cabana boy to prepare some drinks - I’m sure he’ll be excited to have some new male company” piped in WHA “Chip has been primping all day for Adam”
“He even brought his special good setlist lucky tutu with him today - he swears that it will inspire the band to bring back “The Electric Co” and drop “PITNOL” for “Dirty Day” said Ruffian
“So the guy at the front of the line in the low cut pink tutu is your personal Cabana Boy?” asked Headache
“Of course” replied Redkat “He handles all of the line details and keeps the camp area nice and tidy - it also doesn’t bother him a bit if you leave the line for 6-7 hours and then come back “
“Good to know ladies - I’ll be back later” said Headache
The ladies of PLEBA just shook there heads as Headache walked away - that was not the NOT the type of cleavage that would get him a ticket onstage with Bono - shaved or not.
Headache, unaware of the conversations his appearance to the girls had started skipped merrily along the street happily planning what he would do with his new special friends that afternoon - I’ll have to go buy some stuff at the store he thought
Headache - kind and compassionate guy that he is was worried that the PLEBAns would catch cold so he offered to bring them back some coffee and blankets
“Oh we’re fine” replied Miroslava - “that’s our base camp over there .” “After careful surveillance of the area and updated weather conditions we set up last night”
Headache admired the solid structure that looked as if it were part of the building “ladies I must commend you on that structure - very impressive.”
“well it only takes us about 2 hours to set up - start to finish” Lila and Kelly said “the indoor plumbing and the central heat take up the bulk of the time but it is worth it. Thankfully we contract Gorman to set up the live satellite uplink.”
“We couldn’t live without the live satellite update” Chrissi said “How would we know where the band member were, what they were eating, where they were shopping, or what area of the world Bono was intent on saving in the 24 hours that we’ve been in line?” Chrissi shuddered “that would just be awful.”
“Too true Chrissi I know I always feel better when I know if LMJ had exposed a nipple while at dinner at his favorite restaurant in Chicago“ said Headache
“What do you know about u2 being in Chicago?” replied the anxious members of PLEBA (several of which rushed online to find out information)
“Nothing ladies - it was just a hypothetical scenario” Headache laughed “ Would you mind if later on my new friends and I come to have pre-concert cocktails with you - say about 3:30?” Headache asked ?
After conferring with the other PLEBAns Miroslava agreed but on the condition that Headache and his new special friends would NOT cut the line and return to the 69 club prior to the show.
“We’ll ask our cabana boy to prepare some drinks - I’m sure he’ll be excited to have some new male company” piped in WHA “Chip has been primping all day for Adam”
“He even brought his special good setlist lucky tutu with him today - he swears that it will inspire the band to bring back “The Electric Co” and drop “PITNOL” for “Dirty Day” said Ruffian
“So the guy at the front of the line in the low cut pink tutu is your personal Cabana Boy?” asked Headache
“Of course” replied Redkat “He handles all of the line details and keeps the camp area nice and tidy - it also doesn’t bother him a bit if you leave the line for 6-7 hours and then come back “
“Good to know ladies - I’ll be back later” said Headache
The ladies of PLEBA just shook there heads as Headache walked away - that was not the NOT the type of cleavage that would get him a ticket onstage with Bono - shaved or not.
Headache, unaware of the conversations his appearance to the girls had started skipped merrily along the street happily planning what he would do with his new special friends that afternoon - I’ll have to go buy some stuff at the store he thought
Lila64
Blue Crack Distributor
Does chip have a matching pink cap for his lovely tutu? Meanwhile, back at the hotel, the boys were going through the order of tonight's show.
'For God's sake will you remove that Blue Crack thong from the room service trolley Bono!' groaned Larry.
'You know I like to wear my lucky thong! anyway, any news from Interference Adam?'
Adam was busy surfing the Pleba threads. He loved to read about his new-found Silver Fox fame. He'd worked hard to get the right attention every night. Smiling so much hurts like hell! He knew he could rely on the Interferencers to find out anything he needed to know about his band too. Hard to keep up when you're on the road.
'Pick a number' shouted Edge, to no one in particular.
'Favourite number Bono?' Edge continued.
'69', retorted Bono instantly. No surprise there.
'OK, the lucky git with that number in line today gets a reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaal treat tonight', chuckled Edge.
'For God's sake will you remove that Blue Crack thong from the room service trolley Bono!' groaned Larry.
'You know I like to wear my lucky thong! anyway, any news from Interference Adam?'
Adam was busy surfing the Pleba threads. He loved to read about his new-found Silver Fox fame. He'd worked hard to get the right attention every night. Smiling so much hurts like hell! He knew he could rely on the Interferencers to find out anything he needed to know about his band too. Hard to keep up when you're on the road.
'Pick a number' shouted Edge, to no one in particular.
'Favourite number Bono?' Edge continued.
'69', retorted Bono instantly. No surprise there.
'OK, the lucky git with that number in line today gets a reeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaal treat tonight', chuckled Edge.
kellyahern
Blue Crack Supplier
Unaware of his future rendezvous with The Edge, Headache merrily skipped along, when his good mood was shattered by a shawdoy figure emerging from the GA line.
"Oh no!", though Headache, "It can't be . . . not here, now now!"
"Hi Headache," said the shadowy figure, "um, I very sorry about everything. I, um, tried really hard and stuff."
"Get the hell out of here, Eli Manning!", Headache said bitterly as he stomped off to find his other friends.
"Oh no!", though Headache, "It can't be . . . not here, now now!"
"Hi Headache," said the shadowy figure, "um, I very sorry about everything. I, um, tried really hard and stuff."
"Get the hell out of here, Eli Manning!", Headache said bitterly as he stomped off to find his other friends.
Last edited:
thetitans2k
Refugee
- Joined
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- 1,752
kellyahern said:
Eli really blew it today. 3 ints.
redkat
Blue Crack Addict
Lila64 said:
It's red but quite faded
nurse chrissi
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
redkat said:
It's red but quite faded
but the flip flops - sparkle pink
kellyahern
Blue Crack Supplier
thetitans2k said:
and Headache got to see it in person too
Lila64
Blue Crack Distributor
redkat
Blue Crack Addict
oh no Lila 
didn't you two just make up
didn't you two just make up
ouizy
Rock n' Roll Doggie
...After Headache rightfully dismissed Eli Manning ( I was at the game today - pitiful!!!) he asked someone in the line to hold his place as he had to relieve himself. The young lass next to him said sure, and off he went.
About halfway down the block some guy bumped into him when there was basically a full sidewalk to walk on. This young man kept yelling "...hooray - today is my lucky day, hooray - today is my lucky day..." On each arm he had a young lady and Headache could not help himself from asking, "Dude, what gives?"
The guy turned to him and said, well, it has been quite a night, and day to follow. Last night I was tripping my b@lls off on some ether I bought last year in Albequerque, and I went to this party. I met these two girls there - this is Mary, and this is Yziuo, oh and I am Uzbek. We are headed to the U2 show - where are you going?
Headache: to take a leak, then back to the GA line...
Uzbek: Oh man, just do it behind that bush, we have to get back to the GA line as the show is soon to start, but wait man, I've got something to tell you. We just left this strip club down the street where some girl who was giving Mary a lapdance accidentally spilled a drink on Yziuo. Yziuo freaked out and started to pull the girls' hair and two big bouncers threw us out. Anyway, on our way out, I stopped at a deli to pick up a Chocko-dile and a small orange Gatorade when I saw the rolls of scratch off lottery tickets calling my name. I figured, hey I am with two strange girls about to go see my favorite band, how could the day get any better? So I bought a $5.00 ticket and began to scratch with some Canadian nickel I had left in my pocket. As it turns out - I won $10,000 - so drinks are on me - pee away and let's hit the show.
Headache proceeded to do the deed, and he joined the other three heading back to the arena where,
They ran into Jed and Chuck kissing passionately under the rainy port-cochere of the arena. Uzbek was the first to yelp, "I knew it!!!" and Mary and Yziuo were just really wondering why Gileze was standing next to them taking photos of the two guys. In any event they all got together and asked each other what number in line they had. They ended with Headache who said, '69.'
Meanwhile, the black Navigators had just entered the tunnel of the arena when Bono turned to the Edge and said, "What the hell did you mean #69 in line was going to get something special." The Edge replied, "Well, since we have been playing such static setlists every night, I am basically going to ask whoever had #69 to join us on stage after Elevation, and ask him what 5 songs he would like to hear next, and in what order." Bono replied aghast, "How the hell are we going to pull that off you wanker?" And the Edge simply said, "Look Bono you old tart, stop reading the lyrics from your friggin teleprompter and get your head out of your ass and into the game - it is time to spice things up. Whether you like it or not I am stopping the show after Elevation, for #69 so you better pull out your black customized (and signed by Steve Jobs) iPod and start memorizing some lyrics to some of our rare shit, or you are going to look like a fool up there - if #69 wants Acrobat, so be it, if #69 wants Zooropa, so be it - tonight is going to be special, and if the show lasts 3 hours that is fine, I just chugged 3 Red Bulls, did a line of Ya-Yo and got my ass smacked by some transvestite named Suzanne - tonight WE ARE ON!!!!"
A tear ran down Bono's cheek and all he could do was pull out his iPod and obey the Edge as all he could think over and over in his head is "Damn - the Edge really does run this band, huh?"
In the Navigator behind theirs Larry turned to Adam and said, "Well the Edge realy is off his rocker, but hey, tonight should be fun, I am sure glad we secretly rehearsed Love is Blindness in our suite with that string quartet from Singapore, that would be the bomb if #69 requested that."
Adam merely replied, "Dude all you do is bang on some drums and claim your arm hurts, I hope #69 requests Basstrap so I can bring the house down."
And then the Navigators entered the arena, just as the GA line was set free, and Jed, Chuck, Uzbek, Mary, Gileze, Yziuo, and Headache raced toward the front rail of the Bomb Shelter. If only the band knew that #69, aka Headache in a Suitcase was going to request...
About halfway down the block some guy bumped into him when there was basically a full sidewalk to walk on. This young man kept yelling "...hooray - today is my lucky day, hooray - today is my lucky day..." On each arm he had a young lady and Headache could not help himself from asking, "Dude, what gives?"
The guy turned to him and said, well, it has been quite a night, and day to follow. Last night I was tripping my b@lls off on some ether I bought last year in Albequerque, and I went to this party. I met these two girls there - this is Mary, and this is Yziuo, oh and I am Uzbek. We are headed to the U2 show - where are you going?
Headache: to take a leak, then back to the GA line...
Uzbek: Oh man, just do it behind that bush, we have to get back to the GA line as the show is soon to start, but wait man, I've got something to tell you. We just left this strip club down the street where some girl who was giving Mary a lapdance accidentally spilled a drink on Yziuo. Yziuo freaked out and started to pull the girls' hair and two big bouncers threw us out. Anyway, on our way out, I stopped at a deli to pick up a Chocko-dile and a small orange Gatorade when I saw the rolls of scratch off lottery tickets calling my name. I figured, hey I am with two strange girls about to go see my favorite band, how could the day get any better? So I bought a $5.00 ticket and began to scratch with some Canadian nickel I had left in my pocket. As it turns out - I won $10,000 - so drinks are on me - pee away and let's hit the show.
Headache proceeded to do the deed, and he joined the other three heading back to the arena where,
They ran into Jed and Chuck kissing passionately under the rainy port-cochere of the arena. Uzbek was the first to yelp, "I knew it!!!" and Mary and Yziuo were just really wondering why Gileze was standing next to them taking photos of the two guys. In any event they all got together and asked each other what number in line they had. They ended with Headache who said, '69.'
Meanwhile, the black Navigators had just entered the tunnel of the arena when Bono turned to the Edge and said, "What the hell did you mean #69 in line was going to get something special." The Edge replied, "Well, since we have been playing such static setlists every night, I am basically going to ask whoever had #69 to join us on stage after Elevation, and ask him what 5 songs he would like to hear next, and in what order." Bono replied aghast, "How the hell are we going to pull that off you wanker?" And the Edge simply said, "Look Bono you old tart, stop reading the lyrics from your friggin teleprompter and get your head out of your ass and into the game - it is time to spice things up. Whether you like it or not I am stopping the show after Elevation, for #69 so you better pull out your black customized (and signed by Steve Jobs) iPod and start memorizing some lyrics to some of our rare shit, or you are going to look like a fool up there - if #69 wants Acrobat, so be it, if #69 wants Zooropa, so be it - tonight is going to be special, and if the show lasts 3 hours that is fine, I just chugged 3 Red Bulls, did a line of Ya-Yo and got my ass smacked by some transvestite named Suzanne - tonight WE ARE ON!!!!"
A tear ran down Bono's cheek and all he could do was pull out his iPod and obey the Edge as all he could think over and over in his head is "Damn - the Edge really does run this band, huh?"
In the Navigator behind theirs Larry turned to Adam and said, "Well the Edge realy is off his rocker, but hey, tonight should be fun, I am sure glad we secretly rehearsed Love is Blindness in our suite with that string quartet from Singapore, that would be the bomb if #69 requested that."
Adam merely replied, "Dude all you do is bang on some drums and claim your arm hurts, I hope #69 requests Basstrap so I can bring the house down."
And then the Navigators entered the arena, just as the GA line was set free, and Jed, Chuck, Uzbek, Mary, Gileze, Yziuo, and Headache raced toward the front rail of the Bomb Shelter. If only the band knew that #69, aka Headache in a Suitcase was going to request...
jobob
Rock n' Roll Doggie ALL ACCESS
ouizy said:
Lemon, sung by Macphisto!
"Feck," said Bono. "Doesn't #69 know I haven't worn my white makeup, horns, or gold outfit since Zoo TV?"
"Bono," said The Edge, "You said you'd do whatever he requested, and this is what he requested."
"Feck."
kellyahern
Blue Crack Supplier
Before Bono and Edge could finish their conversation, man ran screaming toward the black Navigator.
"Eli! Are you in there? Where are you, Eli?!"
There was a horrible thud as the navigator ran over the man, never pausing to see if he was alright. In any event, it was too late. Tom Coughlin was dead.
"Heck of a speed bump there, don't you think Edge?", Bono said.
"Mmm, sure.", Edge replied, too busy coming down off his Red Bull high to pay attention to anything that Bono said at this point.
"Eli! Are you in there? Where are you, Eli?!"
There was a horrible thud as the navigator ran over the man, never pausing to see if he was alright. In any event, it was too late. Tom Coughlin was dead.
"Heck of a speed bump there, don't you think Edge?", Bono said.
"Mmm, sure.", Edge replied, too busy coming down off his Red Bull high to pay attention to anything that Bono said at this point.
Meanwhile, back at an undisclosed location, a man in a black beanie was preparing for what was sure to be a night that no one would ever forget.
"I'll show them," said the man in the black beanie. "I'll show them all."
So this man... a strapping young Asian lad of no more than 25 years of age, walked out of his one room studio apartment, dressed to impressed, as always; black leather pants, red t-shirt, a sparklee #7 across the chest, and of course, his trademark black beanie.
A quick cab ride brought him to the arena. The huge video marquee outside the arena flashed in bright reds and blacks... "U2: Vertigo Tour - Tonight - SOLD OUT!" The man in the black beanie looked down at his hand, which was holding a ticket. U2: Vertigo Tour - GA.
The cab dropped him off right by the GA entrance. He tossed the guy a 20 and, feeling generous, told him to keep the change. The cabbie drove off, cursing at the man in the black beanie, for the fare was actually $19.50. But alas, that could not ruin the man in the black beanie's night. Not tonight, at least.
He saw that the GA line was already moving inside the arena, so he quickly hopped on the end of the line. He checked his watch... 6:45pm... U2 wouldn't hit the stage for another 2 hours. Plenty of time for his plan to be pulled off.
The man in the black beanie gets up to the scanning tables, where he sees his partner in crime... the evil double agent Allison. The man in the black beanie nods her way, and she returns his nod with one of her own. The man in the black beanie steps up to the scanner, handing his ticket...
Unbeknownest to te rest of those on line, at the same time as the man in the black beanie's ticket was getting scanned, super evil double agent Allison was pressing a concealed button, which she held tightly in her hand.
VERTIGO! VERTIGO! VERTIGO! flashed the screen.
The man in the black beanie turned to Allison and nodded once more, acknowledging her for her evil trick. He then proceeded to get his ellipse wristband, and it was off to the floor.
As he walked down into the arena, he noticed some strange things... a man in a pink tu-tu, a man in a blue thong... the man in the black beanie looked at them puzzled, but then shook his head and continued on to the ellipse security guard. He held out his wrist, passed the baclklight scan, and started on that long walk alongside the ellipse's left ramp. he entered the ellipse and was thrilled to see an empty spot on the left side of the main stage. he pulled right into the spot, checked his watch, and started mentally preparing himself for what was to come next.
for this was the night that the world would finally meet the man known only as Fake Edge.
"I'll show them," said the man in the black beanie. "I'll show them all."
So this man... a strapping young Asian lad of no more than 25 years of age, walked out of his one room studio apartment, dressed to impressed, as always; black leather pants, red t-shirt, a sparklee #7 across the chest, and of course, his trademark black beanie.
A quick cab ride brought him to the arena. The huge video marquee outside the arena flashed in bright reds and blacks... "U2: Vertigo Tour - Tonight - SOLD OUT!" The man in the black beanie looked down at his hand, which was holding a ticket. U2: Vertigo Tour - GA.
The cab dropped him off right by the GA entrance. He tossed the guy a 20 and, feeling generous, told him to keep the change. The cabbie drove off, cursing at the man in the black beanie, for the fare was actually $19.50. But alas, that could not ruin the man in the black beanie's night. Not tonight, at least.
He saw that the GA line was already moving inside the arena, so he quickly hopped on the end of the line. He checked his watch... 6:45pm... U2 wouldn't hit the stage for another 2 hours. Plenty of time for his plan to be pulled off.
The man in the black beanie gets up to the scanning tables, where he sees his partner in crime... the evil double agent Allison. The man in the black beanie nods her way, and she returns his nod with one of her own. The man in the black beanie steps up to the scanner, handing his ticket...
Unbeknownest to te rest of those on line, at the same time as the man in the black beanie's ticket was getting scanned, super evil double agent Allison was pressing a concealed button, which she held tightly in her hand.
VERTIGO! VERTIGO! VERTIGO! flashed the screen.
The man in the black beanie turned to Allison and nodded once more, acknowledging her for her evil trick. He then proceeded to get his ellipse wristband, and it was off to the floor.
As he walked down into the arena, he noticed some strange things... a man in a pink tu-tu, a man in a blue thong... the man in the black beanie looked at them puzzled, but then shook his head and continued on to the ellipse security guard. He held out his wrist, passed the baclklight scan, and started on that long walk alongside the ellipse's left ramp. he entered the ellipse and was thrilled to see an empty spot on the left side of the main stage. he pulled right into the spot, checked his watch, and started mentally preparing himself for what was to come next.
for this was the night that the world would finally meet the man known only as Fake Edge.
Lila64
Blue Crack Distributor
So... things to consider...
Will Yziuo's pants dry out in time for the show?
Will Bono's iPod battery last long enough for him to memorize the words to Everyone, Everyone, Everyone? (not if it's anything like mine)
Will Fake Edge's leather pants be of a good enough quality to withstand the scratchy net skirt of Chip's tu-tu, who has a spot to the left of the main stage too, or are they fake leather?
Will Bono purposely omit Elevation from the setlist in order to
scupper real Edge's cruel plan?
Will Yziuo's pants dry out in time for the show?
Will Bono's iPod battery last long enough for him to memorize the words to Everyone, Everyone, Everyone? (not if it's anything like mine)
Will Fake Edge's leather pants be of a good enough quality to withstand the scratchy net skirt of Chip's tu-tu, who has a spot to the left of the main stage too, or are they fake leather?
Will Bono purposely omit Elevation from the setlist in order to
scupper real Edge's cruel plan?
kellyahern
Blue Crack Supplier
Headache in a Suitcase said:
AtomicBono
ONE love, blood, life
1stOne said:
oh bono... Fake Edge... I wonder what trouble he'll cause...lancerla
The Fly
ZooMacPhisto800 said:
Oh, I think we're almost there.
ouizy
Rock n' Roll Doggie
...As Fake Edge idled up to the rail, he was shortly joined by Allison (his cohort in arms, ah the stories he could tell about Allison, librarian by day, hellcat assassin by night) on his left hand side. She knew what her job was to be that night, and Fake Edge was doing anything he could to stop drooling at the prospect of what would come next.
As the GA space filled up all three guys and all three girls looked at each other, amazed that they all got into the ellipse. Headache was the most amazed, but Uzbek seemed like he did not have a care in the world. Headache asked him, “Hey man – why are you so casual about this, do you realize how hard it is to get into the ellipse?” Uzbek (after catching Allison out of the corner of his eye) simply said, “ahhh man I guess you are right – we are extremely lucky.” When back in the depth of his drug-riddled brain he knew that luck had nothing to do with it, but an electromagnetic transmitter, a home-made bar-code reader, some opium, some Vaseline, a girl named Allison and some late late nights in the basement of his flat in London did.
The lights went down as expected and The Secret Machines came out to do their opening set. Some girl standing behind Jed was passing around a joint during Pharaoh’s Daughter, and asked if any of them wanted it. They all said sure, but Uzbek decided it was time to come down if the plan he, Allison, and Fake Edge crafted late one night was to be pulled off. Uzbek turned to Headache and asked, “Hey mate – you were number 69 in line, right?” Headache replied, “Yeah, why?”
Then the plan started to roll into action.
Uzbek asked Headache what his favorite U2 songs were and he started to reply, “Well, Man and a Woman, Wild Honey, Silver and Gold, Hallelujah Here She Comes and Shadows and Tall Trees have to be up there…” and Uzbek replied, “Awww – c’mon man – seriously?” “Wouldn’t you think it would be cool to see Zoo Station, Miami, The Fly, Discotheque, and Bullet the Blue Sky played live?” Headache said, “Yeah” and Uzbek said, “And dude, don’t you think it would be cool to see those songs played live in that order?” Headache said, “Uh, yeah – I guess so.” Uzbek then replied, “Headache, I have a serious question for you – if someone tonight were to ask you what five songs you wanted to hear live, and in what order – could you state those five, and in that order?” Headache – starting to get annoyed at Uzbek said, “Alright dude, whatever you say – sure.” Uzbek said, “Do I have your word?” and Headache (thinking himself a loyal man, and wanting to get this lunatic away from him said, “ Sure Uzbek – you have my word.”
The Secret machines ended their set with The Road Leads Where its Led and got off the stage.
The crew did their thing, Wake Up came on, and U2 hit the stage.
All Allison, Fake Edge, and Uzbek could do was watch and wait – their moment to shine was upcoming and their whole plan relied on some stranger Uzbek met taking a pee on the sidewalk outside the arena.
The band finished Elevation, and Bono shot Edge a “You better not do what I think you are about to do look” and Edge simply winked at him, walked up to his mic and said, “Bruce, can we get some lights on the crowd please???”
Bruce Ramus hit the audience with his molefays and the Edge started to walk down the ramp with a cordless mic. He said, “Alright you Bomb Shelter fuckers – who here had number 69???” Larry gave Adam an uneasy look, Bono had lost all the feeling in his legs and decided to sit on the edge of the bass drum, and the Edge simply smiled. Evil Edge.
From the immediate center of the ellipse, Headache almost passed out. He started to jump up and down and finally ran to the rail closest to Edge. Security helped him up onto the stage and he started to scream. The Edge said, “Calm down mate – I have one question for you and I want you to answer this as seriously as you can – no answer is wrong.” Headache – not knowing what the hell was going on simply nodded and the Edge said, “OK – here we go – I am tired of playing the same songs night in and night out. I wanted to make tonight special – I want you to quickly tell me five songs you want to hear, and in the order in which you want to hear them – and we are going to play your songs, no matter what they are.” Headache – with a dumbfounded look on his face could not believe what he was hearing. Also, he could not think of a single song, he was going crazy seeing the entire crowd around him screaming up requests. Then his eyes met Uzbek’s and Uzbek simply nodded at him.
Headache found his voice inside, had remembered giving his word to Uzbek and stated, “Edge – I am U2’s biggest fan – I am addicted to blue crack and I want to hear Zoo Station, Miami, The Fly, Discotheque, and Bullet the Blue Sky.”
The Edge smiled – shot a quick glance to Dallas Schoo who was already on the stage with Edge’s Zoo Station-tuned guitar, and proceeded to run up the ramp to Dallas. When he got to his position he hit his effect pedal, looked at the rest of the band and said into his mic, “You heard him boys, here we go.”
Unbeknownst to the Edge, and not 15 feet in front of him two other souls were scheming something a bit different. While Uzbek had pulled off his end of the deal, it was time for Allison and Fake Edge to spring into action. While Dallas plugged the Edge into his rig, Allison pulled out her Radio transmitter and plugged it into the laptop Fake Edge had snuck into the arena….
As the band was preparing to launch Zoo Station, Willie Williams tried to quickly program the show to the ‘new’ setlist, but had no idea what he was going to do for Miami, or Discotheque. What he did not know was that he did not have to do anything at all as someone else was going to be taking care of it.
Willie tried to get his pre-programmed content up onto the screens, bit for a split – unnoticeable (except to him) second, the screens went blank. All of a sudden they went to static, and there was George Bush Sr.'s face up on the screen. Through the loudspeakers came “We will, We will Rock you – We will, We will rock you…” Willie thought, “Holy shit! – it is the segment from ZooTV – but how the hell???” He shot a glance at Smasher, and all Smasher did was hold up his hands like ‘I have no idea.’ Willie took off his headset, ran over to Bruce and Smasher and screamed, “We’ve been hacked!!! – the highest technology tour on the road, and someone hacked us!!!”
The Bush segment stopped, and the screens went to static. Edge saw this, was delighted and ripped into the first riff of Zoo Station. The band joined in with the video screens showing the static and images from the ZooTV tour. No one had any idea what was going on. No one, except Allison, Fake Edge, and Uzbek.
When Zoo Station ended, the Barco MiSpheres started to come down, and again Willie was just in awe – how could someone get into HIS system??? He just sat back and decided to ride this one out. “This should be fun” he thought. The band saw the curtains falling and started the intro to Miami. All of a sudden on the curtain screens came Roy Lichtenstein’s animation that the band commissioned him to do for the Popmart tour. “Un-freaking believable” you could see Larry’s lips mouth. As the band stumbled through the song the entire Popmart sequence played on the screen behind them. As the song came to a close Fake Edge simply thought – now we are just getting started…
Fake Edge typed a few commands into his keyboard and watched the little green LED blink on Allison’s transmitter. “Ah – everything is working perfectly…” The band was now on a roll – they began The Fly and on the curtain and all four screens above the stage the word sequence, in full from the ZooTV tour, was being shown. Every word – in its original sequence was playing to the song. Bono started to reminisce, and said into the mic – “Willie – you are a genius – thanks for saving this show” and Willie just looked at him from behind his board (with his headset off) and shook his head as if to say, “Not me dude…”
The Fly came to a close and Fake Edge looked at Allison. She gave him a look that she had given him many times before during many of her dangerous missions around the world that both had been on. There was an unspoken love between the two of them and neither knew if it was love for each other, or love for each other’s abilities. Fake Edge’s being hacking, programming, and basically being able to work any electronic system on the planet – Allison’s obviously being her use of explosives, her aim, and her ability to get almost anything imaginable done. Fake Edge looked directly up from where he was standing and saw what he expected to. A glimmering, shimmering piece of nostalgia.
The band started Discotheque and about halfway through the song a unanimous “Oh my God” came from the crowd. All the moveable lights quickly started to re-direct upward and from the rafters of the arena started to descend an object that 99% of the people in the building knew exactly what it was. The lights hit the object and small white lights started to scatter around the arena.
The Mirrorball Lemon was descending from the ceiling on a chain hoist and it was mounted upside down. All the lights hit the lemon at the same time and the band looked up and saw this display. Adam missed a note, and Bono simply clutched his Rosary saying audibly into the mic, “Dear mother of God…”
The Mirrorball Lemon spun and spun and the crowd thought the band had planned all of this. That could not have been further from the truth. The band strode into the part of the song where the Boom-Chas occur, and they sung them loud and proud. From beneath the stage and in front of the front rail came huge pyro explosions when the band hit the Boom-Chas and the audience gasped. Those that were stoned, could not believe what they were hearing or seeing, and those sober were amazed. Some people started dialing on their mobile phones to tell people what was going on, but in all everyone thought this was the best show to date.
The band finished the song and somewhat out of breath took a pause. Bono looked to the Edge and said, “What was the last song in this crazy-assed set?” But before the Edge could reply Larry simply started to hit his kit in the opening of Bullet.
Through the loudspeakers came the helicopter background noise from the ZooTV tour, and from the bottom of the ellipse came a dense fog from Willie’s machines. When the band came to the guitar solo all the lights went out and the stage was in a dense fog. All of a sudden a silhouette immerged holding a huge handheld spotlight. This person, wearing a black beanie strode across the stage and hit Adam, Larry, the Edge, and Bono with this light as the song came to a close.
When the smoke cleared, all the house lights went up, and Bono turned to Fake Edge who was not onstage in the middle of his glory and said, “Were you behind all of this?” Fake Edge said, “Yes” Bono said, “How did you pull it all off?” Fake Edge said, “It was easy.” Bono said, “This rest of this show is dedicated to you man!!!” And U2 played a completely random order of songs for the rest of the night using the inspiration that Fake Edge provided.
And how did they do it?
Not as easy as Fake Edge led on to. After paying off the cleaning lady at the hotel the band was staying at, Allison planted a mini-recorder in Edge’s hat. It was the only thing that he always has with him (even when he sleeps) so a bug was placed there. When they heard Edge’s plan to use the 69th fan into the ellipse to do something special Fake Edge and Allison sprung into action. The enlisted their old friend Uzbek whom they had not worked with since the Kazakhstan affair of ’03, and they whole plan went off without a hitch. Payoffs to the arena security, some questionable items bought on EBay, and a lot of patience, and the three amigos pulled off a stunt like no other.
But why is that guy still wearing that blue thong????
As the GA space filled up all three guys and all three girls looked at each other, amazed that they all got into the ellipse. Headache was the most amazed, but Uzbek seemed like he did not have a care in the world. Headache asked him, “Hey man – why are you so casual about this, do you realize how hard it is to get into the ellipse?” Uzbek (after catching Allison out of the corner of his eye) simply said, “ahhh man I guess you are right – we are extremely lucky.” When back in the depth of his drug-riddled brain he knew that luck had nothing to do with it, but an electromagnetic transmitter, a home-made bar-code reader, some opium, some Vaseline, a girl named Allison and some late late nights in the basement of his flat in London did.
The lights went down as expected and The Secret Machines came out to do their opening set. Some girl standing behind Jed was passing around a joint during Pharaoh’s Daughter, and asked if any of them wanted it. They all said sure, but Uzbek decided it was time to come down if the plan he, Allison, and Fake Edge crafted late one night was to be pulled off. Uzbek turned to Headache and asked, “Hey mate – you were number 69 in line, right?” Headache replied, “Yeah, why?”
Then the plan started to roll into action.
Uzbek asked Headache what his favorite U2 songs were and he started to reply, “Well, Man and a Woman, Wild Honey, Silver and Gold, Hallelujah Here She Comes and Shadows and Tall Trees have to be up there…” and Uzbek replied, “Awww – c’mon man – seriously?” “Wouldn’t you think it would be cool to see Zoo Station, Miami, The Fly, Discotheque, and Bullet the Blue Sky played live?” Headache said, “Yeah” and Uzbek said, “And dude, don’t you think it would be cool to see those songs played live in that order?” Headache said, “Uh, yeah – I guess so.” Uzbek then replied, “Headache, I have a serious question for you – if someone tonight were to ask you what five songs you wanted to hear live, and in what order – could you state those five, and in that order?” Headache – starting to get annoyed at Uzbek said, “Alright dude, whatever you say – sure.” Uzbek said, “Do I have your word?” and Headache (thinking himself a loyal man, and wanting to get this lunatic away from him said, “ Sure Uzbek – you have my word.”
The Secret machines ended their set with The Road Leads Where its Led and got off the stage.
The crew did their thing, Wake Up came on, and U2 hit the stage.
All Allison, Fake Edge, and Uzbek could do was watch and wait – their moment to shine was upcoming and their whole plan relied on some stranger Uzbek met taking a pee on the sidewalk outside the arena.
The band finished Elevation, and Bono shot Edge a “You better not do what I think you are about to do look” and Edge simply winked at him, walked up to his mic and said, “Bruce, can we get some lights on the crowd please???”
Bruce Ramus hit the audience with his molefays and the Edge started to walk down the ramp with a cordless mic. He said, “Alright you Bomb Shelter fuckers – who here had number 69???” Larry gave Adam an uneasy look, Bono had lost all the feeling in his legs and decided to sit on the edge of the bass drum, and the Edge simply smiled. Evil Edge.
From the immediate center of the ellipse, Headache almost passed out. He started to jump up and down and finally ran to the rail closest to Edge. Security helped him up onto the stage and he started to scream. The Edge said, “Calm down mate – I have one question for you and I want you to answer this as seriously as you can – no answer is wrong.” Headache – not knowing what the hell was going on simply nodded and the Edge said, “OK – here we go – I am tired of playing the same songs night in and night out. I wanted to make tonight special – I want you to quickly tell me five songs you want to hear, and in the order in which you want to hear them – and we are going to play your songs, no matter what they are.” Headache – with a dumbfounded look on his face could not believe what he was hearing. Also, he could not think of a single song, he was going crazy seeing the entire crowd around him screaming up requests. Then his eyes met Uzbek’s and Uzbek simply nodded at him.
Headache found his voice inside, had remembered giving his word to Uzbek and stated, “Edge – I am U2’s biggest fan – I am addicted to blue crack and I want to hear Zoo Station, Miami, The Fly, Discotheque, and Bullet the Blue Sky.”
The Edge smiled – shot a quick glance to Dallas Schoo who was already on the stage with Edge’s Zoo Station-tuned guitar, and proceeded to run up the ramp to Dallas. When he got to his position he hit his effect pedal, looked at the rest of the band and said into his mic, “You heard him boys, here we go.”
Unbeknownst to the Edge, and not 15 feet in front of him two other souls were scheming something a bit different. While Uzbek had pulled off his end of the deal, it was time for Allison and Fake Edge to spring into action. While Dallas plugged the Edge into his rig, Allison pulled out her Radio transmitter and plugged it into the laptop Fake Edge had snuck into the arena….
As the band was preparing to launch Zoo Station, Willie Williams tried to quickly program the show to the ‘new’ setlist, but had no idea what he was going to do for Miami, or Discotheque. What he did not know was that he did not have to do anything at all as someone else was going to be taking care of it.
Willie tried to get his pre-programmed content up onto the screens, bit for a split – unnoticeable (except to him) second, the screens went blank. All of a sudden they went to static, and there was George Bush Sr.'s face up on the screen. Through the loudspeakers came “We will, We will Rock you – We will, We will rock you…” Willie thought, “Holy shit! – it is the segment from ZooTV – but how the hell???” He shot a glance at Smasher, and all Smasher did was hold up his hands like ‘I have no idea.’ Willie took off his headset, ran over to Bruce and Smasher and screamed, “We’ve been hacked!!! – the highest technology tour on the road, and someone hacked us!!!”
The Bush segment stopped, and the screens went to static. Edge saw this, was delighted and ripped into the first riff of Zoo Station. The band joined in with the video screens showing the static and images from the ZooTV tour. No one had any idea what was going on. No one, except Allison, Fake Edge, and Uzbek.
When Zoo Station ended, the Barco MiSpheres started to come down, and again Willie was just in awe – how could someone get into HIS system??? He just sat back and decided to ride this one out. “This should be fun” he thought. The band saw the curtains falling and started the intro to Miami. All of a sudden on the curtain screens came Roy Lichtenstein’s animation that the band commissioned him to do for the Popmart tour. “Un-freaking believable” you could see Larry’s lips mouth. As the band stumbled through the song the entire Popmart sequence played on the screen behind them. As the song came to a close Fake Edge simply thought – now we are just getting started…
Fake Edge typed a few commands into his keyboard and watched the little green LED blink on Allison’s transmitter. “Ah – everything is working perfectly…” The band was now on a roll – they began The Fly and on the curtain and all four screens above the stage the word sequence, in full from the ZooTV tour, was being shown. Every word – in its original sequence was playing to the song. Bono started to reminisce, and said into the mic – “Willie – you are a genius – thanks for saving this show” and Willie just looked at him from behind his board (with his headset off) and shook his head as if to say, “Not me dude…”
The Fly came to a close and Fake Edge looked at Allison. She gave him a look that she had given him many times before during many of her dangerous missions around the world that both had been on. There was an unspoken love between the two of them and neither knew if it was love for each other, or love for each other’s abilities. Fake Edge’s being hacking, programming, and basically being able to work any electronic system on the planet – Allison’s obviously being her use of explosives, her aim, and her ability to get almost anything imaginable done. Fake Edge looked directly up from where he was standing and saw what he expected to. A glimmering, shimmering piece of nostalgia.
The band started Discotheque and about halfway through the song a unanimous “Oh my God” came from the crowd. All the moveable lights quickly started to re-direct upward and from the rafters of the arena started to descend an object that 99% of the people in the building knew exactly what it was. The lights hit the object and small white lights started to scatter around the arena.
The Mirrorball Lemon was descending from the ceiling on a chain hoist and it was mounted upside down. All the lights hit the lemon at the same time and the band looked up and saw this display. Adam missed a note, and Bono simply clutched his Rosary saying audibly into the mic, “Dear mother of God…”
The Mirrorball Lemon spun and spun and the crowd thought the band had planned all of this. That could not have been further from the truth. The band strode into the part of the song where the Boom-Chas occur, and they sung them loud and proud. From beneath the stage and in front of the front rail came huge pyro explosions when the band hit the Boom-Chas and the audience gasped. Those that were stoned, could not believe what they were hearing or seeing, and those sober were amazed. Some people started dialing on their mobile phones to tell people what was going on, but in all everyone thought this was the best show to date.
The band finished the song and somewhat out of breath took a pause. Bono looked to the Edge and said, “What was the last song in this crazy-assed set?” But before the Edge could reply Larry simply started to hit his kit in the opening of Bullet.
Through the loudspeakers came the helicopter background noise from the ZooTV tour, and from the bottom of the ellipse came a dense fog from Willie’s machines. When the band came to the guitar solo all the lights went out and the stage was in a dense fog. All of a sudden a silhouette immerged holding a huge handheld spotlight. This person, wearing a black beanie strode across the stage and hit Adam, Larry, the Edge, and Bono with this light as the song came to a close.
When the smoke cleared, all the house lights went up, and Bono turned to Fake Edge who was not onstage in the middle of his glory and said, “Were you behind all of this?” Fake Edge said, “Yes” Bono said, “How did you pull it all off?” Fake Edge said, “It was easy.” Bono said, “This rest of this show is dedicated to you man!!!” And U2 played a completely random order of songs for the rest of the night using the inspiration that Fake Edge provided.
And how did they do it?
Not as easy as Fake Edge led on to. After paying off the cleaning lady at the hotel the band was staying at, Allison planted a mini-recorder in Edge’s hat. It was the only thing that he always has with him (even when he sleeps) so a bug was placed there. When they heard Edge’s plan to use the 69th fan into the ellipse to do something special Fake Edge and Allison sprung into action. The enlisted their old friend Uzbek whom they had not worked with since the Kazakhstan affair of ’03, and they whole plan went off without a hitch. Payoffs to the arena security, some questionable items bought on EBay, and a lot of patience, and the three amigos pulled off a stunt like no other.
But why is that guy still wearing that blue thong????
redkat
Blue Crack Addict
ouizy said:
