secretly alone
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
Well, here's chapter 17 guys 
~Product of my imagination. Entirely fictional~
I dumped the soup into a bowl and popped it in the little microwave that sat next to the TV. I always thought hotel rooms had the wierdest setups. I mean, why would you put the sink in the hallway outside the bathroom? With both coffee and shampoo on it? The microwave beeped. "If we were home, I would have made you real chicken soup. I don't think even I could mess that up," I said, carrying the bowl to the bed where Bono was sitting. It wasn't even that he was in bed...there was just nowhere else to sit. "There's nothing wrong with your cooking, Lilly. Now, I said it. Stop trying to GET me to say it by saying what a bad cook you are!" I laughed. "I wasn't! Next time, I'm giving you the burnt pancakes..." I held up the spoon, and he chuckled. "You're going to feed me? I'm not that weak anymore..." "Shut up and eat, baby. I want to feed you." I could tell he was fighting off laughter. He smiled a small smile, shrugged, and ate the soup. He didn't seem to think it was as disgusting as I think Campbell's soup is. He probably just didn't know the difference.
When he had finished the soup, I put the bowl aside and stroked his hair. "How're you feeling love?" "Much better. The past two days were just...awful." I sighed. "That's good. Now that you're better...I have something to tell you." He raised his eyebrow. "Is it something bad?" I looked down at my hands. "Well, I don't know. It depends on how you look at it, but I think it's...well, not bad, but not good." I snuggled closer to him and he wrapped his arms around me, sensing that I was upset. "Ok, go ahead." "Well, today is June eighth." I paused, and he nodded. "And I...I was supposed to get my period on about May thirty-first." I blurted out that sentence, and then went quiet, watching him. He looked thoughtful for about a second, and then he closed him eyes. "Ohhhhh no..." I felt cold and nauseous. "So, what you're saying is...you think you might be pregnant." I winced at his usage of the word. I had refused to think it. "Yeah. I...I think I am. Because I've never been this late before." I wasn't sure what to make of his reaction. He seemed disbelieving, which was to be expected, but I couldn't tell if he seemed annoyed, too. He had better freaking not be, I thought. It would be just as much his fault as mine. "Are you sure this is even a possibility, given the time frame that..." Wow. He really had no idea how this stuff worked. "Yes, it is definitely a possibilty Bono. What exactly are you trying to say?" He sighed. "I don't know. I was just hoping that it wasn't possible and that it was just...you know, a late period." My eyes stung and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "No...no Lilly, don't cry. Please." He hugged me as tight as he could. He looked pale and I could tell he was still a little weak. That only made me cry harder. "Oh, baby..." "Shhhh, Lilly. Don't get so upset yet- we don't even know for sure! Look, I'll run to the store and get one of those tests. And then...we'll find out. Ok? Don't worry yet." I sniffed. "The fact that you offered to go get it yourself is sweet, Bono. But I'm not going to make you go by yourself. I'm coming with you."
Buying stuff like pads is a little awkward. But buying a pregnancy test was ten times worse. I imagined that the cashier was looking at us funny. I half expected him to say something like, "Good luck." He handed us the receipt. "Have a nice day."
The minutes waiting for the result were some of the longest of my life. Bono was looking at the package with some intense confusion. "Wait...how are we supposed to know??" "It says wait five minutes, and if it turns blue, it's positive." "Yeah but what if it turns...I dunno, pink?" I had to laugh. "No, baby. If it's negative, it just doesn't change color." He peered at the test tube. "Well, that looks like blue to me." He was right. There was no, "oh, maybe it's just the light" or anything. It had clearly turned blue. I went and sat on the bed. I didn't even know what to think, because there was too much to think, and I didn't know where to start. Bono sat next to me. "It'll be ok, Lilly. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but we'll deal with it together. It'll be ok." I buried my face in his neck and sobbed. "Everything is going to change. Everything. We're just kids ourselves...how are we supposed to raise one? Babies require constant attention...we can't just put it aside when we're busy doing something else." He stroked my hair as I was crying into his. "Lilly, please. I hate when you cry. It breaks my heart. Listen...things are going to change, yes. But this will be our child, and we're going to love it with all our hearts anyway. We'll just bring it everywhere with us!" I smiled. "I'm proud of you, Bono. You're handling this much better than I am. But you're also being a little unrealistic. What about when the child has to go to school?" "But Lilly, that's years-" "I know, that's years away. But it's going to come quickly. And I know talking about all this isn't going to change anything. But I'm not even twenty years old yet, and this is going to be hard." He kissed me gently. "Oh Lilly, I know it's going to be hard. But you've got me. I'm here, and like I said, we'll get through it together."
"And that's another thing, Bono. Now, this is going to sound horrible, but...it won't be just the two of us anymore." I saw a marked change in his expression. "I know," he said sadly. "I mean, I can't imagine loving anyone else nearly as much as I love you. I know it will be my child and I will love it just as much. But the thing is...I don't want to. I know it sounds awful. But I don't want to have to divide my love or anything. I don't want to love anyone as much as I love you. To have to spend all my time taking care of someone else. I just...nothing will be the same." Tears were streaming down my cheeks again. Bono held me tightly, and I clung to him. "That doesn't sound horrible, Lilly. I think that's normal to be upset about. How do you think expecting fathers feel, worrying if they're still going to be loved as much?" I sobbed loudly. "Well, you don't have to worry about that, because...because..." "Shhh, Lilly. I know. We'll love eachother, and we'll love the baby. Don't worry, love. It'll work out." I really wanted to believe him. I supposed he was right, but there were so many bad things to think of. "How are we going to tell your dad, and my parents?! Ugh, and Paul, I feel like he was just starting to like me! Or at least respect me. Now I just...feel like one of those girls who get pregnant in high school and then everyone talks about them." He laughed. "I don't mean to laugh at you...but that's not the same thing at all! Lilly, we're adults in a stable relationship. Yeah, we're young, and yeah, we would have much rathered this didn't happen, but it's completely different. Don't think like that."
Bono held me for a long time. I could feel his heart beating, and I remembered the night we first kissed. We were laying on the bed and I could feel his heart beating. I had been amazed at how comforting it was, and how safe it had made me feel, and I thought that as long as I had him, everything would be ok. The memory made me smile. I was scared, but listening to his heartbeat, I knew that I had been right. As long as I had him, everything would be ok, somehow.
~Product of my imagination. Entirely fictional~
I dumped the soup into a bowl and popped it in the little microwave that sat next to the TV. I always thought hotel rooms had the wierdest setups. I mean, why would you put the sink in the hallway outside the bathroom? With both coffee and shampoo on it? The microwave beeped. "If we were home, I would have made you real chicken soup. I don't think even I could mess that up," I said, carrying the bowl to the bed where Bono was sitting. It wasn't even that he was in bed...there was just nowhere else to sit. "There's nothing wrong with your cooking, Lilly. Now, I said it. Stop trying to GET me to say it by saying what a bad cook you are!" I laughed. "I wasn't! Next time, I'm giving you the burnt pancakes..." I held up the spoon, and he chuckled. "You're going to feed me? I'm not that weak anymore..." "Shut up and eat, baby. I want to feed you." I could tell he was fighting off laughter. He smiled a small smile, shrugged, and ate the soup. He didn't seem to think it was as disgusting as I think Campbell's soup is. He probably just didn't know the difference.
When he had finished the soup, I put the bowl aside and stroked his hair. "How're you feeling love?" "Much better. The past two days were just...awful." I sighed. "That's good. Now that you're better...I have something to tell you." He raised his eyebrow. "Is it something bad?" I looked down at my hands. "Well, I don't know. It depends on how you look at it, but I think it's...well, not bad, but not good." I snuggled closer to him and he wrapped his arms around me, sensing that I was upset. "Ok, go ahead." "Well, today is June eighth." I paused, and he nodded. "And I...I was supposed to get my period on about May thirty-first." I blurted out that sentence, and then went quiet, watching him. He looked thoughtful for about a second, and then he closed him eyes. "Ohhhhh no..." I felt cold and nauseous. "So, what you're saying is...you think you might be pregnant." I winced at his usage of the word. I had refused to think it. "Yeah. I...I think I am. Because I've never been this late before." I wasn't sure what to make of his reaction. He seemed disbelieving, which was to be expected, but I couldn't tell if he seemed annoyed, too. He had better freaking not be, I thought. It would be just as much his fault as mine. "Are you sure this is even a possibility, given the time frame that..." Wow. He really had no idea how this stuff worked. "Yes, it is definitely a possibilty Bono. What exactly are you trying to say?" He sighed. "I don't know. I was just hoping that it wasn't possible and that it was just...you know, a late period." My eyes stung and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "No...no Lilly, don't cry. Please." He hugged me as tight as he could. He looked pale and I could tell he was still a little weak. That only made me cry harder. "Oh, baby..." "Shhhh, Lilly. Don't get so upset yet- we don't even know for sure! Look, I'll run to the store and get one of those tests. And then...we'll find out. Ok? Don't worry yet." I sniffed. "The fact that you offered to go get it yourself is sweet, Bono. But I'm not going to make you go by yourself. I'm coming with you."
Buying stuff like pads is a little awkward. But buying a pregnancy test was ten times worse. I imagined that the cashier was looking at us funny. I half expected him to say something like, "Good luck." He handed us the receipt. "Have a nice day."
The minutes waiting for the result were some of the longest of my life. Bono was looking at the package with some intense confusion. "Wait...how are we supposed to know??" "It says wait five minutes, and if it turns blue, it's positive." "Yeah but what if it turns...I dunno, pink?" I had to laugh. "No, baby. If it's negative, it just doesn't change color." He peered at the test tube. "Well, that looks like blue to me." He was right. There was no, "oh, maybe it's just the light" or anything. It had clearly turned blue. I went and sat on the bed. I didn't even know what to think, because there was too much to think, and I didn't know where to start. Bono sat next to me. "It'll be ok, Lilly. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but we'll deal with it together. It'll be ok." I buried my face in his neck and sobbed. "Everything is going to change. Everything. We're just kids ourselves...how are we supposed to raise one? Babies require constant attention...we can't just put it aside when we're busy doing something else." He stroked my hair as I was crying into his. "Lilly, please. I hate when you cry. It breaks my heart. Listen...things are going to change, yes. But this will be our child, and we're going to love it with all our hearts anyway. We'll just bring it everywhere with us!" I smiled. "I'm proud of you, Bono. You're handling this much better than I am. But you're also being a little unrealistic. What about when the child has to go to school?" "But Lilly, that's years-" "I know, that's years away. But it's going to come quickly. And I know talking about all this isn't going to change anything. But I'm not even twenty years old yet, and this is going to be hard." He kissed me gently. "Oh Lilly, I know it's going to be hard. But you've got me. I'm here, and like I said, we'll get through it together."
"And that's another thing, Bono. Now, this is going to sound horrible, but...it won't be just the two of us anymore." I saw a marked change in his expression. "I know," he said sadly. "I mean, I can't imagine loving anyone else nearly as much as I love you. I know it will be my child and I will love it just as much. But the thing is...I don't want to. I know it sounds awful. But I don't want to have to divide my love or anything. I don't want to love anyone as much as I love you. To have to spend all my time taking care of someone else. I just...nothing will be the same." Tears were streaming down my cheeks again. Bono held me tightly, and I clung to him. "That doesn't sound horrible, Lilly. I think that's normal to be upset about. How do you think expecting fathers feel, worrying if they're still going to be loved as much?" I sobbed loudly. "Well, you don't have to worry about that, because...because..." "Shhh, Lilly. I know. We'll love eachother, and we'll love the baby. Don't worry, love. It'll work out." I really wanted to believe him. I supposed he was right, but there were so many bad things to think of. "How are we going to tell your dad, and my parents?! Ugh, and Paul, I feel like he was just starting to like me! Or at least respect me. Now I just...feel like one of those girls who get pregnant in high school and then everyone talks about them." He laughed. "I don't mean to laugh at you...but that's not the same thing at all! Lilly, we're adults in a stable relationship. Yeah, we're young, and yeah, we would have much rathered this didn't happen, but it's completely different. Don't think like that."
Bono held me for a long time. I could feel his heart beating, and I remembered the night we first kissed. We were laying on the bed and I could feel his heart beating. I had been amazed at how comforting it was, and how safe it had made me feel, and I thought that as long as I had him, everything would be ok. The memory made me smile. I was scared, but listening to his heartbeat, I knew that I had been right. As long as I had him, everything would be ok, somehow.
yay! this is another great chapter Val! 
)
she was right!
