youvedonewhat
Rock n' Roll Doggie Band-aid
OK, I'm gonna try again...bleh..
Maybe this time I'll be successful. 
© Works by YDW. 22 06 14. Please don’t copy or re-post without my permission. Thanks
Ok, Last bit from last bit>>>
I took a deep breath. Of course, I can’t let him see you. Instead I called back to him. “He gets funny if I talk to people I don’t know. I... I’m sorry. I really have to go”. I waved to him and turned away, my heart sinking, my hatred for father growing. He always ruined everything. For the first time in my life I knew excitement and yet he’d ruined it for me. He wasn’t even with me and yet he’d ruined it.
Ok, next bit>>>
.
Susan Part 3.
Sunday 1st.
As it’s Sunday I decided earlier that I’d risk going back to the West Field; see if I might meet up with Rowan again. I knew I’d be for it if father found out but I’d risk it for him. In fact, I’d risk anything for him. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that I’ve seen Rowan once or twice since last week; didn’t get to talk to him though. Nah, I’d been on the bus on my way home from school, hadn’t I, so I didn’t get the chance.
He’d been walking through the village and my heart had at leapt at the sight of him. Mind you, on reflection, I’m glad that I’d been on the bus and that he hadn’t seen me. After all, I’d been in my skanky school uniform, hadn’t I and there was no way I’d want him to see me in that! So anyway, there I was again; walking up the lane, towards them; those lucky people who lived the life that I was so envious of. I was hopeful of a sighting at least although it would be so much better if I could actually get the chance to talk to him. Last week when I’d shown myself up so badly and the way he’d reacted, only served to make my desire for him even more intense. He’d been so gentle and patient and you already know that I’ve never met anyone like him before.
When I reached the entrance to the field I had to pull in a deep breath. I’m still a little nervous and shy, see. Self doubt eats at my stomach every day but I knew I had to be strong and confident if I wanted to see him again. Course, as I’d made my way up there I’d questioned his actions from last week; what if all of it had been a show because they felt sorry for me? What if it was all done out of pity? I couldn’t stand that. No, if they’d acted towards me out of pity they could go shite. There was only one way to find out, wasn’t there and I needed to know the truth.
:-:
The enclosure was strangely quiet. When I walked across the grass towards the vehicles, everywhere appeared dead. Even the traces of their camp fire looked all dried up and finished with. My heart sank. What if they’d gone to town for supplies in readiness for their leaving? No, they wouldn’t have gone and left all the vans behind. Panic at his leaving made my stomach lurch. Now that I’d met him, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He couldn’t leave; he couldn’t; at least not yet but it did look like they’d all buggered off and the only reason I could come up with of right then was because they were preparing to leave.
As I drew nearer to the vans, the emptiness of the place seemed to increase with every step. It was deathly quiet save for the birdsong and the breeze that rustled through a small copse of trees at the end of the field. I’d missed him, hadn’t I and he’d probably have up and left by the time I managed to sneak back up there again. I knew disappointment. This wasn’t the way I’d played out in my mind. Oh no. My way was much better. In my mind, I’d leave with them. They’d willingly open their arms to me and I’d live happily ever after with them and not have to return to my crappy house or The Shit Head who lives within it. It wasn’t fair. I felt cheated. I sank into despair. I’d walk once round all the vehicles. If I didn’t see him I would go home and, I would cry.
:-:
“Hello”.
The sound of a masculine voice made me jump and I let out a small shriek. I hadn’t expected anyone to be there and so I didn’t notice him; the man sitting in a deck chair. Being so wrapped up in my fears that they were leaving, I hadn’t realised that I wasn’t alone. I knew at once that I’d been caught snooping again and felt that familiar sickening rising up inside me. I hauled in a deep breath; tried not to show my fear and shame; tried to look confident and bold. I thought of The Coven and how they’d react to him. How they’d smile at him and use their feminine charms to play him. Of course, I couldn’t do any of that. I didn’t know how so I just stared at him and he stared back.
He was the same age as the others only this one had shorter hair and it was fair. He wore John Lennon glasses and sported a genuine smile about a fine and sensuous mouth. Seated beside one of the vans, a newspaper open on his lap and an empty mug in the grass next to his chair, his curiosity lengthened into a grin. I felt my face heat up. I’d been caught again. I wasn’t making much of an impression on these people was I? My confidence shrivelled and I stumbled over my words. “I’m sorry”.
His eyebrows met in the middle. “Why?”
“I didn’t mean to…”
“Mean to what?”
“It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have…”
“Shouldn’t have what?”
“Come here”.
“Why not?”
“I have to go”.
“No, please”. He folded up his newspaper, laying it down on the grass and then stood. I watched in silence as he picked up his empty mug and shrugged his broad shoulders. “Join me”. He said waving his mug at me. “Join me for coffee; or tea. I have both”.
“I have to get back”.
“Stay. Stay for one drink. You’ll be quite safe. I prefer women as… friends”.
I eyed him, not really sure what he meant until his eyebrows went up in his forehead and a slow smile spread across his rather handsome face.
I became flustered, embarrassed. “Well, I…”
His smile lengthened and he shook his head, turning away from me and heading up the steps of the van. “Such innocence,” I heard him say. “…Such sweet and joyful innocence”. I stood gawping after him. He turned round. “Come on then. You’ll have to ignore the mess. I like to live, oh I don’t know. I suppose you’d call it… the simple life”.
I followed him up the steps, my curiosity about him and his van piqued. I felt the need to speak though; to cover up my embarrassment. “I came to see…”
He cut me off as he flicked the switch on his kettle. “Rowan; yes; I expect that you have. It won’t take long to boil. You won’t find him though”. My heart sank. He continued. “…or the others; gone out on the pi…oh sorry,” He turned round to face me, a clean mug in his hand. “I shouldn’t be swearing in the presence of a lady”. Lady; what lady? He ignored my confused expression. “… They’ve gone to the pub”. He said. “Went a while ago; sugar?”
I nodded as I stood in the middle of what can only be described as organised chaos. Every surface was cluttered. Clothing, crockery, books, sheet music, all manner of junk seemed to fill the entire van. He continued to talk as he made the drinks. “I don’t have visitors very often; hence the mess. Hold on and I’ll clear a space”. He handed me my drink. “Mind; it’s hot”. I watched him bend down to clear some of the mess away and then pat a seat, wiping it with a big hand. “I keep meaning to clean up but I never seem to have the time”.
I thought of when I’d first laid eyes on him sitting outside relaxing with his newspaper and a smile tugged at my mouth. I liked this guy; whoever he was. “Oh, how very remiss of me,” He said. “…My name is Gabriel; like the angel; parents are somewhat religious”. He held out a slender hand, long fingers; clean nails. “Educated at public school; not that it worked. Got expelled; ended up at the local grammar. Is the tea ok?” We shook hands. His were warm. Mine were cold. “Of course you do realise,” He continued, moving away to clear a space for himself. “…That when they come back, they’ll be rat arsed”. He sat down then stood up again, removing a cigarette pack from beneath him. Screwing up his face, he sat down again, continuing to speak as he straightened out the flattened box. “Rowan and the others will be rat arsed; not my parents”. He chuckled at his own wit whilst I gaped at him. I made to answer; to say that it didn’t matter but he was continuing all on his own as he pulled a cigarette out of the pack and proceeded to straighten it out. “They’re rather fond of their alcohol; Rowan and the others, not my… sorry”.
“You didn’t go with them”. I stated quietly.
His eyes focused on his cigarette which he now scowled at. “Oh no; I prefer to stay with the vans; enjoy the peace and quiet before they come back and start world war three. That’s no good. It’s broken. I have some more somewhere. Do you smoke?”
I shook my head. “…World war three?”
“I can’t be bothered now. It’s a nasty habit anyway”. He threw the cigarette to one side and reached for his tea. “Yes, world war three. Once they’ve had a few, they like to argue”. He took a sip. “It’s nothing heavy but they do like to have their disagreements”. He wiped something imaginary off his track suit bottoms and then continued. “They call them discussions but it usually ends up in insults and the occasional misjudged punch; not that anyone ever meets their target. I’ve got some biscuits somewhere; what?”
“It doesn’t matter”.
“It’s ok. Nobody ever gets hurt”. He must have seen my expression because he continued; his eyebrows low in his forehead. “Oh, don’t look so horrified, although Rowan did take a swing for Jimmy once. Jimmy ducked and he caught Luke square on the jaw; apologized for weeks afterwards. It was all rather funny”.
I couldn’t imagine hitting someone as being funny. So far in my life I’d only seen intentional violence. Funny violence didn’t seem quite right somehow.
Gabriel eyeballed me for a few seconds; took in my serious expression. His face softened. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. Don’t worry, it’s simply high spirits.” I looked away from him for a moment. I didn’t understand where he was coming from; didn’t understand it at all. He spoke again. “You don’t believe me, do you?” I didn’t answer, just studied the floor with its crumbs and specks of dust.
The man leaned forward in his seat, causing me to look at him. In his white vest, baggy track suit bottoms and white trainers without socks, he cut a very relaxed figure. “It’s ok. Do you really think I’d be telling you this if it were a real problem?” I nodded shyly. He was right of course. I mean, I’ve never told anyone about The Shit Head beating me, have I? He smiled and sat back. “Good. Now, tell me a little about yourself, Susan”.
“You know my name?” I was horrified. What else did he know about me?
“Of course I do. Rowan…”
“Rowan what?” I didn’t like to think of them discussing me.
“It’s ok. He hasn’t said anything negative about you”.
I was relieved and it must have shown on my face because Gabriel grinned. “So come on; tell me a little about yourself”.
“There’s nothing to tell”. I admitted sadly.
“There must be something?”
I shook my head. “No”. I am boring. I know this.
“Have you any hobbies?” He asked.
Staying away from father. Instead; “Not especially although I do like to draw”. I felt a small smile lengthening across my jaw as I thought of my drawings stuck up on the wall in the art room. The Weasel said I had promise. (We call our teacher The Weasel because he looks like one).
“So, what do you draw?”
I was a little taken aback by his interest. I wanted to tell him though. I wanted to tell him all about my artwork. I wanted to tell him that I specialised in drawing Victorian architecture, that I loved all those gables, small hidden windows and chimneys; all those shadows. I wanted to tell him that art was something I wanted to do at college; that I’d like to get a job in design but I didn’t tell him any of this. I knew there wouldn’t be any college for me so what would be the point? No, The Shit Head would make me get any job as soon as possible. That way I would earn a wage which he would then take. I answered Gabriel with a shrug and a sigh. “Nothing in particular,” I lied. “I just like to draw”.
He looked at me as though he didn’t believe me and then smiled. “I’m sure you’re very good at it”.
“Not really”. It was a lie of course but I wasn’t going to admit that I hoped I might be quite good. And besides, I wanted to ask him why he got expelled but knew that I wouldn’t.
“Oh wait”. Gabriel said suddenly. “I think I can hear them”. He stood. I stared after him as he padded over to the doorway. When he got there he turned to face me. “Yes; it’s them. They’re back. And I’m afraid they’re pi… I mean, I’m afraid they’re a little drunk”.
I stood up quickly; panicking. “Should I leave?”
“Yes, I think it might be pertinent”.
He moved to one side so that I could stand in the doorway with him and that’s when I saw them coming towards us. Jimmy and Rowan had their arms around each other for support whilst Elsie and Luke brought up the rear. All were grinning. When Rowan saw us and stopped mid-stride. He pointed. “Oy, Jimmy,” He said disentangling himself from his friend. “Is that Little Susan over there?”
Jimmy screwed up his face and stared. “Nah, soft lad, that’s Gabriel, although… I never knew he had boobs!”
“Och, it’s not Gabriel’s boobs that I’m lookin’ at, fat arse”.
Jimmy answered him. “Yep, you could be right there; I do believe its Susan who has the boobs; not that I’m lookin’ or anything”.
Rowan cast Jimmy a withering glance before turning to look at me. A wide grin took over his entire jaw. “And if that’s not a fine sight for a man to see”.
“Aye,” Jimmy agreed. “Susan has fine boobs; what? What? I wasn’t lookin’. I wasn’t.”
Rowan bristled. “And you’d better keep those eyeballs to yourself; else I’ll be taking a swing at them”.
“I told you,” Gabriel was saying. “They do like their disagreements”.
:-:
Tuesday 3rd.
I’d wanted to stay, you know. Oh yes. When I’d seen Rowan come back from the pub I wanted to stay but Gabriel was already leading me across the grass before I had chance to say anything; not that I would. I’m way too shy for that. So, as usual, I did as I was told and left the field; but not before Rowan caught up with us and wrapped his arms around me, surprising me by giving me a bear hug. “You’re not staying?” He’d asked.
Gabriel had answered for me. “No, Rowan, Susan is not staying. She won’t want to be pawed over by a drunken sot”. Oh but I would! “She can visit us another time”. Rowan hadn’t argued. He’d simply let me go and shrugged, that mouth of his stretching into an impossibly lengthy grin.
“Ok”. He’d said. “Perhaps The Good Saint Gabriel is right”. He’s not! He’s not! “But you must come and see us again”. I’d nodded shyly, aching for his touch; lust racing through my veins but Gabriel led me away. He walked me as far as the entrance and then stopped. “It was nice meeting you Susan. You will come again, won’t you?” If I can get away. I nodded, already plotting my next venture to see them. “Good”. He said. “Take care now”.
“I will”. I’d walked away. It was odd because I knew I was being dismissed, escorted off the site and yet Gabriel never made it feel like that. He has a way about him, does Gabriel; a gentle intelligence about him. I like him. I want to have tea with him again.
:-:
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, it’s started again, hasn’t it? They’ve left me alone for a while; the three witches; been off upsetting someone else. And it’s been good, you know, because it’s given me the chance to bask in Rowan’s good looks and kindness and of course, the unbelievable luck I had of coming across him – or, did he come across me? Anyway, I’ve been very content lately, feasting upon my fantasies of being with him, of kissing him and of course, of having him. Even The Shit Head has left me alone lately. I felt vaguely at peace with myself until yesterday when they started on me again. Yep; those mean bitches have returned to torment me.
Saturday 7th.
This morning I went down the newsagents as usual. I’d been sent for The Shit Head’s newspaper although as far as I was concerned The Shit Head could shove his newspaper right up his lardy arse. I couldn’t give a shite about any stupid newspaper. All I was interested in was getting a sighting. I wanted to see him; my Rowan. I was sure that they hadn’t left yet and, I wanted to see him anyway, to tell him not to go without saying goodbye. Of course, I wasn’t sure if I had the nerve to say this to him. I’d have to wait and see.
So, anyway, there I was, sitting on The Wall; that place I was sitting when Rowan first walked into my life. I was so happy as I waited for him that I hummed a tune. I’d heard it on the radio in the shop and as a result the melody was going round and round in my head. It was a happy melody; jaunty, good beat. I mouthed the words as I stared down at the pavement, ignoring my horrible flat shoes and nodded my head slightly with the rhythm, uncaring if anyone saw. I was waiting for my man and nothing else mattered. The newsagents could blow up, or better still, our house could blow up, hopefully with The Shit Head holed up within it. I wouldn’t care.
Next time I looked up from the pavement I saw him; caught his black clad figure ambling towards me. My heart swelled in my chest. What a fine, fine sight. As he drew nearer he waved and I waved back, in ecstasy at that small gesture. When he reached me, he spoke; his elastic grin in place. “Hello there, Little Susan. I see you’ve taken up residence on this here wall again. You’re like a little statue sittin’ there all small an’ pretty”. My heart missed a beat at his compliment and I felt my face heat up as I tried to act indifferent but I allowed a small, shy smile to take me and his eyes dropped to it before he spoke again. “Wait up whilst I get some things from the shop. Then, we’ll walk together”.
We’ll walk together. My brain replayed his softly spoken words inside my head and my whole body heated up. As I watched his broad back disappear into the shop I allowed myself the pleasure of a long, satisfied sigh. He was so perfect. When he returned he was stuffing his face with chocolate and had a newspaper stuffed under his arm. “Oh,” He said when he reached me. “I gotcha this”. And he held out a bar of chocolate; the same kind as his. My face heated up at his kindness as I studied it. It was my very first present from a man. He grew impatient. “Come on then. It’s not poisoned”.
I reached for my gift, embarrassed to see that my fingers were trembling. “Thank you”. I mouthed. Such a small thing and yet that chocolate bar was just as precious to me as any fancy jewel. He’d bought it for me; for me. He cocked his head. “Shall we go?”
I jumped off the wall. Rowan held out the crook of his arm for me to take. At first I just looked at it. Of course I knew what he wanted me to do but the dreaded shyness took me. I raised my eyes to his face. He was grinning. After a second or so his eyebrows went up in his forehead. His face was soft. “C’mon, take my arm, Little Susan”. And so I did. I slipped my hand through that crook and lay it on him. My fingertips took in the material of his jacket, the warmth of him and my heartbeat increased with the intimacy of it.
:-:
We fell into step together; him and me and I knew elation. Right then I felt that nothing could hurt me. I was with Rowan. That’s all I needed. Of course, I knew that the neighbour’s net curtains would be twitching. I knew that they’d be watching even though I couldn’t see them. So, as we walked by I made a point of looking directly at each house. I was telling them with my eyes, my face, that they could all go shite. I was with Rowan and there was absolutely nothing that they could do about it. And I heard them you know, heard them inside my head; Look, they were saying. And I imagined them. Look, there goes that stupid, no good girl with some long haired shite; haven’t seen him before. Wonder who he is; should tell her father. And, I didn’t care. Well, go ahead; tell father. By the time you tell him, I’ll already have spent the time with him so it’ll be too late, won’t it? And anyway, you can do what you like. You can’t hurt me; not whilst I’m with Rowan.
So, we walked along the pavement together. For the first time in my life I knew contentment. I felt complete. With Rowan at my side I felt that I could face anything; anyone. It was a new and exciting experience for me. I was no longer Dumpling; The Virgin; Sad Git. Well ok, Dumpling; The Virgin, yes; Sad Git, no. I had a man beside me; a man who would look after me. (Ok, ok, I knew I was looking way too deeply into things but hey, who doesn’t from time to time?).
Rowan finished his chocolate and stuffed the wrapper into his pocket then he looked at me to see if I’d eaten mine. Course, I’d only nibbled at it. I was far too excited to eat chocolate whilst I was with him, even though it was he who’d bought it for me. “If you’d been Jimmy,” He began grinning. “That chocolate wouldn’t have even touched the sides”.
“Touched the sides?”
“Aye; straight down his gullet, that one. He doesn’t actually eat anything. Just kind of vacuums it up”. He cocked his head to one side then. “…not like you Little Susan; such tiny, little bites”. He wasn’t grinning now, just smiling gently. I felt embarrassed and had to break eye contact. He must have seen me drawing in a steadying breath because I felt him take his eyes from me and look off into the distance ahead. “It’s such a lovely day”. He said. “Will you be doing anything today, Little Susan?”
I thought about what I’d be doing. Yes, I wanted to say. Yes, I will be doing something. I’ll be doing what I always do of a Saturday; all those boring chores The Shit Head will give me. I hate Saturdays, although I like this one. This one is special. I said none of this though just as I knew I wouldn’t.
Instead, I tried to think of something different to say. Nothing came though a single decker bus did. I watched as it went by us to draw up at the bus stop just ahead. It stopped. People got off. I didn’t take any notice of them. I knew that Rowan was waiting for me to speak and I needed to answer him. However, nothing came out of my mouth as my eyes alighted on who’d got off. It was them; The Coven.
Fear and panic spread through my chest. I faltered at the sight of them and automatically stopped mid stride. I didn’t want to see them. And I certainly didn’t want them to see Rowan. Beside me he cast me a questioning glance before looking at them. And they were grinning. Those bitches were grinning and waiting for us to catch up with them but Kim was clearly impatient to begin and called to us in her loud, uncouth voice; “Dumpling!” She said, staring at me with eyes that spoke volumes. “That was good timing. We’ve come to see you. And who is this?”
:-:
Now, you might think that this is a good thing. You might be thinking hey, Susan can show him off; feel smug, enjoy getting one over on those bitches but I’m afraid it didn’t pan out like that. Oh no. It went just as I expected it to. It went down the pan and ventured very quickly round the bend.
I looked at Veronica as she spoke; saw she was practically smacking her lips at the sight of him. “So, who’s this then?” And I watched her eying up my man like some scrawny, starving hyena. I could feel my blood heating up. I knew such hatred for them and took it all in silently as they raked their gaze over him. And, you know, I wanted to shout at them; tell them to roll their wet, dribbling tongues back in but I didn’t. I just stood there in mute rage, willing a nice, sexually transmitted infection upon them instead. Veronica ran the tip of her very pink tongue over her shapely bottom lip. “Well, come on then; introduce us”.
I hauled in a hot breath. There was no way I was going to introduce him to the likes of them but Kim was already moving towards him and slipping her arm through his. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the movement. How dare she? How dare she touch my man? I wanted to kill her. In fact, I wanted to rip her head clean off but courage was not my best friend and I couldn’t do anything without it. Christine brought up the other side of Veronica. She was grinning too and I could tell by the kind of grin she sported that she was in one of her more tormenting moods.
Kim spoke. “She doesn’t need to tell us who he is, Ronnie. It’ll be Rowan, won’t it? Hello Rowan”. And the way she said hello to him, the way she looked at him made me gnash my teeth. She was behaving all seductive and slutty and I knew exactly what she was up to. I’ve seen her doing it a thousand times before. Just because she’s got a fantastic figure and legs that stretch right up to her scrawny neck, just because she brims with confidence and knows that she can get any man she wants, she seemed to think she could have mine. So whilst I stood there meekly with absolutely no confidence whatsoever, she attached herself to my man like a revolting globule of snot.
And she continued to speak, that cow; continued to purr in his ear. “We’ve heard a lot about you Rowan”. She breathed. “You’d be surprised at what we’ve been hearing about you”. My jealousy shrivelled and I drew in a sharp breath; felt sick suddenly; knew where she was headed.
Veronica flicked her green eyes in my direction before joining in with the torment. “Yep”, she said “…loads of things. In fact, it’s gone on and on. Rowan this; Rowan that”.
Of course it was a lie. Yes, ok, I’d spoken of him but not that much. I hadn’t wanted to say too much in case I forgot the lies I’d created earlier and got caught out. Beside me, Rowan looked at each witch in turn. He didn’t look at me. I knew they had his complete attention. I also knew that by the time they’d finished he’d be off and I’d never see him again.
As he considered them I pulled my arm from his and dropped my gaze to the ground. Tears sprang to my eyes but I wouldn’t let them see. Oh no, I wouldn’t let them see. So I kept my head bent; studied all five pairs of feet gathered on the pavement. I glanced at Rowan’s black boots and then at the witches shoes, noting that they were pretty and dainty whilst mine were square and flat. Someone spoke; “Well, I guess Dumpling The Virgin must have been telling the truth after all”. Without looking up I knew that the voice belonged to Christine. She was joining in. They had it all worked out. They’d embarrass me, they’d torment me and then they’d make sure that Rowan never spoke to me again.
“Yeah, we didn’t believe Dumpling The Virgin at first”. Veronica was saying. “But it just goes to show you doesn’t it? I’d never have guessed it. I suppose we owe you an apology, Virgin Dumpling”.
I still wouldn’t look at them. I kept my head bowed as shame whilst embarrassment gnawed away at my insides with its big teeth. I wanted to die. I even wanted to be at home. Anything was preferable to what they were about to do. At length Rowan spoke. “Is this conversation actually going anywhere?” And he was irritated. I cast him a quick glance. I could see it in his eyes; hear it in his voice; something I’d never heard in him before.
“Ok well, allow me to explain,” Kim began, clearly enjoying all the attention. I hauled in a deep, ragged breath and looked away from them all, ignoring the tears as they began to slip down my cheeks. “Seeing as you’ve asked us so nicely”, Kim said. “We’ll tell you. By the way, what accent do you have? It’s so… seductive”.
I thought Rowan might answer her but he didn’t so she plowed on in; plowed in with her bitchy fun. “We didn’t believe Dumpling at first. We thought she was blagging; you know, lying just so that she could keep up with everyone else. I mean, we all know she hasn’t got a boyfriend or rather we know that she’s never had a boyfriend but, well, it looks like she was telling the truth after all, doesn’t it?” And I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was looking directly at me. I wouldn’t return her gaze though. I didn’t want to look at her. And I certainly didn’t want to look at Rowan.
It was Veronica’s turn to join in. “Well, I’m still not sure if I believe it. I mean, look at her and she never goes out. How can she have a boyfriend if she never goes out? I’ll bet she hasn’t even gone to a cinema before, let alone sat on the back row and had a fumble with a bloke. I’ll bet she’s never even had a proper snog let alone anything else”.
And I was mortified. I could feel all their eyes on me; even Rowan’s, and that was the worst part. I could just about stand those bitches staring at me but there was no way I could cope with Rowan’s blue gaze; no way I could bear his judgement, his distaste.
Christine piped up laughing. “Well, I still don’t believe her. And anyway, who’d wanna screw that? It’s not like she’d even know what to do”.
“I would!” I snapped feeling the shame and indignation of it all. I’d spoken before I’d even thought of what I’d said. Of course, they’d all know now wouldn’t they; know by the way I’d snapped at them, that I was lying; that I was trying to cover up. And to add to my discomfort, I realised that Rowan’s blue gaze was completely glued to my lying face. And what, with him being a man and all, not even a boy, well, he’d know wouldn’t he? He’d know I’d been lying; know I was lying.
It was all too much. He may have been staring right at me but he remained silent and that made me feel even worse. He was judging me. I knew it. He was wondering what he’d let himself in for; reproaching himself for getting involved in stupid, school girl arguments. I needed to die but they weren’t going to let me. Instead, they were waiting for me to speak; all of them because I felt all their eyes locked onto my face.
:-:
I hauled in a breath, held it for a few seconds whilst I forced all that shame and embarrassment back down my throat. My first instinct was to put a distance between myself and them before they could do any more damage and eventually, I knew courage or at least pride. I turned my cold eyes onto those bitches and spoke with a confidence I never knew I possessed. “If you’ve finished with your stupid games, we have to go”. I looked up at Rowan whose eyes were still on my face. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s go. The air’s rank round here”.
As I tugged at Rowan’s sleeve Kim began talking again. “Tell us one thing, Rowan”.
He stood his ground, ignored my tugging and looked across at Kim and waited. I noticed that his mouth was a thin line, that his eyes were cold and stormy. And I knew then that I’d lost him; that he’d realised that he’d been caught up in some silly school girl crap. “We’re just interested, you know”. She said. “We just want to know if what she said about you was true”.
“We should go”. My voice was pressing. I tried again to lead him away but he was too strong. He stood cemented to the pavement, staring down at Kim, waiting for her to speak. Beside him I knew I’d lost and I felt myself wilt. I closed my eyes and accepted all the crap that was about to hit the fan.
“And what,” Rowan said finally. “…might that be?”
Christine got in before Kim. “We want to know if you’re Dumpling’s new boyfriend”.
“Cos she said that you were”. Kim joined in.
Nobody said anything for a few seconds then Rowan spoke, his voice soft, gently lilted; sing song. “Dumpling?” He said. “And who might Dumpling be?”
“Dumpling: her!” And Christine pointed at me. Inside my heart had already shrivelled but my humiliation wasn’t yet complete. “She said she had a new boyfriend; said his name was Rowan. It must be you. It’s not a particularly common name is it; Rowan?”
“No, it isn’t a common name but then, I’m not a particularly common man”.
“You certainly aren’t, are you?” Kim’s boobs had visibly grown as she spoke and I knew what she wanted to do with him. Her voice had thick, seductive and she’d used her full lips to emphasis every word that passed between them. Me, I wanted to punch that fat mouth and push those teeth of hers down her stupid throat but she was reaching out to touch his chest. The desire to punch her shrivelled as I waited for her fingertips to make contact with him but he suddenly caught them in his meaty paw. At first I thought he was going to curl his hand around them but instead he pushed them away. I gasped in disbelief. Kim did her best to hide her embarrassment but not before we all saw it.
Veronica covered up for her by speaking; “So are you? You know, her boyfriend; like she said?”
I cast a quick, nervous glance up at Rowan and saw him staring very pointedly at Veronica. More tears slipped from my eyes as I waited for him to speak. I wanted to kill myself. Indeed, I decided as I stood there that I would kill myself. As soon as I got home; I’d kill myself. Christine took the opportunity to giggle at the silence. Rowan’s stony gaze travelled to her face and her giggling died in her throat. He was considering them; those cows. And, he was clearly considering his next words. I became even more uncomfortable. I felt sure that he was going to swear at us all and march off so I waited for it. I waited for him to disown me; to throw me a look of disgust and leave.
And, as I waited for his words, I heard John’s voice inside my head; you’ve got to be kidding! I wouldn’t touch that with a barge pole! You have got to be kidding! My eyes brimmed over at the thought of Rowan speaking to me in that way but you know, those bitches didn’t care about that. When I cast a look at them they were grinning; grinning. Kim looked across at me and one side of her mouth rose in that lop sided way she had of smiling. She knew what was coming and couldn’t wait for it. Rowan was going to deny me wasn’t he? Rowan was going to tell them that they must be mad to even think he could be my boyfriend. And oh, how much they were going to love that. I’d be hearing about it for weeks at school. Everyone would laugh. Everyone would snigger at Dumpling; The Virgin and her Phantom Boyfriend.
At last Rowan tore his eyes off them and turned to face me. I had to look away so I did. I stared across the road, mindful of my wet eyes and wetter face. I tried to stop my lips from trembling but they wouldn’t. I knew he was going to speak. I just wished that he’d do it after they’d gone. I was humiliated enough.
“Susan”. He began. I closed my eyes and hauled in a breath. And here it comes; “Susan”. But I wouldn’t look at him.
“Susan”. I heard Kim’s voice. I also heard the laughter in it. “Rowan is speaking to you”.
Finally I opened my eyes again and turned to face him. Ok, ok. Just say it. Tell them that you wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole and ask them who in their right mind would want to snog me? Go on; say it. Give everyone a laugh then maybe I can go home.
He began to speak so I forced myself to look up into his blue eyes and yes, they were blue again. He was going to be kind wasn’t he? He was going to apologise for allowing me to become attracted to him. He was going to blame himself and…“Susan. Are you listening?”
“What?” I said sullenly.
“Why did you tell these ladies that I’m your boyfriend?”
“I don’t know… I…”
He stopped me before I could say anything else. “What did I tell you?”
“Eh?” I was confused but still embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I…”
He scowled. “Didn’t I tell you not to say anything? It’s supposed to be a secret. Now, how can it be a secret when you go and tell everyone?”
“I…”
“Now the whole feckin’ village is gonna know about us”.
“What?”
He was shaking his head and grinning. “And there was I thinking that you wouldn’t say anything”.
“Say what?” Christine asked.
Rowan reached for me and it was whilst he was pulling me into his arms that he turned to look at Christine. “I told her not to tell anyone that we were an item. I’m not from round here so I didn’t want her to get into any trouble but,” And he left off to tear his eyes from her and rest them on me. “But, it seems that she’s gone and said something anyway. Och, just can’t trust a woman to keep quiet”.
There was a collective gasp from everyone, myself included. I looked up at him like he had two heads but he’d already wrapped his arms around me and was hugging me tight up against him. “Just couldn’t keep it quiet, could you?” He turned to look at our audience and raising his eyebrows in his forehead he spoke again. “Well, it’s here that we have to leave you. I’ve a naughty girl to see to. Nice meeting you ladies”. And he kissed the top of my head before letting me go and grabbing my hand. “Have a nice day”.
:-:
We left a trail of dissatisfaction behind us. They were not amused but at least I’d probably be ignored on Monday. Course, as we walked away I knew that I had some explaining to do but didn’t know how to begin. I was painfully aware of his big hand curled around mine and the silence between us. As we made our way towards my house he cocked his dark head to one side and raised one eyebrow. “Are you not talking to me now?”
I was disgusted with myself. I knew I had to explain. I knew I had to grow up and accept what I’d done but I didn’t. Instead I sulked. “I thought you weren’t talking to me”.
“And why wouldn’t I be talking to you, Susan?”
At first I couldn’t speak. I felt such embarrassment at being caught lying; and worse still, being caught lying about him. I shook my head and sighed. “I’m sorry”. I said.
“What for?”
I sighed again. He wasn’t making things easy for me, was he? “You know what for”.
He touched my arm and we stopped walking. When I turned to look up at him he was smiling and nodding. “Do you not think that I’ve opened my mouth on more than one occasion before putting my brain in gear first? How many times do you think I’ve said things I’ve regretted later? I’ve done it loadsa times and I’ll do it again. I don’t care and you shouldn’t either. And…” He moved closer to me so that he was blocking out the light. “I’m flattered. Don’t be feeling silly, Susan. Don’t be worrying about it cos I’m not. And anyway, you can say what you like about me”. He fell into silence as he studied me. Even though his words had been kind I still felt shame. I felt young and foolish; way too young and foolish for the likes of him. After a few tense seconds he spoke again. “Come on, Little Susan. Smile. It’s a lovely day. Right then; I’ll be off”.
We’d reached the mouth of the lane opposite my house. Of course, I knew that from where we were standing The Shit Head would have a clear view of me ‘cavorting with the enemy’ but I didn’t care. Rowan, still grinning, bent slightly, took one of my hands in his, turned it over and planted a soft kiss on my wrist. The shock of it rippled through me and The Shit Head was forgotten. I heard myself gasp as he dropped my hand and straightened back up again. He was grinning; stretching his mouth so far across his jaw that I thought his face might split. “…Until we meet again”. He said cocking his head just enough to make his hair sway with the gesture. “Take care, Little Susan”. And he moved off.
I stood gob-smacked, watching as he walked away. I watched his broad shoulders and strong back, allowed my gaze to drop to his black jeans. And he cut such a fine sight. Tears welled up in my eyes again. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was just all the emotion that was churning away in my stomach. I thought of those witches and how they’d tried to humiliate me. As he walked round the corner and out of sight I turned round to face my house. I probably wouldn’t see him again. He was just being kind walking home with me. No doubt when he got back to the vans he’d tell the others what had happened; what I’d said about him. I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to block out my shame. It didn’t work though. I should never have told anyone about him. I should have kept him all to myself. But no not me, I wanted the world to know that I’d found someone special. I’d wanted to keep up with the others in my year. I’d lied. And now I was going to pay. I’d ruined it for myself and handed my humiliation to those bitches on a plate.
As I stood waiting for a truck to go by so that I could cross the road I drowned in self loathing. The lorry passed me; a big, construction thing covered in mud. I watched it disappear over the hill in the distance. I’d been such a fool.
“Hey”. A voice came up behind me. I recognised it instantly. I spun round. And there he was; the grin firmly in place.
I was surprised but pleased to see him. “What you doing back?”
“I forgot something”.
“What?” I asked as he took my hands in his. I was surprised and knew that it showed in my face. One side of his mouth rose as he took in my expression.
“This”. And then kissed me; kissed me! Rowan kissed me. Oh it wasn’t a tonsil tickler. He didn’t ingest me but it was still a kiss and when he let me go I just stood agape; staring at him feeling totally stunned. Eventually, I regained some small spark of sense. My words came out in a whisper.
“What was that for?”
“Simple; now you can say you’ve been snogged. Ok. Bye then, Little Susan”. And he was gone.
:-:
Ok, hope you enjoyed it. I'm off to edit part 4...
Maybe this time I'll be successful. © Works by YDW. 22 06 14. Please don’t copy or re-post without my permission. Thanks
Ok, Last bit from last bit>>>
I took a deep breath. Of course, I can’t let him see you. Instead I called back to him. “He gets funny if I talk to people I don’t know. I... I’m sorry. I really have to go”. I waved to him and turned away, my heart sinking, my hatred for father growing. He always ruined everything. For the first time in my life I knew excitement and yet he’d ruined it for me. He wasn’t even with me and yet he’d ruined it.
Ok, next bit>>>
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Susan Part 3.
Sunday 1st.
As it’s Sunday I decided earlier that I’d risk going back to the West Field; see if I might meet up with Rowan again. I knew I’d be for it if father found out but I’d risk it for him. In fact, I’d risk anything for him. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that I’ve seen Rowan once or twice since last week; didn’t get to talk to him though. Nah, I’d been on the bus on my way home from school, hadn’t I, so I didn’t get the chance.
He’d been walking through the village and my heart had at leapt at the sight of him. Mind you, on reflection, I’m glad that I’d been on the bus and that he hadn’t seen me. After all, I’d been in my skanky school uniform, hadn’t I and there was no way I’d want him to see me in that! So anyway, there I was again; walking up the lane, towards them; those lucky people who lived the life that I was so envious of. I was hopeful of a sighting at least although it would be so much better if I could actually get the chance to talk to him. Last week when I’d shown myself up so badly and the way he’d reacted, only served to make my desire for him even more intense. He’d been so gentle and patient and you already know that I’ve never met anyone like him before.
When I reached the entrance to the field I had to pull in a deep breath. I’m still a little nervous and shy, see. Self doubt eats at my stomach every day but I knew I had to be strong and confident if I wanted to see him again. Course, as I’d made my way up there I’d questioned his actions from last week; what if all of it had been a show because they felt sorry for me? What if it was all done out of pity? I couldn’t stand that. No, if they’d acted towards me out of pity they could go shite. There was only one way to find out, wasn’t there and I needed to know the truth.
:-:
The enclosure was strangely quiet. When I walked across the grass towards the vehicles, everywhere appeared dead. Even the traces of their camp fire looked all dried up and finished with. My heart sank. What if they’d gone to town for supplies in readiness for their leaving? No, they wouldn’t have gone and left all the vans behind. Panic at his leaving made my stomach lurch. Now that I’d met him, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He couldn’t leave; he couldn’t; at least not yet but it did look like they’d all buggered off and the only reason I could come up with of right then was because they were preparing to leave.
As I drew nearer to the vans, the emptiness of the place seemed to increase with every step. It was deathly quiet save for the birdsong and the breeze that rustled through a small copse of trees at the end of the field. I’d missed him, hadn’t I and he’d probably have up and left by the time I managed to sneak back up there again. I knew disappointment. This wasn’t the way I’d played out in my mind. Oh no. My way was much better. In my mind, I’d leave with them. They’d willingly open their arms to me and I’d live happily ever after with them and not have to return to my crappy house or The Shit Head who lives within it. It wasn’t fair. I felt cheated. I sank into despair. I’d walk once round all the vehicles. If I didn’t see him I would go home and, I would cry.
:-:
“Hello”.
The sound of a masculine voice made me jump and I let out a small shriek. I hadn’t expected anyone to be there and so I didn’t notice him; the man sitting in a deck chair. Being so wrapped up in my fears that they were leaving, I hadn’t realised that I wasn’t alone. I knew at once that I’d been caught snooping again and felt that familiar sickening rising up inside me. I hauled in a deep breath; tried not to show my fear and shame; tried to look confident and bold. I thought of The Coven and how they’d react to him. How they’d smile at him and use their feminine charms to play him. Of course, I couldn’t do any of that. I didn’t know how so I just stared at him and he stared back.
He was the same age as the others only this one had shorter hair and it was fair. He wore John Lennon glasses and sported a genuine smile about a fine and sensuous mouth. Seated beside one of the vans, a newspaper open on his lap and an empty mug in the grass next to his chair, his curiosity lengthened into a grin. I felt my face heat up. I’d been caught again. I wasn’t making much of an impression on these people was I? My confidence shrivelled and I stumbled over my words. “I’m sorry”.
His eyebrows met in the middle. “Why?”
“I didn’t mean to…”
“Mean to what?”
“It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have…”
“Shouldn’t have what?”
“Come here”.
“Why not?”
“I have to go”.
“No, please”. He folded up his newspaper, laying it down on the grass and then stood. I watched in silence as he picked up his empty mug and shrugged his broad shoulders. “Join me”. He said waving his mug at me. “Join me for coffee; or tea. I have both”.
“I have to get back”.
“Stay. Stay for one drink. You’ll be quite safe. I prefer women as… friends”.
I eyed him, not really sure what he meant until his eyebrows went up in his forehead and a slow smile spread across his rather handsome face.
I became flustered, embarrassed. “Well, I…”
His smile lengthened and he shook his head, turning away from me and heading up the steps of the van. “Such innocence,” I heard him say. “…Such sweet and joyful innocence”. I stood gawping after him. He turned round. “Come on then. You’ll have to ignore the mess. I like to live, oh I don’t know. I suppose you’d call it… the simple life”.
I followed him up the steps, my curiosity about him and his van piqued. I felt the need to speak though; to cover up my embarrassment. “I came to see…”
He cut me off as he flicked the switch on his kettle. “Rowan; yes; I expect that you have. It won’t take long to boil. You won’t find him though”. My heart sank. He continued. “…or the others; gone out on the pi…oh sorry,” He turned round to face me, a clean mug in his hand. “I shouldn’t be swearing in the presence of a lady”. Lady; what lady? He ignored my confused expression. “… They’ve gone to the pub”. He said. “Went a while ago; sugar?”
I nodded as I stood in the middle of what can only be described as organised chaos. Every surface was cluttered. Clothing, crockery, books, sheet music, all manner of junk seemed to fill the entire van. He continued to talk as he made the drinks. “I don’t have visitors very often; hence the mess. Hold on and I’ll clear a space”. He handed me my drink. “Mind; it’s hot”. I watched him bend down to clear some of the mess away and then pat a seat, wiping it with a big hand. “I keep meaning to clean up but I never seem to have the time”.
I thought of when I’d first laid eyes on him sitting outside relaxing with his newspaper and a smile tugged at my mouth. I liked this guy; whoever he was. “Oh, how very remiss of me,” He said. “…My name is Gabriel; like the angel; parents are somewhat religious”. He held out a slender hand, long fingers; clean nails. “Educated at public school; not that it worked. Got expelled; ended up at the local grammar. Is the tea ok?” We shook hands. His were warm. Mine were cold. “Of course you do realise,” He continued, moving away to clear a space for himself. “…That when they come back, they’ll be rat arsed”. He sat down then stood up again, removing a cigarette pack from beneath him. Screwing up his face, he sat down again, continuing to speak as he straightened out the flattened box. “Rowan and the others will be rat arsed; not my parents”. He chuckled at his own wit whilst I gaped at him. I made to answer; to say that it didn’t matter but he was continuing all on his own as he pulled a cigarette out of the pack and proceeded to straighten it out. “They’re rather fond of their alcohol; Rowan and the others, not my… sorry”.
“You didn’t go with them”. I stated quietly.
His eyes focused on his cigarette which he now scowled at. “Oh no; I prefer to stay with the vans; enjoy the peace and quiet before they come back and start world war three. That’s no good. It’s broken. I have some more somewhere. Do you smoke?”
I shook my head. “…World war three?”
“I can’t be bothered now. It’s a nasty habit anyway”. He threw the cigarette to one side and reached for his tea. “Yes, world war three. Once they’ve had a few, they like to argue”. He took a sip. “It’s nothing heavy but they do like to have their disagreements”. He wiped something imaginary off his track suit bottoms and then continued. “They call them discussions but it usually ends up in insults and the occasional misjudged punch; not that anyone ever meets their target. I’ve got some biscuits somewhere; what?”
“It doesn’t matter”.
“It’s ok. Nobody ever gets hurt”. He must have seen my expression because he continued; his eyebrows low in his forehead. “Oh, don’t look so horrified, although Rowan did take a swing for Jimmy once. Jimmy ducked and he caught Luke square on the jaw; apologized for weeks afterwards. It was all rather funny”.
I couldn’t imagine hitting someone as being funny. So far in my life I’d only seen intentional violence. Funny violence didn’t seem quite right somehow.
Gabriel eyeballed me for a few seconds; took in my serious expression. His face softened. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. Don’t worry, it’s simply high spirits.” I looked away from him for a moment. I didn’t understand where he was coming from; didn’t understand it at all. He spoke again. “You don’t believe me, do you?” I didn’t answer, just studied the floor with its crumbs and specks of dust.
The man leaned forward in his seat, causing me to look at him. In his white vest, baggy track suit bottoms and white trainers without socks, he cut a very relaxed figure. “It’s ok. Do you really think I’d be telling you this if it were a real problem?” I nodded shyly. He was right of course. I mean, I’ve never told anyone about The Shit Head beating me, have I? He smiled and sat back. “Good. Now, tell me a little about yourself, Susan”.
“You know my name?” I was horrified. What else did he know about me?
“Of course I do. Rowan…”
“Rowan what?” I didn’t like to think of them discussing me.
“It’s ok. He hasn’t said anything negative about you”.
I was relieved and it must have shown on my face because Gabriel grinned. “So come on; tell me a little about yourself”.
“There’s nothing to tell”. I admitted sadly.
“There must be something?”
I shook my head. “No”. I am boring. I know this.
“Have you any hobbies?” He asked.
Staying away from father. Instead; “Not especially although I do like to draw”. I felt a small smile lengthening across my jaw as I thought of my drawings stuck up on the wall in the art room. The Weasel said I had promise. (We call our teacher The Weasel because he looks like one).
“So, what do you draw?”
I was a little taken aback by his interest. I wanted to tell him though. I wanted to tell him all about my artwork. I wanted to tell him that I specialised in drawing Victorian architecture, that I loved all those gables, small hidden windows and chimneys; all those shadows. I wanted to tell him that art was something I wanted to do at college; that I’d like to get a job in design but I didn’t tell him any of this. I knew there wouldn’t be any college for me so what would be the point? No, The Shit Head would make me get any job as soon as possible. That way I would earn a wage which he would then take. I answered Gabriel with a shrug and a sigh. “Nothing in particular,” I lied. “I just like to draw”.
He looked at me as though he didn’t believe me and then smiled. “I’m sure you’re very good at it”.
“Not really”. It was a lie of course but I wasn’t going to admit that I hoped I might be quite good. And besides, I wanted to ask him why he got expelled but knew that I wouldn’t.
“Oh wait”. Gabriel said suddenly. “I think I can hear them”. He stood. I stared after him as he padded over to the doorway. When he got there he turned to face me. “Yes; it’s them. They’re back. And I’m afraid they’re pi… I mean, I’m afraid they’re a little drunk”.
I stood up quickly; panicking. “Should I leave?”
“Yes, I think it might be pertinent”.
He moved to one side so that I could stand in the doorway with him and that’s when I saw them coming towards us. Jimmy and Rowan had their arms around each other for support whilst Elsie and Luke brought up the rear. All were grinning. When Rowan saw us and stopped mid-stride. He pointed. “Oy, Jimmy,” He said disentangling himself from his friend. “Is that Little Susan over there?”
Jimmy screwed up his face and stared. “Nah, soft lad, that’s Gabriel, although… I never knew he had boobs!”
“Och, it’s not Gabriel’s boobs that I’m lookin’ at, fat arse”.
Jimmy answered him. “Yep, you could be right there; I do believe its Susan who has the boobs; not that I’m lookin’ or anything”.
Rowan cast Jimmy a withering glance before turning to look at me. A wide grin took over his entire jaw. “And if that’s not a fine sight for a man to see”.
“Aye,” Jimmy agreed. “Susan has fine boobs; what? What? I wasn’t lookin’. I wasn’t.”
Rowan bristled. “And you’d better keep those eyeballs to yourself; else I’ll be taking a swing at them”.
“I told you,” Gabriel was saying. “They do like their disagreements”.
:-:
Tuesday 3rd.
I’d wanted to stay, you know. Oh yes. When I’d seen Rowan come back from the pub I wanted to stay but Gabriel was already leading me across the grass before I had chance to say anything; not that I would. I’m way too shy for that. So, as usual, I did as I was told and left the field; but not before Rowan caught up with us and wrapped his arms around me, surprising me by giving me a bear hug. “You’re not staying?” He’d asked.
Gabriel had answered for me. “No, Rowan, Susan is not staying. She won’t want to be pawed over by a drunken sot”. Oh but I would! “She can visit us another time”. Rowan hadn’t argued. He’d simply let me go and shrugged, that mouth of his stretching into an impossibly lengthy grin.
“Ok”. He’d said. “Perhaps The Good Saint Gabriel is right”. He’s not! He’s not! “But you must come and see us again”. I’d nodded shyly, aching for his touch; lust racing through my veins but Gabriel led me away. He walked me as far as the entrance and then stopped. “It was nice meeting you Susan. You will come again, won’t you?” If I can get away. I nodded, already plotting my next venture to see them. “Good”. He said. “Take care now”.
“I will”. I’d walked away. It was odd because I knew I was being dismissed, escorted off the site and yet Gabriel never made it feel like that. He has a way about him, does Gabriel; a gentle intelligence about him. I like him. I want to have tea with him again.
:-:
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, it’s started again, hasn’t it? They’ve left me alone for a while; the three witches; been off upsetting someone else. And it’s been good, you know, because it’s given me the chance to bask in Rowan’s good looks and kindness and of course, the unbelievable luck I had of coming across him – or, did he come across me? Anyway, I’ve been very content lately, feasting upon my fantasies of being with him, of kissing him and of course, of having him. Even The Shit Head has left me alone lately. I felt vaguely at peace with myself until yesterday when they started on me again. Yep; those mean bitches have returned to torment me.
Saturday 7th.
This morning I went down the newsagents as usual. I’d been sent for The Shit Head’s newspaper although as far as I was concerned The Shit Head could shove his newspaper right up his lardy arse. I couldn’t give a shite about any stupid newspaper. All I was interested in was getting a sighting. I wanted to see him; my Rowan. I was sure that they hadn’t left yet and, I wanted to see him anyway, to tell him not to go without saying goodbye. Of course, I wasn’t sure if I had the nerve to say this to him. I’d have to wait and see.
So, anyway, there I was, sitting on The Wall; that place I was sitting when Rowan first walked into my life. I was so happy as I waited for him that I hummed a tune. I’d heard it on the radio in the shop and as a result the melody was going round and round in my head. It was a happy melody; jaunty, good beat. I mouthed the words as I stared down at the pavement, ignoring my horrible flat shoes and nodded my head slightly with the rhythm, uncaring if anyone saw. I was waiting for my man and nothing else mattered. The newsagents could blow up, or better still, our house could blow up, hopefully with The Shit Head holed up within it. I wouldn’t care.
Next time I looked up from the pavement I saw him; caught his black clad figure ambling towards me. My heart swelled in my chest. What a fine, fine sight. As he drew nearer he waved and I waved back, in ecstasy at that small gesture. When he reached me, he spoke; his elastic grin in place. “Hello there, Little Susan. I see you’ve taken up residence on this here wall again. You’re like a little statue sittin’ there all small an’ pretty”. My heart missed a beat at his compliment and I felt my face heat up as I tried to act indifferent but I allowed a small, shy smile to take me and his eyes dropped to it before he spoke again. “Wait up whilst I get some things from the shop. Then, we’ll walk together”.
We’ll walk together. My brain replayed his softly spoken words inside my head and my whole body heated up. As I watched his broad back disappear into the shop I allowed myself the pleasure of a long, satisfied sigh. He was so perfect. When he returned he was stuffing his face with chocolate and had a newspaper stuffed under his arm. “Oh,” He said when he reached me. “I gotcha this”. And he held out a bar of chocolate; the same kind as his. My face heated up at his kindness as I studied it. It was my very first present from a man. He grew impatient. “Come on then. It’s not poisoned”.
I reached for my gift, embarrassed to see that my fingers were trembling. “Thank you”. I mouthed. Such a small thing and yet that chocolate bar was just as precious to me as any fancy jewel. He’d bought it for me; for me. He cocked his head. “Shall we go?”
I jumped off the wall. Rowan held out the crook of his arm for me to take. At first I just looked at it. Of course I knew what he wanted me to do but the dreaded shyness took me. I raised my eyes to his face. He was grinning. After a second or so his eyebrows went up in his forehead. His face was soft. “C’mon, take my arm, Little Susan”. And so I did. I slipped my hand through that crook and lay it on him. My fingertips took in the material of his jacket, the warmth of him and my heartbeat increased with the intimacy of it.
:-:
We fell into step together; him and me and I knew elation. Right then I felt that nothing could hurt me. I was with Rowan. That’s all I needed. Of course, I knew that the neighbour’s net curtains would be twitching. I knew that they’d be watching even though I couldn’t see them. So, as we walked by I made a point of looking directly at each house. I was telling them with my eyes, my face, that they could all go shite. I was with Rowan and there was absolutely nothing that they could do about it. And I heard them you know, heard them inside my head; Look, they were saying. And I imagined them. Look, there goes that stupid, no good girl with some long haired shite; haven’t seen him before. Wonder who he is; should tell her father. And, I didn’t care. Well, go ahead; tell father. By the time you tell him, I’ll already have spent the time with him so it’ll be too late, won’t it? And anyway, you can do what you like. You can’t hurt me; not whilst I’m with Rowan.
So, we walked along the pavement together. For the first time in my life I knew contentment. I felt complete. With Rowan at my side I felt that I could face anything; anyone. It was a new and exciting experience for me. I was no longer Dumpling; The Virgin; Sad Git. Well ok, Dumpling; The Virgin, yes; Sad Git, no. I had a man beside me; a man who would look after me. (Ok, ok, I knew I was looking way too deeply into things but hey, who doesn’t from time to time?).
Rowan finished his chocolate and stuffed the wrapper into his pocket then he looked at me to see if I’d eaten mine. Course, I’d only nibbled at it. I was far too excited to eat chocolate whilst I was with him, even though it was he who’d bought it for me. “If you’d been Jimmy,” He began grinning. “That chocolate wouldn’t have even touched the sides”.
“Touched the sides?”
“Aye; straight down his gullet, that one. He doesn’t actually eat anything. Just kind of vacuums it up”. He cocked his head to one side then. “…not like you Little Susan; such tiny, little bites”. He wasn’t grinning now, just smiling gently. I felt embarrassed and had to break eye contact. He must have seen me drawing in a steadying breath because I felt him take his eyes from me and look off into the distance ahead. “It’s such a lovely day”. He said. “Will you be doing anything today, Little Susan?”
I thought about what I’d be doing. Yes, I wanted to say. Yes, I will be doing something. I’ll be doing what I always do of a Saturday; all those boring chores The Shit Head will give me. I hate Saturdays, although I like this one. This one is special. I said none of this though just as I knew I wouldn’t.
Instead, I tried to think of something different to say. Nothing came though a single decker bus did. I watched as it went by us to draw up at the bus stop just ahead. It stopped. People got off. I didn’t take any notice of them. I knew that Rowan was waiting for me to speak and I needed to answer him. However, nothing came out of my mouth as my eyes alighted on who’d got off. It was them; The Coven.
Fear and panic spread through my chest. I faltered at the sight of them and automatically stopped mid stride. I didn’t want to see them. And I certainly didn’t want them to see Rowan. Beside me he cast me a questioning glance before looking at them. And they were grinning. Those bitches were grinning and waiting for us to catch up with them but Kim was clearly impatient to begin and called to us in her loud, uncouth voice; “Dumpling!” She said, staring at me with eyes that spoke volumes. “That was good timing. We’ve come to see you. And who is this?”
:-:
Now, you might think that this is a good thing. You might be thinking hey, Susan can show him off; feel smug, enjoy getting one over on those bitches but I’m afraid it didn’t pan out like that. Oh no. It went just as I expected it to. It went down the pan and ventured very quickly round the bend.
I looked at Veronica as she spoke; saw she was practically smacking her lips at the sight of him. “So, who’s this then?” And I watched her eying up my man like some scrawny, starving hyena. I could feel my blood heating up. I knew such hatred for them and took it all in silently as they raked their gaze over him. And, you know, I wanted to shout at them; tell them to roll their wet, dribbling tongues back in but I didn’t. I just stood there in mute rage, willing a nice, sexually transmitted infection upon them instead. Veronica ran the tip of her very pink tongue over her shapely bottom lip. “Well, come on then; introduce us”.
I hauled in a hot breath. There was no way I was going to introduce him to the likes of them but Kim was already moving towards him and slipping her arm through his. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the movement. How dare she? How dare she touch my man? I wanted to kill her. In fact, I wanted to rip her head clean off but courage was not my best friend and I couldn’t do anything without it. Christine brought up the other side of Veronica. She was grinning too and I could tell by the kind of grin she sported that she was in one of her more tormenting moods.
Kim spoke. “She doesn’t need to tell us who he is, Ronnie. It’ll be Rowan, won’t it? Hello Rowan”. And the way she said hello to him, the way she looked at him made me gnash my teeth. She was behaving all seductive and slutty and I knew exactly what she was up to. I’ve seen her doing it a thousand times before. Just because she’s got a fantastic figure and legs that stretch right up to her scrawny neck, just because she brims with confidence and knows that she can get any man she wants, she seemed to think she could have mine. So whilst I stood there meekly with absolutely no confidence whatsoever, she attached herself to my man like a revolting globule of snot.
And she continued to speak, that cow; continued to purr in his ear. “We’ve heard a lot about you Rowan”. She breathed. “You’d be surprised at what we’ve been hearing about you”. My jealousy shrivelled and I drew in a sharp breath; felt sick suddenly; knew where she was headed.
Veronica flicked her green eyes in my direction before joining in with the torment. “Yep”, she said “…loads of things. In fact, it’s gone on and on. Rowan this; Rowan that”.
Of course it was a lie. Yes, ok, I’d spoken of him but not that much. I hadn’t wanted to say too much in case I forgot the lies I’d created earlier and got caught out. Beside me, Rowan looked at each witch in turn. He didn’t look at me. I knew they had his complete attention. I also knew that by the time they’d finished he’d be off and I’d never see him again.
As he considered them I pulled my arm from his and dropped my gaze to the ground. Tears sprang to my eyes but I wouldn’t let them see. Oh no, I wouldn’t let them see. So I kept my head bent; studied all five pairs of feet gathered on the pavement. I glanced at Rowan’s black boots and then at the witches shoes, noting that they were pretty and dainty whilst mine were square and flat. Someone spoke; “Well, I guess Dumpling The Virgin must have been telling the truth after all”. Without looking up I knew that the voice belonged to Christine. She was joining in. They had it all worked out. They’d embarrass me, they’d torment me and then they’d make sure that Rowan never spoke to me again.
“Yeah, we didn’t believe Dumpling The Virgin at first”. Veronica was saying. “But it just goes to show you doesn’t it? I’d never have guessed it. I suppose we owe you an apology, Virgin Dumpling”.
I still wouldn’t look at them. I kept my head bowed as shame whilst embarrassment gnawed away at my insides with its big teeth. I wanted to die. I even wanted to be at home. Anything was preferable to what they were about to do. At length Rowan spoke. “Is this conversation actually going anywhere?” And he was irritated. I cast him a quick glance. I could see it in his eyes; hear it in his voice; something I’d never heard in him before.
“Ok well, allow me to explain,” Kim began, clearly enjoying all the attention. I hauled in a deep, ragged breath and looked away from them all, ignoring the tears as they began to slip down my cheeks. “Seeing as you’ve asked us so nicely”, Kim said. “We’ll tell you. By the way, what accent do you have? It’s so… seductive”.
I thought Rowan might answer her but he didn’t so she plowed on in; plowed in with her bitchy fun. “We didn’t believe Dumpling at first. We thought she was blagging; you know, lying just so that she could keep up with everyone else. I mean, we all know she hasn’t got a boyfriend or rather we know that she’s never had a boyfriend but, well, it looks like she was telling the truth after all, doesn’t it?” And I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was looking directly at me. I wouldn’t return her gaze though. I didn’t want to look at her. And I certainly didn’t want to look at Rowan.
It was Veronica’s turn to join in. “Well, I’m still not sure if I believe it. I mean, look at her and she never goes out. How can she have a boyfriend if she never goes out? I’ll bet she hasn’t even gone to a cinema before, let alone sat on the back row and had a fumble with a bloke. I’ll bet she’s never even had a proper snog let alone anything else”.
And I was mortified. I could feel all their eyes on me; even Rowan’s, and that was the worst part. I could just about stand those bitches staring at me but there was no way I could cope with Rowan’s blue gaze; no way I could bear his judgement, his distaste.
Christine piped up laughing. “Well, I still don’t believe her. And anyway, who’d wanna screw that? It’s not like she’d even know what to do”.
“I would!” I snapped feeling the shame and indignation of it all. I’d spoken before I’d even thought of what I’d said. Of course, they’d all know now wouldn’t they; know by the way I’d snapped at them, that I was lying; that I was trying to cover up. And to add to my discomfort, I realised that Rowan’s blue gaze was completely glued to my lying face. And what, with him being a man and all, not even a boy, well, he’d know wouldn’t he? He’d know I’d been lying; know I was lying.
It was all too much. He may have been staring right at me but he remained silent and that made me feel even worse. He was judging me. I knew it. He was wondering what he’d let himself in for; reproaching himself for getting involved in stupid, school girl arguments. I needed to die but they weren’t going to let me. Instead, they were waiting for me to speak; all of them because I felt all their eyes locked onto my face.
:-:
I hauled in a breath, held it for a few seconds whilst I forced all that shame and embarrassment back down my throat. My first instinct was to put a distance between myself and them before they could do any more damage and eventually, I knew courage or at least pride. I turned my cold eyes onto those bitches and spoke with a confidence I never knew I possessed. “If you’ve finished with your stupid games, we have to go”. I looked up at Rowan whose eyes were still on my face. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s go. The air’s rank round here”.
As I tugged at Rowan’s sleeve Kim began talking again. “Tell us one thing, Rowan”.
He stood his ground, ignored my tugging and looked across at Kim and waited. I noticed that his mouth was a thin line, that his eyes were cold and stormy. And I knew then that I’d lost him; that he’d realised that he’d been caught up in some silly school girl crap. “We’re just interested, you know”. She said. “We just want to know if what she said about you was true”.
“We should go”. My voice was pressing. I tried again to lead him away but he was too strong. He stood cemented to the pavement, staring down at Kim, waiting for her to speak. Beside him I knew I’d lost and I felt myself wilt. I closed my eyes and accepted all the crap that was about to hit the fan.
“And what,” Rowan said finally. “…might that be?”
Christine got in before Kim. “We want to know if you’re Dumpling’s new boyfriend”.
“Cos she said that you were”. Kim joined in.
Nobody said anything for a few seconds then Rowan spoke, his voice soft, gently lilted; sing song. “Dumpling?” He said. “And who might Dumpling be?”
“Dumpling: her!” And Christine pointed at me. Inside my heart had already shrivelled but my humiliation wasn’t yet complete. “She said she had a new boyfriend; said his name was Rowan. It must be you. It’s not a particularly common name is it; Rowan?”
“No, it isn’t a common name but then, I’m not a particularly common man”.
“You certainly aren’t, are you?” Kim’s boobs had visibly grown as she spoke and I knew what she wanted to do with him. Her voice had thick, seductive and she’d used her full lips to emphasis every word that passed between them. Me, I wanted to punch that fat mouth and push those teeth of hers down her stupid throat but she was reaching out to touch his chest. The desire to punch her shrivelled as I waited for her fingertips to make contact with him but he suddenly caught them in his meaty paw. At first I thought he was going to curl his hand around them but instead he pushed them away. I gasped in disbelief. Kim did her best to hide her embarrassment but not before we all saw it.
Veronica covered up for her by speaking; “So are you? You know, her boyfriend; like she said?”
I cast a quick, nervous glance up at Rowan and saw him staring very pointedly at Veronica. More tears slipped from my eyes as I waited for him to speak. I wanted to kill myself. Indeed, I decided as I stood there that I would kill myself. As soon as I got home; I’d kill myself. Christine took the opportunity to giggle at the silence. Rowan’s stony gaze travelled to her face and her giggling died in her throat. He was considering them; those cows. And, he was clearly considering his next words. I became even more uncomfortable. I felt sure that he was going to swear at us all and march off so I waited for it. I waited for him to disown me; to throw me a look of disgust and leave.
And, as I waited for his words, I heard John’s voice inside my head; you’ve got to be kidding! I wouldn’t touch that with a barge pole! You have got to be kidding! My eyes brimmed over at the thought of Rowan speaking to me in that way but you know, those bitches didn’t care about that. When I cast a look at them they were grinning; grinning. Kim looked across at me and one side of her mouth rose in that lop sided way she had of smiling. She knew what was coming and couldn’t wait for it. Rowan was going to deny me wasn’t he? Rowan was going to tell them that they must be mad to even think he could be my boyfriend. And oh, how much they were going to love that. I’d be hearing about it for weeks at school. Everyone would laugh. Everyone would snigger at Dumpling; The Virgin and her Phantom Boyfriend.
At last Rowan tore his eyes off them and turned to face me. I had to look away so I did. I stared across the road, mindful of my wet eyes and wetter face. I tried to stop my lips from trembling but they wouldn’t. I knew he was going to speak. I just wished that he’d do it after they’d gone. I was humiliated enough.
“Susan”. He began. I closed my eyes and hauled in a breath. And here it comes; “Susan”. But I wouldn’t look at him.
“Susan”. I heard Kim’s voice. I also heard the laughter in it. “Rowan is speaking to you”.
Finally I opened my eyes again and turned to face him. Ok, ok. Just say it. Tell them that you wouldn’t touch me with a barge pole and ask them who in their right mind would want to snog me? Go on; say it. Give everyone a laugh then maybe I can go home.
He began to speak so I forced myself to look up into his blue eyes and yes, they were blue again. He was going to be kind wasn’t he? He was going to apologise for allowing me to become attracted to him. He was going to blame himself and…“Susan. Are you listening?”
“What?” I said sullenly.
“Why did you tell these ladies that I’m your boyfriend?”
“I don’t know… I…”
He stopped me before I could say anything else. “What did I tell you?”
“Eh?” I was confused but still embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I…”
He scowled. “Didn’t I tell you not to say anything? It’s supposed to be a secret. Now, how can it be a secret when you go and tell everyone?”
“I…”
“Now the whole feckin’ village is gonna know about us”.
“What?”
He was shaking his head and grinning. “And there was I thinking that you wouldn’t say anything”.
“Say what?” Christine asked.
Rowan reached for me and it was whilst he was pulling me into his arms that he turned to look at Christine. “I told her not to tell anyone that we were an item. I’m not from round here so I didn’t want her to get into any trouble but,” And he left off to tear his eyes from her and rest them on me. “But, it seems that she’s gone and said something anyway. Och, just can’t trust a woman to keep quiet”.
There was a collective gasp from everyone, myself included. I looked up at him like he had two heads but he’d already wrapped his arms around me and was hugging me tight up against him. “Just couldn’t keep it quiet, could you?” He turned to look at our audience and raising his eyebrows in his forehead he spoke again. “Well, it’s here that we have to leave you. I’ve a naughty girl to see to. Nice meeting you ladies”. And he kissed the top of my head before letting me go and grabbing my hand. “Have a nice day”.
:-:
We left a trail of dissatisfaction behind us. They were not amused but at least I’d probably be ignored on Monday. Course, as we walked away I knew that I had some explaining to do but didn’t know how to begin. I was painfully aware of his big hand curled around mine and the silence between us. As we made our way towards my house he cocked his dark head to one side and raised one eyebrow. “Are you not talking to me now?”
I was disgusted with myself. I knew I had to explain. I knew I had to grow up and accept what I’d done but I didn’t. Instead I sulked. “I thought you weren’t talking to me”.
“And why wouldn’t I be talking to you, Susan?”
At first I couldn’t speak. I felt such embarrassment at being caught lying; and worse still, being caught lying about him. I shook my head and sighed. “I’m sorry”. I said.
“What for?”
I sighed again. He wasn’t making things easy for me, was he? “You know what for”.
He touched my arm and we stopped walking. When I turned to look up at him he was smiling and nodding. “Do you not think that I’ve opened my mouth on more than one occasion before putting my brain in gear first? How many times do you think I’ve said things I’ve regretted later? I’ve done it loadsa times and I’ll do it again. I don’t care and you shouldn’t either. And…” He moved closer to me so that he was blocking out the light. “I’m flattered. Don’t be feeling silly, Susan. Don’t be worrying about it cos I’m not. And anyway, you can say what you like about me”. He fell into silence as he studied me. Even though his words had been kind I still felt shame. I felt young and foolish; way too young and foolish for the likes of him. After a few tense seconds he spoke again. “Come on, Little Susan. Smile. It’s a lovely day. Right then; I’ll be off”.
We’d reached the mouth of the lane opposite my house. Of course, I knew that from where we were standing The Shit Head would have a clear view of me ‘cavorting with the enemy’ but I didn’t care. Rowan, still grinning, bent slightly, took one of my hands in his, turned it over and planted a soft kiss on my wrist. The shock of it rippled through me and The Shit Head was forgotten. I heard myself gasp as he dropped my hand and straightened back up again. He was grinning; stretching his mouth so far across his jaw that I thought his face might split. “…Until we meet again”. He said cocking his head just enough to make his hair sway with the gesture. “Take care, Little Susan”. And he moved off.
I stood gob-smacked, watching as he walked away. I watched his broad shoulders and strong back, allowed my gaze to drop to his black jeans. And he cut such a fine sight. Tears welled up in my eyes again. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was just all the emotion that was churning away in my stomach. I thought of those witches and how they’d tried to humiliate me. As he walked round the corner and out of sight I turned round to face my house. I probably wouldn’t see him again. He was just being kind walking home with me. No doubt when he got back to the vans he’d tell the others what had happened; what I’d said about him. I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to block out my shame. It didn’t work though. I should never have told anyone about him. I should have kept him all to myself. But no not me, I wanted the world to know that I’d found someone special. I’d wanted to keep up with the others in my year. I’d lied. And now I was going to pay. I’d ruined it for myself and handed my humiliation to those bitches on a plate.
As I stood waiting for a truck to go by so that I could cross the road I drowned in self loathing. The lorry passed me; a big, construction thing covered in mud. I watched it disappear over the hill in the distance. I’d been such a fool.
“Hey”. A voice came up behind me. I recognised it instantly. I spun round. And there he was; the grin firmly in place.
I was surprised but pleased to see him. “What you doing back?”
“I forgot something”.
“What?” I asked as he took my hands in his. I was surprised and knew that it showed in my face. One side of his mouth rose as he took in my expression.
“This”. And then kissed me; kissed me! Rowan kissed me. Oh it wasn’t a tonsil tickler. He didn’t ingest me but it was still a kiss and when he let me go I just stood agape; staring at him feeling totally stunned. Eventually, I regained some small spark of sense. My words came out in a whisper.
“What was that for?”
“Simple; now you can say you’ve been snogged. Ok. Bye then, Little Susan”. And he was gone.
:-:
Ok, hope you enjoyed it. I'm off to edit part 4...
so happy to see chapter 3!
