Dancing With The Devil ch. 37

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BlueSilkenSky

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You better have filled in the blanks I left in the last chapter pre-tty well.

Sorry this one's kinda short. I'm working on it.

All I own in this story are Marieke and what I dictate her life to be.

The surface beneath my flat body is cold, hard, and very uncomfortable. I open my eyes and immediately discover that all is not well. The ceiling over my head is distinctly different from the one in my own hotel room- and much higher up... I turn to the side, realizing that I’m not wearing any clothes, and come face to face with a large bed. I’m on the floor! The bed isn’t mine either- the sheets are stripped off. I glance down, finding one of the sheets wrapped around me.
How- what- who was I with last night?!
And it flashes back as vividly as any memory- Eric kissing me out on the street, me running away, Larry giving me solace and a lot, lot more…
Speaking of which, where is Larry? Last night when we’d done it on the floor he seemed to have no intentions of ever running away- in fact I know he got more out of the experience than I did. As I’m wondering, the bathroom door opens, and Larry walks out in jeans and a tank top, seemingly oblivious to the woman at his feet.
“Larry?” I gasp, and my words scrape the air. He stops, hovering several inches away from me.
“Marieke- how are you?” His words are uncertain, sounding just like someone who’s made love to a woman he knows he shouldn’t have touched and now has no clue what to do with her. And that quite accurately fits our situation.
“How am I? Larry, I’m- I’m messed up. Completely messed up.” Tears begin gathering in my eyes. I shouldn’t have gone and done that with him… I should have waited for someone who meant more to me before wasting my first time on Larry. I had no excuse- if I had waited a few more moments I know I could have talked it out with Eric instead of trying to distract myself from whatever problem I had.
Larry, seeing what’s bound to be an awful expression on my face, hastily tries to speak- “Can I do anything to help you?”
“I don’t know,” I say, looking away from him and trying to stop the tears that are rolling down my face. “Dammit. I’ve never done this before…”
“That’s what you said last night,” he reminds me.
I blink, staring violently into his eyes- blue eyes, exactly like Bono‘s... “Larry, I’m so sorry. I- I hate how I behaved, last night. That was just wrong for you.”
“Self-hatred is ill-becoming,” Larry says. He crouches down, leaning into my face. “You don‘t really love me, do you?”
There’s no question about this. Even after what we shared last night, my feelings are ambivalent. “No. I’m sorry, I know you do…”
“It was a crush,” Larry states. He’s never done the real deal with someone he didn’t love, but then again he hadn’t known Marieke wasn’t a person he loves. “That’s all it was. I blew it to extreme over-proportions. I should be the one apologizing to you.”
So Larry doesn’t truly love me. Thank God. But now what are we going to do?
“You’ve just cheated on your girlfriend.”
“I know,” he says seriously, instead of shrugging and saying, “It’s only rock and roll” the way I can easily imagine Bono doing. Those men are so different from each other, in more ways than one.
“How is she going to feel? You won‘t tell her about this?” Suddenly I realize I’m in over my head. Larry has ties to more people than I do… he’s already in love with another woman. I’ve just waltzed in and fucked up their whole balance.
Larry sighs. “Do you really think I would? Neither of us should breathe a word of this to anyone. We were never together last night. Understand?”
“I understand,” I say. “But what if someone sees me in-”
“It’s too early for people to be up,” Larry answers. “Get dressed and go. You need to leave right now.”
I stand up and waver on my feet, searching for my clothes. Larry sucks in a breath, not meeting my eyes. “They’re over there, Marieke.”
I find my clothes and dress hurriedly. “Goodbye Larry.”
“Goodbye Marieke. Please- for the love of God, please don’t do this again, okay?” His voice is shaken as he runs a hand nervously through his blond hair. I work at a smile and kiss his cheek, unafraid of coming close. He doesn’t smile back, but watches me as I stride down the hall, feeling strangely buoyant.
Once I’m a good ways down the corridor, the act is dumped and I skid across the floor to the elevator, turning my head around to make sure no one is exiting their rooms. The air is silent, so I jump into the elevator and make it back to my room safely. Only Larry and I will ever know how my night ended.
***
Bono awakens with his arms wrapped around a woman. For a split second he nearly shoves away from her, but calms down as Ali’s brown eyes stare into his with an interesting perplexity. She’s been awake longer than Bono has, and strokes his hair.
“Morning, love,” Bono murmurs, pulling the sheets higher up around him and his wife.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” She smiles at him, and shakes her head. “Last night was wild.”
“Which bit- the partying or the sex?” Bono has to ask.
“Both.” Ali laughs ruefully. “Still, it’s great to reconnect.” She shares a kiss.
Bono pulls away, sighing, “Don’t tempt me.” Ali wraps the sheet tightly around herself- leaving Bono bare on the bed in the process- and opens the curtains of the window by the couple’s bedside. Sunlight dances through the air.
“You’ll have to leave soon,” Bono says, jumping up in search of a new outfit. “Good thing you didn’t rent a hotel room. We’re hitting Cork later today.”
“I could stay with you,” Ali says, turning away from the window. “And yes, staying in your room saves both money and embarrassment.”
Bono catches Ali’s slender, naked body and wraps his arms around it. “What have you to be embarrassed about? We’re married.” He effectively pulls her off the bed; Ali slides the curtains back again as the sheet drops to the floor.
“Surely the talk would affect you?” Ali squeezes Bono playfully. “Leaving your room with the same clothes.”
“S’okay. Like I said, we’re married.” Bono kisses Ali again. She sighs against his mouth and surrenders. The pair intensify their contact, kissing more and more deeply until Bono breaks away for air. “Jeez, Ali, I just got dressed, do you mean to say that effort was all for nothing?”
“You started it,” she says jokingly, rubbing his shoulders.
Bono looks away. “Well, I suppose we could always…”
“I can’t,” Ali states, looking at her feet. “I have to leave; I’m already anxious about the girls. Besides, you don’t really want me to be in a haze all day, thinking about you.”
“Alright,” Bono relents, letting go of his wife. “You do what you have to do.” He watches Ali get dressed, thinking that he has never seen a more beautiful woman in his whole life.
***
A few strokes to my hair and a face wash is all it takes for me to recover from my secret night. There seems to be no other outward damage to my body besides a few tangles- Larry was a very good boy last night. The complete damage is inside my head. I can’t get over the fact- we had sex and it didn’t mean anything. That was my first time, and it meant nothing.
It hadn’t even been all that great, really. Sure, the physical, new sensation had stunned me- the schoolgirl rumors in years gone by hadn’t prepared me for anything. But how could I have enjoyed it properly when somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I’d have someone to answer to in the morning?
Not that Larry was too hard on me. Beneath the worried façade he seemed to really enjoy the night we shared, which when thought about too hard gives me major creeps. I wonder how I can ever look at him again, knowing that there’s a piece of history we’ve shared in an intimate, irreplacable way. And how will this affect my love for Bono? I can’t pursue him anymore after sleeping with one of his best friends.
But why the hell would he care? He has never loved me. His heart has always belonged to Ali, and I’m a foolish woman for believing otherwise.
As we board the plane that will take us to Cork, Ireland, I am pleased to note that said Ali has left. However, a worse thought overtakes me- where is Eric? I’ve nearly forgotten about his role in last night- such a simple act of a kiss doesn’t seem as scandalous now.
Eric enters the plane and, instead of taking a seat next to me, plops down at the very front. I wait for him to acknowledge my presence, maybe give a sign that he’s sorry for what happened last night, but he doesn’t even glance my way. I’m a nervous wreck by the time the plane lifts into the air, wondering when he’ll drop the bombshell.
I don’t see much of Cork as we speed through streets, heading to the hotel. I’m inside my own head, driving out the facts- Eric declared he was in love with me last night. Eric kissed me. I was afraid of him and ran away. I needed someone and went a bit crazy. I went to Larry’s room. Larry and I had sex. What a mess, what a fucking mess.
When we finally arrive at the hotel, Eric breezes past me without anything but a blink. It appears our friendship have been rent from my turning him down. I never wanted this.
After receiving my room keys, my agitation catches the attention of Jack, who pulls me aside carefully. “Marieke- I’m sorry to ask this, but are you okay?”
All at once the tumbling emotions inside me have to go somewhere. My composed mask of a face collapses. “No,” I whisper, feeling the ground slide away beneath my feet. Jack has to catch me by the elbow and haul me into the elevator, which is the only place we can have privacy. Jack punches in his floor number and wraps one arm around my shoulders, giving me the comfort he can. I focus on breathing normally, but as soon as we’re on Jack’s floor I give up attempts at anything normal and cling to his body, craving attention. Jack leads me into his room.
Inside, it strikes me at how kind Jack is- he barely pays attention to his luggage or making himself at home, instead focusing all on me. I cover my face with my hands, sitting on the edge of the bed, and Jack rubs my back. “It’s okay, Marieke, you’re going to feel better soon.” How can I tell him I won’t feel better ever again?
The sobs are something I can’t hold back. Jack stays by my side, comforting me with words and touch. When I’m a bit more in control- my breathing is ragged, but the tears have ended- Jack pats my shoulder and stands up. He brings me a cool washcloth from the bathroom and sits down beside me again, asking, “What happened to you, Marieke?”
“Many, many things,” I sigh, scrubbing my face. “I… made love with someone for the first time last night.”
I can’t see Jack’s expression, but the extreme pause he puts between words speaks for itself. “Okay,” he says finally. “Who was it?”
I know he’s going to pause for an even longer time when I tell him. “Larry.”
The silence is deafening.
“Marieke…”
“It was a stupid mistake,” I sigh, covering my face with the washcloth. “I shouldn’t have done that. I was just messed up because Eric told me he loved me…”
“Anyone could have told you that,” Jack says. He moves off the bed and starts searching for something in his suitcase. “You really didn’t notice his advances on you?“
“I did, I did,“ I protest. “Just… I thought I could handle it. But he kissed me, out on the street in London, without my permission… I couldn’t stand it! I had to find someone else.“
Jack continues his rummage. I wonder if he can empathize with me in any way, if he’s ever gone through anything as insane as I’m going through now. Probably not… Jack’s next question puts me on slight guard. “Did you like doing it with Larry?”
“Not as much as I’ve always dreamed,” I say. “Sex is good, but I wouldn’t try it again with him. Here.” I give Jack the washcloth and he takes it.
“I just had to get away from Eric. I made some pretty poor decisions, and I regret them all.”
“Right now I’d say Larry is the least of your worries,” Jack tells me. He straightens up and walks to the coffee maker set up on top of the table. “Assuming you talked it out in the morning, you can keep this secret for a few. Eric needs to be dealt with. Have you spoken to him at all?”
“He walked right past me,” I say, feeling tears rise up again. Our friendship really has meant a lot to me thus far. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t get so overwrought about this. I just wish last night hadn’t happened.”
“I’m sure they both do to,” Jack responds, referring to Larry and Eric. He starts up the coffee maker. “No need for apologies of any sort. How is this going to affect your relationship with Bono?”
I know exactly what he’s talking about. “Probably nothing will happen. I can keep a secret. It’s not like he loves me back, anyway.”
“You never know, with people.” Jack pulls a paper cup from the dispenser next to the coffee maker. “Just saying, it’s a good thing you didn’t try to have sex with him last night. Whatever feelings he does have for you would have been wiped out by Ali.”
I hug myself, trying to get a grip on life. Everything’s begun spiraling out of control, and I don’t know what to do next.
Jack comes back to the bed and hands me the paper cup. “Coffee?”
I take it and inhale it. The warm liquid is more comforting than any of Jack’s maneuvers. “Thank you.”
While I drink, Jack sits by my side, saying nothing. Finally he pipes up again- “My advice to you would be to talk this out with Eric. Let him know that you’ve never felt anything romantically towards him. He’s been receiving the wrong message for so long- now it needs to be looked at straight in the face. Explain it to him- and whatever you do, don‘t fall for his pity-, and then… deal with Larry.”
“I already have,” I say.
Without looking at me, Jack replies, “Good. As for Bono, I guess you can work out your own way of controlling your emotions. I would say don’t let him in on your affair with Larry-“ I refrain from saying that it hasn’t and won’t go that far- “but whatever you do should be fine with yourself. Remember, you‘re the only one who will be affected by it, because you only think you have a meaningful relationship with him.” The words sting, but I try to listen and clear my head. What Jack says is true- my remorseful feelings of cheating on Bono are complete bullshit.
“That is good advice,” I say. The coffee’s gone and I’m glancing at the door. “I think I should go and unpack. Thanks- thanks for everything, Jack.”
We embrace, hard and emotionally. Jack tells me, “Don’t be scared, Marieke. Just do what you need to do.” I nod. “Your selflessness amazes me, Jack.”
“Thank you?” he laughs. “I would give anything to be in your place. Your place with Larry, at least. He’s the hottest man on this tour, and… well, he hasn‘t only been attracting wayward women…”
I laugh, though my heart hurts, and decide not to point out my own opinions. “And who’s the hottest woman on tour?”
“You are, obviously.” Jack ducks out of the way of my swat. “See you!”
I waver down the hall, not sure if I’m stable enough. The tears have left me drained, but the confession has lightened my load. I’m not sure what I’m going to do next- but I know that I have to talk to Eric at the very first chance I get. No hedging in this case.
***
Bono is both nervous and happy to be back in Ireland, for the first time in a long time. He nearly regrets letting Ali go… Dublin is only in a few days… But he shakes that thought away. Ali needs to travel to France before heading on to their hometown. The girls need her more than he needs her.
He meets Marieke for a few brief moments to go over the MacPhisto speech she’s written. It’s poorly done, a first for her. Bono makes a few changes, not wanting to hurt her feelings by completely rewriting it. He knows that she knows it’s a failure, and does everything he can to reassure her. “Next time focus a bit better, that’s all.”
Marieke nods, the only response of hers to his advice. Bono can’t help noticing how her eyes, usually so bright and blue, are dull and stressed. Her unmoving hands are even more restless today, twisting in on themselves with some greatly covered anxiety. Bono wants to put his arm around her and ask what’s wrong, but stops himself from doing the very thing. Who’s to say it isn’t something Bono himself unknowingly did? He tells himself she’s just concerned about her friend in Rotterdam. Though Marieke could use some cheering up and looking after…
My meeting with Bono is insane. I’ve been so distracted by this whole thing with Larry and Eric that my mind has come to a creative dead end. I wonder if this ever happens to Bono? Behind his mask of comfort I see his disappointment. I’ve let Bono down by writing a crappy speech. Somehow this one little fact makes me want to cry. I’m letting things get in my head- too many things. How can I indulge myself on his love when I’ve feasted on the love of another?
Not as if we would ever go that far. I keep telling myself that in my mind- Bono and I have no love shared between us. Ugh, this is screwed up. Who knew a one night stand could mess with your head so badly?
But one miniscule segment of my brain flips back to the night every second it can get, like changing channels on a television. Because though I have no experience on this part, I’m pretty sure Larry wasn’t very good at it. Not as good as Bono, with that small, sexy body, would be. And seeing as how great it felt with Larry, it must be thousands of times better with Bono. All I have to do is wait for him to fall out of love with Ali, and BAM! He’s in my arms.
At the very first chance I get, I snag a talk with Eric. I’m leaving the stadium, poring over MacPhisto’s script, and bump into him literally while trying to escape. Eric attempts to sneak past me, but I grab his shirt. “Listen, Eric. We need to talk.” I drag him into a private place where no one will disturb us.
“You’re trying to avoid me? Not after what you said in London. You can’t run from it.”
“I could tell you the exact opposite!” Eric is irate. “Who gives a shit what happened in London? What’s happened has happened. Leave me alone.”
“We need to talk about it,” I insist. “Don’t you want to? Eric, you told me you loved me- that can’t have been an easy thing for you to do. How many people have you said that to?”
Eric looks at me, and I see pain in his expression. “Only you. You’re the only one who meant something.”
Jeez, I can’t go burst his bubble again, now can I? But the emotions are bricked up, leaving a hard woman in place. “I know you adore me- it’s never been a secret- but kissing me without consent was over the line. Don’t try to touch me again.”
“I thought you loved me back!”
“Haven’t you heard the news? I love
Bono, not you. I’d take him over you in a heartbeat.”
Eric shivers involuntarily, angry eyes still gazing into mine. “You’d take man who won’t look twice at you over someone who’s done everything for you... someone who’s always been there? Marieke, I’ve spent this entire tour leg working to fulfill your affections. You can’t take that and throw it away!“ I feel his words grow colder and brittle as he ends with a snap of, “You broke my heart last night. You can’t pay for it now.”
I hold out my hand, revealing the money Bono gave me as payment for my speech. “It appears I’ve collected all your insurance for it, too.”
I turn and begin to walk away.
“You know what?” Eric’s shrill voice calls from behind me. “I hope Bono hurts you like you hurt me! I hope you get your heart broken just as hard!” His voice cuts off, and I hear an enraged grunt, quite like he’s kicked a wall. I suppose he has. It doesn’t make me feel any pity for him.
Well, Marieke, that went splendidly…
It takes an hour until I’m happy with my revision of MacPhisto’s speech. Bono better like it- my brain is too dead to write anything more. I pillow my head on my arms over the speech, giving in to the urge to sleep I’ve had all day. I can’t believe how emotionally exhausting today’s been. And there are still quite a few things left undone. Maybe I’ll feel better when I’ve had a bit of rest…
That rest gives me a few ounces of strength that I’ve desperately needed. I wake up with a crick in my neck, but feeling better than I have all day. I look at the clock- wow, I’ve slept for longer than I meant to. It’s time for dinner.
Jack meets me downstairs and we go out with a few more ravenous crewmen following us. Eric, I see, is one of them. I decide to chance it and give him a wave. He pretends not to even look at me. Someone near the end of the group snickers- “Had a falling out with your boyfriend?” I try not to listen to him, but soon others have taken up the chant- “Dumped Eric for another man, eh? He’s not half-bad… when he speaks above a whisper. What’s Jack got that Eric hasn’t? Maybe they’ve had sex…” And so on.
Jack has had enough. “If you must know, I’d take a man over Marieke in this space of time.” Which leads to not the gay jokes I expect, but a round of “Burrrn!” and “She’s standing right there, mate, have a heart!” Jack just glares- “I’m
bi, gosh, is that too hard for you to understand?”- and stalks off, me trailing his footsteps, with the crewmen suddenly sobered behind us.
I expect Jack to stick with me for dinner, but he leaves with a wave. “Night, Marieke, look after yourself!” I grab his hand as he backs up. “Hey-“ He’s staring at me. “Why
would you take a man over me? You’re not attracted to me at all?” What I’m really curious about is if he goes through phases where he likes men better than women, women better than men, and so on. It’s worth it pretending to be put out for not explicitly asking what I mean.
“Eh, I didn’t mean I’d take men in general over you, Marieke,” Jack answers. “I meant I’d take
a man- Herman.”
“Oh,” I say, surprised. “Have you been in touch with him?”
“Yeah. We’re working things out.” One of the men in our group calls from the other side of the restaurant. Jack lets go of me. “It must be weird for you, having met Herman through your best friend. Well, now I’m off. Have a good night!” He is gone in a few moments to join the others. I wonder if Herman has mentioned Lina at all, and curse myself for not asking about it.
Cork is a beautiful town, but I could care less. My eyes are on Eric, laughing and chattering with the crewmen. He seems perfectly fine, just ignoring me. I don’t want him to forgive me. He’ll go back to his old ways of stepping all over me. Maybe it’s best that I’ve gotten him out of the picture.
After the restaurant, I escape into the warm night air and travel down the sidewalk, listening to cars and Irish accents, blending into one. No one, I notice, has an accent quite like Bono’s. Or like Larry’s for that matter… I stop that thought dead and run my hands over my face. Don’t think about him if you don’t care for him.
A few blocks down the street, I stop outside a pub. Here would be a good place to enter. I drift around outside, judging the atmosphere before I come in. The calming talk floating from inside is pleasing to the ear, but not enough to make me follow through on my idea. I head away from it, walking in the direction of the hotel.
Only after at least fifty paces, I realize I’m going in the wrong direction. I don’t recognize anything, so I haven’t passed by here. But where did I start out from, anyway? It’s impossible to judge how far I’ve walked. I turn at a random direction and hope something will start looking familiar.
However, nothing does. All I see around me are streets, buildings, and deep city lights… and I’m lost, I’m out in the town of Cork and I’m hopelessly lost.
 
He's nervous. He's nervous and obviously lying about it being just a crush :crack:

but calms down as Ali’s brown eyes stare into his

For some reason that seems 1. quite accurate that Ali calms him down 2. adorable :cute:

you don’t really want me to be in a haze all day, thinking about you

I'm not even married to him and this happens. Dammit.

Larry was a very good boy last night.

Mmhmmm? :sexywink:

“I’m sure they both do to

Nahhh. I doubt it. (*shudder* Eric is one creepy dude)

Because though I have no experience on this part, I’m pretty sure Larry wasn’t very good at it. Not as good as Bono, with that small, sexy body, would be.

Grr. ...we really have no way of telling :wink: she's just way more attracted to Bono

GOD, ERIC. I started to feel bad for him but something about him is just creeping me out...

Jack is entertaining :giggle: You know, I wouldn't mind if she ended up with Jack.

This chapter reminded me weirdly of Out Of Control...maybe just because Marieke's in deep shit she shouldn't be in...(I'm having serious sympathy) I want to step in, give her a hug and the serious advice of 'pleeeeease do not screw up Bono and Ali'...I mean, she likes Bono so much more than anyone else, but things would get so much worse...I think she just needs time off or something.
 
I like this chapter as well. The interaction between Ali and Bono was cute enough to make ME jealous. I wonder if Bono finds out? Wow, the BonoLarry love triangle is wildly popular right now. How could it not be though....

Should be interesting to see if Larry grows on her. I like that Jack is just a friend. She needs one guy that isn't thinking about bedding her to be her friend.

:applaud:
 
Thanks Grace'n'Katie. I'm enjoying rereading this chapter for some reason... It doesn't make me cringe like other chapters have.

I just realized I didn't really write enough about Larry and how he's feeling... there'll be more of that in the next chapter(s), I think. He's an interesting one to write about...

Other character talk. Marieke. She's really bothering me. I'm glad you feel sympathetic towards her but I keep thinking, Bono is not her possession... she's too obsessed. Time off is actually coming up.

Eric. Come to think of it, he's kind of creeping me out too. Plot points are suddenly leaping out at me! Revenge on Marieke for hurting him, maybe?

Bono & Ali. I'm just.. so glad they're in love, at least right now.

Jack. If Marieke and Jack got together that would be a good choice. But who knows? Right now he likes someone else, and that someone else is a pretty awkward choice... He's my favorite character in these next few chapters.

I think I got everything I wanted to address. That kind of read as feedback for myself more than a response to your notes. Heh...
 
Time off and Larry perspective, for the win.

I don't like the sound of that "for now". Or the sound of revenge :crack:
 
Still worried.

And excited.

I'll try to get to reading it when you post it, but this is my serious crunch time in terms of 'need to pack/need to say bye to people/etc' D: I have way too much to do...
 
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