I sympathize a lot with pretty much everything you wrote. The accessibility of music online is both a blessing and a curse. Like you, intensive familiarity with a record rarely happens for me anymore; I've listened to my favorite album from this year (Cave & Ellis' Carnage) all the way through maybe three times. Part of that is a backlog of things I want to check out, and part of it is fewer opportunities to sit down and listen to a record for its own sake. A great deal of my listening takes place while I am working on grading, lesson planning, etc, which probably is a contributing factor to my tastes shifting toward moody, ambient, lo-fi stuff over the last few years: it works in the context I am listening to it in, where I have to be able to focus.
I have gradually narrowed the circle of places I find new music to a few trusted sources. I'm finding myself less and less able to stomach online music culture, which is more judgmental and self-congratulatory by the day. I have basically no patience anymore for the idea that what you like or don't like, or even how you listen to it, is some indicator of your intelligence or political sophistication. In some extreme cases, that may be true, but generally it is total bullshit. Ranking things and critiquing people's tastes doesn't seem like a good use of anyone's time.
That is a big part of why I stick around on Interference despite not feeling drawn to U2 anymore: the little community here actually knows each other and can make recommendations that work. If someone recommends something to me personally, I will absolutely check it out. And it's nice to have the vibe of "hey, I think you'll like this" rather than the bombastic hot takes that dominate music journalism.
Another place that has been reliable for me is Sirius XMU's weekly countdown of new indie songs; they barely put any of them in rotation, but pretty much every week has a gem to check out. And this might seem contradictory to some of the things I just said, but I also like Fantano; I have found a lot of obscure shit through his recommendations.