B&C's Reactions to "Professional" Reviews

[IWasBored]

If Fanatano isn't annoying and pretentious as hell compared to a lot of things, I'm glad I don't read reviews. Hate that guy.

 

[bono_212]

I'd seen the Hot Chip one but not the Lana Del Rey one. Those are some pathetic self-satisfied little fucks. At least when p4k reviewed a Jet album with a gif of a monkey pissing in its mouth it was funny.

Like Ripfork, I'm not much amused by that one, either. Entitled assholes, all of them.

 

[nielsgov]

P4K's Lateralus review is probably the funniest review I've ever read.

 

[bono_212]

P4K's Lateralus review is probably the funniest review I've ever read.

My brain can't navigate this review.

 

[Jive Turkey]

This review is terrible because of the score he gives it

Kanye West- My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy ALBUM REVIEW - YouTube

And then the score he gives this

Skrillex- Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites EP REVIEW - YouTube



I'd seen the Hot Chip one but not the Lana Del Rey one. Those are some pathetic self-satisfied little fucks. At least when p4k reviewed a Jet album with a gif of a monkey pissing in its mouth it was funny.

I like video reviews more because they better illustrate "why the fuck would I care what this guy thinks?"

 

[Jive Turkey]

"I have done my best to place the album, as a series of utterances, in its agony and vacuity, in its depth, in its lonely sincerity, with its unnameable masks on, at the center of an endlessly conflicted, hip niche within contemporary capitalism, to show itself."

Fuck you, you fucking twat

 

[No spoken words]

I like video reviews better because they better illustrate "why the fuck would I care what this guy thinks?"

See, that's the big key point to me. It's not like a magazine itself does a composite review and you trust it because they're a bastion of good taste or integrity. It's an individual, and most of the time, I have no fucking who that person is, why they're qualified to write a review, what their tastes in general are like, etc. I cannot pretend to ignore all reviews, because I do read them, especially for film/TV....but I usually read them after I've consumed the product, which might run counter to the whole point, but, I find that a lot more interesting and productive for me than letting some anonymous prick's sour and haughty manner potentially impact my choice making. Not saying everyone should avoid reviews or that every reviewer is some pretentious asshole....just saying that, for me, I find them more useful as a counter balance to the opinions I've already formed as opposed to a fountainhead for forming that opinion in the first place.

 

[u2popmofo]

Good points.

They should be required to show pictures / video of the person reviewing anything on the internet, so we can know how big of a douche they are.

 

[bono_212]

And Needle Drop guy is the biggest of them all. But we've been down this road before, haven't we? I just find that being able to see them makes the entitlement worse.

I, also, do not read reviews (of films at least) until after I've seen them, for whatever reason.

 

[LemonMelon]

"I have done my best to place the album, as a series of utterances, in its agony and vacuity, in its depth, in its lonely sincerity, with its unnameable masks on, at the center of an endlessly conflicted, hip niche within contemporary capitalism, to show itself."

Fuck you, you fucking twat

See, I like Fantano because he would never, ever say something that ridiculous.

And Needle Drop guy is the biggest of them all.

Because no, he's not.

The distance between the writer and the reader is much larger than the distance between the speaker and listener, so the content is bound to be more pretentious. If Pitchfork's writers are given extra time to think, they will use it poorly.

 

[iron yuppie]

...just saying that, for me, I find them more useful as a counter balance to the opinions I've already formed as opposed to a fountainhead for forming that opinion in the first place.

This is a smart way to use reviews. This forum has become my go-to place for recommendations, but Pitchfork, whatever its problems, is still a valuable source of new music for me. They have very rarely steered me wrong. In fact, I can only think of three things they have strongly recommended that I have not found much if any value in.

And here they are:

Spoiler

Neutral Milk Hotel
Pavement
My Beautiful Stereotypical Fantasy

And Needle Drop guy is the biggest of them all.

I'm genuinely curious as to what people have against this guy, aside from his super-hipster appearance.

 

[No spoken words]

This is a smart way to use reviews. This forum has become my go-to place for recommendations, but Pitchfork, whatever its problems, is still a valuable source of new music for me. They have very rarely steered me wrong. In fact, I can only think of three things they have strongly recommended that I have not found much if any value in.

And here they are:

Spoiler

Neutral Milk Hotel
Pavement
My Beautiful Stereotypical Fantasy

I'm genuinely curious as to what people have against this guy, aside from his super-hipster appearance.

I rely on the fine posters on site to distill Pitchfork's offerings down and provide me with recommendations.



As for your spoiler:

Spoiler

I have tried multiple times, over many many years to get into Pavement. Fail miserably every time. I am always willing to give a band/album a 2nd chance if I didn't originally like them, especially as time goes by and my tastes presumably change.....but I rarely go above and beyond two attempts. I did so with Pavement because so many people I like and respect really swear by them, but, clearly, they are just not for me.

 

[bono_212]

Because no, he's not.

I'm genuinely curious as to what people have against this guy, aside from his super-hipster appearance.

It's just seeing him that does it for me. Visuals speak as much as language. I just don't know why I should care what some guy in his bedroom with a webcam thinks.

Should I care about what someone who sits at a desk thinks either? Probably not, I'm just telling you what vibe I get from him and others like him (except for the Hip Hop collective, for whatever reason. They just seem like they're having a good time.)

 

[Joey788]

I was always meh on the Needle Drop but really stopped following him when he said he wouldn't review any Steven Wilson or Porcupine Tree because the audio/production was "too clean."

That may be the douchiest reasoning I've ever heard for dismissing something. If he just didn't like the music, I'd be alright with that. But this "too clean" argument sounds like nonsense.

 

[nielsgov]

My brain can't navigate this review.

What do you mean? I think it's great (and I like Lateralus).

Most of Fantano's reviews are pretty insightful BTW.

 

[bono_212]

Oh I mean, I was trying to skim it at work, but the narration is so quirky it wasn't working.

 

[cobl04]

For me I use the people on this forum above and beyond all reviews. You've steered me right on so many occasions.

Fantano does annoy me for reasons I can't quite put my finger on, but LM and iYup are right in that he doesn't say anything majorly douchey, and he talks about the songs, which a lot of other reviewers forget to do.

I have no fucking who that person is

I don't know if this was intentional, but it made me laugh. Too fucking.

My Beautiful Stereotypical Fantasy

How dare you.

 

[No spoken words]

I'm glad someone caught it.

 

[iron yuppie]

How dare you.

You already knew how I feel about that album.

 

[IWasBored]

Fantano's delivery irritates the hell out of me. He looks like more than a douche with a webcam, because his videos are obviously edited and he adds all those annoying effects. He may not be as pretentious as a lot of other people, but he's still pretentious as fuck, and why would anyone be interested in a list of music he doesn't want to review?

I'm much more likely to value the opinions of you guys on here, because even though we're all still technically random douhebags on the Internet, it tells me a lot more about whether I may like something when I see certain opinions from people on here whose tastes I've come to understand a bit. Occasionally this backfires on me, and I avoid bands that people here like based on the fact that I know they like a lot of stuff I don't like, but it's still a much more reliable source of recommendations than completely unknown hipster douches elsewhere on the Internet.

Like nsw, though, I'm much more inclined to read something after I've heard/seen it. I really don't read reviews anymore, but I do sometimes read interviews with bands on their new albums, but only when I've heard that album already. That way, I at least know what they're talking about.

 

[cobl04]

There’s showy, and then there’s “Take a Fall for Me”, a collaboration with RZA, who Blake gives free rein to smear awkward romantic imagery all over his track. It’s easy to understand why the pair would collaborate: their production styles aren’t dissimilar, both showing a fondness for gloomy, bass-heavy soundscapes rooted in R&B. Why RZA was asked to rap, however, is hard to understand. If you want to hear the phrase “tight as the grip of a squid” on a James Blake album, or an American’s stereotype of a proper British meal (fish & chips, Guinness), you’re in luck. For the rest of us, “Fall” is Blake’s first out-and-out failure, the sort of song that should have been relegated at the very least to bonus track status, and probably should have been kept private altogether.

Fuck Pitchfork

 

[bono_212]

They still haven't reviewed True Romance, but we have another Best New Music. I've never even heard of The Haxan Cloak...

 

[cobl04]

Shouter has.

 

[Danny Boy]

They still haven't reviewed True Romance, but we have another Best New Music. I've never even heard of The Haxan Cloak...

Looks like it was another Pitchfork Advance album, but it's already been taken down.

Listening to some of the previews on iTunes, it's mostly drone electronic stuff. Spin gave it a 9.

 

[bono_212]

Someday soon in going to sit down with all the ambient/drone/what have you albums I've missed this year. I am woefully behind because they're just not the types of albums I tend to listen to at work.

 

[iron yuppie]

As much as I like Fantano, I thought he was completely and totally out of his mind on this review:

Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds – Push The Sky Away?|?The Needle Drop

 

[LemonMelon]

I've come to accept that our tastes aren't all that similar. He thinks Neutral Milk Hotel and Death Grips are gods.

 

[cobl04]

As much as I like Fantano, I thought he was completely and totally out of his mind on this review:

Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds – Push The Sky Away

He complains about how beige and boring and unengaging lyrically it all is but doesn't even mention Higgs Boson Blues!!

 

[LemonMelon]

I subtly insulted him on the comments page. I'm sure he'll be OK.

 

[u2popmofo]

I've mentioned it in The Thermals thread, but Pitchfork's review and score for their new album is crap.