LuckyNumber7
Blue Crack Addict
Have you ever experienced this? Do tell your stories, please. Although I'm fairly certain I have paralleled or topped most people.
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WARNING: Some of this story is not suitable for children. Other parts of the story are indeed gross. Proceed with caution.
Here is my story, a journal-style adventure from day 1 with my roommate(tl;dr):
Fall 2010. I am a freshman here at the University of Central Florida. It's late August, and move in day here at UCF. For most freshmen, it's an experience like no other.
Moving away from my home of South Florida, I knew very few people here. My mother was here to help me move in and say goodbye for good as I become independent and live alone before her very eyes.
For weeks my new roommate who I will live with for the next 8 months has been keeping in contact with me, excited to move away and begin college like most kids are.
Though I never would've admitted it at the time, there was something odd about this boy. I simply shrugged it off, telling myself not to judge people without knowing them.
He seemed like quite the cheap fellow, but upon chatting with him we were able to reach certain agreements previous to moving in.
For example, during the summer he sent me a Facebook message (with awful, awful grammar and spelling that begs the question of how he got into college) declaring 'dibs' on bringing the microwave.
I said okay whatever, sounds like I'll pay for the more expensive mini-fridge. It didn't bother me too much, as obviously it is not my place to be judging one's financial situations or anything of the sort.
Needless to say, it wasn't handled in the best manner. But I made my own 'dibs' agreement with him.
I called the corner of the room that didn't have the door next to it, that way I would benefit with a small bit more of extra space.
So, back to move-in day. It's a blistering hot summer day, and I'm driving in stop-and-go traffic up north to UCF.
I'm stuck on I-4, excited and nervous to get to be at my dorm, see where I'll live for the next year, and meet all of my new roommates and neighbors.
Sometime between a toll booth and arriving on the 408 with further stop-and-go traffic, I receive a text message saying something to the sort of 'bro is it cool if I have the other side of the room?'
Naturally, being the non-confrontational person I am (at least in real life, for those who wouldn't agree with that here), I let it slide.
I said sure. What a shame, he beat me there, and he took my spot.
Not cool, but once again I wasn't coming up there to burn bridges on the first day of move-in.
And then comes meeting the fellow. I'm about an hour ahead of my mom who is coming with some of my stuff to help me move in, so I carry in most of the load and meet him and his mother and brother.
You look head to toe at this kid, and while I know stereotypes are bad, you just say 'what the fuck?'.
He is dressed with a ridiculously large fitted hat slightly rested backwards on his head, just screaming for someone to knock it off.
He has a ridiculously baggy shirt, and green shorts to match his hat.
And the most ridiculous green shoes you've ever seen in your entire life, as well as a big chain.
The worst part of it all? He's the absolute whitest kid you've ever seen in your entire life.
About 6'0", 140 lbs, and bleach white with the most ridiculous outfit. Once again though, I'm not here to burn bridges.
I refuse to judge somebody until I actually know them.
My mother arrives with the remainder of my stuff and comes inside to meet them. The first thing my roommate's mother remarks is how awfully loud my suitemate Carlos sounds, and suggests how it 'wont work out', and even goes to a point where she suggests we shouldn't socialize with him/them.
Since my mother was about an hour behind, my roommate and his family are all finished unpacking by now. They go out for lunch while my mother and I remain in the dorm finishing unpacking some of my stuff.
My mother immediately tells me that she senses something fishy about them. She'd been skeptical about them, especially over something so little as the fridge.
I told her not to worry, and that everything would be fine. Lesson learned: a mother's instinct is absolutely legitimate.
But I didn't know that at the time, nor did I want to believe it because I wanted everything to go perfectly.
It's night, and all of the families are gone now. My roommate and I are getting adjusted to our new home for the next year, and exploring what events are being held for the freshmen living on campus to help assimilate everyone on campus to their new lifestyles.
Night 1, which was rather uneventful but still embedded into my memory, was another stark indicator of who I was really living with. The event was a campus funded party/shopping event at Target to get all of the freshmen to get materials needed for living if they already hadn't.
So we're waiting on the curb for the bus to take us out to the lot, when I get a call from my friend from middle-school, Jill.
Jill, who also just moved into UCF at a different residence hall not too far from the bus stop, was in dire need of someone coming to rescue her from an enormous cockroach she discovered in her dorm.
So, how could I say no? I tell my roommate I'm going to help her, and he simply starts following me.
As I'm on my way over to her dorm, he claims "well that's your first strike. Don't cockblock me like that again." My response was unlike my passive responses earlier in the day.
"Excuse me?" I said.
He responds by saying "there were two cute girls sitting on the bus stop bench and I was going to talk to them".
At that point, I gave him a nice lecture about what a cockblock is and how nothing I did qualified for a cockblock, and furthermore how he didn't have to follow me if he didn't want to.
Anyways, fast-forward to us getting onto the bus. We're on our way to Target and with everyone being new around, we're socializing with all of the people around us on the bus.
Among other people, he is pushing [pathetically] hard at these girls sitting on the bus. You can tell that they're looking at him and his ridiculous outfit and all. And looking back, you can tell how fake of a personality he was putting on as well.
Anyways, it ends with us walking around Target with these girls and them wanting to go and do their own thing.
When they are about to go off he runs up to them and says "wait ladies, we're not even going to get any numbers?"
I've never seen such a thing said, especially in such a disrespectful manner. They all said no, but one of the girls who was in the Honors College like me actually wanted my number which created a chain reaction of giving numbers out between everyone.
Anyways, moving forward to later that night when we're both home after a relatively uneventful night, and we're sitting there getting ready to go to bed. He feels the need to ask me a question.
Something to the sort of "Dude, are you gay?"
And once again, similar to the cockblock question, my answer was somewhat of a 'what the fuck?' answer.
I asked him "and why would that matter?"
His response? "Because I really don't want a gay roommate".
Seriously dude? Seriously? "well, I guess it's your lucky day. No, I'm not gay". The thought in the back of my head? Fuck you asshole, there's nothing wrong with gay people.
Okay, I'll jump out of direct dialogue for now. Anyways, over the next few weeks my two suitemates are extremely reserved and quiet kids.
I wont lie, they were somewhat weird considering they didn't really want to come out of their room. It was the talk around all of my friends, including my roommate.
Some of my friends wanted to screw with them or whatever because they were all still stuck in high school being a bunch of immature children, but with the same treatment that I was giving my roommate, I refused to really judge them before I actually had the chance to know them.
As the weeks go on, they come out of their shell and we assimilate them into the general group of my friends. One of my friends in particular, Mike, has a hard time liking anything about my roommate.
Why? I'd assume it's because of his annoying personality and the fact that everyone from Mike's previous school back home was the same typical tool that my roommate is.
Anyways, my suitemates and I were opposed to the hate that everyone gave my roommate. We stood up for him. Despite him being obnoxiously annoying and relatively cheap, we fought to keep him included, etc.
It's funny, because he [my roommate] was the one talking about not including them, and here they are trying to include him.
Anyways, it gets to a point where I talk to one of the wiser friends I have, Bart. Bart is relatively socially dominant in the respect that if Bart thinks one thing, most people think he's a sharp character and they'll agree with him.
So I basically tell him "well listen, I know he's annoying and a weird character but everyone deserves a second chance ya know?".
And so it was, a second chance.
October's coming around. My roommate and I agreed to go to Monday Night Football 4 hours south in Miami, essentially where I'm from.
He doesn't have a car, and I'm the one who got the tickets off the internet. The agreement is that he will pay me back, and pay me for the money for half of the gas.
Also, all three of my roommates will help contribute to the living room, despite me being the one taking the initiative to spend the money.
The only way we were going to truly have a dorm with some sense of community/family/whatever would be to have a function-able living room.
That was a decision I made within myself, and so I took the initiative, assuming people would pay me back.
I refuse to let him in my car until he pays me for at least his ticket, and he does. Or most of it, at least. Either way, I got my money for the ticket.
Judging his history already, I could tell the cheapness was a trend with him. In Miami, he tried to give me 10 dollars for gas.
A joke, considering it cost me about $90 worth of gas, plus sticking about 600 miles on my leased car. I promptly denied it and told him to pay me the full cost when we get back.
Yeah, that never happened. Just to add to the whole gas tidbit, a friend of ours by the name of Chase did something so incredibly nice for that bastard. Something that I would never have done, and I would never imagine anyone doing.
He drove that bastard half way to Tallahassee, FL. A six hour round trip, solely beneficial for my roommate and nobody else.
It was a very very nice, stupid thing to do. So his tab increased an extra $50 or so to Chase.
Meanwhile, in our dorm, he continued to mooch off of my suitemates food, use my Xbox 360, and leech life off of everyone else as we continued to stand up for him through his harsh time when his uncle died.
Sensitive time lead to calm measures. Winter break came and he got a PS3 for 'Christmas' despite him being Jewish.
He's not really even Jewish though, the hypocrisy will kill you. He's what we like to call in Boca Raton a 'Just Jew It' because his religion is not an actual religion but rather a sports team.
He reps Judaism while knowing nothing about it. He had a Bar Mitzvah simply to get money and have a party.
He aspires to getting a tattoo of the Star of David on his back, which screams hypocrisy considering Jews cant get tattoos or they will not be permitted burial in a Jewish cemetery.
He also gets sensitive over Der Untergang YouTube comedy videos. Why? Because he can.
He has no reason to, especially because the videos have nothing to do with the Holocaust, nor does he know anybody who was involved in the Holocaust. But I digress, he comes home from winter break with a PS3.
After four months of mooching on my Xbox, he places his PS3 inside his room with his TV. None of us are allowed to touch it at all.
What a slap to the face. It's around now that we all officially determine that we hate this kid and admit it amongst one another.
And then comes the fraternity. Yes, buy your friends when you've officially pissed everyone off with around you that you don't fit in with.
And so he did. Fine, great, get out of my hair and out of my life. That should make things better. WELL.
This is where the story shifts from being a trashy person socially to being a trashy person both socially and physically! The trash starts to pile up. And pile up. And pile up. You cant see anything on his side of the room.
He hasn't washed his bedsheets once since moving in. Five months.
There are mounds of trash and clothing all over the floor. Worst of all, my friend Bart is over one day and they're mocking his desk while he's not there. "Dude, these are moving".
What? What the hell is he talking about? I go over to inspect what he's pointing at. Maggots. Hundreds of them. Crawling all around, inside a reusable see-through to-go box. Almost makes you want to vomit.
I was wondering where the awful smell was coming from, and none of knew of the source of all of these flies. Apparently, my roommate was growing them.
This to-go box had not been touched in FOUR MONTHS. I ripped that kid a new asshole over the issue. To this day, we still have a fly problem, one month later. That's right, I can no longer use my computer freely in the dark or else flies start to hang around my computer screen.
In my yelling at him, I also made it a strong point that he had until after Spring Break to pay me back the money he owes me, in one week. I'd warned him several times to no success.
But, seeing as that ties with the current day story, lets leave that until the end. Pause for a previous break story.
--
That Hilarious Night
My roommate and his newly joined frat are out for a night at the club. Said roommate texts me "hey bro what do we do if we're bringing home a girl? Because I might be bringing one home tonight".
"Well, despite if that's true or not it's two a.m. and I've got nowhere to be so don't expect me to leave. I'll be in the living room."
And so he shows up a bit later with this sorry, sorry drunk off her ass girl. It was most certainly date-rape. He was basically dragging her into the bedroom because she was so drunk.
And the door shut. And it lasted for maybe a minute. And he comes back out a minute later with his clothes back on, opening the door.
So here's this naked rather large girl balling her eyes out. Crying hysterically. Must've been short and pleasurable.
Anyways, for some odd reason or another he's extremely proud of himself for essentially date raping a really big girl for 20 seconds who is now crying on his bed naked. He tries to come and high five me.
"Don't touch me" would be my appropriate response. Anyways, as the night goes on, she's crying. On the phone with her boyfriend! But it gets better. Much better.
Eventually she stops crying and I'm just not willing to go into my own room just yet until she's asleep. I don't even know why she's still there, but she is.
So it's about 4 a.m. and I'm in my living room probably on Interference and various other message boards trying to kill time until it's deemed calm enough to go to my own bed. Suddenly, my door opens.
Here is the still clearly drunk girl, butt naked in my living room. She comes and sits staring over my shoulder watching me on my computer.
I ask her politely, "can I help you?"
She slips off the side of the sofa and cracks her head against the wall. I ask her if she's okay, and she is.
So my dumbass roommate finally realizes that his disgusting mess is sitting on my living room floor butt naked. He tries to convince her to get back into bed.
She calls him a pussy. She gets on the sofa and tries to sleep with her feet on me. Not gonna happen bitch.
Fast-forward. It's 9 a.m. I'm sleeping in my bed and they're sleeping in his bed.
I wake up to their whispers, of her claiming "I cant believe I had sex with you. I have a boyfriend anyways!"
And the dumbass opens his mouth. "I know". What an idiot, who says that?
So yeah, she recognizes me but doesn't recognize the fact that I'm awake. She says "Oh my god is that your roommate? Hurry, get me some clothes I don't want him to see me naked!!"
Wait for it... wait for it... I BREAK OUT IN LAUGHTER! Then get up, and leave them speechless.
/end story
--
Okay so now to present day. Still owes me and my friend Chase a combined total of almost $150.
Today, I have absolutely no compassion. He brought home another girl even though I told him not to because he still owed me money and I don't owe him the right to throw me out of the bedroom.
He asked me, and luckily I wasn't home but I still told him to fuck himself. I texted him today and told him that he's a cheap, greedy, selfish asshole.
I set an ultimatum for him, a final one. If he doesn't pay both me and Chase back in about an hour from now, 12 a.m., his life will slowly become a living hell. First is mediation with him and Student Conduct.
If that doesn't work (and I already know it wont, because he has no intentions of paying us back), I get to call the police.
But there's a twist, not only am I going to use the law to our advantage, I'm going to fuck his day up so badly he'll wish he never tried to take advantage of me.
I'm gonna report his ass for possession of illicit drugs. Despite that being a dick move, he deserves it more than any person, and I'd hardly even call it equal.
He'll hopefully get thrown out of housing, and we can all celebrate. The end for now!!!
----------------------------------
WARNING: Some of this story is not suitable for children. Other parts of the story are indeed gross. Proceed with caution.
Here is my story, a journal-style adventure from day 1 with my roommate(tl;dr):
Fall 2010. I am a freshman here at the University of Central Florida. It's late August, and move in day here at UCF. For most freshmen, it's an experience like no other.
Moving away from my home of South Florida, I knew very few people here. My mother was here to help me move in and say goodbye for good as I become independent and live alone before her very eyes.
For weeks my new roommate who I will live with for the next 8 months has been keeping in contact with me, excited to move away and begin college like most kids are.
Though I never would've admitted it at the time, there was something odd about this boy. I simply shrugged it off, telling myself not to judge people without knowing them.
He seemed like quite the cheap fellow, but upon chatting with him we were able to reach certain agreements previous to moving in.
For example, during the summer he sent me a Facebook message (with awful, awful grammar and spelling that begs the question of how he got into college) declaring 'dibs' on bringing the microwave.
I said okay whatever, sounds like I'll pay for the more expensive mini-fridge. It didn't bother me too much, as obviously it is not my place to be judging one's financial situations or anything of the sort.
Needless to say, it wasn't handled in the best manner. But I made my own 'dibs' agreement with him.
I called the corner of the room that didn't have the door next to it, that way I would benefit with a small bit more of extra space.
So, back to move-in day. It's a blistering hot summer day, and I'm driving in stop-and-go traffic up north to UCF.
I'm stuck on I-4, excited and nervous to get to be at my dorm, see where I'll live for the next year, and meet all of my new roommates and neighbors.
Sometime between a toll booth and arriving on the 408 with further stop-and-go traffic, I receive a text message saying something to the sort of 'bro is it cool if I have the other side of the room?'
Naturally, being the non-confrontational person I am (at least in real life, for those who wouldn't agree with that here), I let it slide.
I said sure. What a shame, he beat me there, and he took my spot.
Not cool, but once again I wasn't coming up there to burn bridges on the first day of move-in.
And then comes meeting the fellow. I'm about an hour ahead of my mom who is coming with some of my stuff to help me move in, so I carry in most of the load and meet him and his mother and brother.
You look head to toe at this kid, and while I know stereotypes are bad, you just say 'what the fuck?'.
He is dressed with a ridiculously large fitted hat slightly rested backwards on his head, just screaming for someone to knock it off.
He has a ridiculously baggy shirt, and green shorts to match his hat.
And the most ridiculous green shoes you've ever seen in your entire life, as well as a big chain.
The worst part of it all? He's the absolute whitest kid you've ever seen in your entire life.
About 6'0", 140 lbs, and bleach white with the most ridiculous outfit. Once again though, I'm not here to burn bridges.
I refuse to judge somebody until I actually know them.
My mother arrives with the remainder of my stuff and comes inside to meet them. The first thing my roommate's mother remarks is how awfully loud my suitemate Carlos sounds, and suggests how it 'wont work out', and even goes to a point where she suggests we shouldn't socialize with him/them.
Since my mother was about an hour behind, my roommate and his family are all finished unpacking by now. They go out for lunch while my mother and I remain in the dorm finishing unpacking some of my stuff.
My mother immediately tells me that she senses something fishy about them. She'd been skeptical about them, especially over something so little as the fridge.
I told her not to worry, and that everything would be fine. Lesson learned: a mother's instinct is absolutely legitimate.
But I didn't know that at the time, nor did I want to believe it because I wanted everything to go perfectly.
It's night, and all of the families are gone now. My roommate and I are getting adjusted to our new home for the next year, and exploring what events are being held for the freshmen living on campus to help assimilate everyone on campus to their new lifestyles.
Night 1, which was rather uneventful but still embedded into my memory, was another stark indicator of who I was really living with. The event was a campus funded party/shopping event at Target to get all of the freshmen to get materials needed for living if they already hadn't.
So we're waiting on the curb for the bus to take us out to the lot, when I get a call from my friend from middle-school, Jill.
Jill, who also just moved into UCF at a different residence hall not too far from the bus stop, was in dire need of someone coming to rescue her from an enormous cockroach she discovered in her dorm.
So, how could I say no? I tell my roommate I'm going to help her, and he simply starts following me.
As I'm on my way over to her dorm, he claims "well that's your first strike. Don't cockblock me like that again." My response was unlike my passive responses earlier in the day.
"Excuse me?" I said.
He responds by saying "there were two cute girls sitting on the bus stop bench and I was going to talk to them".
At that point, I gave him a nice lecture about what a cockblock is and how nothing I did qualified for a cockblock, and furthermore how he didn't have to follow me if he didn't want to.
Anyways, fast-forward to us getting onto the bus. We're on our way to Target and with everyone being new around, we're socializing with all of the people around us on the bus.
Among other people, he is pushing [pathetically] hard at these girls sitting on the bus. You can tell that they're looking at him and his ridiculous outfit and all. And looking back, you can tell how fake of a personality he was putting on as well.
Anyways, it ends with us walking around Target with these girls and them wanting to go and do their own thing.
When they are about to go off he runs up to them and says "wait ladies, we're not even going to get any numbers?"
I've never seen such a thing said, especially in such a disrespectful manner. They all said no, but one of the girls who was in the Honors College like me actually wanted my number which created a chain reaction of giving numbers out between everyone.
Anyways, moving forward to later that night when we're both home after a relatively uneventful night, and we're sitting there getting ready to go to bed. He feels the need to ask me a question.
Something to the sort of "Dude, are you gay?"
And once again, similar to the cockblock question, my answer was somewhat of a 'what the fuck?' answer.
I asked him "and why would that matter?"
His response? "Because I really don't want a gay roommate".
Seriously dude? Seriously? "well, I guess it's your lucky day. No, I'm not gay". The thought in the back of my head? Fuck you asshole, there's nothing wrong with gay people.
Okay, I'll jump out of direct dialogue for now. Anyways, over the next few weeks my two suitemates are extremely reserved and quiet kids.
I wont lie, they were somewhat weird considering they didn't really want to come out of their room. It was the talk around all of my friends, including my roommate.
Some of my friends wanted to screw with them or whatever because they were all still stuck in high school being a bunch of immature children, but with the same treatment that I was giving my roommate, I refused to really judge them before I actually had the chance to know them.
As the weeks go on, they come out of their shell and we assimilate them into the general group of my friends. One of my friends in particular, Mike, has a hard time liking anything about my roommate.
Why? I'd assume it's because of his annoying personality and the fact that everyone from Mike's previous school back home was the same typical tool that my roommate is.
Anyways, my suitemates and I were opposed to the hate that everyone gave my roommate. We stood up for him. Despite him being obnoxiously annoying and relatively cheap, we fought to keep him included, etc.
It's funny, because he [my roommate] was the one talking about not including them, and here they are trying to include him.
Anyways, it gets to a point where I talk to one of the wiser friends I have, Bart. Bart is relatively socially dominant in the respect that if Bart thinks one thing, most people think he's a sharp character and they'll agree with him.
So I basically tell him "well listen, I know he's annoying and a weird character but everyone deserves a second chance ya know?".
And so it was, a second chance.
October's coming around. My roommate and I agreed to go to Monday Night Football 4 hours south in Miami, essentially where I'm from.
He doesn't have a car, and I'm the one who got the tickets off the internet. The agreement is that he will pay me back, and pay me for the money for half of the gas.
Also, all three of my roommates will help contribute to the living room, despite me being the one taking the initiative to spend the money.
The only way we were going to truly have a dorm with some sense of community/family/whatever would be to have a function-able living room.
That was a decision I made within myself, and so I took the initiative, assuming people would pay me back.
I refuse to let him in my car until he pays me for at least his ticket, and he does. Or most of it, at least. Either way, I got my money for the ticket.
Judging his history already, I could tell the cheapness was a trend with him. In Miami, he tried to give me 10 dollars for gas.
A joke, considering it cost me about $90 worth of gas, plus sticking about 600 miles on my leased car. I promptly denied it and told him to pay me the full cost when we get back.
Yeah, that never happened. Just to add to the whole gas tidbit, a friend of ours by the name of Chase did something so incredibly nice for that bastard. Something that I would never have done, and I would never imagine anyone doing.
He drove that bastard half way to Tallahassee, FL. A six hour round trip, solely beneficial for my roommate and nobody else.
It was a very very nice, stupid thing to do. So his tab increased an extra $50 or so to Chase.
Meanwhile, in our dorm, he continued to mooch off of my suitemates food, use my Xbox 360, and leech life off of everyone else as we continued to stand up for him through his harsh time when his uncle died.
Sensitive time lead to calm measures. Winter break came and he got a PS3 for 'Christmas' despite him being Jewish.
He's not really even Jewish though, the hypocrisy will kill you. He's what we like to call in Boca Raton a 'Just Jew It' because his religion is not an actual religion but rather a sports team.
He reps Judaism while knowing nothing about it. He had a Bar Mitzvah simply to get money and have a party.
He aspires to getting a tattoo of the Star of David on his back, which screams hypocrisy considering Jews cant get tattoos or they will not be permitted burial in a Jewish cemetery.
He also gets sensitive over Der Untergang YouTube comedy videos. Why? Because he can.
He has no reason to, especially because the videos have nothing to do with the Holocaust, nor does he know anybody who was involved in the Holocaust. But I digress, he comes home from winter break with a PS3.
After four months of mooching on my Xbox, he places his PS3 inside his room with his TV. None of us are allowed to touch it at all.
What a slap to the face. It's around now that we all officially determine that we hate this kid and admit it amongst one another.
And then comes the fraternity. Yes, buy your friends when you've officially pissed everyone off with around you that you don't fit in with.
And so he did. Fine, great, get out of my hair and out of my life. That should make things better. WELL.
This is where the story shifts from being a trashy person socially to being a trashy person both socially and physically! The trash starts to pile up. And pile up. And pile up. You cant see anything on his side of the room.
He hasn't washed his bedsheets once since moving in. Five months.
There are mounds of trash and clothing all over the floor. Worst of all, my friend Bart is over one day and they're mocking his desk while he's not there. "Dude, these are moving".
What? What the hell is he talking about? I go over to inspect what he's pointing at. Maggots. Hundreds of them. Crawling all around, inside a reusable see-through to-go box. Almost makes you want to vomit.
I was wondering where the awful smell was coming from, and none of knew of the source of all of these flies. Apparently, my roommate was growing them.
This to-go box had not been touched in FOUR MONTHS. I ripped that kid a new asshole over the issue. To this day, we still have a fly problem, one month later. That's right, I can no longer use my computer freely in the dark or else flies start to hang around my computer screen.
In my yelling at him, I also made it a strong point that he had until after Spring Break to pay me back the money he owes me, in one week. I'd warned him several times to no success.
But, seeing as that ties with the current day story, lets leave that until the end. Pause for a previous break story.
--
That Hilarious Night
My roommate and his newly joined frat are out for a night at the club. Said roommate texts me "hey bro what do we do if we're bringing home a girl? Because I might be bringing one home tonight".
"Well, despite if that's true or not it's two a.m. and I've got nowhere to be so don't expect me to leave. I'll be in the living room."
And so he shows up a bit later with this sorry, sorry drunk off her ass girl. It was most certainly date-rape. He was basically dragging her into the bedroom because she was so drunk.
And the door shut. And it lasted for maybe a minute. And he comes back out a minute later with his clothes back on, opening the door.
So here's this naked rather large girl balling her eyes out. Crying hysterically. Must've been short and pleasurable.
Anyways, for some odd reason or another he's extremely proud of himself for essentially date raping a really big girl for 20 seconds who is now crying on his bed naked. He tries to come and high five me.
"Don't touch me" would be my appropriate response. Anyways, as the night goes on, she's crying. On the phone with her boyfriend! But it gets better. Much better.
Eventually she stops crying and I'm just not willing to go into my own room just yet until she's asleep. I don't even know why she's still there, but she is.
So it's about 4 a.m. and I'm in my living room probably on Interference and various other message boards trying to kill time until it's deemed calm enough to go to my own bed. Suddenly, my door opens.
Here is the still clearly drunk girl, butt naked in my living room. She comes and sits staring over my shoulder watching me on my computer.
I ask her politely, "can I help you?"
She slips off the side of the sofa and cracks her head against the wall. I ask her if she's okay, and she is.
So my dumbass roommate finally realizes that his disgusting mess is sitting on my living room floor butt naked. He tries to convince her to get back into bed.
She calls him a pussy. She gets on the sofa and tries to sleep with her feet on me. Not gonna happen bitch.
Fast-forward. It's 9 a.m. I'm sleeping in my bed and they're sleeping in his bed.
I wake up to their whispers, of her claiming "I cant believe I had sex with you. I have a boyfriend anyways!"
And the dumbass opens his mouth. "I know". What an idiot, who says that?
So yeah, she recognizes me but doesn't recognize the fact that I'm awake. She says "Oh my god is that your roommate? Hurry, get me some clothes I don't want him to see me naked!!"
Wait for it... wait for it... I BREAK OUT IN LAUGHTER! Then get up, and leave them speechless.
/end story
--
Okay so now to present day. Still owes me and my friend Chase a combined total of almost $150.
Today, I have absolutely no compassion. He brought home another girl even though I told him not to because he still owed me money and I don't owe him the right to throw me out of the bedroom.
He asked me, and luckily I wasn't home but I still told him to fuck himself. I texted him today and told him that he's a cheap, greedy, selfish asshole.
I set an ultimatum for him, a final one. If he doesn't pay both me and Chase back in about an hour from now, 12 a.m., his life will slowly become a living hell. First is mediation with him and Student Conduct.
If that doesn't work (and I already know it wont, because he has no intentions of paying us back), I get to call the police.
But there's a twist, not only am I going to use the law to our advantage, I'm going to fuck his day up so badly he'll wish he never tried to take advantage of me.
I'm gonna report his ass for possession of illicit drugs. Despite that being a dick move, he deserves it more than any person, and I'd hardly even call it equal.
He'll hopefully get thrown out of housing, and we can all celebrate. The end for now!!!
Plus, the forum title does say beware 
