waking in new orleans

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the tourist

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Joined
Dec 25, 2003
Messages
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underemployed
parades a lithium stain
standards falling to the floor
slacks are laughing
like a rock
time stormed like shines of light of thunder in evening yellow
from your pocket, a little piece of paper
understated
bootheals ground it down
polished up nice
cardboard box
like a diamond

(push her out the window)
kiss her lips
(push her out the window)
kiss someone else
(laugh and watch)
smile like you're happy
(she fell seventy-four feet)
undergo everything
(and then hit bottom)
undergo everything
(and stains the pavement)
feel pain just to feel
(and they all lookt up at you)
hear nothing just to hear
(and you know you laughed like a madman)
maskt boy in the corner again
(until they took you away)
he's been done so many times
(you never stopped laughing)
and he's just getting boring
(and you never stopped)
he doesn't know how to entertain
(staight jackets and razor blades)
he doesn't know how to write
(pissing on camera in a little sardine box cell)
he just wants to love
(everyone can see you)
but he can't cuz no one will let him

straw hats
icarus collides with the sun
stand beneath a window
drinking the little potions they stir you up
watch a candle flicker
they do their little tests
prickt fingers
cos you're insane
shed a pint of blood, red
yeah, they came to take you away (ha ha ha...!)
onto the flowers
and you dreamed sweet dreams
freshly pickt
of how she fell
sweet like sour like bitter like lost love
and that look she gave you, impartial!
"why my love?"
standing outside my door
and then hitting again, knocking
every night the same
but i ain't answering
swallowing their pills stones you so hard
(pour out a little cup of water on my flowers, love)
and your life is beautiful
(cos they've bled to death)
and your life is meaningless
(and are falling down)
so pretty
(like rocks)
 
I had to read it a good few times to understand it. Its complex and I like that in a song.
Not to fond of these lines but whatever floats your boat :)
shed a pint of blood, red
yeah, they came to take you away (ha ha ha...!)
onto the flowers
and you dreamed sweet dreams
freshly pickt
 
It's great the complex nature of your piece is wonderful, well done my man
 
REALLY like this one. the three stanzas are completely different, all great in their own way.

"underemployed", very nice wordplay. "parades a lithium stain" just rolls off the tongue. fantastic imagery.

Makes me think that I'd like to hear some people's stuff read out loud...

thread idea, perhaps?
 
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