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[LoveTown]

Here's one I'm working on. It's not done yet so any suggestions are more than welcome.


Let's run away tonight
like banshees through the mist
no cares, no hopes, no worries or dreams
just two wild souls hidden in flight

In the darkness we can scream
while wet blades of grass slap our legs
as we run from the world and each other
into the open arms of a heavenly dream

Can you see the moon laughing at you and me?
She thinks we've lost our minds
but that's ok, let's run faster
and show her what it means to be free

We race until our legs ache
then tumble into the wild flowers
I glance over at you with a smile and a tear
for I know it's almost time for my banshee heart to break

Daylight rises and I try to hang on
to burn your face into my mind
it was just a dream, you left long ago
and I've been alone all along.




this is dedicated to a lost friend if anybody is wondering

Daylight rises

 

[AcrobatMan]

nice one

 

[LoveTown]

thanks

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

thats beautifull....

i dont know what needs to be worked on... its hard to loss a friend, the pain and loss is so reall in your poem... im so writing that one down, if you dont mind...

dont change a thing... its so emotive and Gorgeous

 

[LoveTown]

thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it and of course, you are more than welcome to write it down

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

do you have a title for it??

 

[LoveTown]

nope not yet. If you have any ideas let me know!

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

title... maybe
'Long Ago' or 'Left Long Ago'
'All Alone' or "Alone All Along"
the last two of each line have nice aliteration.
'Wild Souls'
'Running for You' perhaps somethging with run in it, as you mention it in 3 verses and racing in another, along with the word flight, and refrences to escaping some hidden danger or fear.

i think the title needs to capture the frantic need to escape with this person. a need, a desire...

once again i think this is a beautiful poem. tell me what you think of the sugesstions. what sort of think did you have in mind? who was the person you wrote it for, or about, if i may ask?

 

[LoveTown]

thank you jessi-ma-ca those are all great suggestions! I really like Alone All Along, Wild Souls and Running For you....I will seriously consider all three of those!

The person I wrote this for....well... I once had somebody in my life that meant very much to me. I couldn't make it work though. No matter what I did it was always wrong. I still ache to have them in my life but I guess it's not meant to be. I'll always hold them in my heart though, no matter what.

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

thats all that matter, that you remember them with a smile and dont get down on yourself for losing thwm in the first place... a friend of mine died last year, so i know its hard... even harder when you know they are just around the corner and you cant have them...

Eternity...
if i were to shed a single tear
for every creatures death
i would have been crying since
the dawn of time till the far reaches of
eternity
and in this sorrow no retribution or
solace will be found

so i will shead a single tear for
all those i have cared for
still i will be crying for what seem
to me, to be an eternity

a little poem....

 

[LoveTown]

wow that poem is great...it really hit the mark about how I've been feeling. I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend. It is hard losing somebody.

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

its always hard losing someone, whether a friend or an ex. these sort of things always take time to heal... and i always find it hard cause i ALWAYS dwell on things, thinking i can revive a relationship etc.... my crushes last forever, the guys i like never change. i still think im destined to be with this one guy, but really its never going to happen... it never really hapened, actually more like a summer fling... oh-well.

 

[LoveTown]

I know exactly how you feel. The love of my life never really was....and I can't let go. Someday we will both be strong enough to move on and remember what happy feels like.

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

hopefully that day will be sooner rather than latter...

it will come one day, so gradually we wont even realise....

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

Yeah, that's right!

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

thats all that matter, that you remember them with a smile and dont get down on yourself for losing thwm in the first place... a friend of mine died last year, so i know its hard... even harder when you know they are just around the corner and you cant have them...

Eternity...
if i were to shed a single tear
for every creatures death
i would have been crying since
the dawn of time till the far reaches of
eternity
and in this sorrow no retribution or
solace will be found

so i will shead a single tear for
all those i have cared for
still i will be crying for what seem
to me, to be an eternity

a little poem....

I really like that poem.

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

thanks heaps!!!! its not really a poem, but an idea...
do you know what i mean? i guess poems are ideas... oh-well
i just never think of it as a poem

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

Well, do you mean it not finish to you? I seems like an awesome poem to me. And what is heaps? Or do you mean the band? I know nothing about them! Can you please tell me about them because you like them.

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

heaps mans alot, so thanks heaps means thanks alot....

no i mean i see it as part of a bigger story, like one of these books ive got written in my head... i see it as a part of a story, a part of a bigger thing

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

Oh, that's great then, make as long as you want it!

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

And see my sig, that is my second favorite band Everclear! It o.k. if you don't like them. Jessica do you like them?

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

everclear... i do like em...

with the eternity thing, its not a long poem, but an imaginary book in my head, with a story behind it all

i like maroon5 at the moment

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

Cool, are you going to make that a book? I like Maroon 5 too.

 

[jessi-ma-ca]

nah, ill never make a novel.... i have an idea for a childrens book, but the process for getting it published is way extream

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

O.K. I thought about writing books too. Have you, Who?

 

[TheWho4Life]

LOL! Yes, but I never will lol. Maybe about Edge goin on an adventure with his Velcro LOL! Now, that would be hilarious! I SHOULD! I'll post in that one place the fan fiction or whatever its called! LOL!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

LOL!!!! If you want to, you definitely should!

 

[TheWho4Life]

Everyone will think I'm stupid! lol.

 

[Cute Irish Bono]

I bet tons a people including me with read it!