The Suicide Diaries: Entry #3

**Bonochick** · 09-30-2001, 07:34 PM

***The Diary Of 16 Year Old "Elizabeth"****

Dear Diary,

Growing up, I never saw my dad cry. The only time I ever saw a tear glistening in his eye was after our dog Freddy died. We lowered Freddy's coffin into the hole Dad had dug in the backyard. As Dad shoveled the dirt over the coffin, I saw tears in his eye. Now, I see Dad cry almost everyday.

It has been like this since my parents divorced a few months ago. Dad misses her so much. I do too, but part of me is so mad at her for leaving us that I don't even want to miss her. My sister doesn't live at home anymore, so Dad and I rely on each other. Sometimes, he tells me that I am all he's got.

Dad tries so hard to be strong for me, but he can't help but break down. He tries to hide from me when he cries. The other night, I got out of bed to get a glass of milk. When I got the refrigerator, I heard crying coming from my parents'...I mean my Dad's...bedroom. I peeked into the dark room and saw Dad kneeling on the floor by his bed...saying his prayers...praying for my mom to come back to us. He looked like a little boy.

I can't stand to see Dad cry.

I hate my mother for doing this to him. For doing this to me. For doing this to everyone.

I visit my sister at her apartment on the other side of town when I need to get away from things. I was eating dinner with her the other night, and she commented that she was glad that she didn't have to live at home anymore because she doesn't know how she'd be able to handle things. With her not living at home, she can ignore things...she can pretend that Mom and Dad are still together. I can't though...I can't when I have to see Dad crying everyday. I'm stuck at home. I have nowhere to go.

Well...I wouldn't say nowhere.

I did have somewhere to go, and I had decided to go there.

It had to be an accident though. Daddy couldn't stand another heartache...another loss. I know he loves me. I know he wants me to be there. So it has to be an accident.

I decided to be hit by a car.

I had a beautiful plan...fuckin' beautiful. I laced up my in-line skates up skated and down the road...I waited for a car...I "accidentally" fell...

But it didn't work. Instead, I just got the driver of the car royally pissed off for having to slam on their brakes and swearing at me so badly that I skated home as fast as I possibly could.

I knew when I fell that it wouldn't work though...I have a theory, anyway:

Everybody will find out the secret of life before they die.

The problem is that it will be right before you die. You'll see the car coming towards you, and suddenly the secret of life will become clear to you. Before you can say, "Holy fuck!" though, it's too late. If you are ever sitting at a cafe and having a cup of coffee, and the secret of life suddenly appears to you, a bullet must be flying at your head from behind.

The secret of life didn't come to me when I fell in front of that car. I knew I wouldn't die.

God...you are so fuckin' cruel sometimes.

If you won't let me die, will you at least answer my father's fuckin' prayers?

Goodnight, Diary.

"Elizabeth"

------------------
PLEBA: It's Just A Stinkin' Forum!!!!!!! Yeesh!!!!!!!

wannabe · 09-30-2001, 08:23 PM

Talking about your father praying like that is really moving. You have powerful words. I hope more follow soon!!

LarryMullen's POPAngel · 10-01-2001, 08:43 PM

More, more!!!

zooropamanda · 10-02-2001, 12:43 AM

Ive been reading all of these Bonochick and this is the paragraph that made me stop because it really hit me.

Everybody will find out the secret of life before they die.

The problem is that it will be right before you die. You'll see the car coming towards you, and suddenly the secret of life will become clear to you. Before you can say, "Holy fuck!" though, it's too late. If you are ever sitting at a cafe and having a cup of coffee, and the secret of life suddenly appears to you, a bullet must be flying at your head from behind.

These snippets of what I assume is a book you're writing are great.
You are writing the younger character really well.
The part where Elizabeth talks about the cowardice of suicide was very good.

Keep it coming...

TylerDurden · 10-02-2001, 10:51 PM

These are really, really, really good.

09-30-2001, 07:34 PM	#1
Bonochick Halloweenhead Forum Moderator Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Cherry Lane Posts: 40,820 Local Time: 01:35 AM	The Suicide Diaries: Entry #3 *The Diary Of 16 Year Old "Elizabeth"** Dear Diary, Growing up, I never saw my dad cry. The only time I ever saw a tear glistening in his eye was after our dog Freddy died. We lowered Freddy's coffin into the hole Dad had dug in the backyard. As Dad shoveled the dirt over the coffin, I saw tears in his eye. Now, I see Dad cry almost everyday. It has been like this since my parents divorced a few months ago. Dad misses her so much. I do too, but part of me is so mad at her for leaving us that I don't even want to miss her. My sister doesn't live at home anymore, so Dad and I rely on each other. Sometimes, he tells me that I am all he's got. Dad tries so hard to be strong for me, but he can't help but break down. He tries to hide from me when he cries. The other night, I got out of bed to get a glass of milk. When I got the refrigerator, I heard crying coming from my parents'...I mean my Dad's...bedroom. I peeked into the dark room and saw Dad kneeling on the floor by his bed...saying his prayers...praying for my mom to come back to us. He looked like a little boy. I can't stand to see Dad cry. I hate my mother for doing this to him. For doing this to me. For doing this to everyone. I visit my sister at her apartment on the other side of town when I need to get away from things. I was eating dinner with her the other night, and she commented that she was glad that she didn't have to live at home anymore because she doesn't know how she'd be able to handle things. With her not living at home, she can ignore things...she can pretend that Mom and Dad are still together. I can't though...I can't when I have to see Dad crying everyday. I'm stuck at home. I have nowhere to go. Well...I wouldn't say nowhere. I did have somewhere to go, and I had decided to go there. It had to be an accident though. Daddy couldn't stand another heartache...another loss. I know he loves me. I know he wants me to be there. So it has to be an accident. I decided to be hit by a car. I had a beautiful plan...fuckin' beautiful. I laced up my in-line skates up skated and down the road...I waited for a car...I "accidentally" fell... But it didn't work. Instead, I just got the driver of the car royally pissed off for having to slam on their brakes and swearing at me so badly that I skated home as fast as I possibly could. I knew when I fell that it wouldn't work though...I have a theory, anyway: Everybody will find out the secret of life before they die. The problem is that it will be right before you die. You'll see the car coming towards you, and suddenly the secret of life will become clear to you. Before you can say, "Holy fuck!" though, it's too late. If you are ever sitting at a cafe and having a cup of coffee, and the secret of life suddenly appears to you, a bullet must be flying at your head from behind. The secret of life didn't come to me when I fell in front of that car. I knew I wouldn't die. God...you are so fuckin' cruel sometimes. If you won't let me die, will you at least answer my father's fuckin' prayers? Goodnight, Diary. "Elizabeth" ------------------ PLEBA: It's Just A Stinkin' Forum!!!!!!! Yeesh!!!!!!! __________________

09-30-2001, 08:23 PM	#2
wannabe War Child Join Date: May 2001 Location: Athens, Ohio Posts: 734 Local Time: 09:35 PM	Talking about your father praying like that is really moving. You have powerful words. I hope more follow soon!! __________________

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10-01-2001, 08:43 PM	#3
LarryMullen's POPAngel Blue Crack Distributor Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: I'll be up with the sun, I'm not coming down... Posts: 53,698 Local Time: 12:35 AM	More, more!!!

10-02-2001, 12:43 AM	#4
zooropamanda Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Smile, you're reading my post Posts: 6,515 Local Time: 03:35 PM	Ive been reading all of these Bonochick and this is the paragraph that made me stop because it really hit me. Everybody will find out the secret of life before they die. The problem is that it will be right before you die. You'll see the car coming towards you, and suddenly the secret of life will become clear to you. Before you can say, "Holy fuck!" though, it's too late. If you are ever sitting at a cafe and having a cup of coffee, and the secret of life suddenly appears to you, a bullet must be flying at your head from behind. These snippets of what I assume is a book you're writing are great. You are writing the younger character really well. The part where Elizabeth talks about the cowardice of suicide was very good. Keep it coming...

10-02-2001, 10:51 PM	#5
TylerDurden War Child Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 940 Local Time: 05:35 AM	These are really, really, really good.