The Inauspicious Fire Horse

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For Honor

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I've decided to devote a whole thread to this... for organization, and also to quarantine it.

Odd or not, if I let it spread too much, it will distort my other writings. I was going to put some in Dream Landscape, but that should stay pure... Character Analysis is on it's own, though. That is a part of it all.

But this thread is specifically devoted to the one and only


Inauspicious Fire Horse
 
Guarding the Fire Horse ))



If they threaten you
You know what to do

- my orders, my instructions, my duty

House sitting on someone who is essentially under house arrest
They are above, I am below, holed up, behind enemy lines
Within my own home
(or at least a variation of such a thing, hah)


See, this is the work of the Inauspicious Fire Horse
 
Note: THis is the first one. But oddly enough, the way things worked out, )) seems to look better ahead of this, the origin of the species...

______________________________________
______________________________________
07-29-2005 06:58 AM -
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay... lets try that again...
====================




Guarding the Fire Horse


Protect the house
Save the homeland
"One more, in the name of love"
But for some reason
PRIDE is tainted, my love, that song of mine.
I... can't involve it in this situations, for it is too genuine

This... this here
It is unpure...
I can't expose my love - PRIDE - to this, it must remain sacrosanct


And for those of you who don't know me, which in the way I am speaking, no one on Earth does
For me to withold PRIDE...
That is an indicator of extreme significance

No, this actually isn't a joke, not a dream
This is all real
It's just easier to type like this, explain in this way...
I'm serious:|
 
IFH )))


She wakes up, feebly approaching me
I use the cliche "I can't believe it" to describe to you
How feeble she was
But really, I wasn't shocked, I have a sort of...
Nothing really surprises me anymore way about myself........

She looks pretty, I should have told her, but she's gone now
Inauspicious Fire Horse, what an incredible person
"What a life" - yes, I agree with you
ANd it's like knowing a secret about her, knowing that she is destined for strife and hardship... but
What do I do?
I'm just playing my role here...


She hands me pictures
From Maine - so many...
It makes me think about the phone call - she wasn't even allowed to enjoy her vacation
This was always on her mind, wasn't it, this... sitaution
I had no idea it had gotten like this
Or what the root of the problem was...

It strikes me, going from such an unreal state of being
To a complete, concrete reality, as I sit here


Guarding the Fire Horse
Guarding the house
Witnessing the human condition

And the irony continues !!!
A cute song - Japanese - comes on my AOL radio
Ai Otsuka - "Happy Days"
I guess I like little innocent happy songs as such, they always make me smile :)

Now, don't get me wrong, it's odd.
To be in such a serious setting
But at the same time
I'm rather detached from it
It's like, yes... yes... I am here, I am on guard
I might have to jump out my window and run next door to call the police, 911 at any minute
And I"m fully prepared to do that
But... I feel calm
It's sort of alarming, but I'm sort of proud.
And I can still appreciate a nice happy song.


I am laying here, laptop on the chair infront of me
Pink sticky note with work and cell #s
Staring at my door
Wondering if I should baracade it with the desk to my left.
Listening to Japanese Pop on AOL Radio.
Oh yes, and I had 2 McDonalds Chicken Selects for breakfast
Which I got The Fish to buy me, at, say... 10 pm last night
I got them purposely because I knew I would need a lot of food - and my plan worked to perfection
You know - all McDonald's foot lasts hours on end to perfection.
Those were damn good chicken selects...

I wonder if I should leave my room to make some Ovaltine or something, eh?

But then again, I'd be leaving my post - and I don't really want an encounter with "them" unless it's neccesary


You know, diplomacy over direct warfare...
But at the same time
This is my house
And I'm not going to hide...

Pehraps I will venture out and prepare something.....
 
By the by, I'm partially using INTERFERENCE as my companion through the night. It's almost 8AM now, so my "shift" on guard will be over in a few more hours. I should be getting "backup" at 11/noonish, and maybe I'll rest then, maybe not. But it is a very... interesting experience for me to document

PS - no milk, therefore; no ovaltine

 
)V

Most of what I wrote is lost, since I had to get offline – there was a rush down from upstairs, using the phone. I didn’t get offline, so there was no phone call made, but I suspect that the suspect knows I’m here and knows I was online… most likely.

We’ll see where this goes….


I’ll take this opportunity to look at the pictures –


But let me first talk about the note again –
One of those things…

Happy, bright pink. Feminine, lovely, I love the color. Makes me think about a happy girl, a sexy, volumptous woman smiling, at me. So bright and full of life is this shade of pink, it just stands out. But then the writing, in the cold black ink… completely the opposite. Scares me, shows me a woman of … pain and suffering – she is weak and scared and unhappy and I feel for her.

There is another note out in the kitchen – I wrote about all this before, but I think it was lost, maybe. “Clean Dishes” same thing… so… sad the writing is.


I’ll write more later – but now – pictures………


- FH
 
Another hour rolls by... it is now 9 AM


Guarding the IFH V


Looking throught the pictures
There is one that sticks out
She asked me to take of her contemplating by the ocean
She looked troubled
And I suppose I know now the route of such
 
i might have many short posts due to... circumstace



v cont.


the root is deep...


I'm a little tired now...
So I spent some time dozing...
But I know I won't quite sleep, which is good

Essentially, I'm trying to figure out as much as possible on my stay here, and keep things in order
An odd task...


"I almost had to use some kung fu"
SHe said this to me this morning, as well
....you have no idea
How "scary" a thought that is.
Why would two people get physical....?

I have to remember, not everyone is as detached as I am...

But the fiend, I am told
Just sat there and watched them altercate...
(Is that a word? from, altercation??)

I can only imagine what her work will be like today...



I am said to be lucky

But I feel lucky enough to not be
an
Inauspicious Fire Horse...
 
V)


The gift


I look at the picture she gave me
On my Red, Western (SW) wall...
3 columns across
4 rows down
Circles, circles, multilayers circles, multicolored
White backing, black frame

I look at it.
Honestly, I never really liked it... but I wanted to hang it up, yuo know
To be nice...

The movement of my poster, the Red Road one, lightning bolt...
Symbolically, that was moved out of this room after the divorce
Always makes me wonder

If you notice things, really, it isn't that hard to see
The patterns....

But anyway
The picture...


The smallest one in the room, one on each of the four walls
It...
Looks strange....
It looks inauspicious....
ANd perhaps now it looks even more because of what is going on
I don't blame a picture, no, hahahahah

But...

In contrast to all the other ones
It is very abstract

The other pictures, even the red road
were of nature, of natural, of scenery, settings
"Landscapes" if you will....

But this one.... it is
Unnatural

Reminds me of the disbalance mankind can bring to the natural way of things
Like... trash floating in a waterway
Or

A huge...
....
............

metal..........


wow - I was going to say a descrated cross

.............

not only for the descration of something holy
But more so
for the generation of religion to a point where it creates disharmony in man

Reminds me of turning the painting upside down

How can something so simple as rotating an object be considered so grand. Signifying evil?

The evil within, that's all...




After all, it's the one who comes to help

that will betray you in the end.............................
Isn't that the way things go?


That is what happened here, to the Inauspicious Fire Horse, I realize.....

Betrayed she was
Mislead and uses, was she....
 
Hmm...

I'll sign off for a little bit

It is now... 9 50am
I'll be back around 10 30am, most likely...

I should get off to see if any phone calls come in... monitoring things as always. I am pleased with how things have gone so far, there have been no major incidents while I've been on duty for tonight....

But the middle of the day is coming, and who knows what that will bring, eh?

Back up shouild be here around 11 00am...

But sometimes working alone is best, right?
You can hear better when it is only your breath to silence.........


.............. :|


.......... until then


- F. H.
 
2am-2am, after my shower, a bit of reflection

What a long day... I was exhausted, but as usual, I dozed off for an hour or two, then woke up, awake, posting here.

The day went off, essentially, without a hitch, and I am very pleased. There were a lot of tears, but, we all got through them, and like a ship braving a storm we stayed course, and that is what is most important. Being up for so long, I could feel myself turning - when I get tired, I get critical, and I was having to really, actually ... hold myself back.

But at that moment, when I was making sure I didn't say anything bad - I could have destroyed everyone - I saw things clearly. It was amazing, a completely clear picture.


3 disticnt
Amazingly clear
Accurate, tangible, visible
Personalities

RIght infront of me. And for lack of a better example, it is like in "The Matrix" movies. The number on walls, and you don't see "things" anymore, just what generates them, the essential nature of people.

I was listening to "The Way of Leadership" today, and one of the things was - "If you want to know the way of people

let them have what they want"


Very true, to some extents. Their natural desires, inclinations, tendancies, are related to, directly or indeirectly, their essential nature, being.By sitting back and observing, especially for those few moment tonight, when my dark side was ready to leap out and inflict pain... I could see three, shining beings infront of me

It wasn't just 3 people, or three people I knew very well. It wasn't 3 people eating dinner....

It was like... 3 "programs", 3... species... in life. It wasn't them at dinnertime, it was them at life, and it just happened to be dinner.




Now see - this stepping between realms...
That is part of the Dream Landscaper, actually.
Because if I was in my essential nature, my default, typical, by the book personality, I would not be able to see things like this.

:::

I would have seen a scarred, confused, violated woman still rippling with insecurity. I would have focused only about protecting her, and gotten jealous about it, because other people were encroaching on that.

I would have seen an awkward neighbor, fat and impatient. Motivated only by thought of reward. A lazy, self indulgant pig. Momma's boy, trying to put on a show, a little. Drinking a liter of soda himself, and many peices of food, complete disgust. Chewing, chewing always with his mouth open - no class, no spine

I would have seen this father figure friend of mine, caring. Twisiting througout his own life, troubled and schemed. But scheming himself, always looking for new "toys", trinkets, just like the "rat" that he is.


:::::

But it was more than that
I saw all of this and more tonight, in retrospect I see it clearly.



Reminds me
Of when you really know a test in school;

You understand the question, the answers. You understand what the question is asking, what the question is tryin to trick you into, and why the question is trying to trick you into the wrong answer. That is mastery of the question, of the material

In no way am I a master of anything, hah.
But I've been able to reach that level on some very small things, and I can notice it immensly now...
 
great stuff strewn throughout. you're such a great observer. I'd love to see you consolidate this into something structured. not that you'd want to temper your thoughts or feelings, but I think you've got the material for a handful of great pieces.
 
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Observer....yes...very well said Lazarus.

Most people don't observe....they would sooner ramble on with their "silly" talk, never truly listening or observing what is happening right in front of their eyes. Truly good choice of word......observer.

carol
wizard2c
:|
 
That's... just the problem...


Inaction, observation....

Yes, I agree, though. Perhaps this will turn into some work, some thing. Put the peices into a puzzle...
 
I am a firm believer that, for me, who I am in this life...

The only thing that can really destroy me is myself.

I say that because.. I ... can't turn it off.
Whatever this is that... I see, I observe.

It's like... just what..... (eh, nevermind. ''''self note - "rabbit")


I don't know, maybe I should write something to explain it. I know it will come off as arrogance, but I admit I can be that way. I have a lot of faults, and too much pride... but


but it's like

I spend so much time disecting and understanding
Because I look for something that is real, sincere, or at least pure.
Yes, purity... I think that is the best word.

But in, in regards to recent things and general, the people I am around, and they are a limited group, as I am limited in that way, but... the people around me



Ah, I can't even explain it....


Here, maybe this will help -

There was a sort of relatively serious, tense moment today.
And the people standing in a circle, I was in there, and... Their emotions are warrented, their tension to be expected or acceptable, but...

I'm standing there, and...
I'm partially wondering - hey, why aren't I like that? I have every reason to be upset and shouting or something.

But at the same time, that would be going against the real me, and what I really felt. Not only against how I normally act, but...
It just didn't phaze me. I don't know.


This and this and this and this happened
and all I really have to say is


"Yes. It did."


=========================================
It is almost like I wanted to say "Yes, I know, I understand. Can we move on now?"

It's the root of my anti social nature at times, I believe. I don't just dislike talking about things like that, but... I actually don't have anything to say.


I can elaborate on anything, really.
Anything at all

But...

I don't know, maybe I just am not really that surprised. It's sort of... predictable... I don't know.



this post... will seem so unclear, perhaps...
Don't worry about it, though... I just needed to write it to think a little...



PS in regard to the top of my post...
I think it is mostly true that what destroys most people
Is themselves.

I'm no different than anyone else, I don't think
 
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V))



Never before have I seen
So delicate a flower
Than the one before me
Her innocence, her purity
Deceives me, for I always thought of more
Than her naive ways

Someone so ... in need of love
I am compelled to show mine to her

I am compelled to protect her
Defend her, and her honor
It calls out some of the core of me
It calls out deep feelings inside me

"Chivalry won't die" Said Princess Di
(the one I know)
And I agree with her
As long as I am a live
It will always be around.

I can't live without it.
 
V)))

This experience
Draws out her most tender side, I believe
Perhaps this is what I'm drawn to.
Someone so hard, so strong, so decisive
Crying now

But I glad, for it draws us closer together
Our unique relationship
Our friendship

To be one of the few
In three people's lives

Mother, Father, Stepmother
I am their only son...

Inadvertently, or is this...
Was this the plan all along
Was this my destiny, part of it....

...to show me what love is, what it is all about...
What is and what is without
 
Inauspicious Fire Horse...I present to you, Heartless Fisher King!

The boy child is locked (LOCKED) in the fisherman's yard
There's a bloodless moon where the ocean died

(Death of the ocean....how did this happen...was it the work of the....FISHER KING?)

*&*

A shoal of nightstars hang fire in the nets
And the chaos of cages where the crayfish lie

(Alliteration!)

----------------------------------------
---------------------------------------

Where is the fisherman, where is the goat?
Where is the keeper in his carrion coat?
Eclipse on the moon when the dark bird flies
Where is the child with his father's eyes?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
%%%%
!

There are the soul cages
These are the soul cages


\/~~~~\/~~~~\/

(soul cages! Set by the Fisher KING! For the souls of those who have MARINE life for Totem animals! The seabirds cry, CAW CAW! Lo, the Geats had for them a great king!)

He's the king of the ninth world (9)
The twisted son of the fog bells toll
In each and every lobster cage
A tortured human soul

These are the souls of broken factories
The subject slaves of the broken crown
The dead accounting of old guilty promises
These are the souls of the broken town

These are the soul cages
These are the soul cages
These are the soul cages
These are the soul cages

________-----__=====++=++=+_+_+

'I have a wager' the brave child spoke
The fisherman laughed, though disturbed at the joke
'You will drink what I drink but you must equal me
And if the drink leaves me standing,
A soul shall go free'

'I have here a cask of most magical wine
A vintage that blessed every ship in the line
It's wrung from the blood of the sailor's who died
Young white bodies adrift in the tide'

(Oh the cold sea, how it FOAMS at the mouth, claiming the LIVES of the Young and The Restless!)

%

'And what's in it for me my pretty young thing?
Why should I whistle, when the caged bird sings?
If you lose a wager with the king of the sea
You'll spend the rest of forever in the cage with me'

These are the soul cages (CAW CAW)
These are the soul cages
These are the soul cages
These are the soul cages

A body lies open in the fisherman's yard
Like the side of a ship where the iceberg rips
One less soul in the soul cages
One last curse on the fisherman's lips

(Lo, those lips which had cursed so long....will curse no more....hail the symbolism! ARR!)

These are the soul cages
These are the soul cages
These are the soul cages
These are the soul cages

Swim to the light Swim to the light

He dreamed of the ship on the sea
It would carry his father and he
To a place they could never be found
To a place far away from this town
A Newcastle ship without coals
They would sail to the island of souls

----------++++++++++

The Island Of Souls....is it also a well of souls...and when one throws in a penny......

would you hit someone in the eye?

Someone.....staring out of the well?

Would it be.....their EYE? Like their real eye?....or the EYE OF THE SOUL?

%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%
 
Makes me think....about...something...


Heh.

Very theatrical, animated.




Eye of the soul, eh?
.................................
 
That's right - I wrote the conclusion, had it all out here.
But it never got saved apparently. I'll have to write a new ending
(oxymoron)



)X


Go Dancing, IFH



It's over now, for the moment
I'll put on the piano songs
And you can drift asleep
While I stay awake, awake in the night
With my destiny in my head, of course.

You danced!
You danced tonight, a happy dance
A ballroom dance, just for yourself
Like a parent I felt, you came home late
I was drifting to my sleep,

She came into my room, happy, like a child again
Speaking of dances, of joy, of dress and attire
I smiled for her

It's over, for now, at least.
Rebuilding again it seems
One week and they're gone
One week and they move on
One week and I'll be here, still

- sentinel........
(Lunar)

Of course - even when you can't see me, I'm there.
BUt tonight, it's just about you, and i'm happy to watch over you
In your sleep
To wait and know that your on the right track

My destiny seems so far away
But the piano music........
It looms

...

The instruments always remind me
 
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For Honor.......words are feelings and you have a gift in your writings. I capture many words you probably are unaware of that have a meaning to me.

Keep up the good work. I don't have time to express myself very much as I'm constantly on a quest for the dragon or just on a quest.

carol
wizard2
:|
 
Well thankyou very much, Wizard. I appreciate that.


I've been on a few quests myself lately, and I've grown. Or more so, realized I've grown.

Acknowledging strengths AND weaknesses is a truly propsperous thing. Once you are aware of something, then you can deal with it in the best way.


Of course, I'll write about it somehow, sooner than later.
 
The Saga Continues...........



Guess what?

Fortunes of fortunes, I'm moving in with this Fire Horse until I move away to college........ this will certainly be interesting....

I have no doubt I will learn a lot of skills through this experience. Essential to my dreamlandscape, to my well being, to my character development, to everything. most of all, it will give me more of a sense of duty, which..... I...... admitedly adore.



The Inasuspcious Fire Horse, she's........
She's a really special person. I've never met anyone like her, I admit. Her workethic paired with feminine presence will be something else.

4 months.......

Well, I will be moving in within the next few weeks... so I will keep updated. In doing this, I realize I will have gone full circle with everyone, with all sides of my threefold terror of love. All of them will have been fully involved in my life now........

Ah, and my training.......

It will be very good for me to experience these next 4 months. And when I go to my University... my oh my..... heh.......


My "character" will finally be ready to unleash upon this world

I am looking forward to much :yes: :)
 
The Last Four Months
Part I



Sitting here, in my room, my same 4 colored, or 5 with the ceiling, room... I wonder about the changes that will come with the furniture that will be moved. The IFH is doing well, very well.

She dances, she dances well, and I will be learning through our practices in the future. It is good to see that bright smile upon her face again.

Preludes have me wondering - how will I adjust my character to shift for our greater volume and intesity of our interaction?

There's so much, but like above, all of it I will approach feeling good. Not that emotion or feeling means much to me, but I have a positive sense from it, even now. These last 4 months indeed will be "something else"
 
in four months, I will be moving away to college (for 4 years, lol).

But my existence is rather portable at the moment. And it isn't a great move, just a small one. But it will get things in better working order. It's kind of like a transitional move, temporary.
 
DO NOT READ YET
I am too tired to finish this accurately............
But I will, when I have the proper time, tomorrow....
I'm busy lately, very busy.....




Labor Day II

(warning: language, harsh situations................)





Do you want me to go with you?
- yes

Alright... But we are not going to make a habit of doing this
- ...

(I should have done that sooner, it would have, inadvertantly, blocked the line... but the calls would have reached us either way)

I wasn't taking any chances. I was preparing for a battle. Unfortunatly, I wasn't good enough, to avoid direct conflict. I lost the art, the art of war. So now I had let it get to this, face to face. I grabbed my knife, I put on my sunglasses. I put on my watch. I put on my shoes and went out the door. Locked it with my keys, and proceded to the car. I knew what this could turn into, and I've seen it too many times. But this time...... I was going to be calling the shots. I suppose I did regain some art, I had the course of the battle drawn out before it happened........ but that hadn't unfolded quite yet - I went over it with my....... benefactor....... in the car.......

So, why are we going to see him again?
- to talk, and to drop off a jacket and this newspaper
(the newspaper was for the purpose of having locations, prospective locations, for him to find a new apartment to live in.... my god, he is a sorry son of a bitch. And what she said, her explanation....... that irratated me. That was it. That set me off. That showed me that she was not in control, she was being manipulated. She was being played, she wasn't herself. I don't like interfering...... but it was my time. I wasn't going to let this happen, not when, at long last, it is something I can control. But this is all retrospect - when it happened, it was without thought. It was real skill; it was without effort.)

No, no. We're not going to talk. You're not going to talk. You could talk on the phone. We're not driving out there to talk. That's stupid - that's BS. No talking. In fact, rule number one: You do not get out of the car.
- ......
(I wasn't sure if I scared her - I didn't want to do that. But I could sense a great...... malebility, she was easily influence. Almost like she was on sensory overload, and incapable of making decisions. I was damn happy I came along with her.......)

Yeah, so not only are you not getting out, I'm not getting out. And you're not getting out because you're not leaving me alone in this car. Do it for yourself, "CODENAMEWOMAN". Do it for yourself first "WOMAN", secondly, do it for me, for my sake. Thirdly, do it because it's what you should do. No getting out of the car, okay?
- (nod) yes

Really, you shouldn't even be doing this. This is the first and last time I will ever do anything of this nature with you.
- do you not want to go?
No, I am staying. But this is the last time. You should not put yourself in this position, because I know I won't. I've seen two much of this, 2 years of this, "WOMAN", and I don' t need to see anymore. It's such Bullshit...

.....

(It was an interesting thing, looking back on it now. I felt so confident. But that stemed from I knew it was so true, and I was so right in what was going on. This should not be taking place. And, out of respect for her, I decided to go along, but, art of war would best have the direct contact never take place, like I said.)

You know what he's doing, don't you?
- ...
This is all a game. He's using you, playing your sympathy for him. I mean, what, he can't get a paper himself? Why does he need "your paper", you know?
- ... (nod)
(See... I had no problem with her willingness to help him. But at the expense of herself - no, she's not Jesus Christ, she is not to be a martyr. She wanted to help.... I allowed that, but there would be no bullshitting, not if I could help it)

It's always the same. They all do it. I've seen so much of it. See, what he's going to do, he's probably going to ask you for something, or to take you somewhere, or something like that... such bullshit... but that's not going to happen. Look, you shouldn't even be here right now. But what he's tring to do is take, and take, and take and take and take
- but why, Jesse, why do they do that? How do the live that way
......
(I explained it in great detail....)

Essentially, "CODENAME

 
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