bluephisto
War Child
Sometimes I push
just to feel
anything
at all,
and I hope for the
black at the bottom of my fall.
He sat at the end of the bar, an old man in an old suit, so still he could have been a statue. Age had bleached his skin like a bone and hollowed graves from his eyes. I didn't catch myself staring until he looked right at me, and even then I didn't look away. It didn't matter now.
Sometimes I push
His voice was smoother than I expected, "What are you drinking, dear?"
I shrugged, "Whatever you're buying."
Slowly, with grinding grace he slid from his stool and sauntered to mine, nodding at the bartender for another drink as he moved his pale eyes over my face.
"You're too young to be here so soon."
"I got past the doorman fine, what's it to you?"
"I know everyone around here, but" the old man sipped his drink, "you're new."
The bartender shoved a tall glass of something strong and amber into my hand and I downed it, trying not to show that the fumes choked my lungs as the liquor plummeted to my stomach.
The old man lit a cigar and blue smoke circled his head like a doubtful halo as I answered him,
"I don't feel new."
He laughed, "Nobody does here. Not around here, no."
Just to feel anything at all
He smoked again, staring at me through the pollution, "If you're looking for new, young lady, you've come to the wrong place. This is a second hand store for souls no one wants anymore."
I saw that he was right, everyone in the quiet bar was hunched over and tired, hardly drinking or speaking.
I pushed more of the hot drink into my throat "I just wanted to get out for a bit, things are driving me crazy."
"Crazy?" The old man sighed like a tree would if it could let it's branches down for a second, "What have you got to be so ... crazy about?"
My fingers started to shake against the glass.
And I hope for the black at the bottom of my fall
"You wanna know? It's a long story."
He smiled tightly, white skin creasing, "Darling, I have nothing but time."
I nodded, swallowing. "Fine." It was hard to take deep breaths in his cloud of blue haze. "I just ... it's a bunch of things. Nothing's working out lately."
He sounded bored, "Really?"
"You have no idea. Lost my job, lost my boyfriend, everything's just ... kinda falling through." Surprisingly, tears came to my eyes. I hadn't talked for so long. "And I'm getting so tired. I just wanna sleep, I just wanna ... go to sleep and not wake up for a while, you know?"
"Yes." He sighed smoke, "I know."
I wiped my face and shrugged, "Doesn't matter anyway."
"Why's that dear?"
I looked right at him, knowing he'd probably turn me in after I told him.
"I just took a bottle of pills in the bathroom before I came out here."
He nodded slowly, looking not at all surprised. "I know."
Things were getting fuzzy now. "Bullshit. How do you know?"
The old man leaned in and put a freezing hand on my arm, "You're already dead." His face became clear now, and I realized I had stopped breathing. "Welcome to eternity."
Sometimes I push
just to feel
anything
at all,
and I hope for the
black at the bottom of my fall.
just to feel
anything
at all,
and I hope for the
black at the bottom of my fall.
He sat at the end of the bar, an old man in an old suit, so still he could have been a statue. Age had bleached his skin like a bone and hollowed graves from his eyes. I didn't catch myself staring until he looked right at me, and even then I didn't look away. It didn't matter now.
Sometimes I push
His voice was smoother than I expected, "What are you drinking, dear?"
I shrugged, "Whatever you're buying."
Slowly, with grinding grace he slid from his stool and sauntered to mine, nodding at the bartender for another drink as he moved his pale eyes over my face.
"You're too young to be here so soon."
"I got past the doorman fine, what's it to you?"
"I know everyone around here, but" the old man sipped his drink, "you're new."
The bartender shoved a tall glass of something strong and amber into my hand and I downed it, trying not to show that the fumes choked my lungs as the liquor plummeted to my stomach.
The old man lit a cigar and blue smoke circled his head like a doubtful halo as I answered him,
"I don't feel new."
He laughed, "Nobody does here. Not around here, no."
Just to feel anything at all
He smoked again, staring at me through the pollution, "If you're looking for new, young lady, you've come to the wrong place. This is a second hand store for souls no one wants anymore."
I saw that he was right, everyone in the quiet bar was hunched over and tired, hardly drinking or speaking.
I pushed more of the hot drink into my throat "I just wanted to get out for a bit, things are driving me crazy."
"Crazy?" The old man sighed like a tree would if it could let it's branches down for a second, "What have you got to be so ... crazy about?"
My fingers started to shake against the glass.
And I hope for the black at the bottom of my fall
"You wanna know? It's a long story."
He smiled tightly, white skin creasing, "Darling, I have nothing but time."
I nodded, swallowing. "Fine." It was hard to take deep breaths in his cloud of blue haze. "I just ... it's a bunch of things. Nothing's working out lately."
He sounded bored, "Really?"
"You have no idea. Lost my job, lost my boyfriend, everything's just ... kinda falling through." Surprisingly, tears came to my eyes. I hadn't talked for so long. "And I'm getting so tired. I just wanna sleep, I just wanna ... go to sleep and not wake up for a while, you know?"
"Yes." He sighed smoke, "I know."
I wiped my face and shrugged, "Doesn't matter anyway."
"Why's that dear?"
I looked right at him, knowing he'd probably turn me in after I told him.
"I just took a bottle of pills in the bathroom before I came out here."
He nodded slowly, looking not at all surprised. "I know."
Things were getting fuzzy now. "Bullshit. How do you know?"
The old man leaned in and put a freezing hand on my arm, "You're already dead." His face became clear now, and I realized I had stopped breathing. "Welcome to eternity."
Sometimes I push
just to feel
anything
at all,
and I hope for the
black at the bottom of my fall.
and I've never read a description like that before of someone descending from a stool... beautiful!
