One of my poems...

[ReFan]

here's one of the poems in my "anthology of solitude" enjoy, and tell me what you think...

Alone (Once Again)

Alone.
Writing again about being alone.
I followed Gahan’s suggestion
I enjoy the silence.
The silence broken by the staccato clicks
Of these dull gray keys.
Alone
Wondering why I continue to write about
The act of being alone.
A verb: an action or state of being.
I am alone.
My words are my revenge:
Something done to satisfy one’s anger.
My words are my revenge:
An act of passion.
Writing to really no one but myself.
My words do not sway a cold metal heart.
The ultimate eternal challenge.
Why?
Because I repeat the line, hoping:
That someday this torment will end…

Eddy J. Rodriguez

[Jenny Jobs]

hi there.....

trust me it's brilliant. it touched my heart.

[ReFan]

Originally Posted by Jenny Jobs

hi there.....

trust me it's brilliant. it touched my heart.

Thanks alot.
That's the first time I've heard such a comment on my poetry.

[JanuaryStar]

I think your poem really touches the inner meanings of truly being alone, well done. I just hope these feelings do not keep you occupied every day.

[ReFan]

Originally Posted by JanuaryStar

I think your poem really touches the inner meanings of truly being alone, well done. I just hope these feelings do not keep you occupied every day.

thank you.
I deal with my issues by writing, and channeling my feelings into poetry, forging art with this raw emotion.
U2's lyrics, such as Stay (And if you look, you look through me/And if you talk, it's not to me/And when I touch you, you don't feel a thing), inspire me to write.

[CrownVCJ]

Some constructive criticism:

1. The "writing about writing" thing is pretty unique and original. I haven't really seen anyone do that before; you might be on to something here. It is very "meta." I wonder if it could be pushed further, so that you are not only writing about writing, put perhaps writing about the objects on your desk or what things you need to pick up at the grocery store. This would give the poem a better atmosphere and develop your character a bit more.

2. The Gahan reference is effective, but I feel that it is too mainstream. Perhaps you could engage your reader by picking something a bit more obscure. This creates a "scavenger hunt" of sorts, where your poem is a map and the prizes are the nuggets of meaning hidden throughout, if you will.

3. I really like when you define the word "verb." I wonder if maybe you could define more words in the poem, or perhaps you could create an appendix that defines every word in the poem so that I can understand it better. You may create a second appendix that describes all of the parts of speech, i.e. nouns, adjectives etc. in case I don't know what those are.

4. I really love how your character has "passion" within his "cold metal heart." This juxtaposition really explores what it means to have passion; why can't the apathetic have the most passion of all? Good exploration.

5. I really think that the use of the word "torment" shows your emotional depth and maturity. Please amplify this by using more similar words, such as "anguish," "darkness" and "despair."

Great poem! Thanks!!

[BonoFox1]

Originally Posted by refan

here's one of the poems in my "anthology of solitude" enjoy, and tell me what you think...

alone (once again)

alone.
Writing again about being alone.
I followed gahan’s suggestion
i enjoy the silence.
The silence broken by the staccato clicks
of these dull gray keys.
Alone
wondering why i continue to write about
the act of being alone.
A verb: An action or state of being.
I am alone.
My words are my revenge:
Something done to satisfy one’s anger.
My words are my revenge:
An act of passion.
Writing to really no one but myself.
My words do not sway a cold metal heart.
The ultimate eternal challenge.
Why?
Because i repeat the line, hoping:
That someday this torment will end…

eddy j. Rodriguez

nice!........