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Old 06-28-2002, 04:49 AM   #1
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One Frosted Moment

And so it was growing
its nature unknown
a weed in their bed.

I'm latently piecing,
with society's spit, a rose
torn in shreds.

The time we spend sowing
soiled or on stones
fearing to tread,

While a frost blows in
and hazy bygones
freeze hard instead.

Once, a love grew
that with the sun arose
that was soon stoned
by Them. In its stead
were petals in pieces;
to silence it succum-bed.



-----------------------------------------
I've nearly given up on this poem, haha how's this for melodrama and forced structure which are, in fact, all the makings of a bad poem. Well, now that I've gotten this off my chest (or harddrive hurhur) I'm off to cook me a late dinner..

frayed
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Old 06-29-2002, 02:42 PM   #2
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[color=royal blue]It has some good lines. Just in terms of flow it's a little difficult.[/color]
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Old 06-29-2002, 10:36 PM   #3
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i like it

is grey with a palid rose
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Old 06-29-2002, 11:15 PM   #4
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actually foray i think its really well written.
the way it moves and sounds as you read it, is the feeling and images i think the poem emotes.
sound and fury is right.
u remind me of another poet who used to post here a lot but is now gone.
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Old 07-01-2002, 02:13 PM   #5
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fors maybe I just love bad poetry (although I dont think that's true) but this is beautifully composed. it does not sound forced and the structure doesnt take away from it at all.
I agree with manda, I think it's really well written.
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Old 07-07-2002, 11:05 PM   #6
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nah, doesn't really sound that foreced, it shows a different side of your writing that you don't usually reveal here
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