"Nationwide"- My first song!

[PopMartian33107]

Hello. I tried pretty hard writing my first simple pop 'song', but the end result is a mess. It's not even finished yet! Maybe someone here could help me with the rest?

It's about a boy who constantly tries calling a girl, bugging her all the time, but by songs' finish, the tables have turned, and she's bothering him! Anyway, here it is...

I've been calling from the west
And dialing in the east.
You say you're often home
But you're always out of reach

Though you never gave me much,
I'm always seeking more.
With a stroke of the dial,
I can conjure up your smile,
But my passion superdcedes my self-control.

<chorus>
Nationwide!

Just call on me baby,
Please answer the phone.
You leave me nothing
And you always have to go.

Don't run from me baby,
There's nowhere to go.
Though I ask for you
The answer's always "no".

<end chorus>

From the Delaware to the Rockies,
From sea to shining sea.
You're never home,
Guess you must have found somebody.

Looking in the Yellow Pages,
Searching for a sound.
But it's never you,
I hear that same damn voice:
"This phone number cannot be found".

<chorus>
Nationwide!

That's all so far...how is it? No simple negative coments like 'you suck', constructive critcisim would be nice!

Thanks!

That's All...

 

[ZeroDude]

Noone is going to say you suck around here, it is a very simplistic straightforward song if you like it, stick with it thats all I can say

 

[PopMartian33107]

Yeah, I wasn't going for any "heavy" lyrics, just some fun. Nothing like the depth of U2. Hope you liked it, however!

 

[ZeroDude]

Yep I did

 

[PopMartian33107]

Here's the entire song. Please leave some more feedback everybody!

I've been calling from the west
And dialing in the east.
You say you're often home
But you're always out of reach

Though you never gave me much,
I'm always seeking more.
With a stroke of the dial,
I can conjure up your smile,
But my passion superdcedes my self-control.

<chorus>
Nationwide!

Just call on me baby,
Please answer the phone.
You leave me nothing
And you always have to go.

Don't run from me baby,
There's nowhere to go.
Though I ask for you
The answer's always "no".

<end chorus>

From the Delaware to the Rockies,
From sea to shining sea.
You're never home,
Guess you must have found somebody.

Looking in the Yellow Pages,
Searching for a sound.
But it's never you,
I hear that same damn voice:
"This phone number cannot be found".

<chorus>
Nationwide!

<end chorus>

Now that I found you,
You have nowhere to run.
It's time for us to connect,
It's time for a little bit of fun.

We enjoyed chatting on the phone,
But new trouble lays ahead:
You're always on call-waiting,
You never let me go,
And now you say you want me in your bed!

<New chorus>
Nationwide!

You must quit calling me, baby.
Why, just look at the time.
I leave you nothing
Yet you're always on the line.

<chorus>

Well, that's it, I guess.

That's All...

 

[PopMartian33107]

So, did anyone like the finished result of my song? I know it's a bit simple, but if you hear someone sing it, it rocks! It has a GREAT melody, reminiscent of many good Genesis singles...(and yes, there were some )!

 

[ZeroDude]

Lol, yes there were some good ones Do you have a chord progression for this, so I can test it out myself?

 

[PopMartian33107]

If I knew more about keyboards and guitars, I would be able to. Sorry though ZeroDude, I don't. Maybe I could bring my buddy over and have him type out the chord progression? Thanks Zero!

 

[ZeroDude]

No problem my man I near enough read everything here anyway