My Poems

[bee]

Hello! I am new here and I decided to show you some of my work:


I think

I think I’m in love with you
I think it’s your eyes
God, I can’t look into your eyes
I can’t even say you hello
I can only wait
This had to happen
If you believe in fate
I think you should know by now
That there’s nothing else than love
If I only can tell you this
I would pray, down on my knees
For you to read my mind
To save me from waiting, passing long time
Until you realize I want you to be mine

Regret

Its two years now
And I can’t stop thinking of you
I can only hold my eyes
In direction you’ve run to
Hoping I’ll see you one day
Appearing from the fog
But then I realize there’s no way
To take back time
But after all
I feel fine
I know you won’t return
I know sun is gonna burn
And dry my eyes
But I have more in me
Than anyone can take
I’ll never give them opportunity
To replace truth by fake
I’ll touch my heart
Just to see if its still there
I will stand still, not moving anywhere
And one day I will come near you quietly
Whisper: I love you and kiss you gently

 

[ZeroDude]

The first piece reads like something the currently predisposed Bono would write and the second is equally as repetitive and inherently cliched although the premise of both is quite strong and you could do so much more with these concepts.

Don’t be afraid to deviate from regularised structure and rhythm, positively jump at the chance to use more colourful language at least in a subtle manner and finally keep writing if you can actually see yourself continuing with the arts in twenty years time.

Good luck.

 

[bee]

Thank you for opinion and advices, you know,I am from Slovakia and I have been learning English for four years and I am 16 so sometimes(or better say very often) I am not able to use my full abilities of writing because its limited by number of English words I know. If you are curious why I dont write in my mother language its simply because I have no idea. Sometimes I write in Slovak just because person I want to give the poem doesnt speak English, anyway stop writing too much, here is another poem, I wrote it months ago and it is very personal.


Breathing

Lie your head on the pillow
Close your eyes, fuck the whole world
Cry, let the tears cover your face
And for hours stare into empty space

Bed is cold, although
You have spent here fourteen days
And you suddenly don´t understand
The whole human race

Memories can´t make you warm
You know, you are stuck in the storm
Water dries your bones
And is so hard to move your hand, but
Nobody can hear beating of your heart

Shrieking of thousand birds
Can´t drown out the voices in your head
They screams and then whisper
But you don´t catch a single word

You keep saying leave me alone
Soon you will become cold, massive stone
And there will be no help to put you back
No magic or potions to make you move
Its just you, who decides what your fate will be like
If you let them decides instead of you
What will happen?
I can´t tell, but it wont be something new
Its not worth risking and for your information its not game
So get out of bed and steal back your name.

 

[wizard2c]

reply

Bee, those are good writings. I agree, though, with Zero Dude that the first one has a Bonoesque ring to it.

Still trying to interpret the breathing one......I've just been off in a thousand different directions lately....{but for a wizard it's quite normal}.

Keep writing though........

carol
wizard2c

 

[youtooellen]

you're writing is good
it's a bit repetitive but of course, you can only improve from here.

the 'Breathing' one is pretty neat though. like wizard, I'm still trying to interpret that a little.

keep up the great writing

 

[wizard2c]

reply

Bee.....I found this which may relate to your breathing exercise. Tower watching all morning but I came across this while opening my mail.


Breath of Life

U-ich gwen-nen
na’wa - nath ah
na dhin an.
U-ich gwen-nen
na ring-gyrn
em-bar han
boe naid
bain gwan-na-thar,
boe
cu-il ban
fi-ri thar.
Boe naer gwan-na-thach.

English version:
You are not bound to loss and to silence.
For you are not bound to the circles of this world.
All things must pass away,
All life is doomed to fade...
Sorrowing you must go, and yet you are not without hope.


Music by Howard Shore
Words by Fran Walsh
The Lord of the Rings
The Two Towers

carol
wizard2c



"Word of the day is....Shadowfax

 

[For Honor]

keep up your writings, bee.

 

[bee]

Thank you a lot for your comments They were very nice!

To wizard2c: I really like the first and the last line of "Breath of Life". Its quite about thing which is also the idea of "Breathing".

To youtooellen and wizard2c:I am sorry but I decided to not tell what exactly is "Breathing" about. Of course, many people can see different things in it. But this one is about one exact thing which is very personal for me. But nothing can be more beutiful for poet to hear, than that somebody is thinking about meaning of your work! I am flattered.

 

[wizard2c]

reply

You're quite welcome, Bee. Write more soon.

Words are an interpretation of life....an endless circle.

carol
wizard2c

 

[bee]

These were inspirated by albums "Boy" and "October" because I am listenning to them at the moment. Enjoy!

Dirty Window

Dirty window,
It´s hard to see through
To see what´s up with you
And why you want to end
Why you are not at the place
You used to stand
But for me
You´ll always be the one
Overtoping the crowd
You will be always seen
Twinkling through the dark
But you´ll never become queen
Ruling my heart


At the End of the World

John says: Jane I´m tired
I have my head full of sorrow
I left message on the table
You forget to read it
Wonder why, you were able

Jane keeps saying
I´m so sorry
She belongs to no one
Except to her dear Johnny

This couple, they´re getting nowhere
Their story remains untold
But I know you´ve heard about them
They live at the end of the world


A Raindrop

I wrote you a letter
Hope you´ll get it someday
Everything could be better
And not as this way

Time has passed
You didn´t get my message
I wonder why, but I guess
I couldn´t get it over bridge

Words are stuck in my head
Sentences I can´t find
As I try to get back to you
And the world I´ve left behind

Rain always starts with one drop
And then brings life to Earth
So our friendship could die
And let the love birth