jumping off a cliff into the sound.

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the tourist

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Dec 25, 2003
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the buzzing in his mind wouldn't stop,
pushing and squeezing like pressure at the bottom of the ocean,
and the love that he feels spins
on a giant
wheel, a black circle
working its way round and round
down the rabbit hole where he first saw
something, someone, a hope that he might not find
himself alone, a-drone, working nights and weekeneds like the
good productive citizen he like to believe he'd become.

she stole his heart with a full-lipped smile,
bright and wide,
and butterflies fluttered so furious, fervent within his stomach,
that he climbed up the walls in the floating winged swarm and bounced like a buoy
across the ceiling of lazy evening,
her eyes starting back at him like icicles melting,
felt like a fire her would never forget
or let be subsided by any other gaze, drunken though it may be;
a gaze which would cause pain for a short time, but heal
and be nearly forgotten as a super-8 through a trapdoor into a garbage pit,
chutes and ladders with broken rungs
to never be climbed again.

and that place where andrew fell in love with lindsay
will be forever remembered in his heart and in his mind, an epic vision
like a toy sailboat on a high sea,
washed ashore where the sand-dollars play
their little flutes
and drinking champagne, their best friends along for the ride
watching over those two who had such a bright and dazzling path
that we all know will last until the final grain of dirt it blown
by the wind, off the earth
out of the atmosphere and into the haze of supernova nebula,
where their hearts shall be forever intertwined;
a beautiful romance for a beautiful girl
and an undeserving boy.
 
What is scary is that I've come to the realization that love really is dependant upon you, rather than the other person. It is something you contort and constrew mentally, for often times, it is completely irrelevant to what another person does, says, or thinks. Love is such a funny word to me, for sure one can love someone without any reciprocation, and sometimes, one can love another without the other even knowing it.

:shrug:

So really, "love" has dropped several notches in the things I respect. But it's easy to criticize - I need to come up with a constructive idea, or phrase, that can pin point what it is I consider to be "more" than love, etc ,etc.


===============

your work reflectef off of me into those words...

But more specifically, in regard to your own words.........

==============


It's a nice, pleasant scene. Imagery.
Good job

:up:

you captured well the sensations of warmth, and goodness
 
Thanks so much for your feedback (despite my spelling errors)! My girlfriend really loved this poem when I gave it to her. :)
 
reply

Vice nice writing, she is quite lucky to have someone writing poetry for her, especially someone who writes as well as you do.

carol
wizard2c
:|

Quite frankly, I would not know what to do if someone ever wrote poetry for me.
Must be the timeline on which I reside.
 
I've never really enjoyed poetry anyone's ever written for me. But everyone I've ever written a poem for (and not necessarily about) has enjoyed them. And I don't think she's lucky to have a boy like me write poetry for her; I think I'm lucky that she has the time of day for me.
 
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