i can't sleep at night

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zooropamanda

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Smile, you're reading my post
when silence can no longer break the cuts
what are you going to do,
piss on the merry ones' dreams?
or cry and fail in your own failings again
it can only all work out
don't you know the moment's sky
watches from under her golden basket of minutes
cackles you up in her arms
and spits you out into a rolling howl unto a sad eyed morning

i am the wonderful
i am the song
i am the greatest of them all

don't you know the meaning
behind the sea?
such a pretty song
such a pretty day for a walk

i walked past the trees of the lonely ones
and played havoc with their souls.
i crawled under a moonshone parkbench
and waited for my love to arrive
he never came;
in the darkest hour, i saw through the eyes
of the deepest valley
and whistled it up to my soul,
he whispered to me with an everlasting sigh
and from there i treaded most quietly again.
 
in my half comotose/drunken state in writing this i actually wrote treaded instead of trod. poetic licence?

the fact that i am admitting this i think shows courage to admit my stupidity and i award myself another drink later today.

please ignore
 
"...golden basket of minutes"

I really like that. There's so much going on here, it's kind of scary and so honest. Like we were when we were kids in a way. A mish-mash of beauty, regret, silent imagery, and yearning transparency. Not to be forgotten.
 
Last edited:
thanks Michael.
I really wish i'd taken more care.
I want to scrap the first stanza now. the final one is much better and i think the 1st is kinda detracted from it. i dunno.
my poems are never finished.
 
or cry and fail in your own failings again

:(

edit it and post it again in the same thread Manda. this is extremely beautiful & powerful for a first try.
 
don't you know the moment's sky
watches from under her golden basket of minutes

(Yes, I like that line too.)

don't you know the meaning
behind the sea?
such a pretty song
such a pretty day for a walk

i crawled under a moonshone parkbench
and waited for my love to arrive

foray
 
zooropamanda said:
thanks Michael.
I really wish i'd taken more care.
I want to scrap the first stanza now. the final one is much better and i think the 1st is kinda detracted from it. i dunno.
my poems are never finished.

Zoobear,

"...sad eyed morning"
"...or cry and fail in your own failings again"
"...don't you know the moment's sky
watches from under her golden basket of minutes"
"...cackles you up in her arms..."
"...spits you out into a rolling howl..."


There are *way* too many great moments in the first stanza for it to be scrapped! So much dense, rich imagery. And it's so fresh, which is what I like most about it. It's as though it came in a sudden storm of feeling. That's also why I think it's amazing and needs to be there. (It would be like Bono scrapping Bad because it just suddently came to him. Don't laugh, in the early days, he would always say how unhappy he was with the lyrics, as the version that's on UF is the first take, but I digress...) Come on, Amanda! I mean, "...spits you out into a rolling howl unto a sad eyed morning"??? How could you ever axe that??!! (Of course, I'm only suggesting; it is after all your poem. But still!)

Once again, great work Bear...
 
don't you know the moment's sky
watches from under her golden basket of minutes


i walked past the trees of the lonely ones
and played havoc with their souls


in the darkest hour, i saw through the eyes
of the deepest valley
and whistled it up to my soul,
he whispered to me with an everlasting sigh
and from there i treaded most quietly again


great lines..~..~
 
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