bicyclingfish
The Fly
How to Write a Poem
1. situate yourself in front of the mirror, with full view of all your limbs, and backside, if possible.
2. familiarize yourself with the toolbox that writers use. go through each device carefully, and know how to use it.
3. start with your teeth- they come easy. Just make sure you pull the wrench in the right direction- away from the body.
***before you do this next step, if anything's going wrong, kick your backside- hard.***
4. lift your eyelids with the pliers, stick the screwdriver behind the eyeball, and give it a yank.
5. make sure you get your fingernails off.
6. next, wrap a towel around any excess blood flow- you don't want to stain the paper.
7. take the monkey wrench and reach down your throat. ignore the gag reflex- it'll make you want to quit, but don't. when you can reach your heart, grab onto it quickly. cautious movement can make it squeemish and hard to get. pull your heart out, trying not to damage other vital organs.
8. lay your heart on the floor, next to your other offerings.
9. now, carefully usher people to come into the room, and invite them to look at your creations.
10. ask them what they think, looking primarily for acceptance. if they say anything negative about the work, kick their shins. if someone says something too flattering, fall in love with them.
***caution- you don't have any eyes, so your blindness may make things more difficult- or easier.***
when people are done viewing your work, they'll kick it aside and move onto the next piece. if you want to get their attention back, reach back inside and go for the other organs. every now and then, through in an appendage for humor.
Good luck, and remember- Every artist is a cannibal, and every poet is a thief- all kill for inspiration and then sing about their grief. Happy writing!
1. situate yourself in front of the mirror, with full view of all your limbs, and backside, if possible.
2. familiarize yourself with the toolbox that writers use. go through each device carefully, and know how to use it.
3. start with your teeth- they come easy. Just make sure you pull the wrench in the right direction- away from the body.
***before you do this next step, if anything's going wrong, kick your backside- hard.***
4. lift your eyelids with the pliers, stick the screwdriver behind the eyeball, and give it a yank.
5. make sure you get your fingernails off.
6. next, wrap a towel around any excess blood flow- you don't want to stain the paper.
7. take the monkey wrench and reach down your throat. ignore the gag reflex- it'll make you want to quit, but don't. when you can reach your heart, grab onto it quickly. cautious movement can make it squeemish and hard to get. pull your heart out, trying not to damage other vital organs.
8. lay your heart on the floor, next to your other offerings.
9. now, carefully usher people to come into the room, and invite them to look at your creations.
10. ask them what they think, looking primarily for acceptance. if they say anything negative about the work, kick their shins. if someone says something too flattering, fall in love with them.
***caution- you don't have any eyes, so your blindness may make things more difficult- or easier.***
when people are done viewing your work, they'll kick it aside and move onto the next piece. if you want to get their attention back, reach back inside and go for the other organs. every now and then, through in an appendage for humor.
Good luck, and remember- Every artist is a cannibal, and every poet is a thief- all kill for inspiration and then sing about their grief. Happy writing!
