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Old 05-04-2001, 12:23 PM   #1
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First Time Here....Be Nice

I'm going to post some random notes I had made, i was going to organize them into a cohesive whole, but I think random ramblings left untouched can tell you more about how I felt that day......

Where Did Our Love Go.....Went the way of casual sex
I think that you knew I was lying then and there
Is there nothing you wouldn't say to me
I'm on to you now
You'd fuck me just to shut me up
Devils rape the angels
Shoot me in the foot
Cynical Blowjob
Lying wide asleep, half alive, DOA, walking about

Let's see what y'all make of that...I think it's kinda pretentious....here's something that resembles a song...wrote it while I was hammered....ripped off the title from a gavin friday song.....I think...I'm too lazy to edit it or make it good....like I said in it's raw form you can't hide it's mediocrity...if that's the case...

Through a Cell phone I hear you crying
you know I'm still trying- to get a fix on things

It's You and Me and World War Three
You know and I know how it's going to be- we'll lose out in the end

Remember when you told me everything would turn out right
I didn't know I'd have to put up such a fight- to find my way back to the middle

I didn't mean to make you sad,
but sometimes it makes me glad
to have us both crying,
Is it so wrong to make you cry to make me happy

I didn't know it'd be this hard to stay mediocre
You wonder why I make you cry,
I don't know the answer,

This girlfriend thing is bound to be the end of me,
Stability is not for free, the price you pay is Sanity
Why won't I learn the art of compromise,
Is pride worth the prize, that sits before my eyes
I'll burn us out before we're happy

Sabotage is not my plan, I meant it when I said- I love you
I don't know where I picked up this terrible curse,
I guess self- destruction sounds attractive to me
My metaphor's sold me out, all along I've had no doubt
I would trip two feet from the finish line,
What I didn't know is that from my own feet would come the blow-that makes me fall

I need you to overlook my cons,
Which surely outweigh the pros
I need to know that you won't let me go,
I need to know that you won't leave me for a better man,
I'll be worth it, I know I can try to make you happy,
Will good laughs ever compensate for happiness
My soul in exchange for patience, not an even trade by far,
I need you to fight on my side in this war for my selfishness

It's You and Me and World War Three,
pick a side, wherever you'll be, you'll see me,
Shooting at me, both sides lose, but you'll be free
Free from my mediocrity, maybe that was the plan all along.....


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Saludos!
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Old 05-04-2001, 10:53 PM   #2
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Welcome Edgevox...

that was truly brutal, i could feel the pain in those words.

Come back and write us some more sometime
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Old 05-05-2001, 05:01 PM   #3
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welcome

that was great if not a little sad...sometimes disorganized is best
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Old 05-05-2001, 05:41 PM   #4
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here's some more nonsense..........ramblings that hint at small talk

sister tell me of your past lives
brother can you spare a dime
walk with me and burn
hold up a mirror to your own resolve
Iscariot state of mind
I demand to know the number to purgatory
kiss me because in a while it won't matter
find solace in liquid fire, that cools my soul
out of time out of life out of sight out of mind
way too arrogant to admit defeat
way to stubborn to realize that the war's over
what the fuck do you know about Jesus
is it bad to find satisfaction in self-loathing?
I seek experience, I dare pain to show me otherwise
open your eyes, you're a number and you're not capable of love
got a pocketful of nails and sawdust,
my only souvenirs from the resurrection....
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Old 05-07-2001, 03:09 AM   #5
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any other thoughts, criticisms, I don't mind really.....anyone? anyone?
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Old 05-07-2001, 03:14 AM   #6
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That's some brutally honest stuff you got there.

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Old 05-07-2001, 03:39 AM   #7
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get ready
say goodbye to your loved ones
prepare for departure
you're in for some life

let me tell you about never knowing death
let me love you
let me think of you in impure ways
tell me it's alright

you'll never feel unloved again
take my hand and share my burden
you're my new life now

I can't stop shaking
am I lying to you?
I'm scared shitless
reassurance comes with pain
the only one true thing

let's laugh for all the wrong reasons
and fuck for all the right ones
take my hand and share my burden
we won't survive this trip
I'll see to that

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Old 05-07-2001, 06:09 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by EdgeVox:


let me tell you about never knowing death
let me love you
let me think of you in impure ways
tell me it's alright

I can't stop shaking
am I lying to you?
I'm scared shitless
reassurance comes with pain
the only one true thing

let's laugh for all the wrong reasons
and fuck for all the right ones

Bridge: no you can't take it
no you can't take it
no you can't take that away from me
no you can't take it
no you can't take it
no you can't take that away from me

head like a hole.
black as your soul.
i'd rather die than give you control.
head like a hole.
black as your soul.
i'd rather die than give you control.

God money, you got the curency we need, give
it all, take it from me, make sure you spit
into that deep black hole of a garbage can
you hold so dear;

you just spit out some of the most beautiful tears i've ever felt, thank you EdgeVox, you rock!!! Walk away, walk away, i will follow!!



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The heart that is soonest awake to the flowers is always the first to be touched by the thorns.
Thomas Moore, 17791852
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Old 05-07-2001, 11:35 PM   #9
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Bacchus, you made my day, I don't even know how to categorize my writing....I'm comfortable with ramblings because there's no structure or prose...I appreciate all the kind words....and I welcome any criticism....to be honest I check this page everyday hoping for any kind of input....by the way Bacchus I am a big NIN fan....Pretty Hate Machine was a big part of life in high school, kind of disappointed in the Fragile but oh well.....there will always be U2
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Old 05-08-2001, 12:09 AM   #10
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that was a heavy mother

thanks for sharing EV
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Old 05-08-2001, 01:07 AM   #11
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which one? the heavy mother, which one is the best the last one I wrote to my girlfriend
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Old 05-08-2001, 03:57 AM   #12
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my tears are my currency
my sins are my words
there's no turning back,
if you've hit bottom

I begged you to redeem me,
you fumbled for the right thing to say
I've got nothing left to say to you now
the fuck-ups speak for themselves
if you could color the space between us,
it would be grey

you'll be dead soon
and I'll be left with nothing but daydreams
you shouldn't have crossed me
now you lie in your grave
I seeked closure you spit in my face

things could've been different
you could've seen them my way
you stubborn fuck
you've ruined everything now


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Old 05-08-2001, 04:19 AM   #13
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this is all I could think of...finish it some other time...damn you insomnia...thought of it as a johnny cash type song....like the first line

Lover, let me lead you astray
I know you'll deny this someday
that you wronged the world by my side
to fill up the hole inside
I talk of revolution you talked of your mother,
I had no choice but kill your brother

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Old 05-08-2001, 06:49 AM   #14
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it'd be interesting if it said, "my tears are *your* currency"

but that is just me.

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Old 05-11-2001, 02:30 AM   #15
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You've always thought you were better than me
Don't you know it's not a race
You'll never weigh me down
You'll never beat me down
You'll never make me one of you
the legion of the mediocre
Conformity comes easy,
when the dollar's at stake
It's hard to tell y'all apart
It's hard to feel sorry
knowing your emotions are fake
Do your fucking worst,
rather be a martyr than a machine


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Old 05-11-2001, 06:20 AM   #16
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hey whoever's out there please respond.....I'm almost at the end of my rope...I'm desperately trying to negate my own self-loathing......self-pity and martyrdom do not go hand in hand.....disregard.......permiate....as another number fades into statistic....I beg of thee for acceptance if not so much disdain....love me for who I am if not for who I will be........love all before you fade into the horizon of mediocrity...
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Old 05-11-2001, 06:30 AM   #17
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in tears I write my own epitaph
is there nothing sacred
you'll never know another life

help me before I negate my passion
I was never worthy of your love
welcome my vultures to my feast of failure
it'll bring joy to those that never tried
one more downed soul
use my failure to inspire thy self
forget me and follow
remember me and better thyself

I'm sorry I'm sorry I was not better
I'm sorry I did not fulfill my potential
Love me for what I am
Not for what I could've been
I did my best
be content
you had the best of a dead soul
I'm sorry.....
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Old 05-11-2001, 09:50 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by EdgeVox:

help me before I negate my passion

welcome my vultures to my feast of failure

it'll bring joy to those that never tried

remember me and better thyself

you had the best of a dead soul
I'm sorry.....
just had to edit your words to fill my own deep black hole; there isn't a sound loud enough, no crowd cross enough to drown out the sorrow of this world we have built only to tare down in a moment of rapture. It takes the dying to be born into our true self, souls unbound and free to roam this our ever tearfull mother earth; thank you so much for your words of freedom...

Redemption songs, cause all i ever had, redemption songs

come on, come on, be good to me, show me the meaning of true self loathing so i may be born anew in this my raging spirit



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The heart that is soonest awake to the flowers is always the first to be touched by the thorns.
Thomas Moore, 17791852
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Old 05-20-2001, 04:53 PM   #19
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Edge, what shall i say to you. I have now seen a glimpse of your dark soul. I never would have known if i did not read your stuff. Poetry is cool that way, u can see right to the core of a person.. all the stuff that they dont say.
As i told u before, i think your writing is very intense. Keep doing it.
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Old 05-25-2001, 02:42 AM   #20
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You'll never know me in the next life
I am cinder
On my knees I seek understanding
Love is always just a shout away
You'll never find a more understanding lover
If only we knew each other

Is it so trite to offer you my soul
Would it make a difference to die in your stead,
I'd trade my eyes for circumstance
Please dawn on my lips
You trade my nightmares for anecdotes
You refresh my libido
I beg to be your triviality

Indifference is the enemy of passion
So let be known that I am your servant
To know me is to know devotion
I love you, god help me
I'd die for you
All you'd need is to ask....
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