FH's Thread III - - (successor to the orignial)

[For Honor]

"Don't even worry about it"
"but.... it's strange..."
"Don't let it be strange, just go about things normally, unless you want to think about it"
"It makes me feel unwell, knowing- "
"That's fine, I guess, but you don't have to feel that way... Just know I'll always be this way"
"what if I don't feel the same way?"
"You know, I've realized that it doesn't matter."
"...?"
"It's .... it's a philosophical thing. Maybe it's just my pride. Maybe it's just me being stubborn"
'........."
"But it's something I must at least explore, an ideal I need to test out, so please, allow me to do so"
"You were right, though..."
"About what?"
"About how it makes me feel when you say...... when you say it"
"....... yeah........?"
"Yes."
"Well that is ..... that's great....."

 

[For Honor]

David: hello...... you're the new butler?
Bing: hahaha! well, it's been a long time since i've been the new anything!
David: what's happened to hudson?
Bing: i guess he's changing.
David: yeah, he does that a lot, doesn't he? uhm... oh, i'm david bowie, i live
Down the road.
Bing: oh!
David: sir percival let's me use his piano if he not around. he's not around, is
He?
Bing: i can honestly say i haven't seen him, but come on in! come in!
David: but uh...
Bing: come on in!
David: are you related to sir percival?
Bing: well, distantly...
David: oh, you're not the poor relation from america, right?
Bing: ha! gee... news sure travels fast, doesn't it? i'm bing.
David: oh, i'm pleased to meet you. you're the one that sings, right?
Bing: well, right or wrong, i sing either way.
David: oh well, i sing too.
Bing: oh good! what kind of singing?
David: mostly the contemporary stuff. do you eh... do you like modern music?
Bing: oh, i think it's marvellous! some of it's really fine. but tell me, have you
ever listened to any of the older fellows?
David: oh yeah, sure. i like ah... john lennon and the other one with eh...harry
Nilsson.
Bing: mmm... you go back that far, uh?
David: yeah, i'm not as young as i look.
Bing: haha, none of us is these days!
David: in fact i've got a six year old son. and he really gets excited around the
christmas holiday-thing.
Bing: do you go in for anything of the traditional things in the... boy, household,
christmas time?
David: oh yeah, most of them really. presents, tree, decorations, agents sliding
down the chimney...
Bing: what??
David: oh, i was just seeing if you were paying attention.
Bing: haha!
David: actually, our family do most of the things that other families do. we
Sing the same songs.
Bing: do you?
David: oh, i even have a go at 'white christmas'.
Bing: you do, eh!
David: and this one. this is my son's favourite. do you know this one?
Bing: oh, i do indeed, it's a lovely theme.

And they told me pa-ram-pam-pam-pam
A new-born king to see pa-ram-pam-pam-pam
Our finest gifts we bring pa-ram-pam-pam-pam
Ra-pam-pam-pam, ra-pam-pam-pam

Peace on earth, can it be
Years from now, perhaps we'll see
See the day of glory
See the day, when men of good will
Live in peace, live in peace again

Peace on earth, can it be
Every child must be made aware
Every child must be made to care
Care enough for his fellow man
To give all the love that he can

I pray my wish will come true
For my child and your child too
He'll see the day of glory
See the day when men of good will
Live in peace, live in peace again

Peace on earth, can it be
Can it be

Bing: it's a pretty theme, isn't it?

I'm a child......

........ "to give all the love that he can"

.......... to give all the love that I can..............

 

[For Honor]

Artist: Lyrics
Song: Dulcinea Lyrics

DON QUIXOTE
(enters the inn)
Sweet lady... fair virgin...

(Don Quixote averts his eyes worshipfully)
I dare not gaze full upon thy countenance
Lest I be blinded by beauty. But I implore
Thee - speak once thy name.

ALDONZA
Aldonza.

DON QUIXOTE
My lady jests.

ALDONZA
Aldonza!

DON QUIXOTE
The name of a kitchen-scullion... or perhaps my
lady's serving-maid?

ALDONZA
I told you my name! Now get out of the way.
(She clears past him to the table.)

DON QUIXOTE
(Smiling, sill keeping his eyes averted)
Did my lady think to put me to a test?
Ah, sweet sovereign of my captive heart. I shall
not fail thee, for I know...

I have dreamed thee too long,
Never seen thee or touched thee.
But known thee with all of my heart.
Half a prayer, half a song,
Thou hast always been with me,
Though we have been always apart.

Dulcinea... Dulcinea...
I see heaven when I see thee, Dulcinea,
And thy name is like a prayer
An angel whispers... Dulcinea... Dulcinea!

If I reach out to thee,
Do not tremble and shrink
From the touch of my hand on thy hair.
Let my fingers but see
Thou art warm and alive,
And no phantom to fade in the air.

Dulcinea... Dulcinea...
I have sought thee, sung thee,
Dreamed thee, Dulcinea!

Now I've found thee,
And the world shall know thy glory,
Dulcinea... Dulcinea!

(The scene reverts to the prison where Cervantes
tells of Don Quixote's family and friends who are
worried about his mental state)

 

[For Honor]

If you need a drug




Woman...
I don't want to see you that way
Though you've still your innocences
But I am guilty
Guilty of knowing the consequences;
I know, and I'm no fool.

I don't want to see you become something
That we both know as disgusting, and without beauty
So if you need something, please ask me
For I'll try to find the best answer
Our best answer

If you need a drug, ask me, please
I'll give you what you need.....
I can't stand the thought of you ending up like the rest
Passed out on the floor, with alcohal dripping
Standards and straps slipping
Decaying and betraying everything you believed in

So believe in me.....

Please believe in me, because I need you to.


If you're feeling lonely or cold
Unsure or enclosed
Lost or unsure or even if
You just wanna let go

Call me...
Call me, okay?

I'll be there
I promise.

 

[For Honor]

If you need a drug
(reprise)



[ 'Drowning Man' ]

Take my hand
You know I'll be there,
If you can I'll cross
The sky for your love,
For I have promised for
To be with you tonight
And for the time that will come.

Take my hand
You know I'll be there,
If you can I'll cross
The sky for your love
And I understand
These winds and tides,
This change of times
Won't drag you away.
Hold on, hold on tightly,
Hold on and don't let go
Of my love.

The storms will pass
It won't be long now.
The storms will pass
But my love last forever.

And take my hand,
You know I'll be there,
If you can I'll cross the sky
For your love.
Give you what I hold dear,
Hold on, hold on tightly.
Hold on, hold on tightly.
Rise up, rise up with wings,
Like eagles you'll run, you'll run.
You'll run and not grow weary.

Take my hand, take my hand.
Hold on tightly.
Hold on tightly.
This love last forever,
This love last forever,
Take my hand,
Take my hand.

Even if I don't say what kind of love this is...
Don't worry...
.....You know I'll be there....

 

[lady luck]

I run into this pix just a few minute ago... it's interesting that I saw exactly after reading the passeges from Don Quichote...

 

[For Honor]

"Hell has not seen, nor heaven created, the one who can prevail against me..."

 

[For Honor]

Give us this day, our daily bread
And forgive......

===

Only a human being would be so cynical so as to justify himself with a god. It's such a childish excuse; to lable someoneelse, or some other entity for the reasoning behind your actions, or other consequences. Even moreso....... you must know that god is a creation of man simply by the items we use to represent him. Body of bread, blood of wine, drink the blood of our savior? That's not pagan at all. God may have made the universe, but he most certainly did not make bread. To pick such a..... an earthy thing to represent a heavenly body..... it is truly a flaw of man. God gave the plants photosynthesis, surely the ability to "make bread" takes a back seat to such a thing. But man is conceited, and arrogant. I know I am...

To think that bread is more important, more heavenly, than a plant or vegtable, and to use an apple, a fruit, a sign of lust and "earthy unrighteousness"...

I don't blame mankind, we're ony human, I know. And I suppose, like a child, elders tend to lie to them to help make their life easier, or perhaps "assist" in development. Santa Clause brings joys to children all over the wold. But he, too, is a lie we've created. But I won't get into that, the commercialization, not here.....

So you see, it's not that I have a problem with god. No. I have a problem with man. Why do we lie to ourselves? To make existance easier? I don't really know. I wonder, how much I lie to myself. There are things that I know I should do, yet do not. Hmm.....

Ah... yes......
We seek to maintain homeostasis!!!!!
I've got it, that makes sense!!!

By keeping internal conditions similar for so long, like the womb of which we are born, we maintain and live. So........ so I see......... yes....... it does make sense now. Lies help with maintaining this homeostasis...

The whole point of the body is to generate homeostasis!
How could I have overlooked this for so long.....
Biology, biology...... where did you go? Mrs. August would be sad. But perhaps maybe proud..... to see me connect the dots at last.

Homeostasis in an changing world.
Procreation of the species. (I wonder what that is all about, too. Is it some race? more later, maybe, on this subject)
So what, inside of us, must live?

 

[For Honor]

^ continued

Is it the spark of cognitive thought?
Or is that an illusion too
What is the reason to make life live?
To find other life?
But then what.

Or maybe the illusion is this consciousness?
Maybe there is no higher level than primal.
Perhaps, due to our advanced congnitive abilities, we've created such great illusions as this.

At least I have "remembered" about homeostasis. The bodys desire and tendancy to lean towards resisting change. Yet the mind can become bored, and at the same time accustomed to routine. Eh, I shouldn't go there yet.

So,in one sense, weneverleave the womb...
Interesting...

 

[For Honor]

The mundane is really so boring.
Work, chores, money.......

I really could care less.

Love is intriguing...
But I suppose I approach reltionships, like other things, from a different angle. I really just want someone who will be loyal, honest, and affectionate. SOmeone that can take the love I want to give out, andsomeone who is content with only loving me, and, maybe, doing lots of sweet things for me, and together. I really want to actually melt souls with someone and become a team, in the highest form of it all....

Hmm, I wonder, if that would be considered dominating another person

But that is a very "personal" thing.
What about globally?


I've,,,,,,
I've eliminated almost all of my abmitions, through perspective changing and understanding positive and negative energies.

So what is there left, really?
Should I help someone else in their cause, even though it may be petty? I mean, I don't "judge" other people like that, really. I just do my own self. I get the difference between myself and others.




Hell, I don't have anything to write about much, these days. and the only time I do is if something "tramatic" comes up. But within a few days it's over.

My own homeostasis again?
I don't know.....

I'm a bit puzzled.
I'm a bit ..... lacking questions.

I mean, is it a bad or good sign
When the questions start dissapearing?

 

[For Honor]

How have you been doing lately, wizard2c?

 

[For Honor]

So I see that part of the quest for me will be as follows:

I've discovered, terribly so, that I have a tremendous (hidden) depth of emotion, that only has come out here online, and not very much online. I have a high...... premium on love and such, and I've got high standards.

Love, for me, though, isn't complicated. When I say I love you, I mean it. And I know I can find things in someone to love, no matter what or who they are, so I've got to be even more selective, simply because I know that I can really love anyone. But I know not everyone is that way........

So my "quest", part of "reaching for the unreachable star" will be to figure out how to guide someone to feeling the same way that I do about them. To get them to feel the same way I do about a relationship. Not to "convince" her, no... but do allow everyone's natural desire for love to come out and attach itself to me. I don't care about sex, I don't care about one night stands, partying, getting high. Not really even about status too much, though it does play a part. I'm interested in a persons character, and when it comes to love, the same general "want" of what I "want", someone who shares a similar ideal. That way, if we are both wanting and working for that ideal, I think we'd do well.

But my quest still remains. It's not that I want to give a woman what she wants, per se. I want to be what she wantsl I suppose that is it, really. That seems like a grand enough quest - to have an amazing lasting relationship, that I suppose would ultimately be marriage-geared. But not in the sense that "I want to get I ring on her and make her mine", no. Because I truly believe that the most beautiful way to live life is with another, someone to share it with, and be sweet to, and be there for each other. And I like the idea of favorites, don't know why. BUt I'd want someone else to be my one special person, my one and only. I can list thousands of reasons for this, but it doesn't really matter. I know I'm the kind of person who is going to always wanting the reltionship to grow and get better, stronger, and deeper. That's who I am, I'm an "improvement" person. So I suppose it's important to find someone who wants the same.

From some things I've seen and read, it sounds like a lot of women want what I want, so hopefully one of them will actually share the adventure with me. But I still have my unsureness, because .... well... I suppose mostly because I've only really been in the presence of two, three relationships that have worked and lasted - my grandparents on all sides of my family.

The last thing that worries me is that is I am too ready to give what someone else wants, it can become undesireable. So I think I do have to hide it somewhat. Sometimes the best way to be hidden is out in the open, so if my intentions are out in the open, perhaps it will be hidden......... so perhaps I actually have to purposely "hide" them, so that they are really "discovered", or at least the 'interesting' process of letting someone find out how much I can care about them.



We'll see.......



~ a friend

 

[For Honor]

Ego and "it's not because I have an earthy desire"

=

=


Beyond lust....




It's not even the pleasure
It's an ideal........
It's not even who............
It's how.

................

I wonder if this is is the same for everyone else
It's not who you love, it's how you love...
Nevertheless I ... suppose this makes sense
More than just being PEA-brained....
It is a creation of my own delusions, my own.....
Beliefs

I don't believe in ..... a lot of things
But I do believe in love.

Unreasonably so. Far too undreasonably so...
I wonder how I should go about it
It's far to intense to even illustate here, even in the past
All that has come out is a somewhat immature sense of longing and pain - interal hurt

I have to remember that these are life changing intensities...
But also...... it's not who
yet how......

The last step is
Can I love more than one person?

Pridewise, no, I can't really do that. But I wonder
If it is within my capabilities to do so, and if so, how
How can I make that work?

Perhaps, for me, it is best not to focus on one person until they show some sign of me wanting to be the only one for them...

who knows?



~ a friend

 

[For Honor]

note: some of my, FH's, posts are a little untypical lately. After I'm done with this..... period of my "writing", I'll come back and explain things a little more......

 

[For Honor]

....... I realize I've been spending too much time thinking about myself, about what I want. too much time in my own little world.......

ugh,,,,,,

 

[For Honor]

"Sir, you have proven nothing."

"I'm not here to prove anything..."

"Well then why do you seek to defend yourself?"

"I don't want to 'defend' myself, I just want to explain. I don't want to be forgiven for my past mistakes, no. I do not seek sympathies. "

"So what have you?"

"...It's not that this form is any less conceited then the others, no. But at least it embraces that conceit, and allows the universality of the conceit to maintain itself. I'm no less internally motivated then the rest, I know. But if I keep in mind that we are all in this together, still, then maybe I'll .... maybe it will be a little more true."

"..."

"The one thing I will need to overcome will be my own wrongdoing of myself - all the things that I've said, I have not done. You should, if anything, be upset at my hypocrisy. Perhaps I just wasn't far enough in my understandings to see it clear enough. Maybe I didn't want to see it... but now I do, and that's that.

I wrote of the second stage, but I didn't seek to apply it.
At least.... I see a little more of it now.
I see the barriers.
I just hope that I can have the courage to step up and look over them, to see what's on the other side with eyes wide open and a heart that is strong... and a mind that is clear and free from improper influences.

Don't let me forget what I have said here tonight..."

 

[For Honor]

(I don't remember when this was written)


===========

It seems like the only thing left would be to help others.

But help others do what?
I don't want to be mean, but, if I was to help them get where I am, really....... what good would that do?

There would be a bunch of people doing nothing, in one light.


I know, part of the problem is I'm looking for some sort of external answer, but... I almost feel like there's nothing left to do. I mean, I'm pretty solid. I fluctuate, but, I've got a good grip on myself at the moment. I'm okay. So then what.... where else do I look, and what for?

I'd turn to religion, or philosohpy for some answers, but there are non I can subscribe to yet.

I guess I'll keep looking...........

Well, kid, I suggest you keep going.
'no man is an island'
Even if "I am a rock...." - yeah yeah......

I don't know, not as much as you or anyone else, perhaps,

if it is because of your so called "meditations",
Or despite of them,

that you are where you are now, at this moment. I really can't tell you that. But I think trying to figure the answer to that question would most certainly be a waste of time, well, at least more so than other things.

Keep going, kid... and keep writing it out, because maybe, like in the past, you will come back to your words one day and understand them under a whole new light, and I think that is a small barometer of progress, at least, in regard to one of the aspects that you are thinking of.

There is only really so much you can know now, anyways.

But don't let that get to you.

Just keep going. There are never any mistakes when it comes to being yourself. For better or for worse..... and I suggest you remember that in the future, too, along with everything else I already wrote about yourself.

~ a friend

 

[wizard2c]

reply

I am fine. Thank you for asking, For Honor.

carol
wizard2c

 

[hiphop]

Re: reply

I really need to revisit Gandalf and his wisdom and keep my thoughts to myself.

carol
wizard2c

Me too- therealplanwisdomlight -regards

 

[hiphop]

I don't care about sex (...) partying, getting high. Not really even about status too much, though it does play a part.

No sex, no party,..? Why is that?

I like all of that, don´t ask me why.. ´s a good way to have fun.

 

[For Honor]

A shorter answer would involve me explaining my own thoughts on why those sorts of things are somewhat fleeting in my eyes. But also... my words as above are out of context.


....... I can't even find them.... I know I wrote them, but where......?


ah........

So my "quest", part of "reaching for the unreachable star" will be to figure out how to guide someone to feeling the same way that I do about them. To get them to feel the same way I do about a relationship. Not to "convince" her, no... but do allow everyone's natural desire for love to come out and attach itself to me. I don't care about sex, I don't care about one night stands, partying, getting high. Not really even about status too much, though it does play a part. I'm interested in a persons character, and when it comes to love, the same general "want" of what I "want", someone who shares a similar ideal. That way, if we are both wanting and working for that ideal, I think we'd do well.

(12-01-2005 02:35 AM )


What this is about is...... that, basicallly, sex is something I can easily get. It's not hard to get, it's not rare. you can pay for it if that's all you want - sex. MOstly, that post was a reference to the big goals, or ideals that I would pursue.

That, and, I just don't see partying as fun. Never did. I think I'm enjoying arbitrary socializing more nowadays, just chatting... but..... I've had SO much time in my life to do unnecceary things already, and, the way my personality is, I just don't gravitate towards those things. But I know being socially stiff isn't the best for networking and meeting people, so I can turn it off when I feel like it.

It's just not a preference


=========


It's good that you brought this up, though.... because I was going to say "everyone has to go their own way, and find out how they need to live their own life. I'm not as common as other people, but I don't resent myself for being a little different, nor do I resent other people for such things"........ and, that quote there, that is something I need to remember when dealing with someone else in my life right now..............

 

[For Honor]

A wise man once told me
"You should seek ineffable enlightenment"
I found it in his daughter's eyes
Deeper still between her thighs
Penetrating farther with her sighs
I saw something without lies.

...

And I am forever a changed man.

 

[For Honor]

A wise man once told me
"You should seek ineffable enlightenment"
I found it in his daughter's eyes
Deeper still between her thighs
Penetrating farther with her sighs
I saw something without lies.

...

And I am forever a changed man.

 

[For Honor]

Time Division (prelude)

blah..... some other time......

 

[For Honor]

A wise man once told me
"You should seek ineffable enlightenment"
I did not find it.

More so, I did not know where to begin,
So I never started.

A week later, he greeted me with a smile
"My daughter is a beautiful young lady."
His wife smiled with us, as the daughter approached.

Never before has the night been so quiet
Nor the tea tasted as it did, with snow crystals being the consummate sweetener.
I often wonder if I knew then just what I was after

...

And I am forever a changed man.


==========


"You should seek ineffable enlightenment" II
Snowstar One Remix

 

[For Honor]

A wise man once told me
"You should seek ineffable enlightenment"

This was after I paid 17$ to buy his translated words on audio CD
I cannot say that I found it
I cannot say that I sought it

How can I write like I know?
If there is one thing I know, it's that I know I'm right
When I write that I've nothing at all.
Perhaps this is part of the meaning behind "ineffable"

As I end my writing, the rice is now properly cooked
It tastes as good as the first time...

...

And I am forever a changed man.



=====

III
amateur rice-maker Remix

 

[For Honor]

eh, in retrospect, these last two "enlightenment" things should be destroyed.

They take away from the real meaning of the orignal, and make it trivial. Perhaps I will continue this path, though, in a differen manner, as I think there is somethign I like in it. HOwever, The original of the series should not be connected with these last two.

Maybe a little, like distant cousins, but........ very separete......

 

[For Honor]

The importance of expressing all parts of one's personality.....

 

[For Honor]

or, alll the personalities of oneself...

 

[For Honor]

A Finality of Fantasy

A Finality of Fantasy
(A Fantasy Fantasy becomes finalized)


The title is redundant, but neccesary.


===========