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Old 08-07-2001, 10:55 PM   #1
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Dream killer

In the darkness
the gathering peace

Light grows dimmer
I remember

I am pressed by dreams
a dream
that pricks me by day
and cloaks me by night

Not enough faces
only one face
your quiet, cruel face

Dream killer, dark one
I see only your face
all that I live by night
is you

And there is no power
of words over dreams
and you are there
when there is no sign of you
and when I wake
I know you were there

I banish the dream killer
to death-in-life
and dream in the day
and accept the light


-for A.N.

---
I have a feeling I'm ripping off Jeff Buckley and not doing it terribly well
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Old 08-08-2001, 02:27 AM   #2
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I dont think Jeff would mind

That last stanza hit me
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Old 08-09-2001, 08:52 PM   #3
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I love it...

Oh, gosh, you went and made me get tears in my eyes...darn you...*lol*

Seriously though, I really liked it...to me, it seemed to get better and better by every line.


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Old 08-10-2001, 12:35 AM   #4
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I'm a big fan of minimalism, and you are wonderful at it. I really love this poem. You use just the right words, and then leave enough to the reader's imagination to let it really sink in.

I especially like these lines:

Quote:
Originally posted by scatteroflight:

a dream
that pricks me by day
and cloaks me by night
Quote:
Originally posted by scatteroflight:

And there is no power
of words over dreams
and you are there
when there is no sign of you
and when I wake
I know you were there

I banish the dream killer
to death-in-life
and dream in the day
and accept the light
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Old 08-10-2001, 10:43 PM   #5
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gorgeous scattero

the whole thing, i can't pick specific lines. I love the ending

thanks for sharing
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Old 08-11-2001, 10:51 PM   #6
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Thanks everyone--Bonochick, I am terribly pleased at your major compliment, I love to think that something I wrote could move someone enough to put tears in their eyes--I'm not a sadist either

Travu2, thanks, but you know it's funny, the kind of poetry I would really love to write is the sort of imagery-rich poetry you do so well--sometimes I think my poetry ends up so spare because I can't think of the right words to use--but I guess if the reader can fill in the gaps themselves that's something



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Old 08-14-2001, 12:53 AM   #7
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Wow.. thanks for that compliment. But there are times when I sort of step back from a poem and wonder if I'm using that imagery as a crutch, and I end up cutting a lot out. I think there are an almost infinite number of ways you can express something, and it's fun to go exploring, and I feel a real need to go exploring, but it's easy to go off on a tangent and lose the substance of the poem in a gratuitous avalanche of attractive but empty imagery.. that's one example of a situation where the appeal of saying more with less comes in for me, and I have a lot of admiration for you and others who can do that so effectively.

You have used a lot of interesting imagery.. in your poetry and elsewhere.

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Old 08-14-2001, 12:06 PM   #8
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"LOL! So and so bleeds vegetables!!"

I'd forgotten about that.



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